delian Posted May 19, 2000 Share Posted May 19, 2000 hi!! this girl i have loved for a whole year has recently broken up with her boyfriend. it was notpleasant for her because he didn't want to get married and she did. she is understandably in a mess. she has started confiding in me and i get the feeling that she is beginning to like me also. although i am very excited at this development and am very patient with her and listen to her talk about her relationship all the time, i don't want to just be a shoulder for her to cry on and i am also scared that if she does agree to start dating me it will be on the rebound and if the ex-boyfriend ever comes back into the picture she would leave me for him. please advice cause i'm not sure what to do!!!! i do love her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 19, 2000 Share Posted May 19, 2000 Unfortunately, you are a rebound. If this lady were crying to her psychologist, she would probably fall in love with the psychologist. This is called transference...taking the love you feel for one person and transfering it to another. Yes, you are now and will further be a rebound if you enter into a relationship with this lady. Rebound, or transitional relationships, serve a healing purpose in some cases but seldom work out in a quality fashion. Additionally, by talking to you about an extremely unpleasant episode in her life, while you are her hero right now when she needs you, ultimately if you entered into a realtionship with her she would associate you with this traumatic time in her life. It would not last. Sometimes these transitional type of relationships take on a life of their own but they generally are not fulfilling or happy in the long run. Make a decision. If you want to be her buddy, listen to her stuff. You are either a great friend or have a weird sense of passing time. My guess is that you are developing an agenda here and just forget it. If you want something temporary or want your heart crushed and pulverized, hang in there with this girl. So if you want to be her buddy, listen to her. If you want more, tell her when she has healed from her previous relationship and wants to persue something with you, give you a call. In the meantime, she should cry to girlfriends or professional counsellors. If you are EVER romantically interested in a lady and she starts talking about previous relationships or heartbreaks in any detail or on a repeated basis, let her know this is not acceptable unless, of course, you are willing to just be her buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
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