Too much self improvement leads to arrogance

[dave200]

Over the past year or so I feel like I've lost the will to succeed in any self improvement program whether it's weight loss, going back to school, getting a promotion at a job, etc.

 

The thing is the rewards of success really have to be worth the effort. There's no sense wasting time & money at school if the reward is not appealing.

 

The only rewarding thing about getting more degrees is getting a better job with greater responsibilities than what I have now. I don't want the job nor do I want the promotion.

 

If you are someone who does not want more responsibility in this life than what is necessary then you will lose the will to succeed at anything like I have.

 

Furthermore failure is good for me because it keeps me humble. I can't speak for everyone but I can only speak for myself when I say that too much self improvement & success leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes towards those who didn't accomplish as much as I did.

 

There's nothing rewarding about success if it leads to me being arrogant & thinking that I'm better than those who didn't accomplish the same things. Therefore self improvement is not for me.

 

The world is obsessed with self improvement and tries to push their self improvement ideas on me. It's not for everybody. So to avoid the temptation of boasting about my accomplishments I just don't even try to succeed at anything I do anymore.

 

For those who believe in being proud of their accomplishments I don't think you can relate to what I'm saying. If I accomplish something I don't want to be proud of it so I have to eliminate the temptation to be proud by not accomplishing anything in life.

[Ronni_W]

Actually, I suspect many people will be able to relate -- fear of success is as debilitating as fear of failure.

 

Comes down to not wanting to be vulnerable to others' judgments, doesn't it? You don't want people to perceive you as arrogant and boastful, and judge you as that. Fear of rejection is fear of rejection, regardless of the unique and creative stories we each tell ourselves in attempts to rationalize, justify and placate.

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .) Furthermore failure is good for me because it keeps me humble. I can't speak for everyone but I can only speak for myself when I say that too much self improvement & success leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes towards those who didn't accomplish as much as I did.

If self-improvement leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes, then it's not self-improvement, is it?

 

It's arrogance, condescention and vanity.

There's nothing rewarding about success if it leads to me being arrogant & thinking that I'm better than those who didn't accomplish the same things. Therefore self improvement is not for me.

No, you just aren't doing it right.

Or you have a misconception over what self-improvement is....

 

The world is obsessed with self improvement and tries to push their self improvement ideas on me. It's not for everybody. So to avoid the temptation of boasting about my accomplishments I just don't even try to succeed at anything I do anymore.

But that just makes you a failure in yet another area.

It doesn't have to be that way....

 

For those who believe in being proud of their accomplishments I don't think you can relate to what I'm saying. If I accomplish something I don't want to be proud of it so I have to eliminate the temptation to be proud by not accomplishing anything in life.

Boy, you really are a bit mixed up.

You can still be proud of your accomplishments without lording it over others, you know.

Like I said, you've got a whole load of this completely wrong.

[dave200]

If self-improvement leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes, then it's not self-improvement, is it?

 

It's arrogance, condescention and vanity.

 

No, you just aren't doing it right.

Or you have a misconception over what self-improvement is....

 

 

But that just makes you a failure in yet another area.

It doesn't have to be that way....

 

 

Boy, you really are a bit mixed up.

You can still be proud of your accomplishments without lording it over others, you know.

Like I said, you've got a whole load of this completely wrong.

 

You are an example of someone who can't relate to what I'm saying. If self improvement works for you then great. If you are able to be proud of your accomplishments without being tempted to think you are better than those who don't accomplish anything then it works for you.

 

Different strokes for different folks. Not everybody has to be like you. Not everyone is strong willed like you. It's no different than an alcoholic. Not everyone can go to a bar without being tempted to get drunk. The best thing for people who know they will be tempted to get drunk is to stay away from the bars. That's what I'm doing with self improvement.

 

Some people actually need failure to keep themselves from having an excuse to boast about anything. I am one of them. I'm learning to rejoice in my weaknesses & embrace them.

 

The more you accomplish in life the more excuses you'll have to judge others who haven't accomplished as much as you have. That's the trap.

 

For example if you join the military & serve your country for 30 years then you'll think you have a valid excuse to judge & knock other people who didn't have the guts to serve their country like you did.

 

I mean why not? If I did serve 30 years in the marines what motivation would I have to not go around & be condescending to those who chose not to make honorable sacrifices for their country? I'd probably be tempted to go around thinking everyone owes me worship for it.

 

If you don't believe me then just scout this forum & find out how many military folks believe that the draft should be brought back. I recently spoke to a retired marine who believes that every citizen should be required by law to serve at least 4 years in the military.

 

Ok good for the men & women who were bold enough to choose to serve their country but that doesn't mean everyone else has to be like them. But being in their position I can understand why it's easy for them to boast & even feel compelled to require everyone else to join the military.

 

I would not join any branch of the military no matter what laws were passed. I'll just take the consequences & go to jail for not complying with the law.

[hey_beautiful]

I definitely agree that self-improvement can drastically change people in a bad way, so they become cocky. My mom lost maybe 20 lbs many years ago, and when she did, she became very mean, very cocky, a very bad person to be around. She gained the weight back, and her serious malfunction completely stopped. My brother lost a bunch of weight, and he is still a cocky person to this day, who makes fun of every person who is fat. He was fat. Almost all of his life. He is now this way? That is disappointing.

 

I do believe we all need to be humbled. When you fail at something, I think there are people who will take it as they suck at life, while some people may get knocked off their high horse and realize they in fact, are not the sh*t.

 

I am all for people improving themselves. But I hope people improve themselves and still look at themselves and life realistically. After losing 50 lbs, you are not better than the 300 lb woman who just started working out. After getting a big promotion, you are not better than the guy who worked in your old cubicle with you.

 

I am realistic. I am good at what I do, but I am not the best. I never will be the best. Ever.

[TaraMaiden]

If you strive to be a failure - you are still striving for something.

 

Being a successful person then, is not your problem.

Your attitude when you become successful - is the problem.

So striving to be successful - is a good thing.

The emotions, attitudes and feelings you encounter and experience - are not.

So it is not being successful that is your problem.

it's your arrogance and boastfulness....

 

is this what you are saying?

[Oxydizer]

I don't think one can have too much self improvement. There's nothing wrong with being cocky in the right situations. Some people get to the point where they think they are God's gift to humanity or something like that. But being a somewhat cocky, confidant person is not a bad thing.

 

The other day a friend and me were talking about something, and she said "you should just go do it" So I got up and took charge of the situation, and she laughed at me, I said "whats so funny" she said "Well your just a take charge guy" I said, "yes, I am". Hell, I want something, I go after it with confidance, I guess I don't know any other way.

[Island Girl]

HI CHRIS!!

 

Another "I hate self improvement" thread.? _

 

If you think Self Improvement makes you arrogant then by all means don't do it.

 

But you seem very arrogant about NOT doing it.

[Eve]

If self-improvement leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes, then it's not self-improvement, is it?

 

It's arrogance, condescention and vanity.

 

 

That makes sense.

 

Also others can be quietly inspired when they see people come out of terrible situations or just generally improve something about themselves. I am sure some can be cocky with it but not all. Anyway, it probably goes against our nature to not want to improve. I dont know anyone who if they really sat down and thought about it couldnt come up with a few things that they could improve!

 

Still, I understand the place of just being content within myself but I could link that with my being uncompetitive against others rather than a desire not to improve upon myself.

 

Maybe you are simply not a very competitive person Chris? It doesnt have to be something dramatic and anti people who want.. whatever. As long as you can live with the choices made/not made I cant see what the fuss is about.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[sugarmomma]

Sounds like the OP is just making excuses for not setting new goals and achieving them.

 

Self improvement is an all around attempt to become a better person on the INSIDE as well as the OUTSIDE.

 

YOu can go out and get a higher degree so that you are in more of a position to help others and encourage them to reach their highest potential.

 

Self Improvement has NOTHING to do with Arrogance.

 

Its not self improvement if people become arrogant and codescending as a result of getting a promotion or a higher education.

 

I think your understanding of self improvement is distorted.

[TaraMaiden]

Failure is a way to keep oneself humble. Too much success and then you'll have all the excuses in the world to brag & be self righteous about it.

failure is a sign you're either playing it too safe and not trying, or you're not good at what you do.

I know some extremely successful people who are very humble, so that's just hogwash....and a poor excuse for being a failure.

 

Now maybe arrogance is not a bad thing for you but for me I don't like that feeling.

 

Why automatically assume success is equanimous with arrogance?

It isn't.

Only a successful person knows that.

Only a failure assumes it is.

 

If you don't believe me then ask all the military folks on this forum if they believe all citizens should be required to serve a certain amount of time in the military.

Yup.

I'm all for it.

Obligatory conscription exists in Italy, and everyone is of the opinion it's a very good idea. They may not like/enjoy it, but it's a useful skill to have.

 

 

Just because they did it doesn't mean they have to make the rest of us feel wrong for not joining.

Who's made you feel bqd for 'not joining'? I don't know one single member of the military who would do that.

Again, are these assumptions of failure, hypotheses, based on guesswork.... ?

 

That's why it's called a volunteer army but some of these soldiers forget that.

 

Chris/Greg/Dave.... you're grasping at straws again ....

[Rooster_DAR]

I can't speak for everyone but I can only speak for myself when I say that too much self improvement & success leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes towards those who didn't accomplish as much as I did

 

I can honestly say that this is quite true to an extent, but not always. I work in an environment of physicians and surgeons, they make an enormous amount of money. I know some of them on a personal level, and many if not most of them have mistresses and are very fake if you will.

 

However, there are many successful people who are humble gentle people. I think there are fewer of them, but I do agree success can be a bad think for those who don't know how to handle or appreciate it.

 

Regards,

[TaraMaiden]

Failure is a way to keep oneself humble. Too much success and then you'll have all the excuses in the world to brag & be self righteous about it.

Bragging and boasting are a sign of low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

A truly successful person needs no advertising....Their life speaks for them.

Self-improvement is not only socio-environmental. A successful person cannot be measured by status alone, you know.

You seem to be implying it is.....

 

Just like I can support my girlfriend's decision to go to college but that doesn't mean she has to make me go in order to convince her that I support her decision.

 

Not only that, but the price of failure would be too great.... so better to stay uneducated, and not try at all, rather than try and only 'possibly' succeed....?

 

I live in America and part of living in a free country means military service is voluntary.

You don't live in a free country. You just live in a different country with different regulations.....

 

And conscription is something that lends discipline and standards to people.

That's why you have boot camps in the USA... they're run on the same lines of discipline as a military base.... so it's seen as a place for wayward people to gain some kind of order in their lives.....

It would not be a bad think to implement on a general scale.....

[TaraMaiden]

Chris. oh Chris, it's so good to see you around again.

I've been quite down lately, so you're a real boost to the funny bone..... :laugh:

[ON MY OWN]

Over the past year or so I feel like I've lost the will to succeed in any self improvement program whether it's weight loss, going back to school, getting a promotion at a job, etc.

 

The thing is the rewards of success really have to be worth the effort. There's no sense wasting time & money at school if the reward is not appealing.

 

The only rewarding thing about getting more degrees is getting a better job with greater responsibilities than what I have now. I don't want the job nor do I want the promotion.

 

If you are someone who does not want more responsibility in this life than what is necessary then you will lose the will to succeed at anything like I have.

 

Furthermore failure is good for me because it keeps me humble. I can't speak for everyone but I can only speak for myself when I say that too much self improvement & success leads to arrogance & condescending attitudes towards those who didn't accomplish as much as I did.

 

There's nothing rewarding about success if it leads to me being arrogant & thinking that I'm better than those who didn't accomplish the same things. Therefore self improvement is not for me.

 

The world is obsessed with self improvement and tries to push their self improvement ideas on me. It's not for everybody. So to avoid the temptation of boasting about my accomplishments I just don't even try to succeed at anything I do anymore.

 

For those who believe in being proud of their accomplishments I don't think you can relate to what I'm saying. If I accomplish something I don't want to be proud of it so I have to eliminate the temptation to be proud by not accomplishing anything in life.

Is it just the idea of turning into someone who is "fake"? I see quite a few people who get to be where they act almost "fake" after succeeding in an area in their lives. I have always stayed true to myself and vowed early on I never wanted to be that way. They say never forget where you came from. It is on HOW you view things. I give you a lot of credit for identifying with that. I can relate, I however am able to appreciate the little things in life the way I was raised no matter what I accomplish. I know there is a fierce competition out there for who can outdo who. I personally think people who forget about where they originally started out from have gotten away from their family values and what really truly matters in life. I once heard something that always stuck with me, it was when someone dies people dont walk up to the casket and discuss how expensives Joe Shmoes houses was or how many cars or stocks he had, they discuss his character and the way he made his family and friends feel and how he loved people and the smile he/she had on thier face, not the last promotion he/she had or their degree. Thats what truly counts in this life, and I personally feel sorry for the people that have gotten away from this. Great post!!

[minniezz]

I think every problems has 2 sides,good side and bad side.

To your problem,i think u did successfully improve yourself but you stopped right when you fell into the world of success and it blinded your eyes and led you to arrogance.

And i think the secret of self improvement is to declare a goal and after u make it to the goal u set,make another one and go for it.Repeat it as a circle of self improvement.

Good luck!

[josie54]

I think there will be very little joy in a life that does not involve striving for something better, to be something better. The striving should only stop when a person is truly happy and satisfied with the life he's created.

 

So, if you feel joy and satisfaction with your present life, then you are quite right. You have no need for "self-improvement."

 

If you do not feel joy or satisfaction with your present life, then you are only ensuring that you will live unhappily until you die. That is no life at all.

 

If someone is prone to arrogance when he makes an effort to build the life he wants, then he should treat the arrogance, not avoid the effort. You are confusing cause and effect. Self-improvement doesn't cause an arrogant person to be arrogant. Such a person is arrogant whether or not he or she self-improves.

 

You also are confusing pride with arrogance. Pride is to arrogance as curiosity is to nosiness, or as frugality is to stinginess. Pride is positive, and gives people a reason to be happy with what they've created. People who help others have a right to be proud. People who build buildings, raise children, or ace their final exams have a right to be proud. It's a natural emotion that leads to a sense of well-being and accomplishment. Not wanting to feel pride is equivalent to not wanting to contribute anything to the world. Again, it's your choice, but not something to choose for the sake of other people. It's a choice that actually HURTS other people because it means you won't make contributions to society.

 

Arrogance, as you note, is negative....it involves trying to make other people feel bad in order to make oneself feel good. But one can do things that inspire pride without becoming arrogant. Again, treat the arrogance, don't avoid accomplishment.

 

Of course, no one wants to be around arrogant people, but if I were to choose which person I would rather be around, it would be the one who is arrogant with accomplishments, not the one who is arrogant with no will, no drive, and nothing to brag about. Bragging isn't always bad--done right, it can be inspiring to others.

 

And as for military service, those who fight and risk themselves for me and my country can brag about it any day they want. But I've known several people who've served in the military and few (actually none) have done so. I'm always fascinated by the stories they tell of their service, and am truly inspired and grateful that they made that choice.

[Eve]

A very thoughtful post Josie. Personally I am not bothered by a persons lack of want to self improve.. as long as they are not claiming benefits.

 

Take care,

Eve xx