Derek12b Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 My wife does the same thing about future plans. After last week I quit talking about the future with her because its just to d@mn hard to hear her say one thing and do another. It's so difficult when the kids are involved to not discuss the future and the future of your family with them. How are you doing this morning? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 I'm doing alright this morning! I just can't seem to get away from myself! This whole nightmare just keeps going round and round and round my head 24 hours/day. Is the NC thing working for you Derek12b? I find it close to impossible because of our child together! My husband wants to see him everyday and of course I would never deprive my son of seeing his father. My husband and I put our son to bed together almost every night and then my husband leaves when my son is in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Derek12b Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Broken Hearted, I'm doing ok...kinda. The whole NC/LC is killing me too. I got off the phone with my wife early last night and I'm sure it made her MAD AS HELL, but this is my only option now. My thoughts are with my wife 24/7 too. This is why I'm on the LS forums all the time. Its the only thing that gives me strength right now and thats why I kept checking your thread last night to see if you were doing ok. I have a 50/50 chance here with my NC/LC thing. I'll either drive her away or pull her back in with it and I'm just not sure how it will turn out. If you need someone to vent to just write in here and I'll write you back. We can go through this together and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 My mother-in-law invited me up for dinner this week at some point for my birthday dinner (I have done this every year with them for the last 11 years). I feel so unwelcome up there because my husband barely talks to me up there. I'm so torn because one of my husband's complaints is that I pushed his family away after I had my son. I didn't intentionally do that and in fact had a mild case of post partum. Should I set up a day to go to dinner up there or not? My goal is to have my husband come home, work through our problems, and have the tools to have a happier marriage than we have ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 Does anyone out there have a story of a separation from your spouse that last months and then there was a reconciliation and you lived happily every after? Link to post Share on other sites
Derek12b Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Are you doing okay today? I hope you are. Keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 My goal is to have my husband come home, work through our problems, and have the tools to have a happier marriage than we have ever had. Please re-read the advice given. It may not be what you want to hear but just read it again. There will always be situations that come up and that's why LC can be really tough. If you are not consistent, it stands no chance of working. If you choose not to go the LC route and to continue with what you are doing now, it only pushes him further away. You must draw him into you. You are the spider, spinning it's web. Go against what your heart wants and use the brain instead. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Does anyone out there have a story of a separation from your spouse that last months and then there was a reconciliation and you lived happily every after? Even though there are situations like that, reading about them only fills you up with the hope that it can and will happen in your situation. Everyone is different, even though the stories are similar. You have 2 outcomes here. He comes home, or doesn't. He's already gone so why not do what might be a favorable outcome? And, if it doesn't work out the way you want it to, you would have made the necessary steps to freeing yourself from him. Being stubborn and digging your heels in will not bring him home. Being a strong, capable woman being able to go on with or without him, might. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Broken hearted, Just keep your chin up. You'll get through it. H&D is right about lookin for reconcilliation stories. It will be a long hard road even if he does come back. TrustInYourself reconciled after I believe it was six months or so. Read his replies in my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190291/ he has a lot of good advice very close to what has already been posted. I'm sure if he pops in, he'll give his .02. In the meantime, you need to stop playing the game with your H. It's hard, but you may never understand what has happened here, hell, he probably dosen't fully understand. The only thing I can say is, if you don't like the way you are being treated, or feel about yourself in the moment, you need to tell him how you feel and then walk away. If he is not willing to communicate in a healthy manner your not going anywhere. Take it from someone who did it wrong. 46 days of married life left :( Keep your head up, I'll keep checking back\ TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 No posts today, you doing all right brokenhearted?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 I'm doing alright tojaz, thanks for asking. I had a really rough day yesterday. I am just so furious that anyone with such history and amazing memories together can do this to anyone. He keeps saying, I was crying out for you and you weren't hearing me, it took me to walk out for you to understand. I was crying out for him as well and he didn't hear me, did I walk out on him....HELL NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT A MARRIAGE IS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I'm doing alright tojaz, thanks for asking. I had a really rough day yesterday. I am just so furious that anyone with such history and amazing memories together can do this to anyone. He keeps saying, I was crying out for you and you weren't hearing me, it took me to walk out for you to understand. I was crying out for him as well and he didn't hear me, did I walk out on him....HELL NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT A MARRIAGE IS!!! That is exactly right!!! He didn't walk because he was trying to get a point across, he walked because it is the easy way out. It's a lot easier to admit defeat and start over then to repair the damage. Know that he has taken the step of leaving, it will be even harder, because know he has to admit he made a mistake. The man of your memories is not in the build ing right now, you need to remember that and deal with who is. It dosen't mean that he will not return, but you will need to be the strong one, because he has already proven he is weak. STAY STRONG BROKEN TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 You've got those that commit and those that don't or cannot! That's what it comes down to! You've got people like us who are "in for a penny ~ in for a pound!" And then others that go wherever the direction the wind blows! (This especially applies to you Lisa ~ you're with a "commit-phobe" Totally not your fault!) Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 You've got those that commit and those that don't or cannot! That's what it comes down to! You've got people like us who are "in for a penny ~ in for a pound!" And then others that go wherever the direction the wind blows! (This especially applies to you Lisa ~ you're with a "commit-phobe" Totally not your fault!) Thank you so much for saying that, it's been playing on the edge of mind for some time now, it's so good to know I'm not the only one thinking along those lines. It means so much to know someone else can see it too. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 How are you doing today Broken? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 I woke up this morning not having the greatest of mornings! I decided that I needed a change so I went and got a new haircut...chopped off about 6 inches. It looks super cute and I definitely got some heads to turn while I was walking to my car...even being 7 months pregnant!! I was feeling pretty good for a couple of hours and then all of a sudden I started thinking about how I've been done wrong and how our marriage is being done wrong. I try so hard but it's so hard to get those thoughts out of my head. My husband and I are going to talk to a priest together tonight...wonder how that will go? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 My husband and I are going to talk to a priest together tonight...wonder how that will go? I love this idea! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I woke up this morning not having the greatest of mornings! I decided that I needed a change so I went and got a new haircut...chopped off about 6 inches. It looks super cute and I definitely got some heads to turn while I was walking to my car...even being 7 months pregnant!! I was feeling pretty good for a couple of hours and then all of a sudden I started thinking about how I've been done wrong and how our marriage is being done wrong. I try so hard but it's so hard to get those thoughts out of my head. My husband and I are going to talk to a priest together tonight...wonder how that will go? Looks fab! I think the talking to a priest sounds like a positive step. Hope it goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I woke up this morning not having the greatest of mornings! I decided that I needed a change so I went and got a new haircut...chopped off about 6 inches. It looks super cute and I definitely got some heads to turn while I was walking to my car...even being 7 months pregnant!! I was feeling pretty good for a couple of hours and then all of a sudden I started thinking about how I've been done wrong and how our marriage is being done wrong. I try so hard but it's so hard to get those thoughts out of my head. My husband and I are going to talk to a priest together tonight...wonder how that will go? A positive step, and something for yourself as well. Good for you broken!! Talking to the priest is a step in the right direction. Let us know how it goes. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Hi Broken, haven't seen you for a while, I'm hoping that is because things went well with the priest? Do hope you are ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 My husband told me he was going to come by after work yesterday afternoon so we could talk. He told me he loves me and that he is in this marriage until he dies and he wants to come home and will never leave another day for the rest of his life. He said that he has called a marriage counselor to set up an appt. for next week but hasn't heard back from them. He said that we are going to be okay and that we just need some help from a counselor in helping us resolve our problems. He has been seeing an individual counselor for the past couple of months and needed help forgetting about past issues and leaving them in the past. He said he's sorry that he's been away but he didn't know how to trust in me and put the past in the past but his counselor has helped him with that. It was so bizarre having him in bed with me last night after not being there for 5 months...he just held me all night long!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 congrats, isn't it nice when they see the light? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Oh, Broken I'm so happy for you! The marriage counselling sounds like a positive move, I wish you all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 congrats, isn't it nice when they see the light? God, I wish mine would Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I'm very happy for you broken, or should we change that to mended. It's nice to hear a positive turnaround on this board every once in awhile. I hope everything works out for you both in the long term, and wish you both all the happiness in the world. Keep us posted! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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