Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 what is wrong with us women? I wonder if we have a gene thats named sucker,lol I went onto the Harley site today, just to kinda see whats on the other side. i was surprised, found things like "husband cheated already 6 times, moved out 3, is talking of coming home to work on M" YEAHHH, what do I do now? Or Husband is lying on the couch in pain, missing his ow, what do I do? Or husband wants me to meet his girlfriend, accept her into our home, What do I do? Then they name there cheating Husband my DH ( darling Husband, and the other woman Skanks,B..ect. Then i look on our site, We are putting up with the same crap. Go on and off nc, melt when we see them. I mean wtf? What is it with us women in general? When I think about it, these men have it pretty good. They leave home when they want, do there thing, go back when they want, w forgives till the next round. is it that these men think they are God? Why do we put up with it? Both sides, BS/O/w. Its sick, from both sides of the fence... any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Not all of us do. Some of us just want to crush balls and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 found things like "husband cheated already 6 times, moved out 3, is talking of coming home to work on M" YEAHHH, what do I do now? :lmao::lmao: When I think about it, these men have it pretty good. They leave home when they want, do there thing, go back when they want, w forgives till the next round. You got that right Mino!! is it that these men think they are God? Why do we put up with it? They think they are God BECAUSE we put up with it. They do it because they CAN. Because we let them get away with it. BS keeps taking 'em back. OW keeps taking 'em back. It's an absolute freak show. That's the $64 Million Question... why do any of us put up with it? Are these men REALLY worth all that heartbreak and agony and broken lives??? Not all of us do. Some of us just want to crush balls and move on. I like the way you think, bent. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Not all of us do. Some of us just want to crush balls and move on. :lmao: After a crap day, THANKS for the laugh, Bent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 :lmao::lmao: You got that right Mino!! They think they are God BECAUSE we put up with it. They do it because they CAN. Because we let them get away with it. BS keeps taking 'em back. OW keeps taking 'em back. It's an absolute freak show. That's the $64 Million Question... why do any of us put up with it? Are these men REALLY worth all that heartbreak and agony and broken lives??? I like the way you think, bent. lol, Freak show, :lmao: I think I am going to be a lesbian:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 lol, Freak show, :lmao: I think I am going to be a lesbian:lmao: I take that back.... I wanna come back in my next life as a MAN ( stomping my feet):rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Then i look on our site, We are putting up with the same crap. I don't and never have. And I have seen plenty of like-minded women here... Why do we put up with it? Self esteem issues, fear, etc. are all reasons (or excuses) for putting up with it. Fixable of course but it takes a lot of internal work. I don't profess to understand the thinking because I certainly wouldn't make those same choices. Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I think women are socialized to endure ill-treatment from men, and I think in general we have higher tolerance for pain (after all, there's a reason men can't have babies, right?). But in fairness, I've also read of men who put up with their wife having 4 different affairs, though I think this is a whole lot less common. Think of the reaction men get from other men when they cheat - essentially a high-5. What happens to women who cheat - they get branded as whores. People applaud the Hilary Clintons and the Elizabeth Edwardss of the world as if women are supposed to be infinitely forgiving of men's transgressions. Yet, I find it interesting that a lot of women despise these two particular women as well. What's funnier still is Hilary and Elizabeth are capitalizing on their husband's wrongdoings - they're writing sob-story books and making money. This is our wacky society that has trained us to accept lemons. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 As a man (who didn't cheat), kibitzing on this thread I'll throw out a few thoughts. First I've had my balls crushed (metaphor) more than once. Twice I can remember because my ex thought I was cheating. Her insecurity, not my behavior. My life was miserable for awhile. It wasn't fun. I didn't need it either. I loved my wife unconditionally. That makes it hurt more. I personally have little respect for women who allow themselves to be abused by irresponsible undeserving men. I have known to many women who have suffered through relationships with these "bad boys", either suffering again and again, or coming out badly damaged and itching for blood, male blood, any mans blood. Those who know my story know that there are "bad girls" too. Thankfully at my age, I'm good at spotting them. Sadly that skill was hard won. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 This is another thread that meshes with my thoughts, in the last few days. Why do you ladies/gents do it? Whether it's in the capacity of betrayed spouse or OW/OM, there's life after an affair. Why not make a positive change in your lives, get the hell outta' a dysfunctional triangle, and start living happy, once again? As a divorced and ex-BW, I can honestly say that the divorce was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 They leave home when they want, do there thing, go back when they want, w forgives till the next round. is it that these men think they are God? Why do we put up with it? Both sides, BS/O/w. Its sick, from both sides of the fence... any thoughts? People get too wrapped up in their emotions to see the situation rationally and logically. Really, OW or BS, it often comes down to "But I luuuuuuuuuv him!" Or, "I need him." And anybody who can see it logically from the outside and tries to tell them - to paraphrase Linda Ronstadt - "he's no good, he's no good, he's no good, baby, he's no goooood", gets painted with the bitter and bitchy label. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 TBF, even with my history.. that's been plastered over this site for 18 months in detail as a "BM" actually lets use Betrayed Husband, that last acryonym stank... I can tell you without hesitation that becoming a divorced husband was the worst thing that happened in my life. Much better that I lived in ignorance. Let her have her man on the side. What I wasn't sure of didn't nearly destroy me. I realize now that I was blissfully ignorant, not seeing because I wasn't looking until it was thrown in my face. That doesen't mean I wasn't happier then than I am now. I can say with honesty that I was happier then. I have purpose in my life, someone to share with, to contribute to. I had company, and love, and intimacy. Granted, once exposed I couldn't live with it. I wasn't turning over rocks to find the bugs and scorpions though, and probably wouldn't again given the oppertunity. Once I turn over the key to the castle, I'm in for the whole ride. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 TBF, even with my history.. that's been plastered over this site for 18 months in detail as a "BM" actually lets use Betrayed Husband, that last acryonym stank... I can tell you without hesitation that becoming a divorced husband was the worst thing that happened in my life. Much better that I lived in ignorance. Let her have her man on the side. What I wasn't sure of didn't nearly destroy me. I realize now that I was blissfully ignorant, not seeing because I wasn't looking until it was thrown in my face. That doesen't mean I wasn't happier then than I am now. I can say with honesty that I was happier then. I have purpose in my life, someone to share with, to contribute to. I had company, and love, and intimacy. Granted, once exposed I couldn't live with it. I wasn't turning over rocks to find the bugs and scorpions though, and probably wouldn't again given the oppertunity. Once I turn over the key to the castle, I'm in for the whole ride. This surprises me, it really does....its living a lie, imho Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Lakeside, you know that divorcing your ex-W was something you had to do, for all kinds of reasons. I honestly can't imagine you turning a blind eye and continuing to share her body and bed, with someone who wasn't entitled to it. Don't get me wrong, that I'm glad I experienced the pain of D-day and after. I'm just glad that I didn't end up having a family with my ex, finding out about him at that point, and then, feeling trapped due to the children. I'm also glad that in being free, I found someone worthwhile, someone I can love and trust whole-heartedly. There really is life beyond an affair, if you're willing to get rid of the baggage, including the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 People get too wrapped up in their emotions to see the situation rationally and logically. Really, OW or BS, it often comes down to "But I luuuuuuuuuv him!" Or, "I need him." And anybody who can see it logically from the outside and tries to tell them - to paraphrase Linda Ronstadt - "he's no good, he's no good, he's no good, baby, he's no goooood", gets painted with the bitter and bitchy label. your right Norjane, but By giving yourself the oppurtunity to step away, the logic takes over (slowly) that is what I am seeing in myself, (hope it continues;)) Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Folks, I couldn't have tolerated her man on the side had I known. I didn't know that it went on for 23 years and we built a pretty damn good life together during our 25 year marriage, at least at the time I thought it was good. I didn't press the issue twice when I had the "itch" she was cheating, at that time with co-workers, not her regular squeeze. Once it became obvious (although unspoken) when the mans wife moved him and their 3 kids out of the state in a weekend, without notice. I loved her, and had two pre-teens to care for, so I let that dog lie. What can I say she was very good hiding what she did. I had a lot on my plate, and didn't need to start a major upheaval to validate my suspicions. It wasn't the right time. Later I had less cause for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 your right Norjane, but By giving yourself the oppurtunity to step away, the logic takes over (slowly) that is what I am seeing in myself, (hope it continues;)) Good for you for taking that step AWAY. You didn't stay stuck rationalizing and excusing. I see women (and men) in betrayal situations taking the facts and adding and re-adding and adding again to try to come up with the answer they WANT instead of the answer that IS. People want to stay at the expense of themselves, their self preservation is screaming at them to leave, and they turn a deaf ear because of loving that other person. Usually all the while the other person is showing them anything BUT love. Cheating, fighting, picking, etc. And then there is some half apology until the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 A final thought on my post. My ex knew how to push me back into my comfort zone. Obviously I was a willing partner in this as well. Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 As a divorced and ex-BW, I can honestly say that the divorce was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. Yes, it was for me too, but I remember wanting a divorce but being so afraid of actually doing it. It took a lot to finally push me to that point. It's fear of the unknown that often keeps us trapped in situations that are not good for us (amongst other psychological reasons). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Yes, it was for me too, but I remember wanting a divorce but being so afraid of actually doing it. It took a lot to finally push me to that point. It's fear of the unknown that often keeps us trapped in situations that are not good for us (amongst other psychological reasons).Well I'm glad you finally did it and now, reap the rewards of getting out. After D-day, it was separation and divorce for me, all the way. Surprisingly, we're still in touch and friends. He's my past. As a friend, he's entertaining and has qualities that I can appreciate, like an excellent business mind. But...I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole, at least romantically. He is who he is. I love, respect and trust my fiance. He makes it all worthwhile. Link to post Share on other sites
me003 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I think women are socialized to endure ill-treatment from men, and I think in general we have higher tolerance for pain (after all, there's a reason men can't have babies, right?). I have to agree with this. Society view women and we feed into it. I mean, if a woman abandons her children she is a bad mom. If a man does it, its bad, but its normal and most expected. The norm is that Woman have custody of the kids and the father has weekends. Why? does being a woman make us less in society. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 I have to agree with this. Society view women and we feed into it. I mean, if a woman abandons her children she is a bad mom. If a man does it, its bad, but its normal and most expected. The norm is that Woman have custody of the kids and the father has weekends. Why? does being a woman make us less in society. Maybe its the role we have been given, caretaker, mother,, we are suppose to have forgiveness in our hearts... but somewhere along the the way, i think, ok, they have screwed up, not once, not twice, not three times, but again and again, and again... and somehow we tend to think its OK, and really convince ourselves , this is the last time... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay, I have to throw down the b/s flag about women being raised to "suffer". That's just a form of self-rationalization for remaining in an affair triangle. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay Mino, We surrender. Men are swine, women are saints:). Men are evil, evil, evil.:mad: Women are good, good, good.:) There.....Happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay, I have to throw down the b/s flag about women being raised to "suffer". That's just a form of self-rationalization for remaining in an affair triangle. I throw a penalty flag on that as well. I agree with TBF it is a rationalization to assist the choice of staying in a really bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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