LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 If thats the case, your doing better then me. You won't. The book isn't so much about her situation as about doing for you, and increasing your odds of her deciding in your favor on her own. Thats why I suggested it. I found the stats at the beginning of the book about reconcilliation and remarriage encouraging in a wierd way. You say it's helping to bring back sanity, thats a plus too, we all can use a little more of that. TOJAZ Who's it by and would it be any use to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Who's it by and would it be any use to me? it's by Bettie Youngs Ph.D., and Masa Goetz, Ph.D. i don't know if it'd be of any use to you. it's more of a self-improvement book, but holds to setting a goal for reconciliation. while i'm still uncertain of that being my goal, it has helped to quell some of the anger i've carried the past couple of days and make me realize it is absolutely time to get my @zz busy living. my pity party has to have a last call for now. i have to get myself on the road to recovery. sitting here in a tizzy just waiting for my lawyer to call so i can throw papers is not living. wondering who my wife is texting with and what time of day is not living. i have to live. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Who's it by and would it be any use to me? It's by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz both PH.D's It didn't help my situatuion much as far as getting her back obviously, but there is some good stuff about identifying things in yourself and understanding how we interact with others. It was an enjoyable read. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 OOps, MayI beat me. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 btw, i used to watch muppets religiously as a kid. i tried to get my daughter into them, but there's too much technologically advanced kids stuff now a days. puppets just don't get their attention. That's a shame, their expressions were great! Thanks both of you for the reply re the book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 the book is actually a good read. the pain of all of this is starting to well up inside again. going to be a rough weekend. the wife and i have the same off days this week, and i have family plans for myself and the kid. i really don't think after last weekend's events that i want her to try and be part of this weekend. i don't want to go backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 i can say, though, that i have found books like these to be a bit discouraging. when there are stories of reconciliation involved, both parties seemed to have really put forth the effort during the separation. in cases of infidelity, it usually takes a long time for reconciliation. i still can't say any PA has happened in my case. i really could get over EA, but not right now for sure. i'm feeling Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 the book is actually a good read. the pain of all of this is starting to well up inside again. going to be a rough weekend. the wife and i have the same off days this week, and i have family plans for myself and the kid. i really don't think after last weekend's events that i want her to try and be part of this weekend. i don't want to go backwards. The book, had that effect on me too. I would read, and things seem so clear to me, that I just don't understand what she's thinking and i wold get very upset. Understanding what happened helps you move forward, but it's a painful journey. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 i can say, though, that i have found books like these to be a bit discouraging. when there are stories of reconciliation involved, both parties seemed to have really put forth the effort during the separation. in cases of infidelity, it usually takes a long time for reconciliation. i still can't say any PA has happened in my case. i really could get over EA, but not right now for sure. i'm feeling Give it time MayI! There isn't a book out there that can just make her leap into your arms and come home. Just keep plugging along day by day. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 i can say, though, that i have found books like these to be a bit discouraging. when there are stories of reconciliation involved, both parties seemed to have really put forth the effort during the separation. in cases of infidelity, it usually takes a long time for reconciliation. i still can't say any PA has happened in my case. i really could get over EA, but not right now for sure. i'm feeling Have you had a look at the site Owl recommends www.marriagebuilders.com Use the search function to search for Plan A Plan B, this guy seems to deal very specifically with EA and PA. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Have you had a look at the site Owl recommends www.marriagebuilders.com Use the search function to search for Plan A Plan B, this guy seems to deal very specifically with EA and PA. i have looked at that site. i've checked out plans a and b. i know on there he states that couples who separate seldomly get back together. that is very feesible. in a case such as mine, i'm looking into ways to improve myself no matter which way it goes, while my spouse is reaching for solace in other people. she's in no way trying to recognize where she faulted in the marriage. she is seemingly only working to take herself deeper into the throes of her "greener" life. NC is really helping me. i wouldn't think it would, and i guess you can say we're actually LC. in 3 days, i've spoken to her for a total of maybe 30 seconds. she has not seen me. i got a new haircut and shaved my beard off, but she doesn't even know. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 i have looked at that site. i've checked out plans a and b. i know on there he states that couples who separate seldomly get back together. that is very feesible. in a case such as mine, i'm looking into ways to improve myself no matter which way it goes, while my spouse is reaching for solace in other people. she's in no way trying to recognize where she faulted in the marriage. she is seemingly only working to take herself deeper into the throes of her "greener" life. NC is really helping me. i wouldn't think it would, and i guess you can say we're actually LC. in 3 days, i've spoken to her for a total of maybe 30 seconds. she has not seen me. i got a new haircut and shaved my beard off, but she doesn't even know. I always pictured you with a beard! How did I know! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 I always pictured you with a beard! How did I know! that's right. i actually didn't shave it off, but it was a mammoth beard and now it's little more than a shadow. in 5 years together, my wife has never seen my full cheeks or chin. i'm going to break down tonight. i just feel it. man, maybe i should've started reading a different book, instead of one with so much positivity in regards to reconciliation. i also picked up from some thread the other day that you and i are the same age, lisa. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 that's right. i actually didn't shave it off, but it was a mammoth beard and now it's little more than a shadow. in 5 years together, my wife has never seen my full cheeks or chin. i'm going to break down tonight. i just feel it. man, maybe i should've started reading a different book, instead of one with so much positivity in regards to reconciliation. i also picked up from some thread the other day that you and i are the same age, lisa. You're 33? Does your face feel kind of light, you know like when you get a hair cut, oh actually that sounds crazy doesn't it, only a women would get that, long hair to short! Doh! It was kind of a joke really anyway. Does your face feel cold then? (OMG, I really am losing it aren't I?) Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You're 33? Does your face feel kind of light, you know like when you get a hair cut, oh actually that sounds crazy doesn't it, only a women would get that, long hair to short! Doh! It was kind of a joke really anyway. Does your face feel cold then? (OMG, I really am losing it aren't I?) :lmao::lmao::lmao: How much have you had to drink today Lisa? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 :lmao::lmao::lmao: How much have you had to drink today Lisa? LOL, I know, it's just my silly side coming out! Take no notice the men in white coats will be here shortly to cart me away. I'm quite looking forward to it really, I need a rest! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 You're 33? Does your face feel kind of light, you know like when you get a hair cut, oh actually that sounds crazy doesn't it, only a women would get that, long hair to short! Doh! It was kind of a joke really anyway. Does your face feel cold then? (OMG, I really am losing it aren't I?) my face actually feels light. i know what you mean about the haircut. when she and i got together my hair was to the middle of my back. i shaved my head down to an inch for her. i'm 34, just recently. i just knew our birth year is the same. i'm starting to feel the NC. i wish i could figure it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 LOL, I know, it's just my silly side coming out! Take no notice the men in white coats will be here shortly to cart me away. I'm quite looking forward to it really, I need a rest! LOL The silly side is good, releaves stree and a little joke never hurt anybody. I was glad when mine came back, and I believe YOU asked ME if I had been drinking. Turnabout is fair play. I like seeing this side of you, you should let it out more. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 my face actually feels light. i know what you mean about the haircut. when she and i got together my hair was to the middle of my back. i shaved my head down to an inch for her. i'm 34, just recently. i just knew our birth year is the same. i'm starting to feel the NC. i wish i could figure it all out. Oh Ok, so I didn't sound like a crazy person after all then! How did you know our birth year was the same? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 The silly side is good, releaves stree and a little joke never hurt anybody. I was glad when mine came back, and I believe YOU asked ME if I had been drinking. Turnabout is fair play. I like seeing this side of you, you should let it out more. TOJAZ Yeah, it's kind of got lost amongst the s**t my ex has caused! But it's on it's way back, I think! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 my face actually feels light. i know what you mean about the haircut. when she and i got together my hair was to the middle of my back. i shaved my head down to an inch for her. i'm 34, just recently. i just knew our birth year is the same. i'm starting to feel the NC. i wish i could figure it all out. NC hurts, you get to a point where you think it's doing more damage then good for you. Thats why i kept breaking it. With planing a funeral, now changing jobs, and all the stress in my life, I want nothing more to call her, but I also know that call is going to hurt more then it's going to help. Just stick with it. I believe it can work. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 NC hurts, you get to a point where you think it's doing more damage then good for you. Thats why i kept breaking it. With planing a funeral, now changing jobs, and all the stress in my life, I want nothing more to call her, but I also know that call is going to hurt more then it's going to help. Just stick with it. I believe it can work. TOJAZ You are correct Tojaz, I am 4 weeks complete NC today, it's been tough, I particularly wanted to text today and tell him I miss him, then an hour later text to say you are an ***************, but I didn't and won't because it will only lead to more hurt for me. IF and that's a massive IF, he ever sorts himself out and decides he wants me, he knows where I am. Stick with it MayI, allows you some distance and some clarity as well. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You are correct Tojaz, I am 4 weeks complete NC today, it's been tough, I particularly wanted to text today and tell him I miss him, then an hour later text to say you are an ***************, but I didn't and won't because it will only lead to more hurt for me. IF and that's a massive IF, he ever sorts himself out and decides he wants me, he knows where I am. Stick with it MayI, allows you some distance and some clarity as well. I bought her a card today! Can you believe that! I don't know why. Today is a week of NC following seeing her after Allie passed. It's torture. My B-day is next week, and I can't imagine spending it without her. I hope she calls or something, but I also don't. My head is so screwed up today. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I bought her a card today! Can you believe that! I don't know why. Today is a week of NC following seeing her after Allie passed. It's torture. My B-day is next week, and I can't imagine spending it without her. I hope she calls or something, but I also don't. My head is so screwed up today. TOJAZ Yeah that's hard I know, but in some ways it might be better if she doesn't? My ex called me on our 18th anniversary of the day we started dating, which was 2 weeks after he left. He called to hassle me about the legals! I think I responded with something like "do you not know what day it is you b****y b*****d." I'm used to spending b'days on my own though, and valentines, he was always at work and if he did take the day off, he would bring work home and say "I'll get up early and do it, so it doesn't interfere with the day", of course this meant he was tired the whole day and unattentive. I think the worst day for me is yet to come, that will be the day we should have married in about 5 months time. I'm not looking forward to that day one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Oh Ok, so I didn't sound like a crazy person after all then! How did you know our birth year was the same? i think maybe it was some match user name in another thread or something. i noticed a 1975 in there, and just deduced that's your birth year, as people do that a lot. now i feel like a stalker. i broke on the way in from work. i'm strong enough to take either direction, but i still have fears of each. got home and yelled into the air some more. unbelievable. i thought i had the reselince of gunny when i got broken 10 years ago. the greatest love one's ever known can do that, i guess. had a lady 7 years older than me, and very attractive, tell me to call her when i'm ready to go have some fun. yowza! Link to post Share on other sites
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