Seperated after affair, wife swears NC but refuses to prove it

[Darth Vader]

I have exposed her to my friends & family because I honestly need the support from them right now so I don't do something stupid like sleep with her again.

 

though exposed is really not the word. It appears everyone in the universe knew she was cheating on me, but me. Oh I knew but wouldn't admit it.

 

I knew right away. It just took two yrs for me to accept it.

 

Our mutual friends (especially the ones she works with) just know from me we're divorcing & the reason is she just wants to be single again. That marriage isn't easy & she doesn't want to do the work. It isn't the fairytale she imagined.

 

Which is true. the cheating & lieing are just symptoms.

 

If I nuke her before I sign papers she will try to screw me & she will most likely succeed.

 

It was easier to just go out & party with her younger stud & have me babysit then lineing up babysitter or spending quality time at home doing family activities.

 

Hell, we were supposed to go to the park one day as a family after she got out of work.

She called to say she had to pick something up on the way home from the store & fell off the face of the earth for 4 hrs & when she finally called me back to say she was on her way home it was too late to go anywhere.

 

I have a feeling that eventually the kids will slow her down & I will get them almost all the time.

 

I am going to my lawyer tomorrow to talk about uncontested divorce & bankruptcy as our wedding 3 1/2 yrs ago was expensive & still a debt that needs to be taken care of.

 

All i'm going to wait for now is when kids are old enough to choose the parent they want to live with.

 

OMG! The wedding's not even paid for yet?

 

How did you know she was screwing around right away? A hunch?

[KAP84]

why you giving her another chance? she doesn't deserve it. she stepped out of line and if she's not wanting to work it out then let it be.

[phineas]

OMG! The wedding's not even paid for yet?

 

How did you know she was screwing around right away? A hunch?

 

The $1000 cell phone bill.

She burned through our roll-over minutes with 350 minutes of phone conversation & hundreds of text messages.

 

At the time I was so angry with the amount of money (because we were having financial issues adjusting to the costs of a new baby I just took her word for it when she told me she was bored at work & texting her GF.

 

She told me it was her GF's boyfriends phone & he said she had unlimited texting so go to town.

 

I was just concentrating on the cost which wound up after 2 months being close to $1700.

 

They shut the account down because I couldn't pay & it went to collections.

 

She didn't have a phone for a month then went to her own cell.

I sorta suspected things when she went out after work a lot (she worked 2nd shift till 11pm. but she'd call me up on the way home telling me she was on her way & asking if i'd be "up" for sex.

 

sometimes she would wake me up with a BJ when she got home so I honestly decided I was being parranoid.

 

And the sex thing is the funny part. she wanted sex all the time. then she kinda dried up & told me she wasn't a piece of meat & said all I wanted from her was sex.

 

Which wasn't true. Ok i'm a walking hard-on but I did show her affection. She claims I didn't & never did.

 

I ask again why did you want to move in?

Why did you want to marry if I was such the sex addicted pig of a man you have made me out to be?

 

She just get's pissed & deflects to how other women flirt with me in public. HUH?

 

I never flirted back.

I had too much respect for my marriage. More than she had I guess.

[phineas]

why you giving her another chance? she doesn't deserve it. she stepped out of line and if she's not wanting to work it out then let it be.

 

I didn't think I made it seem I was giving her another chance.

I only said she is testing the waters to see if i'll give her another chance in a long string of another chances & i'm not.

 

I guess the reason i'm pushing divorce is she doesn't seem remorseful.

She has asked me if I really want to end it & when I tell her I don't think I can ever trust her again she gets pissed & tells me she refuses to live under a microscope until I decide she is trust worthy again.

 

Then tells me neither of us are in love with each other anymore so we should just end the marriage.

 

I'm not going to even consider taking someone like that back when they swing back & forth like that in a matter of minutes.

 

I'm also a little miffed because she stopped by today to pick up some stuff & thought i'd want to joke around about it being her luck the ATM is out of money & i'm thinking it was just my luck to marry her.

I didn't say it, but seriously? I just found proof of her affair & decided to get a divorse & she wants to buddy buddy with me?

 

Like I said, no remorse.

[whichwayisup]

Ok i'm a walking hard-on but I did show her affection

 

This is just a man thing! MOST men are like this and they can't help it. You're not an addicted pig at all.

 

You're better off with the kids in two different houses. You can still co parent with her, but not under the same roof.

 

She's in a fog and she is in denial about alot of things. She sees you distancing yourself and looking good, ofcourse she is going to try to come to you again.

 

Stay strong P!

[phineas]

I had a prostate infection. My Dr. literally told me to ejaculate at least once a day because I was getting backed up. I usually looked at internet porn for a few minutes to help get rid of the poison then got ready for work. She thought I was looking at it all the time.

I looked at it for as long as it took for me to clean my pipes.

Unless she wanted sex. then I didn't need internet porn.

The part I don't get is she didn't want sex with me so I wasn't allowed to jerk off?

I've known a few women like that.

 

 

So, I just helped my wife turn a 12 month separation & waiting period for filing divorce into a 4 to 5 month extenuating circumstances divorce.

 

You'd think she'd of been over-joyed with that considering I gave her two months to choose between me & divorce all the while telling her if OM was still in her life it was automatic divorce.

 

She still choose to be a cake eater knowing what the result would be.

 

Now she's having second thoughts, not actually telling me she is but she keeps telling me she did a horrible thing & my family hates her & she broke my trust in her & could never get that back so her only option is to divorce me.

 

I ask her if she told her family she had sex with OM or is she still letting them believe i've been a complete jerk the last yr over a "friend" she got too close too.

 

She hasn't told them.

 

I told her she really needs to speak to a therapist about this to figure out why she made so many poor decisions along the course of this affair when she knew what she was doing was wrong.

 

Then i told her as long as we remain civil I have no problem helping her take the kids trick or treating or apple picking or what not.

She asked me to do these things because the boys need both parents in their lives equally.

 

I agree with her & I don't see being in the same room with her or talking to her about the kids going to be a problem.

 

Knock on wood but according to my lawyer it looks like the divorce will be uncontested as she promised & far,far,far easier than the last yr of marriage.

[whichwayisup]

I ask her if she told her family she had sex with OM or is she still letting them believe i've been a complete jerk the last yr over a "friend" she got too close too.

Then you tell them of the affair.

[seibert253]

Then you tell them of the affair.

 

Yes, Yes, Yes.

Told my WW, you can tell them about your A, or I will. And I had proof and she knew I'd show it to them if necessary.

[whichwayisup]

Why should her family be giving you the evil eye, thinking things are over? These people are your inlaws, grandparents to your kids..Somehow they'll still be in your life at times. They deserve to know that you aren't the one who chose to cheat, she is. And that things are the way they are because of HER. Not you.

[phineas]

I tried talking to them 3 months ago.

She swore to them he was just a friend she got to close too & they believe her over me.

She has made me out to be the worst husband in the world to them, the whole time just acting like her affair didn't exist, acting like her feelings for another man had no bearing whatsoever on the way I was acting.

 

That's all there is too it.

 

I can tell she doesn't want the divorce. but she also doesn't want to do the work to fix things. so bye.

 

I went over there this morning to drop off more of her stuff & she asked me if I wanted hang out with her & the kids.

 

I told her I just put a down payment on our divorce, hugged & kissed my kids goodbye & left. WTF?!?

[Darth Vader]

I tried talking to them 3 months ago.

She swore to them he was just a friend she got to close too & they believe her over me.

She has made me out to be the worst husband in the world to them, the whole time just acting like her affair didn't exist, acting like her feelings for another man had no bearing whatsoever on the way I was acting.

 

That's all there is too it.

 

I can tell she doesn't want the divorce. but she also doesn't want to do the work to fix things. so bye.

 

I went over there this morning to drop off more of her stuff & she asked me if I wanted hang out with her & the kids.

 

I told her I just put a down payment on our divorce, hugged & kissed my kids goodbye & left. WTF?!?

 

 

When she sees that you're not going to reconcile with her, expect her to get really NASTY! Do you have separate bank accounts, destroyed and cancelled any joint credit cards?

[phineas]

When she sees that you're not going to reconcile with her, expect her to get really NASTY! Do you have separate bank accounts, destroyed and cancelled any joint credit cards?

 

Reconcile - I've already told her, that's up to her not me & she has to do the work to prove to me i'm really what she wants.

 

If she really doesn't want me then cool.

If she does she needs to talk to her lawyer & delay things, she needs to do the work & show me OM is truely history, she stops being a moody witch & gets some serious therepy & drops this "I don't want to live under a microscope" crap when I say %100 transparancy then i'd consider it.

 

Honestly, I've never cheated on a woman ever, but i have acted like a complete jerk before & emberaced them in front of their close friends & family before & if they were important to me I did everything I possibly could to make it up to them & let them decide if they wanted to give me another chance.

 

I never said "Oh, well, screwed that up" then walked away without even trying.

 

Maybe i'm wrong, but I expect the same thing from those women that claim they love me.

 

Basically, my plan is to keep packing her stuff, spend as little time as possible around her & go out & start meeting new people, reconnecting with the people I stopped going to happy hour with when I got married

I've also been cleaning the house top to bottom. Tossing all the clutter that's accumulated over the yrs.

she walks in & just goes "wow". well, she stopped cleaning before she went to work because she was texting her boyfriend & I didn't get home until after 7 with the kids so a lot of stuff never got done so it just piled up.

She moved out & left a huge mess & never came over to help me clean it up.

Now i'm taking care of it.

Keeps me busy.

 

We have no joint anything.

I was in the hole from renovating my house when I met her.

I refinanced & used a chunck of that to pay for the shower, stag party, wedding, & honey moon. Not to mention some much needed domestic items for the house like new washer & fridge.

 

Both our parents tapped their 401ks to help also. At least the parents got two beautiful grand kids out of it.

 

All that is marital debt according to the lawyers (even though it's in my name.)

 

If she gets nasty, she knows I can just not declare bankruptcy & make her responsible for half that debt.

 

But I'm hoping she just continues along with the current divorce agreement.

[phineas]

double post