Ariadne Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 NO Betrayal is when someone promises you they will do something and then without letting you know....they go out and do the opposit. Making the decision to not keep a promise is free choice. Not letting the person you made the promise to know that you have changed your mind is a betrayal. This is the clinging to the promise in blood that women desperately want.. It doesn't work. It doesn't account for changes that nobody can predict. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 The odd thing is, I don't have a "situation." My guy isn't a cheater. Never has been. Never will be. He's not a liar either. She may well have determined that to have a man like that is all she's worth, but not me. I guess this means you aren't ignoring me anymore?? I may completely disagree with you politically, but I COMPLETELY agree with you with regards to relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Girlfriends don't like their boyfriends having sex with other women and wives don't like it either. Wake up and smell the coffee. Yeah, there are a lot of things that people don't like. But still doesn't change the fact that people are free to do what they want. If they choose to be faithful, congratulations. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Yeah, there are a lot of things that people don't like. But still doesn't change the fact that people are free to do what they want.. nobody is saying otherwise....so highlighting the obvious is just so you can see your own posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Sometimes, Dex, like a trainwreck I just can't HELP but look. As regards the political crap, if only you weren't such a jackass in your responses. Uh, I'm not a jackass in my responses...I'm an elephant...remember? Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 IME that would be the OW - though the W didn't get my "playing around with" either. Let's just strip away the crap here. You are not an OW, you are someone's wife. You used to be an OW. I'd pay good money to be a fly on the wall if/when the day ever came when you were to discover that you husband went screwing around behind your back while telling you to your face that he was YOUR one and only. I doubt you'd be giving the new OW (in your case) a high five. I'd bet good money that your marrying your ex married boyfriend is one of the only acts you can put your proverbial finger on that ever 'made you feel' like a desirable woman. Hence, your clinging to the title. Get over it. The things you say are absurd and you know it. Frankly speaking I know what I am and don't hang my hat on the fact that years ago someone else's husband would have given their eyesight to have me. Trust me. That is no accomplishment. That is merely being in the right place (or wrong place depending on how you see it) at the right time. Nothing more. Nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 KILLER POST GAMINE!!!! Donnamaybe, you and I think alike. Like I always say, if I have to live in reality I want company! :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 That happens because you can't take the fact that your guy wants to be with another woman and not divorce you. You can't deal with that. Then, you get divorced once you find out the truth. End of story. No. It is not a matter not "You can't deal with that" If a BS decides to leave the cheater then it is a matter of the BS exercising his or her FREE CHOICE to leave the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Well, eventually the truth always out (most of the times anyway). Then, the wife can go on a wrath for the "betrayal" (he actually desired someone else!) or she can get divorced. Is usually what happens. YES. It is the BS free choice to either display wrath or leave or both. Free Choice applies to everyone right? Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 This is the clinging to the promise in blood that women desperately want.. It doesn't work. It doesn't account for changes that nobody can predict. No. It is not about clinging to anything. The BS is/has been under the mistaken impression that their partner is the type of person who either keeps his/her promises or has enough stones to own their choices and be honest about changing their mind. In a marriage where fidelity has been promised, choices are made and actions are taken on the part of the BS based on the mistaken belief that the spouse has the stones to OWN his or her CHOICES Free Choice does not equal Consequence Free. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Well, let's crack a couple cold beers and hang out on my deck and talk, shall we? I'm there, DonnaMaybe. And then we can sit back doubled over laughing at women who think that screwing every tom dick or harry makes them a real woman. We can laugh until tears start streaming down our faces knowing that the joke is really on them. And, to make matters even more hysterical... they bring it on themselves. I tell you it totally cracks me up. I think that it is probably more uncommon for affairs to be about true love than it is about some insecure dude getting laid by a woman who has no legitimate power as a woman. I like being so powerful that I am the unattainable... not the pin cushion. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Pin cushion! Wow. I'm all about that, Gamine. The powerful part. And if I DO choose to take a lover (when I'm not in a relationship), it's because I wanna get laid! It has nothing to do with validation. Now you've hit the proverbial nail on the head. Any human being who does a thing for validation is weak and doesn't have a clue as to who they are. It's like the insecure puppy dog waiting for the master to pat it on the head. I'd much rather be the blue ribbon prize winning purebred who has her pick of the litter... but by CHOICE chooses to share a den with only one man. Even in dog packs the rogue females mating with alpha dog's mate is kicked out and starved to death. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Never mind Link to post Share on other sites
northernsun Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Okay... but my husband still cheated on me and frankly he did so with someone who was... well... not very good looking and very matronly. When my H cheated on me with a ploethora of women I learned a very hard lesson. I had always thought that if you were pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, sought after enough, great sex....and the list goes on...that no H would f*ck that up! I was wrong. In my case, my H was despirate to feed his ego any way that he could at that difficult time in his life. His filandering had nothing to do with me, per se (outside of our inability to communicate well)...and everything to do with him and where he was in his life/mess. The difference that I am trying to illustrate here is that I represent the full meal deal on most men's checklists. Being an extraordinary woman by whatever standards you want to quote alone does not prevent/promote a man from having an affair. There are other possible issues: sense of security; ability to express needs and have them fulfilled; drugs; employment issues; finacial issues...there are many inputs here. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 [QUOTE=northernsun;2264354] His filandering had nothing to do with me, per se and everything to do with him and where he was in his life/mess. The difference that I am trying to illustrate here is that I represent the full meal deal on most men's checklists. Being an extraordinary woman by whatever standards you want to quote alone does not prevent/promote a man from having an affair. Yep. It took me awhile, but not until I came to the same conclusion could my H and I address the problem for what it was. I wasnt me. It wasnt the marriage. It was him, his issue, his fault - no amount of "fixing" from me was going to work. Prior to that I was going round and round. On the upside, it made me feel less threatened as a woman because OW was and could be...anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Betrayal is only in the imagination. its only imagination if it didn't happen and you make it up Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I'm all about that, Gamine. The powerful part. And if I DO choose to take a lover (when I'm not in a relationship), it's because I wanna get laid! It has nothing to do with validation. Me too! That's why I loved being the OW. I was so not desperate to be Mrs someone-or-other. I loved being me, having my life the way I wanted it. Link to post Share on other sites
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