sounsure Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I just returned from a mc session with my husband. We are in the process of moving and my husband wanted to move into the new house even though he is currently having an affair with someone from his work. Says he stopped all communication, I continue to find more and more contact. Today I asked him to choose to work on our marriage ( we have 2 daughters )and he would need to cease "all" contact with the other woman. He cried, and cried, and cried, and then said he couldn't do it as he doesn't know if there is anything left for us. In other words, as he has always done, he would rather quit than try. I'm not sure if I should be sad or happy. I have been such a mess and now know what my future holds. Of course I expect some additional thought on his part but I have to be strong and be done!!! By the way, the other woman is much younger, also married, and will probably dump him like a hot potato as soon as she knows she has to make any decisions on her part. Have to believe that what comes around goes around. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful26 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I just watched this exact (and I mean exact) same thing happen to a friend of mine; married, kids, wife willing to work on things, he left for younger woman at work, etc. Guess what? Younger woman recently decided she didn't "sign up to be a mother to his kids" and kicked him out of the house they recently bought together. What an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Good luck! Picture this.....a year down the line, you - happy, looking great with an exciting new life ahead of you. Him - alone, miserable, wanting you back. Now smile! (Sorry if this sounds a little bitter!!) It gets better, hang in there. xxxxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful26 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 ^^^ She speaks the truth. Stay positive.<-- Hasn't failed me yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sounsure Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 Seeing myself happy again is what is keeping me strong. I have always been such a positive person. It's when my friends said they were worried about me as I was not myself that I realized I need to be strong and be prepared to move on. I will do whatever it takes to make sure our children do not suffer because of his stupidity and lack of morals. I will ride this bumpy road as I know in the end, I will be a much happier person. Look forward to hanging out on here with the rest of you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 What I'm loss, dazed and confused about? Is where in the Hell did you ever get into your head? That this was the Best you could do? That you deserved? That your DD's deserved Your a deoveted, faithful, loving, caring, sharing, dedicated wife and mother? And you actually think that this is the best that you can do! DESERVE!? You can't send this clown packing out of town with the circus fast enough! Your problem isn't him! Its your fear of being alone without him! Well I'm here to stand up and testify! To tell it all Brother! Not 'holding' back! To tell the truth! Better to be single and alone, than married and miserable, hating Life and everyone in it! You can't go wrong ~ by yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 So you know there is a good chance once he is dumped that he will be coming back wanting his family again...So you need to do a few things for "YOU"!!!! Like my counselor had me do when I first started seeing him. I had to make a list of things I wanted in a partner, things I felt the former wife would need to change, see she blamed me for everything that was wrong. Funny now we are divorced she did admit it wasn't all me... When your spouse is the one that doesn't want the marriage, doesn't want to work on the marriage (that is what mine did, she quit) then the tables turn & you are in control of your life. You need to look at what you want & not worry about what they have done to you. I can't say once a cheater, always a cheater because I cheated on my former wife 20 years ago, but I have done a lot of counseling & learned why I cheated & I won't ever do that again, so someone can become a better person because of it but in my situation it takes a lot of work. As long as he is seeing the OW there is no way he will commit to your marriage. You can't have your cake & eat it to, been their done that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 You will have the last laugh when he is no longer her forbiden fantasy and she dumps him. He might then want you back knowing what he gave up. Link to post Share on other sites
OP3Crimsin Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 This guy sounds lazy not wanting to work to fix a marriage. His needs sound fickle, changing with his current selective opportunity. Another way to look at it, you may have not been giving him what he wanted. Were there any signs? Did he ask for more exotic things behind closed doors? Does he try to control your life and you weren't passive enough? Do you feel in any way that over the years you may have let yourself go? Please don't take any of this as creepy. I know I don't know you. I'm just as lost as you looking for guidance and trying to find similarities to my problems, and maybe, just maybe, help someone along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
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