Wife wants divorce-talking to another man

[mard40]

No, my ex kept me in limbo land for a long time. I finally ended up pulling the trigger on the divorce. I don't know man, she seems to be pushing this really fast. Are you giving her a lot of pressure? Wanting to talk about the relationship all the time or something?

 

What is NC? No contact? I don't that's the answer in this situation. But no pressure from you!! If she's hell bent on getting a divorce, I don't think you should stand in her way, unless she's being unreasonable about something.

 

Look there's two sides to every story. I'm sure you did a lot of things to get to where you are now, and I'm sure she did things. I know the guilt is hard, but you will get through it. There's no easy way to get past this, you just have to do the time. Like I said before... The next year or so is really going to suck for you. But you'll get a little bit better every day and pretty soon you'll be ok and she'll be ok and you'll look back and you won't even remember how bad it hurt.

 

Remember, most everybody goes through at least one of these in there lives. Change is hard. The guilt is hard. The sadness is hard. But you'll be ok.

 

Just hang in there. Be the best dad you can for your kids.

[tojaz]

Take that guilt and learn from it. Go to counseling, fix what you can on your end. Own the things you did wrong. If you do everything you can to fix the faults you find in yourself, then you fought the good fight and you can keep your head up. Thats what gets me to sleep at night.

TOJAZ

[Gunny376]

Guilt?

 

Could be religious based?

 

Culturally based?

 

Socially based?

 

Who cares?

 

You're the one living this life!

 

Live LIFE to its TOP!

 

Live LIFE ~LARGE!

 

To its FULLEST!

[seibert253]

Time to pull the trigger.

Sh#t or get off the pot

See a lawyer, draw up papers, have her served.

Will do one of two things:

1. Smack some reality back into her and let her know this is for real

2. If she really wants to divorce, she will

 

Either way you can have some finality and begin to heal and move on. You need to do that for yourself and your children. Right now, pizz on what she thinks and feels. She's made her bed, time for her to sleep in it.

[newcastle77]

So yesterday, we went to Lunch/Dinner as a family and we talked a bit but then when we got home she clammed up. The whole day she did not say "Happy Father's Day" or anything. Now she told me that she wants me to sign a deal that I pay the house note as part of the spousal maintenance so that they can stay in the house and I keep the mortgage. My wife has not worked for 6 years, has no real high paying work skills, no education and no financial understanding of what is about to happen. When I told her no, she said, "fine!!! I just wanted to find stability for the kids." Like as if I am making our house unstable. She is being vicous and mean and I am starting to hope our marriage ends rather quickly because she is starting to be manipulative. No way am I agreeing to that and my kids will be fine because I will have a place to live. Any advice from you guys? I already have a lawyer so I am good there.

[Owl]

OK...first off...pick a destination.

 

Marital recovery, or divorce.

 

The two are rather mutually exclusive...you can only work on both at the same time up to a point, and then it becomes self-defeating.

 

So pick a direction.

 

Make NO seperation agreemants without a lawyer. Don't agree to anything, don't sign anything that he doesn't approve first.

 

If you decide you want to reconcile...then go over to marriagebuilders.com, and read the site there. Pay close attention to the lovebank, emotional needs, and Plan A and Plan B.

 

You need to start plan A ASAP if you want to try to reconcile. It's too early for the 180, and too early for plan B.

 

Those follow a stellar plan A. Plan A is two fold, carrot and stick. The carrot part is simple...not easy, but simple. Identify her primary emotional needs, and start meeting them. Work on yourself as well...taking care of yourself makes you more attractive. Even through all this stress...eat right, and excersise to deal with that stress. The stick is also simple. It starts with exposure...expose her affair to EVERYONE who would support your marriage and pressure her to end the affair. If her affair partner is her co-worker, include her employer.

 

Don't engage in any talk about the relationship, divorce, marriage, or affair right now. Work hard to get the affair to end, but don't bother discussing it with her.

 

Read up on marriagebuilders, pick up a copy of "Surviving an Affair"...or, take all your advice from the toughest divorce lawyer you can find.

[Darth Vader]

So yesterday, we went to Lunch/Dinner as a family and we talked a bit but then when we got home she clammed up. The whole day she did not say "Happy Father's Day" or anything. Now she told me that she wants me to sign a deal that I pay the house note as part of the spousal maintenance so that they can stay in the house and I keep the mortgage. My wife has not worked for 6 years, has no real high paying work skills, no education and no financial understanding of what is about to happen. When I told her no, she said, "fine!!! I just wanted to find stability for the kids." Like as if I am making our house unstable. She is being vicous and mean and I am starting to hope our marriage ends rather quickly because she is starting to be manipulative. No way am I agreeing to that and my kids will be fine because I will have a place to live. Any advice from you guys? I already have a lawyer so I am good there.

 

 

Basically, she want's you to pay for her affair. Don't move out of the house at all! If anyone leaves, she's the one to leave, not you! You didn't cheat, she did! Protect your assets, sounds like she may try to go for ailmony. Make sure she can't find this site. Document everything! Do you live in a fault state? There's not many.