Just Hear Me Out....

[MrMayI]

Listen to her MayI, I'm not going to rehash my old posts, you know what i'm talking about. You keep saying your not sure about the EA, let me ask you this, are you comfortable with her talking to these guys at all hours? If not, and you let her know and she refused to stop, that is disrespect and inappropriate in your marriage. Dosen't matter what it is.

Tojaz

 

i am going to wait until i feel mostly in check, at least. no, i'm not comfortable with her talking to other men at all hours of the night. at all. that's a big factor in just why i'm here today. admittedly, the jealous habits didn't help with me and suspicion, or maybe looking at phone records when i felt something odd. causes for our separation? sure, on her end it's THE reason. my end is another man does not just walk in and replace me emotionally, but i'm seeing how that worked out. watching someone steadily detach themselves is hard. it's not like this was a bomb the day it happened. it was the 4th significant argument about the same subject.

i do feel some regrets today. maybe i could've introduced myself to the guy and just not arrived at the jealous point, and stopped it before it got away from us.

prior to that, there was hardly even an argument between us, let alone something so f**king serious.

i can't help but wonder if the day will come when i'm not the only one willing to admit my faults in it.

 

i still heed chrome's words of earlier. it really makes me think.

 

and TIY telling me in the beginning to let it sink in that someone may not abide by the "rules" of the separation. that i have to let the jealousy go.

[tojaz]

I would give up on the jealousy thing. It's not on you. You saw something that made you uncomfortable, a threat to your marriage. Look around. It was a threat to your marriage and you tried to protect it. Thats not jealousy, thats a devoted husband.

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

I would give up on the jealousy thing. It's not on you. You saw something that made you uncomfortable, a threat to your marriage. Look around. It was a threat to your marriage and you tried to protect it. Thats not jealousy, thats a devoted husband.

TOJAZ

 

i honestly did. i actually arrived at the point where i would almost have an anxiety attack walking into her work.

transparency- that's key.

 

short of a funny video that may have someone naked on it, i still would be comfortable with anyone tapping into all i do. the defensiveness, the withdrawal, and now the speediness of the absolutely awful changes have me thinking i need to do something i never thought i'd have to.

[MrMayI]

very nerve racked today. meeting the lawyer in an hour. don't know which direction i'm going, but this feels necessary.

[LisaUk]

very nerve racked today. meeting the lawyer in an hour. don't know which direction i'm going, but this feels necessary.

 

Don't do anything rash, just get your options worked out, that's all.

[MrMayI]

Don't do anything rash, just get your options worked out, that's all.

 

i know my options now. i cannot condone the behavior of my wife since she left. i will not accept other men invading my marriage, emotional or otherwise, and am only biding my time with that for my daughter's sake. she's drawn the lines in the sand. not me. while i'd like to work things out, who would i even be looking across the dinner table from if that happened? i don't know this harlot.

i finished divorce busting. while these techniques are useful, i don't think i'm capable of pretending there's nothing wrong and showing her how great i am without her. i'm just going very minimal contact at this point. i gave her about 15 seconds on the phone last night and it was all i could stomach.

[LisaUk]

MayI, what do you think you should do? How do you feel about this, do you think just telling her "look, I feel you have accused me of jealosy but my reactions are valid given you are talking to other men at all times of the night, so either cease contact and come home and we work things out, or I'm done", or have you totally had it to the point of you don't want her anymore?

[MrMayI]

MayI, what do you think you should do? How do you feel about this, do you think just telling her "look, I feel you have accused me of jealosy but my reactions are valid given you are talking to other men at all times of the night, so either cease contact and come home and we work things out, or I'm done", or have you totally had it to the point of you don't want her anymore?

 

i've told her to stop in the past or i'm done. that's how we've gotten here today. she made me really, truly feel that my jealousy had gotten us where we were. i feel like she really turned the tables against me to make it my fault, and it's not. i just wanted to protect my marriage. not hurt it. the only regret i feel right now is that i didn't confront the problem head on by telling the guy to back the f**k up a year ago. now, it's just out of my hands.

i honestly do not want her at all anymore. will i tomorrow, next month? i don't know. i just think it'll be a long time before I heal from this. i'm just in disbelief that she has gotten this way.

i know i will be taking seibert's advice if i end up handing her the papers. i will expose this to all of her co-workers that are in the dark, her family, my family, and anyone else who knows both of us and will listen. i will also be confronting both of these OM's, and letting them know they had a hand in this, no matter their intentions. there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, and they've been crossed. i don't think i can go back.

[LisaUk]

i've told her to stop in the past or i'm done. that's how we've gotten here today. she made me really, truly feel that my jealousy had gotten us where we were. i feel like she really turned the tables against me to make it my fault, and it's not. i just wanted to protect my marriage. not hurt it. the only regret i feel right now is that i didn't confront the problem head on by telling the guy to back the f**k up a year ago. now, it's just out of my hands.

i honestly do not want her at all anymore. will i tomorrow, next month? i don't know. i just think it'll be a long time before I heal from this. i'm just in disbelief that she has gotten this way.

i know i will be taking seibert's advice if i end up handing her the papers. i will expose this to all of her co-workers that are in the dark, her family, my family, and anyone else who knows both of us and will listen. i will also be confronting both of these OM's, and letting them know they had a hand in this, no matter their intentions. there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, and they've been crossed. i don't think i can go back.

 

I know the feeling of wanting to expose, I want to send out our wedding venue contract to all his friends and relatives, seeing as how he hasn't told them the date was set! But I won't, it will achieve nothing in my case, except make me look like a psycho ex, but man it grates on me he comes off a smelling sweet.

 

In your case I would def expose her.

 

What concerns me is when you say today you don't want her, but will you tomorrow, you don't know. If you have any doubt in your mind at all, you should wait your time.

[MrMayI]

 

What concerns me is when you say today you don't want her, but will you tomorrow, you don't know. If you have any doubt in your mind at all, you should wait your time.

 

i shouldn't have said that. i won't tomorrow. while talking with the attorney today it just felt right. not that that is a good thing. it's heartbreaking actually. it tears me up to know i'm looking like the bad guy, but all the while she's cake eating at my expense.

 

edit: she's cake eating not only at my expense, but the expense of her child as well.

[seibert253]

Chin Up Mr. I can see you're turning the corner. You gotta do what's right for you. Exposing protects you. She's feeding everyone her lies, you need to counter that. Contrary to what other may say, it's not about "getting even, or getting back at her", it's about protecting you.

 

My WW did the same thing, told everyone I was crazy, OM was just a good friend, someone she could confide in, Yada yada. Once the fog lifted, I gave her a choice; you can tell your family and mine what was happening, or I can. Rebuilding a marriage is a team event, which should also include the family. They're the best support mechanism.

 

I don't know if your marriage will recover, and right now you shouldn't really care. One way or another, you will succeed, you will be the better person. Moving on just may be the best thing that's ever happened to you. The day after you D is final, is the first day of the rest of your life.

Peace and God Bless.

[MrMayI]

Chin Up Mr. I can see you're turning the corner. You gotta do what's right for you. Exposing protects you. She's feeding everyone her lies, you need to counter that. Contrary to what other may say, it's not about "getting even, or getting back at her", it's about protecting you.

 

My WW did the same thing, told everyone I was crazy, OM was just a good friend, someone she could confide in, Yada yada. Once the fog lifted, I gave her a choice; you can tell your family and mine what was happening, or I can. Rebuilding a marriage is a team event, which should also include the family. They're the best support mechanism.

 

I don't know if your marriage will recover, and right now you shouldn't really care. One way or another, you will succeed, you will be the better person. Moving on just may be the best thing that's ever happened to you. The day after you D is final, is the first day of the rest of your life.

Peace and God Bless.

 

thanks for that. i don't know if it will recover either, and you're right, i really don't care. it's a sudden change, and i know i'll go back to the bottom again, but my head, my heart, and my gut all tell me "you know what to do. so do it". she's always been able to shirk off whatever i throw her way. she HAS to see the reprecussions of her actions.

 

i will have to turn this anger off before i speak with her when the time comes. i want her to see me collected and know i'm handling business.

[MrMayI]

...and now she tries to initiate texting again. save that sh**e for your OM's.

[LisaUk]

...and now she tries to initiate texting again. save that sh**e for your OM's.

 

What's she put now?

[MrMayI]

What's she put now?

 

a joke about my work, and hope i had a good day.

i hated it when it happened, but two nights ago i told her i'm tired, and so is this whole situation. i told her she need not trying to talk to me until she can be nice, and not act like such a jerk. apparently, she's coming around, but i'm off the chain now.

[LisaUk]

a joke about my work, and hope i had a good day.

i hated it when it happened, but two nights ago i told her i'm tired, and so is this whole situation. i told her she need not trying to talk to me until she can be nice, and not act like such a jerk. apparently, she's coming around, but i'm off the chain now.

 

Only you know how you feel, I can say don't act rash till the cows come home, but you have to decide what to do. Whatever you decide MayI, we are all here for you.

[MrMayI]

Only you know how you feel, I can say don't act rash till the cows come home, but you have to decide what to do. Whatever you decide MayI, we are all here for you.

 

thanks, i know how flippant i've been, and i appreciate those looking and posting being so kind and accomodating. it's just very consoling. i am set on putting an end to this, one way or the other. she can have the man or men she so desires without the worry of me "looking over her shoulder", if that's what she wants. i'm just worn out. to use chrome's words "i'm not built like that". no one is going to walk all over me. especially the one i held dearest to my heart next to my daughter.

 

i keep hearing her say "i love you, but not in the married sense" over and over in my mind. that's what i use to fuel my fire. not this nice girl role while she's spending her days talking about god knows what with other men. it disgusts me.

 

lisa, i haven't said it, but you are doing great. if you never mentioned it, i'd think you were one of the seasoned vets just trying to lend a hand. keep it up.

[LisaUk]

thanks, i know how flippant i've been, and i appreciate those looking and posting being so kind and accomodating. it's just very consoling. i am set on putting an end to this, one way or the other. she can have the man or men she so desires without the worry of me "looking over her shoulder", if that's what she wants. i'm just worn out. to use chrome's words "i'm not built like that". no one is going to walk all over me. especially the one i held dearest to my heart next to my daughter.

 

i keep hearing her say "i love you, but not in the married sense" over and over in my mind. that's what i use to fuel my fire. not this nice girl role while she's spending her days talking about god knows what with other men. it disgusts me.

 

lisa, i haven't said it, but you are doing great. if you never mentioned it, i'd think you were one of the seasoned vets just trying to lend a hand. keep it up.

 

I haven't found any of your posts flippent at all, you are just going through the ringer of emotions like all of us.

 

Thanks for that, I wish I felt I was doing great though!

[MrMayI]

I haven't found any of your posts flippent at all, you are just going through the ringer of emotions like all of us.

 

Thanks for that, I wish I felt I was doing great though!

 

jump up and dance around the room. booty shakin always makes people feel better.

[LisaUk]

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

It's 10.30 pm here though and my mums in bed, maybe tomorrow!

[MrMayI]

i feel fairly solid in my decision. i have laughed and just smiled today more than i have in weeks. i'm saddened knowing it may mean the end of a pretty stellar history, but i have to deal. maybe the day will come for a possible future again with my little family, but it just seems like time to end this chapter. it's just hurt too bad for too long.

[tojaz]

i feel fairly solid in my decision. i have laughed and just smiled today more than i have in weeks. i'm saddened knowing it may mean the end of a pretty stellar history, but i have to deal. maybe the day will come for a possible future again with my little family, but it just seems like time to end this chapter. it's just hurt too bad for too long.

 

You seem like you feel that you need to do something. It also seems like your still not sure if it's the right thing to do. Keep it simple and put it in her court. You have the papers but nothing is in motion correct? Give them to her. Just say, "is this what you wan" and leave. Let her make the decision, why initiate a divorce you say you don't want. Tell her no more OM or it's a date withthe judge. It's a risky gamble, but it still isn't filing.

TOJAZ

[seibert253]

You seem like you feel that you need to do something. It also seems like your still not sure if it's the right thing to do. Keep it simple and put it in her court. You have the papers but nothing is in motion correct? Give them to her. Just say, "is this what you wan" and leave. Let her make the decision, why initiate a divorce you say you don't want. Tell her no more OM or it's a date withthe judge. It's a risky gamble, but it still isn't filing.

TOJAZ

 

Yeah Tojaz is right. Time to lay it out. In my case I had papers drawn up, and left them where my WW would find them. Didn't literally give them to her, but I knew she would find them. She read them and saw this was for real and I ment business. Fog lifted, we've been moving forward ever since. I was at the point where I had enough, and I was ready to move on if necessary. This was my hail mary pass and it worked.

[dlim]

MrMayI, I know how you feel, don't let her make you feel bad for expressing your concern and showing her you care. You dont beg forgivness from someone who is pushing you away. My EX tried blaming everything on me and really made me question my motives and how I treated her when all the while I think she was just trying to justify her actions. She had this "Close" girlfriend that was a little too friendly (if you know what I mean). If I ever questioned anything about it she made me feel like a jerk when I really had done nothing wrong and had a right to be concerned. I think a spouse who truly cares about their significant other does not do things that they know will hurt each other. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to please these kind of people, your damned if you do and damned it you don't. She would accuse me of being distant but the when I started to pay attention to her she accused me of being controlling. If someone wants a way out there is no way you can win. Don't beat yourself up over any of this, your doing the right thing. I had the hardest time going thru with my divorce (even after all that BS) and felt somewhat half hearted about all of it, but looking back it was the right thing to do. Its only a piece of paper anyways. Married or not your still going to have to deal with all these emotions but atleast you will be legally free of it all. I thought I was over all this but I'm back on LS posting again after 2 years, don't really know why, I guess its still bothering me after all this time and feels good to post (and vent a bit).

[MrMayI]

i've just hit a brick wall with her. i have nothing to say, short of "you've only proven me right", or something like that. it's just gone, i think. i texted her to tell my daughter i love her, and i'll see her tomorrow. i only did that because i haven't seen my daughter since very early this morning. she called right after, let my daughter say hello, then got on the phone. i mustered "alright. tell her to sleep tight." she said "oh. okay? so, i'll talk to you later i guess". i said "yeah, sure. bye." it's gone. i've disconnected. i'm almost certain. i know, almost is the key word.