Just Hear Me Out....

[MrMayI]

also gunny, i think you missed somewhere. i have physical custody of DD now.

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

Well done, the old baseball bat blue balls, w/o the baseball bat

 

Indifference, you have reached another level of healing. Phil Collins says it all in his "I Don't Care Anymore"

[MrMayI]

my brother had his meeting with the OM yesterday, along with my sister in law, and his pastor. apparently, according to him nothing physical happened, but it was quickly heading there, mostly from her. he was already worried before the exposure happened, as a couple of people who were outside of it notices, and pointed it out to him. he told my brother that he is absolutely terrified of me, and is constantly looking over his shoulder, because the ex told him that i was controlling, ABUSIVE, and generally mean. WOW!!!!! she told me a couple months ago she didn't know what i meant by "demonizing" me and that she talks to no one about us. i think calling me the above things is exactly what demonizing means. almost all said and done. the marriage and divorce, anyway. not the coaster. my closest friend in this told me she believes the ex with either a) immediately find another "friend", or b) try crawling back soon. i told her it matters not anymore.

[tojaz]

Wow, where have i heard this story before.......oh yeah, my depressin a$$ life! Abusive, controlling, manipulative, unsupportive yep thats me alright!

 

I'd agree with what your friend said, more drama to come. Just make sure what ever happens MayI it's what you want! Although I know you will!

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

i'll know what to do when the time comes, i suppose. i'm glad there are now signed agreements for everything, but it doesn't change emotion or feeling. that' s in no way saying i will consider starting any form of anything, again.

 

this weekend i had like best friends from several parts of my life. a roommate i had for 4 1/2 years, an ex-girlfriend, who i introduced to the guy she's been with 12 years, and no one questions our friendship. a guy who grew up right down the street from me, and an old friend that i wouldn't mind getting to know all over again (meow). overall, life is pretty good, for now.

[tojaz]

Glad to hear it MayI, heres a little slice of my life. I just got an Email from a dating site...... From a freakin Vampire! LOL Tojaz has officially lost it!

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

Glad to hear it MayI, heres a little slice of my life. I just got an Email from a dating site...... From a freakin Vampire! LOL Tojaz has officially lost it!

TOJAZ

 

Yeah but like I said in my PM Tojaz, new experiences and all that! LOL

 

Hey MayI, so glad to hear everything is looking good for you. You know she will come crawling right? She started already with the croc tears and the "I don't really hate you"! Stay strong!

[MrMayI]

my attorney called me first thing this morning. i had to go and sign a final deposition, and the papers are officially filed today. it's bittersweet. my daughter asked me why me and mommy broke up last night, and i told her it was just mommy and daddy, and in no way effects our love for her. i asked her does she know i love her bigger than the world can even hold. she said she does, and she is okay. she asked if maybe someday i'll LET mommy come home. i told her where mommy lives is now home for mommy, and our house is our home. she said okay, then asked me some random thing about a video game.

 

goodbye wife. hello ex-wife. damn.

[lupa]

my attorney called me first thing this morning. i had to go and sign a final deposition, and the papers are officially filed today. it's bittersweet. my daughter asked me why me and mommy broke up last night, and i told her it was just mommy and daddy, and in no way effects our love for her. i asked her does she know i love her bigger than the world can even hold. she said she does, and she is okay. she asked if maybe someday i'll LET mommy come home. i told her where mommy lives is now home for mommy, and our house is our home. she said okay, then asked me some random thing about a video game.

 

goodbye wife. hello ex-wife. damn.

You said the perfect thing to your daughter. You're a big man, and probably better than most.

 

I think the "goodbye wife, hello ex-wife" thing is what I'm dreading right now.

 

You're handling this with a stoicism that I respect and envy. Keep going, man, you're an inspiration.

[MrMayI]

Glad to hear it MayI, heres a little slice of my life. I just got an Email from a dating site...... From a freakin Vampire! LOL Tojaz has officially lost it!

TOJAZ

 

man, you've seen my pic? i'd welcome some vampire action, as long as my daughter is nowhere around

 

You said the perfect thing to your daughter. You're a big man, and probably better than most.

 

I think the "goodbye wife, hello ex-wife" thing is what I'm dreading right now.

 

You're handling this with a stoicism that I respect and envy. Keep going, man, you're an inspiration.

 

thanks man. you're not handling things too badly yourself. don't worry about the hello ex-wife. we can only mentally fight the inevitability.

 

i have to say though, my friends i hung out with all weekend are way, way more attractive than my ex to me now. i saw the ex this morning after i dropped my kid off at school. she looked rough. must still be crying over her breakup last week.

[lupa]

i have to say though, my friends i hung out with all weekend are way, way more attractive than my ex to me now. i saw the ex this morning after i dropped my kid off at school. she looked rough. must still be crying over her breakup last week.

When I saw my stbx a few weeks back as she came by to pick up paperwork, she looked like absolute hell, and when I see the girlfriend, she looks so...just...

 

Breathtaking.

[PWSX3]

goodbye wife. hello ex-wife. damn.

MrMay, it is good to hear you are moving on, moving forward. It is hard and we may never know the reason but there was someone else that had an opinion in your marriage & you can't do anything about that.

 

Just wanted to share one thing, in DC class one of the guys shared with me when he talks about his former wife that is what he calls her. He calls her by her name or former wife, not ex, not bitch, etc....especially around the kids.

 

You will be surprised how much better it makes "you" feel because you are still respecting that other person, you are still taking the high road....

 

Reason I share this is; you seem to really want to be the better person & you really want to grow because of this situation you have been put in & I do respect you for that. Yes we do slip & think bad thought of our spouses, but when we do "our" best it will pay in the end for "us"!!!!!

[lupa]

Just wanted to share one thing, in DC class one of the guys shared with me when he talks about his former wife that is what he calls her. He calls her by her name or former wife, not ex, not bitch, etc....especially around the kids.

Really? I've taken to calling mine "the devil" because it feels like evil incarnate has taken over her person.

 

I actually call her by her name, even to the girlfriend...it seems like the more you avoid the subject, the more taboo it becomes when really it is just something that is there. Like saying "He who must not be named" in Harry Potter or something. Yes, i just made a Harry Potter reference.

[MrMayI]

MrMay, it is good to hear you are moving on, moving forward. It is hard and we may never know the reason but there was someone else that had an opinion in your marriage & you can't do anything about that.

 

Just wanted to share one thing, in DC class one of the guys shared with me when he talks about his former wife that is what he calls her. He calls her by her name or former wife, not ex, not bitch, etc....especially around the kids.

 

You will be surprised how much better it makes "you" feel because you are still respecting that other person, you are still taking the high road....

 

Reason I share this is; you seem to really want to be the better person & you really want to grow because of this situation you have been put in & I do respect you for that. Yes we do slip & think bad thought of our spouses, but when we do "our" best it will pay in the end for "us"!!!!!

 

thanks PW. i really am doing my best to just be a good person from here on in. i want to be the best i can be for my daughter, and her alone. i strived to do the right things, and be the best i could be in a marriage, and i've learned that i really did not fail miserably at it like i thought before. sure, i made mistakes. i said wrong things, BUT, i never did anything to her that wasn't repairable. so be it.

 

i still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel necessarily, but the dust is finally settling and i see the path i need to take.

[phineas]

my brother had his meeting with the OM yesterday, along with my sister in law, and his pastor. apparently, according to him nothing physical happened, but it was quickly heading there, mostly from her. he was already worried before the exposure happened, as a couple of people who were outside of it notices, and pointed it out to him. he told my brother that he is absolutely terrified of me, and is constantly looking over his shoulder, because the ex told him that i was controlling, ABUSIVE, and generally mean. WOW!!!!! she told me a couple months ago she didn't know what i meant by "demonizing" me and that she talks to no one about us. i think calling me the above things is exactly what demonizing means. almost all said and done. the marriage and divorce, anyway. not the coaster. my closest friend in this told me she believes the ex with either a) immediately find another "friend", or b) try crawling back soon. i told her it matters not anymore.

 

Yeah right.

It wasn't psyhical. What was she doing there all night? playing cards? If a pastor in training will willingly get between a man & his wife, he'll lie the text off his bible to cover it up.

 

A pastor. makes my skin itchy.

 

My sister & her friend saw my wife & OM over the weekend together. Good. If she's happy she won't try to slow the divorce process.

[PWSX3]

i still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel necessarily, but the dust is finally settling and i see the path i need to take.

It's hard to imagine, but it does get better. You keep doing the right thing, keep learning what you can do & all of a sudden things look brighter & you realize yes it is that light you were looking for. Kind of sneaks up on you.....

 

We all make mistakes, we are all human but those that except that we are not perfect & keep striving to become better people, those are the ones that I want to have in my life.

 

Keep up the good work & keep looking forward.

[MrMayI]

i just hung up the phone with a dear friend a few moments ago. i told him about the events of the past week, and he started freaking out. he told me if i had just waited a little bit longer, she would've come back. i told him that had she come back it would've either been way too early, or she's not the person i want to be with anymore, anyway. she would come back different, touched by another in some way. i don't want a woman who comes back to her marriage only because there's nothing left she can do. **** that. he calmed down and told me that he really is going to miss it being she and i. that his wife and family love us. i told him that i have my daughter and we're still a family. i think he **** when he heard i have custody. it changed the whole tone of the conversation, and ended with him saying "just **** it dude. i'm shocked. forget about her. there's others".

[MrMayI]

that last post made no sense. i feel like i'm being run through a meat grinder today. everything feels ready to just crumble to the ground. i won't have my daughter for a couple days, so i very well may just fall apart. i know, i know. toughen up.

 

we'll see what happens. for now, i can't help but beat myself up with thoughts of this love lost. i need to pull it together. it's time i really get back to work.

[lupa]

that last post made no sense. i feel like i'm being run through a meat grinder today. everything feels ready to just crumble to the ground. i won't have my daughter for a couple days, so i very well may just fall apart. i know, i know. toughen up.

 

we'll see what happens. for now, i can't help but beat myself up with thoughts of this love lost. i need to pull it together. it's time i really get back to work.

Hey brother, just know we are feeling this pain with you...stay strong, know that people are pulling for you!

[MrMayI]

Hey brother, just know we are feeling this pain with you...stay strong, know that people are pulling for you!

 

you probably remember me saying the days without my little girl are the hardest days of all. i start thinking to myself that it's just not fair to us to have to be apart at anytime, unless it involves school or work. the day i found out she was coming to this earth, is the day i grew up. that is the day i dedicated my life to family, to making more of myself than money. to be the man everyone was always hoping i would finally become. it's hard to be that man when falling apart. i'll keep it together. i will remain solid. everything is fine, it really is.

 

ex-wife, if you ever read this, i hope you can see that even after the end of the line, i still love you. i want you to know, i don't want to anymore. i really don't, but your ghost will haunt me for a long time to come. know that every time i see you in person, i get a little stronger. believe that the day will come when your life will open you to see just what you began. i hope your "friends" don't think less of you for relieving custody of your daughter to a "controlling" and "abusive" man. on a lighter note, i have to thank you for the custody, because not only the perks of having her with me the majority of the time, new women love a man with his child. sympathy loving is still loving.

[lupa]

you probably remember me saying the days without my little girl are the hardest days of all. i start thinking to myself that it's just not fair to us to have to be apart at anytime, unless it involves school or work. the day i found out she was coming to this earth, is the day i grew up. that is the day i dedicated my life to family, to making more of myself than money. to be the man everyone was always hoping i would finally become. it's hard to be that man when falling apart. i'll keep it together. i will remain solid. everything is fine, it really is.

interesting that you say that, because the day I said, "I do" was the day I was done living for just myself. I started to actually think about other people. That is why it hurts so much, I had only ever looked out for me, then I started looking out for her.

 

I can only imagine what it would be like to have a child...I have a feeling my whole world would change once again, and I'm hoping I can do a good job like you seem to be doing.

 

Like I said, keep it up, man. We're pulling for the two of you.

 

As for talking to you wife...or her "reading" this...forget it. Just f*cking forget it. Forget her, forget that, just forget it.

 

Every time I want to turn the knife in mine, I realize that is her still having control over me in some way. Unacceptable.

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

I was about 4 when my uncle taught me how to wolf whistle. He lived on a farm and I lived in a big town. He would take me out for drives, my reward was a hot dog and a drink, then we'd park where the girls were walking by. He'd point out the target, I'd let go, they'd come over, before the day was up he had a date or two. And I got my cheeks pinched.

 

I wasn't so fortunate, my sister only had nieces, but baby sitting them always included a trip to the mall, the best scenario was when one of them was still in a stroller. Once the conversattion got started I would always work in something about how I loved kids and wanted some of my own some day. Hint - do you want a try out? Need lots of practice.

 

Lupa you are so right, seeing this beautiful woman walking down the aisle to marry me was life changing. Home, family kids. Well I got to live the dream for 6 months.

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

I admire you, you seem to have gotten your ducks in a row. Stay strong, day by day the dust will clear, and when it does you will find that you are already out of the tunnel

[MrMayI]

i don't feel i'm to be envied. i often wonder if i am already out of the tunnel. i envision myself just outside of it, and then it implodes, never to be seen again. i know that's not true though. the roller coaster will keep going. looking back on this thread, it appears that i set my sights on divorce after only a couple of weeks of her being gone. everyone's insight here has been very helpful. i didn't want to read the EA and PA talk, but once i resigned to the fact that it comes from people with experience, i started realizing that it may be hell to go through, but i'm not alone in any of it.

 

the only tearjerker to me is the passing of my little girl. however, she is very resilient, and seems to have walked away in pretty good shape. she has mini meltdowns here and there, but nothing like the first month or so. she and i watched "the parent trap" this weekend, and i could just watch the wheels turning in her little head. she wants her mommy and daddy together. she'll be okay when she realizes we're all better off with the way it is now.

 

if you pray, pray for my little girl. pray that she'll grow up to be a well rounded, intelligent woman with a heart of gold. pray that i'll raise her the right way, so that she'll always know her daddy did the best he could for her.

[MrMayI]

... and the backslide begins. i woke up today feeling terribly alone. missing the could've beens. my head is constantly reminding me of just how over it all i am, but my heart isn't in full agreement with my head. my heart still has a tiny flame burning for her. today is going to be long, i believe.