Ny fiancee... and her bachelorette party...

[Stark]

I find it funny when people start blaming other people.

 

" You're insecure!!!!!"

 

I swear this is the most fad excuse I see going around on this website. Anything that relates to negative emotions says insecurity.

 

 

Let me tell you a story. I had a girlfriend who was jealous of some odd things. I was at a friends once and commented on a poster he had. A good looking girl in a dress, no flesh revealing just nice looking and she went in a huff from me making a comment about a poster.

 

I found it a bit odd. But did I take offence? Did I say "OMG YOU'RE SO INSECURE IM NOW GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO JEALOUS"

 

No. I found it a bit odd that she would get so jealous from me making a comment at a poster, but I cared enough about my girl, to respect it and not make such a silly mistake again and upset her over nothing.

 

Anybody who makes the excuse and tries to make it justifiable by cheating is an idiot.

 

Break up with the person if it bothers you that much, though if you really cared, you'd help console them and put them to ease, not push them the other way for having the maturity and closeness to confess their most feared thoughts happen.

 

It's sick to even suggest that someone pouring their emotions out to you (which takes a certain bond, you don't just do that with anyone) should even contemplate you going in that direction, thats backwards thinking. A SO revealing her most scared thoughts to me is not going to put me off, it's going to let me know she trusts me enough to be honest with me and I'll do my best to put her at ease.

 

No. Her actions were not, I repeat, not inexcusible. If she felt that pressured, she should have broken up, and never agreed to marry, NOT ONE THING in this entire world can justify cheating. EVER.

[Spectre]

I'll bet it isn't all on her. She definitely made a choice that put the relationship on the rocks. But I'm guessing this is a two-way street. She didn't just have a drunken slip-up. The fact that she kissed some nobody stripper is the least of this relationship's problems.

 

Oh please, this chick is a whore that needs to be dropped plain and simple.

 

Frankly, we don't need to hear her story. There's no way you accidentally make out with strippers, or any of the stuff she did. I think we can at least assume the guy who posted this topic isn't so mentally warped that he just made up details like that.

 

Frankly we're not talking about whether this is a two way street or not, this is about her actions at her bachelorette party. Plus even if it was a two way street? So? Two wrongs don't make a right. If this guy cheated on her, the thing to do is end the relationship, not act like a complete and utter whore at your bachelorette party. That isn't a revenge, that just makes her look even worse.

 

Then again this is a moot point, as we have no reason to believe this is a two way street at this point.

 

Bottom line is, I don't care if she's never showed behavior like this before, or if God himself comes down and guarantee's she will never ever do this again. What's done is done, and this woman is definitely not the type you marry.

[Spectre]

I would put it this way: "she was too much of a coward to break up with him to his face, so she took the easy way out." Labeling her as a "cheater" is too simplistic. To me, that reveals more about you and your emotional state than it does her.

 

Christ Almighty, what are you babbling about? Seriously? W T F are you babbling about? Where are you getting she was too much of a coward to break up with him? Where did he say that in his post? Where is it even hinted at? I mean come on now. Cheater is too simplistic? No..no, cheater is spot on. Whore, skank, slut..those are spot on too.

 

She has a weakness of character that is common to more people than you might care to admit.

 

Who cares? This doesn't make it right. This doesn't even begin to make it right. Oh, poor her..with her character weakness and all. It's not her fault.

 

It's a tiny percentage of the population that could never be tempted to cheat.

 

There's a difference between being tempted to cheat and actually cheating. The fact is at the end of the day..most people have the self control not to cheat. Plus just because other people act in a similar manner doesn't really excuse her behavior.

 

I'd be inclined to trust those who are judgmental and self-righteous least of all, because they are living a life of denial. People have a better chance to avoid doing it if they are honest with themselves about their capacity for it. "Never say never", right?

 

Of course we're gonna judge her. This chick was making out with random dudes at a bachelorette party, and actually went off with one alone for an hour...and did god know's what. Your response has basically been "oh it's probably partly the guy's fault too" with more added on psycho babble like "oh she's just too much of a coward to dump him". Ok, so she's too much of a coward to dump him, so she'd rather make out with multiple strippers and actually go off and do god knows what with one?

 

Coward is NOT the word I'd use to describe her. There are plenty of ways to get rid of a guy, so if she indeed was trying to get rid of this guy and this is the route she chose to take? Yeah, she's far from cowardly.

 

About all the stuff you've said in this topic: Is there a secret second portion of this guy's post only you have access to? Otherwise you're basically pulling all of this out of nowhere, with no real basis for anything you're saying. Funny thing is we're judging her based on information we have. You're judging this guy based on..well, based on nothing at all.

 

Knee-jerk reactions and demonizing people because of personal issues you haven't resolved undermines whatever point you're trying to make.

 

Oh please, who is demonizing her? What she did speaks for itself. Cheating is a very shady thing to do to a person, we don't need to demonize her, she did that all by herself.

 

It gives me the impression you'd be more than happy to join a lynch mob, and I don't respect that.

 

I haven't really seen anyone here acting like they're ready to join a lynch mob. What you have to understand is a lot of people posting here know what it feels like to be cheated on. Yeah, sometimes emotions run a little high, but cheating is a very serious thing..and can be quite damaging.

 

Also, I don't see how you can talk about respect. You basically came in here saying stuff like "I'm sure it's a two way street" and all this non-sense about how she's just too much of a coward to break up with him, so she did this instead. Despite there not being a single sentence in his post to even suggest something like that.

 

The original poster can't fix his fiance, and he shouldn't stay with her (not that she's really going to give him a choice).

 

Which again, how do you know? Did you even read his posts? She was trying to convince him that nothing happened. That sort of tells me she wanted to keep him in her life.

 

But he can fix himself. If he doesn't, he'll have a hard time keeping any woman around, regardless of what she's made of.

 

I honestly don't know what to say to this. I read over his post a couple of times to see if I maybe missed any hidden meanings in it. He only has two posts on this site overall and they're both in this topic..so I know you aren't maybe referring to what he said in another topic.

 

I can't find anything that says this guy needs to fix himself..or anything like that. What I see is a guy who just fell for the wrong girl..and I see you trying to create problems and issues out of thin air.

 

To the OP: I beg you, if you haven't already? Dump this girl. She doesn't love you, she doesn't respect you..and she's just plain trash. She obviously doesn't respect herself either. If she doesn't respect herself, this definitely will not be the last time she does this to you. Plus think about it: How messed up is it for her to do this at her bachelorette party? Which is basically the last step before she commits herself to you. Is it a good sign that one of her last acts as a single woman was what she did?

[Martian536]

I would like to throw my 2 cents about this topic because

I can personally relate and I would've probably been worired about my fiance's bachelorette party as well (she was wild girlfriends who would do a vegas party like that).. however, my engagement is broken already because of trust issues...

 

 

 

LANDMARK,

 

I understand where you are coming from regarding the guy bringing his own baggage of insecurities over and making his fiance feel unworthy and untrusted.. exactly as you stated "walking on eggshells" relationship..

 

As for me , my fiance cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship... she gave up her virginity to some dude she was never going to see ever again (they never had anything official).. but while we dated, I Dropped her off to go back to her hometown and thats when she did her unfinished business... then she had more suspicious behavior a few months later such as not breaking off ties with other flings.. fast forward several years later, im now her first real true love and her first serious boyfriend..

 

however, i can never trust her 100%.. i have a wandering green eye and she hates it.. she's worked hard to earn her trust back but the deeper I fall in love and if I have a point of low self esteem, the insecurities and jealousy and mistrust will kick in... she hated it with a passion and she finally was fedup and left..

 

at the same time, sometimes i look at it for a reason.. how can I marry a girl I never could've trust.. i still want her back and now its me asking her to "forgive me for not being able to forgive you"...

 

but at the same time, what if she's already gotten so use to being deceptive from walking on eggshells.. i hate to listen to the fact that "once a cheater always a cheater".. i love her to death but i feel like she hurt me very bad in the beginning and i hurt her periodically over the span of our 8.5 years, and in teh back of my mind, sometimes i feel like she would resort to that mentality "i might as well cheat since you think im going to cheat on you.."

 

but yes, it all boils down to their weakness.. if they do cheat, then they are not good to begin with.. they're the ones with the ultimate insecurity if they can't even have self respect...

 

i don't know what the future holds.. if she comes back, its like we're starting with a clean slate.. i will forget the past, and hopefully she forgets our breakup...

 

but trust and jealousy are evil... if she never did her stupid mistake in teh beginning, we would've been a perfect healthy couple.. i never distrusted woman until the woman i fell in love had the capability to put a guy between us...

 

but maybe god caused this breakup for a reason.. he either didn't want me to get hurt or didn't want her to get hurt becuase i couldn't trust her 100%...

 

as they say "HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE" .. so the OP was hurt from his ex's.. and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy with his fiance.. but his fiance is still a cheat for doing that.. i'd rahter have my SO jealous out of strong love and understand they are just scared becuase of what happens around them.. cheating is all over the media and all around us.. its only right for us to be scared...

 

but yes, it was cowardly for the fiance to lead him to an engagement and cheat on him on her bachelorette party.. thats why it reminds me of my fiance.. the FIRST fight after we get engaged (i made her shop for her dream ring and all), she moved out and leaves me so sudden!! i ask myself why did she break a promise so fast... maybe she would've cheated on me on her bachelorette party as well if she was going crazy already...