Could my BF of 4 years still be in love with his ex?

[confused7744]

Ok, I need some advice, because I am at the point where I do not know what to think. This is going to be long, because I need to explain some history.

 

In Dec of 2004, I caught my ex fiancée, who I was with for a total of 3 years, cheating on me with a waitress at a place that he was an executive chef. Everyone he worked with knew he had a fiancée, and most of them had met me, because I would go in there a lot. We lived 45 minutes south of his restaurant. We were fighting a lot, but still engaged, he started acting strange, coming home very late, going out after work and not inviting, etc. He always had a dumb excuse as to where he was and why I could not come out and meet him. I broke into his voicemail and started checking his message, I also broke into this online phone account to see activity, I’m not one of those girls, but I needed to know, I was about to marry this man

 

I confronted him and he denied it, but amazed how much I knew. Eventually he admitted he was hanging with this girl, we will call her K and he is J. J told me that she had a stupid boyfriend that never had time for her or paid attention to her and she just wanted to go out and have fun, so the gentleman he was, thought he would show her a good time. I did not buy it after his mom and I opened a bottle of wine and listened to all her messages he saved on speakerphone. They were enough for us to know they were sleeping together. So, one night in Jan of 2005 I confronted J and threatened to call her and tell her to stop cheating on her boyfriend and leave my fiancée alone, dumb naive girl I was, I was young, 24.

 

I picked up his cell phone and NEVER let go till the cops came. He was also a body builder for the past year and did steroids, he had a roid rage attack and assaulted me to the point the cops were called by neighbors and I went to ER, because he wanted to protect her. He admitted he wanted to date her and we were done in front of the cops, to which I was like no **** ass hole….The was the first and last time he ever laid a hand on me. So, the next day, I blocked my number and call little miss K and let her know everything that was going on, it was a good 20 minute message. I actually thanked her for saving my life, I was not mean to her, I did not cuss her out, but I told her to give boyfriend another chance, that he sounded like a nice guy. I guess she played it for everyone in the restaurant and was devastated, but continued with her boyfriend and he never knew. I know this because I had other friends that work at this place, one being a friend of a family member. I got a personal protection order, got a gun and ran away from that life and moved to the area in which he worked, because I worked out there and we talked about moving out there, we have never crossed paths since.

 

In Sept 2005 I was still single and bartending at a private party. One of my friends parents invited one of there sub workers to stop by and pick up a check. He did not know anyone there beside them and they did not really know me. I ended up meeting this guy, we will call him A. he waited around all night to talk to me and patiently wait as other guys hit on me. I gave him my number and he liked me so much that he invited me to his great uncles surprise 80th birthday party, I said I have to work and I barely know you, he said I just have a good feeling about you. So the next night we went out for drinks and then spent the next two weeks straight together, every night he asked me to come over and I would stay there till 3am every night and be at work by 6am. Now, here is where things get really weird!!!

 

A and I went on our first date and started talking about our past, ex’s whatever….I told him my story that I told you guys above. He was shocked and felt bad, but was glad to hear that I didn’t stay with him. Then he started talking about his ex girlfriend that he has just dumped in May. They had dated on and off for 2 years, they would break up all the time and she would do whatever and then decided she wanted him back. He told me what kind of work he did and told me that he took care of her and did not get why she did the things she did, he blamed it on being the fact that she was my age, young (24) and he was 26, I don’t think that matters though….anyways he told me that he gave her one of his company gas cards and paid for her schooling for two years and would make car payments here and there..whether they were broken up or not….plus the place she worked at was very nice, should would pull in $300 plus in tips a night and worked a lot. I then asked A where his ex worked and he said she was a waitress at a restaurant …..well wouldn’t you know it was the same place where my ex worked….I jokingly said her name isn’t K blank is it…..his face dropped…he asked me to repeat it again…I did…his was ready to cry…I then recited her phone number and her address (I followed my ex to her condo one night) ….His girlfriend K was cheating on him with my ex J…..no one introduced A and I…he asked who set us up and that it was not funny…I said you asked me out and where at party with my family and friends….no one set us up…maybe Karma did and that is it……well the look on his face and figure out dates together, I thought he would never want to see me again…being the ex girlfriend on the guy that she was cheating on him with…..he then told me he really loved this girl and wanted to marry her…and could not believe it…..after that things were good and we have been together for almost 4 years now, but there have been some bumps along with way with this K girl.

 

Almost a year after we were dating I found out that A and K we talking and that he went to see her a couple of times, we got into major fights over it, almost to breaking up, but we have never broke up. I understand that it takes time to get over someone you truly loved no matter what, I dated a guy and ended it, but was still in love with him for a year and a half and we dated over 3 years…..so I laid back and let him work her out of his system….I don’t think he ever cheated on me with her, but the fact that they were talking bothered me especially after the way she treated him. I met a girl a few months after dating A that worked with K…she walked up to me a bar and said she recognized me, she figured it out that she knew me from the restaurant and told me her heard all about the story…she also told me that K was a huge sl*t and slept with two other people besides J while dating A. She would go away on wine tasting with a guy from the restaurant and never invite her boyfriend on these over night adventures…I didn’t tell his girl this story, I felt she had no reason to lie about K. I told A later that day, and he admitted she went away and never invited him…I could tell this bothered him…the whole thing bothered him, the thought of her cheating and for awhile he didn’t believe it after a few months of dating…he would defend her and get upset….I’m sorry but this is not make up material...

 

 

So, yeah about ever 8 months he would act funny and I would find out they talked or he tried contacting her. Back in Nov 2008 we got into a big bad fight, thought we were going to break up. I decided to have a girls night with my friend and told him to think happy thought about us, about the past. I did not talk to him all night and he called me at 1am, but I did not pick up. The next day he was supposed to come over and help me fix my car. I called and called and her never picked up…then he came over and started acting funny…so I looked in his phone and what did I see…K’s number…instead of thinking about us and obviously thought about her and called her! It only lasted two minutes, I don’t think they met, I think he left a message, but I got pissed and said I have to leave (he was letting me borrow one of his cars) he asked me where I was going and I said to the town she lived in…he immediately got defensive and told me I could not take his car there, I said why and he said what are you going to do….I said I have to go do something I do not want to do…..he then go more defensive and said leave K alone….I played shocked and dumb and said what in the hell are you talking about? He said he was sorry and he over reacted because when he hears that towns name all he thinks of is K because she lives there and I do not know anyone there….I told him my mom was looking at condo there that day because she is buying one (this is true)…..once again we have been dating for over 3 years and he is thinking about or defending this girl that used him and cheated on him…later that night we talked about it again and he said something to the effect of I did not talk to her, I don't even think she watns anything to do with me anymore...i got pissed and said why don' you say you don't want anything to do with her any more??? you have me!?!?…that situation blew over and things have been fine until 3 weeks ago…

 

we got into another huge fight started by his friend….I was out with his friend and his friend wife one night and A was supposed to meet up and he never did. I was getting mad and looking at my phone because I thought he should at least call and let me know what was going on. His friend called him the next day and told him I said I thought he was out with another girl cheating on me…..I never said that…but needles to say he believed his friend over me and got mad at me for thinking that…he was working…which I believe, he is self employed and works crazy house….the fight smoothed out and ever since that things have once again been fine…..so here is my problem…

 

...Saturday night I went to his place and we were getting into bed, he had a dresser next his bed that I gave him two years ago…I know what’s in it, I have gone in it for him….well…I got to see something I did not like…..the night I met him she showed me a picture on him and K at a wedding to confirm it was her, he told me it was his favorite picture of them and that when she turns 28 (which is now) they are going to get back together and get married, she just needed to grow up…not something you should say on a first date, but I ignored it…..last year on my birthday he told me he has never felt this way about anyone, never dated anyone this long and that I am the one for him……but yeah….what was in the dresser…that picture….last I saw it was in a trunk in his aunts garage….which means after almost 4 years of dating he took that picture out and placed it next to his bed…..so what do I do….do I confront him?? Do I dump him and realize I am not K and never will be and he will never love me like he loves her….or what….the more I think back every time she is brought up he gets sad and defends her…why isn’t that picture a picture of us…….in 3 days I am supposed to go up north with him to a funeral…I don’t even want to go now…..I feel like the second choice girl….if he can not have her he will settle for me…but if I can have her he will leave me…..so I am hurt and confused…..

[NiceGuy4Ever]

Okay it does seem pretty weird that these coincidences happened but that's besides the point. This guy has not moved on and from the looks of things he doesn't seem to be going to. This guy though he may have feelings for you it seems to pale in comparison with his feelings for K. This seems like a clear cut case. Your not K and will never be K and he has to accept that and if he still holds on to those feeling he's obviously gonna keep holding on no matter what you do. Leave him, you need someone who is in Love with YOU, not a memory of some other person. Hope this helps.

[hoping2heal]

The minute my boyfriend is showing another woman a good time, he's in deep dog doo doo. There's nothing gentlemenly about showing another woman a good time when you're in a relationship.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Wow. Some major drama eh? Yeah i think this whole situation sounds fishy. I am glad i am single right now. I hear of stories like this and it makes me wonder if i ever want to date . I hope everything works out well for you!