sometimes feel angry at God

[griffinchicken53]

not sure if i titled this right.

i'm not one of those people who pray about everything: "please lord, let me win the lottery" "please let so-and-so win on american idol" etc.

 

i pray sometimes. and maybe the problem is i blame God when something goes wrong, yet don't give any credit when something good happens.

i've only really asked for 2 things from him. All I've ever wanted was to be loved, for someone to be with me. I've prayed for that for as long as i can remember. i have to see everyone else have it. every now and then i think something might happen, i feel so close, then it doesn't.

the other thing i prayed about was when i had an illness. i took it as a sign i needed to do something with my life. i was getting a second chance. i asked God please don't let me have any more brain issues, i'm going to do something with my life. this was a wakeup call. Boom, i get sick again, couldn't drive for a long time. my life got put on hold for a year, then i lost another year due to a relapse of the issue.

two major things i've prayed for, i feel he hates me sometimes.

 

I belive in God, but i'm not a churchgoing person.

[disgracian]

I think your resentment and frustration is probably the product of unrealistic expectations that are all the rage these days.

 

I'm speaking as somebody who does not believe in higher powers, so take this with a grain of salt, but perhaps, since this god is a spiritual being, it does not influence the physical. Germs and genetics do as they may, and selective intervention as a concept generally poses a lot more questions than answers.

 

Perhaps you should assess how your belief in god can help you find solace in the hand you've been dealt. If you let go of the idea of a magical cure from on high if you pray hard enough, you can devote more attention to what you can actually do about your situation.

 

Cheers,

D.

[Eve]

Perhaps you should assess how your belief in god can help you find solace in the hand you've been dealt.

 

This struck a cord with me Disgracian. I hope you dont mind me reflecting upon it.

 

*Hugs* to the OP.

 

I have a health problem at the mo, right from out of nowhere. I do however have a whole lot of faith but only because of things which I have witnessed along my journey. I have been thinking about the things I have witnessed a lot recently and relishing what things I still can do even though my energy is low. I pray for others who have not the energy to even do what I can. I tend to think that at anytime there is always the potential that something bad could be within any of us but trust God to keep me linked in wtih the things which have helped to make me who I am for as long as possible.

 

I am not exempt from suffering or death.

 

So, even though I have even participated in the healing of another via faith I am trying to look at myself as part of a greater whole and this gives me strength. I do know that someone has been sent to watch over me, I caught a glimpse of him/her .. whatever ... yesterday.

 

In my heart of hearts I think I will be ok but I am choosing to use this time as a series of moments which will enable me to connect with I dont know what at another time. Hopefully within this lifetime.

 

At least I have had opportunity to watch lots of trashy daytime TV of late.

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[quankanne]

I like your post, D ... lotta sensible things to consider when we "seek" answers from God.

 

GC, maybe the whole thing isn't about what you ask of him, but rather, that you feel you *can* ask these things of him. I've heard of people who go to Lourdes seeking physical healing, and come back spiritually healed. And they admit that while it wasn't what they were looking for, it turned out to be the better deal!

 

it's perfectly fine to get mad or angry with the Big Guy ... after all, you're in a relationship with him, and things aren't always hunky-dory in relationships! And it's equally fine knowing that no matter what love we lose or fail to find, He will always love us ... there's a security in that knowledge, IMO, because it's a constant.

 

I know it's a difficult thing to fathom when you believe otherwise, but I'm just here to share what I've personally experienced. That love is very, very real, and evident when you most need it – for me, it was when we were about to bury my mom, who was my dearest friend and the one person in my life who loved *me* like no other. I don't believe in woo-woo crap, I'm more of a doubting Thomas kind of believer, but that morning I physically felt a bear hug of support as I contemplated the crucifix hanging above my mom's casket, and I realized that what she gave me was just a smidgeon of what God felt for me ... it's carried me through these past several years, and solidified what I've always believed.

 

it's different for every person, but my advice is to open yourself up to the possibilities, rather than just contemplate things from a point of view based on your own needs. Maybe you'll discover what you're looking for, maybe you'll be answered in way you never figured on, but looking at it from a different angle will surely reveal something new!

[NoIDidn't]

i feel he hates me sometimes.

 

I belive in God, but i'm not a churchgoing person.

 

A lot of times our view of God is colored by our experiences with other people. I've experienced God as faithful, yet perfectionistic. And I am very perfectionistic (is that a word?) in some areas of my life.

 

As a woman, I've experienced God as very unfair and judgmental, but have also experienced him as more than merciful at times too.

 

When we are hurting its so hard to try to understand the point of the suffering.

 

Its easy to feel that God is in love with us when everything is perfect. Or to even forget about Him in those times.

 

I am a firm believer that God doesn't sit around waiting for us to do wrong to punish us for it. The consequences of our thoughts and actions do that well enough - I think this is the basis of "reaping what one sows".

 

It sounds trite, but I think adopting a more positive outlook helps. Regardless of the circumstances. What I mean by this is, say, in the relationship department. You've been praying about it and haven't had IT happen for you yet. Well, we kiss a lot of toads before we meet our prince/princess.

 

I've been where you are. Will probably be back there again depending on the circumstances of my life. Nothing is harder on faith than physical illness, though.

[GorillaTheater]

Specific to the anger: God can handle our anger. If you read Psalms, the writers (and David in particular) often start out by saying "Okay God, what the hell is THIS crap?" By the end, though, they recognize that maybe God did have their best interests at heart.

 

I don't have it entirely figured out, but I do know that sometimes (maybe often) what we pray for is not what we really need.