Girlfriend is friends with ex-boyfriend, uneasy feeling about it

[jcraig]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over three years now, and have been living together for almost two. She has a five year old son whom we both share parenting duties. Recently, an ex-boyfriend of hers, from high school (over 10 years ago) and who broke it off with her when he moved, re-entered the picture, moving from another state back to here. They reconnected as friends, and started occasionally hanging out, but never alone (usually with other friends/co-workers of hers, and/or me). He then got a job where she works, with her claiming that she didn't even know that he had applied there. Then occasionally, the two would have a beer next door to their job (she pops next door to have a beer a few times a week after work, usually with co-workers). She never had any problems telling me when this happened, or keeping me informed about what she was doing, and always invited me along. I even think he's a pretty decent guy, although a bit of a tall-tale teller. He hung out for a month, then moved back to the state he had left.

 

Now, he's coming back "to stay", and to return to the job he and her share, and my girlfriend's talk about him has progressed to the "connection" that she has always shared with him, but only as good friends. She seems quite excited about it, and seemed very anxious to get the full story (we didn't have internet at the house for a month, and she tried very hard to tap into a weak, but open wireless connection from here, to get the confirmation that he's coming back). She shares her Facebook, Myspace, and email passwords with me, although I never asked for them (and I do NOT check them at all), and absolutely assures me that nothing is or will be going on romantically between the two; I guess they had closure on that years ago. I feel through our extensive talks about the subject, that she's being completely honest with me.

 

Despite all of these reassurances, I still feel uneasy about the whole thing. I've talked to her about my concerns, and although I feel I can trust her, no matter what she tells me, I still can't seem to get that uneasy feeling out of my gut. We've been together for a while now, and there's quite an age difference between us (over 10 years, I'm 39), and we share a lot of things emotionally and materially now. We have a very healthy sex life, but work different shifts, so we don't get a whole lot of time together these days. But as times goes on in relationships, things tend to slow down, and I've noticed that our texting and other attempts to stay in contact while apart have decreased.

 

Should I be concerned? Am I just an insecure jerk for having these semi-jealous, worrying thoughts? Am I just looking for excuses to not "allow" this friendship to happen? As I said, she gives me no reason to worry, but I still do.

 

(EDIT: I should add that she's quite level-headed, and not prone to any sort of drama.)

[Dexter Morgan]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over three years now, and have been living together for almost two. She has a five year old son whom we both share parenting duties. Recently, an ex-boyfriend of hers, from high school (over 10 years ago) and who broke it off with her when he moved, re-entered the picture, moving from another state back to here. They reconnected as friends, and started occasionally hanging out

 

Xs are Xs for a reason. The way I see it there is no need to hang out with an X. Being civil, speaking when seeing each other...not a problem, but something odd about X's that hang out.

 

 

but never alone

 

not yet, or not so far as you can tell or have been told.

 

 

He then got a job where she works, with her claiming that she didn't even know that he had applied there.

 

unless we are talking about a VERY small town, i'd say bullsh#t to that. The world aint that small.

 

 

Now, he's coming back "to stay", and to return to the job he and her share, and my girlfriend's talk about him has progressed to the "connection" that she has always shared with him, but only as good friends. She seems quite excited about it

 

maybe you should tell her that it bothers you that she is "excited" about an x-bf coming back into her life...and someone she plans to hang around.

 

 

 

and seemed very anxious to get the full story (we didn't have internet at the house for a month, and she tried very hard to tap into a weak, but open wireless connection from here

 

so an X comes back into her life, and she seems deserperate for contact with him, as if the hanging out wasn't enough.

 

something fishy here my man.

 

 

She shares her Facebook, Myspace, and email passwords with me, although I never asked for them (and I do NOT check them at all)

 

maybe she knows you don't check them and is counting on that.

 

 

and absolutely assures me that nothing is or will be going on romantically between the two; I guess they had closure on that years ago.

 

good...they got closure....so it should STAY closed.

 

 

Despite all of these reassurances, I still feel uneasy about the whole thing.

 

if someone is cheating, or plans to, or doesn't think they will, but has designs on someone else, they will be honest until something "happens".

 

some people that know something will or might happen will be honest as to delay suspicions.

 

I'm not saying this is what she is doing, but don't take her "honesty" as an assurance that they won't hook up behind your back.

 

 

I've talked to her about my concerns, and although I feel I can trust her, no matter what she tells me, I still can't seem to get that uneasy feeling out of my gut.

 

more times than not, if something doesn't seem right.....it isn't.

 

 

Should I be concerned? Am I just an insecure jerk for having these semi-jealous, worrying thoughts?

 

no, but she'd be damn insensitive if she started hanging out with an x-bf knowing how you feel about it.

 

i guess as long as its never alone, you could ease up on this. But if they ever go out with just the two of them, then she is crossing a line that in my opinion is inappropriate.

 

So see what happens. and if she ever comes home and says that she hung out with him alone, or will be hanging out with him alone.....that would be a good time to have a discussion on respect.

[LakesideDream]

I'd start packing, put the stuff you don't actually use in boxes. Start looking for a new place to live as well.

 

A hard rain's coming.