Owl Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 You do realize that there's "no going back" once you've confessed "being in love", right? You're never going to be comfortable with "just friends"...ESPECIALLY given the fantasy nature of your relationship. Both of you are going to remain consumed with the "what if's/what might have beens"...and its just going to continue on as an emotional affair. The ONLY way out of an emotional affair...ESPECIALLY one that worked entirely off of remote contact....is NO CONTACT AT ALL. Trying to 'reign it in' after the feelings have been confessed simply doesn't work. We've seen many try it here on this forum. The best thing for BOTH of you is to end all contact...until/unless he is finally divorced. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 Owl, I think I would be comfortable being just friends .. don't know if that will be possible. I'm wondering if he has other people to talk to .. friends, colleagues .. if he's just lonely or what. I'm getting stronger EVERY day, I won't settle and I know I deserve better than this. One thing that is troubling is if he is aware I am going out etc. on weekends, he digs for information etc. - I'm thinking why? You're at home with your wife and you're jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I'm sure he does sound tortured. If he's at the brink of ending his marriage (and you won't know that by words alone) he's certainly panicked. He would like for you to be there for him so he can avoid doing the hard thing, which is facing these difficulties in his own life and marriage and doing something about them. Don't give him more information about your personal life than you want to. You can be polite and direct about your choice to still have a life while he figures his out. Also, don't be a sounding board for his marital issues either. That is stress that you don't need, and believe me, we start reading between the lines. It gives us false hope sometimes, so put a stop to that if you wish. He has other friends, and if he doesn't, counseling would be a good thing anyway. You need him to face this by himself. Give him only what you're comfortable giving, knowing that you may get NOTHING in return. And continue to get out there and explore your other options. His life is in a holding pattern right now, yours is NOT. Don't forget that his problems are not your problems in that way. Make him make you a priority if he wants to be with you. And by that, I mean free of his marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Let me keep this real for ya........I dream of no one but YOU, baby,,,,,,,,I don't want anyone but yOU!.....YOU are the woman that I've been waiting my whole life for......I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, or ever could......You are food for my soul........I will never let you down, baby.......I am truly yours......I see beautiful women everyday that used to turn my head, but now they don't phase me, they are invisible......ALL I ever see is YOU, Patrice.........ALL I want in this entire world is YOU, baby!.......I LOVE YOU SO ****ING MUCH THAT IT HURTS LIKE A KNIFE IN MY CHEST!!!!!..... He sounds like a psycho. Do you really like this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 If this is true: 'I'm a very attractive, highly educated woman who could probably have her pick of men in her own surroundings' - then lord above woman, go get your pick, don't settle for a married douchebag that lives 1200 miles away! I think his email was about one of the most insincere things that I've ever read. I mean, seriously......this guy wants some action. Ignore all his protestations of love - that is one huge oversell going on there and I consider it an insult to your intelligence that he thinks that crap will work!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I had to post a second time...this guy also writes like he is 15. Who says 'keep it real for ya' when they've passed adolescence and are attempting to establish a relationship?! Tell him good grammar does it for you and see what you get back :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 He's reacting and not thinking, it's based on emotion. He doesn't want to lose you, yet he doesn't want to end his marriage. He's gotten used to TWO women meeting all his needs, so the thought of giving of you up is freaking him out. Also, he is basing everything on his feelings, in an affair setting, not real life, reality or an out in the open relationship. He has kids, you think his (ex) wife is going to let you anywhere near them? You think that his family and friends will accept you? He isn't and hasn't thought of all this stuff. End it and tell him to ONLY contact you with proof once he's divorced. Until then, don't be in his life at all. No friendship, no sex, nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 You are most likely correct .. you guys are helping me get my head on straight and I appreciate it .. I'm going to keep on healing, ignore him, and keep building my support system .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 He's playing every card ... I was there for you, you need to be there for me .. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 He's playing every card ... I was there for you, you need to be there for me .. This guy is a pathetic whack-job. He professes these feelings based on what? His facility with these types of asseritons, despite very little real life interaction with you should make you want to run, before you wind up with a boiled bunny on your stove. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 I'm guessing I needed the emotional support and bought it .. as the healing progresses, so is my head .. geezus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 At least he doesn't know where I live!! Since, I've changed addresses twice in 3 months .. I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 At least he doesn't know where I live!! Since, I've changed addresses twice in 3 months .. I'll keep you posted. Given that, there is ONE real chance you have to deal with this. Change your email addresses and phone numbers. BLOCK him from your life. Take control, and take ACTIVE MEASURES to end the affair and let yourself move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 Getting there Owl .. I NEVER cheated on my husband .. I can't imagine why this guy is doing this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Keep getting stronger ---- keep ignoring him. Keep remembering he isn't our problem to fix. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Getting there Owl .. I NEVER cheated on my husband .. I can't imagine why this guy is doing this to me. he's doing it because YOU are allowing him to. he's most likely doing it to other women as well. tell me you have not provided him with money, gifts or other information on how he can trail you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 NOPE, none .. he's writing again .. I'm not responding. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 NOPE, none .. he's writing again .. I'm not responding. way to go! great job... keep up the good work! you show him that words are meaningless without action! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 He's writing that his marriage is over .. I'll keep not responding. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Keep staying strong. Sure, he says his marriage is over, but does his wife know this? HE may think it's over in his head, but you know he hasn't said a word to her about it. He's pulling out all the stops. Can I ask why you haven't blocked him? Isn't reading his emails upsetting you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Nah, I'm getting my head on straight .. he can beg, he can plead .. I really thank you guys for seeing me through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patrice Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Perhaps, I wasn't as emotionally attached as I thought ... food for more thought on my part .. he need do take care of his own issues . I'm backing out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Good for you Patrice - I'm really happy for you. I think you dodged a bullet and I am glad people here were helpful to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Patrice, remember...you're seeing his messages is STILL contact. That doesn't help YOU heal at all. You NEED to block him, you NEED to stop seeing those messages come in. It's the only way you're going to start healing here. You're doing the very tip of the iceberg by blocking him...but it's way, way too easy to cave in and respond if you're still seeing/reading his messages. It won't work. You have to stop seeing them from him...then you'll get peace and start to heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Patrice glad you sorted this out. Internet dating can be very seductive. People have time to think through their messages and create rapport on the ethers that may or may not exist in person. Its not uncommon for people to email, talk on the phone and think they are soul mates meet and within 5 minutes know that none of it is real (even if they look as good as they do in pictures). But lets look at it. This is a married guy on the make on the internet. As you say you are a great catch WHY would you leave a marriage to pursue something with a cheater 1200 miles away? Glad you decided you wouldnt. And do listen to Wise Owl. Dont even read the messages. Stop all contact. Let it go. It was an internet dream. let him catch someone closer to home. And OMG if he needs an in person visit the least he should do is come to your town and stay in a hotel, you should not be traveling to meet a MM, even if he foots the bill. That fact alone says he is bad stuff. He assumes his life is more important than yours and you can be inconvenienced by flying out to be "inspected". What is that? An audition. Forget him. Even if he were single that is not the right attitude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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