Ms. Red Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 My heart can be cracked open spilling blood all over myself from a dood. But I'll suffer in silence to him. I won't give him a chance to relish in my pain or know that he brought it on. The last time I did let "him" know...... we made up & got back together only for him to stomp all over my heart again with a threesome that involved a family member. That was about 24 years ago. Since then, I don't put up with $hit. "You" hurt me or betray me then your gone! I don't understand how women can put up w/ so much crap from guys/husbands. It's not so bad being single. Why do so many women feel incomplete without a dood/husband at their side? *for the record* I love men. I want them as lovers. I want them as friends. I want them as my best friend. I just don't want them to commit to me for life. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I think women are socialized to endure ill-treatment from men, and I think in general we have higher tolerance for pain (after all, there's a reason men can't have babies, right?). But in fairness, I've also read of men who put up with their wife having 4 different affairs, though I think this is a whole lot less common. Think of the reaction men get from other men when they cheat - essentially a high-5. What happens to women who cheat - they get branded as whores. People applaud the Hilary Clintons and the Elizabeth Edwardss of the world as if women are supposed to be infinitely forgiving of men's transgressions. Yet, I find it interesting that a lot of women despise these two particular women as well. What's funnier still is Hilary and Elizabeth are capitalizing on their husband's wrongdoings - they're writing sob-story books and making money. This is our wacky society that has trained us to accept lemons. Monica L also tried to capitalise on her experience - she just failed miserably at it, and ruined any potential opportunity she initally had of becoming a rising political star. I think Hilary made the best of the situation. She and Bill have a tremendous history, albeit tarnished by his traumatic betrayal and humiliation. If the stories about Bill's numerous infidelities are true, I would not choose her path. However, she is a smart woman to capitalise on the trauma which she suffered as an "innocent" party. I don't see that as accepting lemons at all. It is interesting that so many OW have a bent that indicates their belief that the W, often the only person who didn't choose the situation, should be the one to singlehandedly resolve it by leaving or kicking her husband in the direction of the OW! I think this is a skewed focus, because it is really the intruder to the marriage who usu. has to accept the truly bitter lemons - the OW by her very nature of not being no.1 in a MM's life, is the one who chooses to accept the scraps. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 It is interesting that so many OW have a bent that indicates their belief that the W, often the only person who didn't choose the situation, should be the one to singlehandedly resolve it by leaving or kicking her husband in the direction of the OW! I think this is a skewed focus, because it is really the intruder to the marriage who usu. has to accept the truly bitter lemons - the OW by her very nature of not being no.1 in a MM's life, is the one who chooses to accept the scraps. Um, I wouldn't be so sure that the BW isn't also choosing to accept scraps by staying with her unfaithful MM... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay Mino, We surrender. Men are swine, women are saints:). Men are evil, evil, evil.:mad: Women are good, good, good.:) There.....Happy? I have never believed that men are evil, or that women are saints....as evidenced by the one that I had children with and the woman he decided to horizontal mambo with. I am have raised a man. A good one. I am raising a woman, one with an evil streak, just like her momma:o:p. The generalizations about both genders come from the media and our own personal experiences. It would be easy for me to become a "man hater" being a feminist and all. But the truth is I love men. I find them fascinating, irritating and oh so sexy on many occasions. Women are more complicated for me. I grew up around a lot of men, so connecting with women takes extra effort on my part. It gets easier as I mature, but I probably miss out on some great relationships because my fence in always in filter mode. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 Okay Mino, We surrender. Men are swine, women are saints:). Men are evil, evil, evil.:mad: Women are good, good, good.:) There.....Happy?:lmao::lmao::lmao: ok! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 Um, I wouldn't be so sure that the BW isn't also choosing to accept scraps by staying with her unfaithful MM... I agree with you Openbook, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 Ok, for the record, I dont hate men either, Happy Boldjack? Just trying to figure out why we sometimes put up with the crap over and over again, like we think they will get up one morning and make a change. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 Um, I wouldn't be so sure that the BW isn't also choosing to accept scraps by staying with her unfaithful MM... For a wife who discovers the affair, that might be a fair statement. However, even then, she and her husband made a commitment for better or for worse, whereas the OW might hang around for even less scraps with absolutely nothing but empty promises. I suppose our different views are partly based on the value one places on a marriage versus an affair/fling/one night stand. If you think the latter are of equal value or perhaps somehow superior to a marriage, then the reasoning that the wife should be the one to "quit" makes perfect sense. Different strokes for different folks - to me that seems like turning the meaning of marriage on its head. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 For a wife who discovers the affair, that might be a fair statement. However, even then, she and her husband made a commitment for better or for worse, whereas the OW might hang around for even less scraps with absolutely nothing but empty promises. I suppose our different views are partly based on the value one places on a marriage versus an affair/fling/one night stand. If you think the latter are of equal value or perhaps somehow superior to a marriage, then the reasoning that the wife should be the one to "quit" makes perfect sense. Different strokes for different folks - to me that seems like turning the meaning of marriage on its head. I don't know why you're directing all this "value of the marriage" talk at me. It should really be going to the cheating MM... you know, the one who actually turned the meaning of marriage on its head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 For a wife who discovers the affair, that might be a fair statement. However, even then, she and her husband made a commitment for better or for worse, whereas the OW might hang around for even less scraps with absolutely nothing but empty promises. I suppose our different views are partly based on the value one places on a marriage versus an affair/fling/one night stand. If you think the latter are of equal value or perhaps somehow superior to a marriage, then the reasoning that the wife should be the one to "quit" makes perfect sense. Different strokes for different folks - to me that seems like turning the meaning of marriage on its head. it really is not about the value of the Marriages verses A. How about value as a woman? How about value as a partner? What your saying is that a wife needs/should put up more with H crap cause she has papers? PLEEESEE!! Link to post Share on other sites
Compelled Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I suppose our different views are partly based on the value one places on a marriage versus an affair/fling/one night stand. If you think the latter are of equal value or perhaps somehow superior to a marriage, then the reasoning that the wife should be the one to "quit" makes perfect sense. No one here believes that. For me, my MM is my perfect match that I met too late in life. This is the only motivation I have for the A. Plain and simple. He is the one for me. Sad for me, sad for him, sad for his family, sad for mine. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 How about this: Most of the time the MM chooses to spend time with the OW, while he is obligated to spend time with the W. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 He chooses to stay married and is only obligated to string them both along to save his azz. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 He chooses to stay married and is only obligated to string them both along to save his azz. I agree with the "choosing to stay married"...in the long run, many do-although how many, I am not sure, considering 50%+ of marriages end in divorce. I am talking about while the affair is going on. Everytime the MM goes to see the OW , he is choosing to see her, take the risks, etc -he does not have to, he has no legal, moral obligation to go see the OW, no?....but to go home to the wife...well,maybe it is for love--or more like he is obligated to go home otherwise there will be huge repercussions. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 For a wife who discovers the affair, that might be a fair statement. However, even then, she and her husband made a commitment for better or for worse, whereas the OW might hang around for even less scraps with absolutely nothing but empty promises. I suppose our different views are partly based on the value one places on a marriage versus an affair/fling/one night stand. If you think the latter are of equal value or perhaps somehow superior to a marriage, then the reasoning that the wife should be the one to "quit" makes perfect sense. Different strokes for different folks - to me that seems like turning the meaning of marriage on its head. I think you forgot about the rest of those vows. "Forsaking all others as long as you both shall live" Notice there is no mention of "unless it is simply a one nighter which doesn't count - or isn't the same". FORSAKING ALL. That means momentarily -- for one night -- for a month -- for a year, ETC. So once one person breaks a vow it calls all of the others into question. And the BS SHOULD call all of them into question. They held up their end of the bargain and did what they vowed to do. The other person didn't and if they want to walk that was the risk that married person took. COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Mino, These women that you speak about, are people with a very low sense of self-worth. Strong-willed women like those in my family, don't get crapped on, because they won't tolerate it. If you are going to be a doormat, then some man is going to wipe his feet on you. I have raised sons and daughters, my sons respect women, and my daughters demand respect. BTW, I'm glad that i could make you guys laugh.:D Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Mino, These women that you speak about, are people with a very low sense of self-worth. Strong-willed women like those in my family, don't get crapped on, because they won't tolerate it. If you are going to be a doormat, then some man is going to wipe his feet on you. That bolded statement goes for men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Amen, AMEN to both of these comments!! - I totally agree: He chooses to stay married and is only obligated to string them both along to save his azz. If you are going to be a doormat, then some man [OB: or woman] is going to wipe his feet on you. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 it really is not about the value of the Marriages verses A. How about value as a woman? How about value as a partner? What your saying is that a wife needs/should put up more with H crap cause she has papers? PLEEESEE!! I did not say that at all. And not all partners are valued. The valued partners typically have a commitment...which most OW don't have. Most people will agree that marraige involves valuable aspects such as commitment to ride the ups and downs, and often years of history, extended families, mutual friends, and perhaps even children etc, whereas affairs simply not equally valued and are usually kept hidden from everyone. Affairs are certainly not valued enough by the MM who more often than not abandon their affair partners in favour of the commitment they made to their wife. Afterall , they did not make a commitment to the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I think you forgot about the rest of those vows. "Forsaking all others as long as you both shall live" Notice there is no mention of "unless it is simply a one nighter which doesn't count - or isn't the same". FORSAKING ALL. That means momentarily -- for one night -- for a month -- for a year, ETC. So once one person breaks a vow it calls all of the others into question. And the BS SHOULD call all of them into question. They held up their end of the bargain and did what they vowed to do. The other person didn't and if they want to walk that was the risk that married person took. COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE. I did not forget part of the vows - I believe I mentioned the commitment to "for better or for worse". Once the MM breaks a vow, the W typically does this, that is why they often go through recovery attempts to decide how to move forward! anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 How about this: Most of the time the MM chooses to spend time with the OW, while he is obligated to spend time with the W. That will be exactly why a key complaint from many OW is,they don't get to spend much time with MM because of his "family commitments". Most OW are sick of the odd hour here or there, and the MM's willingness to take risks to see them. In my own experience, the OW pursuing my husband took a 14-hr train ride ( :lmao: ) to come to see him, only for him to drop the bombshell that he was flying to my country to see me even though it was my turn to fly to see him. That didn't stop her deluding herself that she had something meaningful, there was a high chance he would end our relationship and be her ticket to true (!!!!) love, wealth, prestige, and gorgeous babies! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 That will be exactly why a key complaint from many OW is,they don't get to spend much time with MM because of his "family commitments". Most OW are sick of the odd hour here or there, and the MM's willingness to take risks to see them. I hardly think you're a good one to speak for "most OW." Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 In response to the OP, cheating has always been a dealbreaker for me and I could never think of staying with someone that could cause me that kind of pain. I don't understanding the thinking of a spouse who stays, really, it is beyond me. When the stats show that 75% of men cheat "I think wtf? I think these stats have contributed to why I find it difficult to make a committment to a r. I have zero tolerance for BS!! I have become a woman so satisfied with my life and being single that a man would really need to be adding to what I already have. I would like a r but at the same time with all the cheating, I think " why buy the pig, when all I want is a little sausage?":bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 That will be exactly why a key complaint from many OW is,they don't get to spend much time with MM because of his "family commitments". Most OW are sick of the odd hour here or there, and the MM's willingness to take risks to see them. Oh sure, they complain. It does not change the fact that when the H does decide to see the OW, it is not because he is held down by religious and societal expectations, but he is freely making a choice to be with the OW. In my own experience, the OW pursuing my husband took a 14-hr train ride ( :lmao: ) to come to see him, only for him to drop the bombshell that he was flying to my country to see me even though it was my turn to fly to see him. Good for you!!!! How many times did that happen? Your H obviously did a cost and effect and chose you. But the times that he was with his OW...well, he chose so freely. That didn't stop her deluding herself that she had something meaningful, there was a high chance he would end our relationship and be her ticket to true (!!!!) love, wealth, prestige, and gorgeous babies! Well, you will never know how meaningful their relationship was and like I said since there is "wealth" and "gorgeous babies" involved your H might have chosen to stay in your marriage because it is less costly(emotionally and financially) to him to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mino Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 Oh sure, they complain. It does not change the fact that when the H does decide to see the OW, it is not because he is held down by religious and societal expectations, but he is freely making a choice to be with the OW. Good for you!!!! How many times did that happen? Your H obviously did a cost and effect and chose you. But the times that he was with his OW...well, he chose so freely. Well, you will never know how meaningful their relationship was and like I said since there is "wealth" and "gorgeous babies" involved your H might have chosen to stay in your marriage because it is less costly(emotionally and financially) to him to do so.TC, Did she keep her prize Husband???:lmao: Sounds like she has had her hands full, and will have her hands full until he to old to :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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