busy_married_student Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I've spoken before about my ex being in a car accident, brain injury, etc. What I've never told anybody and what I feel so guilty about is the night of the accident. We had been out shopping for groceries and went out to eat late. He said he was going to go home as he was tired. I asked him to stay and have sex, even though I knew he had fallen asleep driving before and hit a small tree. He stayed awhile and left around midnight. He fell asleep at the wheel and hit a semi truck. It left him with a moderate-to-severe brain injury. My selfishness nearly killed him. I married him when he was still brain injured hoping he would recover. Recovery was a long difficult road. I tried so hard to be a supportive good wife, I really did. I made so many mistakes. I figured I deserved it when he raped me, and that's why I let it continue for 6 months. Now I'm divorced and I want so badly to "get over it" but the pain doesn't seem to fade much. He wants me 100% gone from his life, so talking to him isn't really an option. what do I do? I want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 He raped you before and then you still married him?? That makes no sense. Why would you marry someone that rape you. As for the accident it wasn't your fault it happened, he fell asleep in the car and was careless. You had nothing to do with it. If you're divorce and he wants no contact with you whatsoever then leave it at that. I'll do no good dwelling on the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 He raped you before and then you still married him?? That makes no sense. Why would you marry someone that rape you. I get the impression he raped her during the marriage. As for the accident it wasn't your fault it happened, he fell asleep in the car and was careless. You had nothing to do with it. I agree with the above. OP -- you can not make anybody do anything. They make their own choices. He could have left earlier -- and who's to say there still wouldn't have been a car accident and perhaps that one would have been fatal. You can what if yourself to death girlfriend. You have to let this go and live your life. HE certainly seems to be doing just that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 BMS, It can be difficult to remember that other people's experiences are according to their own Soul's mission/purpose. We have no power or influence over that. We may have 'contracts' to help and support them in their Purpose, but it's still THEIR "higher stuff" that has 100% power and control over ALL their life experiences. (At least, these are my personal beliefs about how Life works.) It's understandable how you came to the belief that you deserved to be raped by him, but that conclusion was arrived at due to inaccurate/incomplete information. You did NOT deserve to be raped. Nobody deserves to have their free will choices violated. You don't actually need him, to find your self-forgiveness. Seeking for guidance from a faith-based/spiritual counselor might be helpful. I am sorry that you've been struggling with all of this, and send Hugs and Comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
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