Just Hear Me Out....

[PWSX3]

... and the backslide begins. i woke up today feeling terribly alone. missing the could've beens. my head is constantly reminding me of just how over it all i am, but my heart isn't in full agreement with my head. my heart still has a tiny flame burning for her. today is going to be long, i believe.

Take a glass of water & put that damn flame out!!!!:D:D:D

 

Do something for you, do something you would like to do today even if it is a walk or a ice cream cone.

[lupa]

... and the backslide begins. i woke up today feeling terribly alone. missing the could've beens. my head is constantly reminding me of just how over it all i am, but my heart isn't in full agreement with my head. my heart still has a tiny flame burning for her. today is going to be long, i believe.

MayI, that feeling will be there for a long time (or at least that is what it feels like for me)...I take that as a sign of you being a good person who understands dedication and what love truly is. It will hurt, you will reminisce...I feel your pain, man.

 

Maybe think about your daughter, and how much bigger your love is for her than it ever could have been for your wife, for yourself. She is the best thing in the world, you know it, so let your heart fill with that love.

[MrMayI]

my DD is actually all that matters. i can repress my feelings and let them go quickly.

my best buddy just called to tell me he is getting the house we all just moved out of. it's nice, because he's moving back to the area, but at the same time i got us out of there because it was just too hard to face. i hope it doesn't affect me too negatively.

[Auroracoladybug]

i don't feel i'm to be envied. i often wonder if i am already out of the tunnel. i envision myself just outside of it, and then it implodes, never to be seen again. i know that's not true though. the roller coaster will keep going. looking back on this thread, it appears that i set my sights on divorce after only a couple of weeks of her being gone. everyone's insight here has been very helpful. i didn't want to read the EA and PA talk, but once i resigned to the fact that it comes from people with experience, i started realizing that it may be hell to go through, but i'm not alone in any of it.

 

the only tearjerker to me is the passing of my little girl. however, she is very resilient, and seems to have walked away in pretty good shape. she has mini meltdowns here and there, but nothing like the first month or so. she and i watched "the parent trap" this weekend, and i could just watch the wheels turning in her little head. she wants her mommy and daddy together. she'll be okay when she realizes we're all better off with the way it is now.

 

if you pray, pray for my little girl. pray that she'll grow up to be a well rounded, intelligent woman with a heart of gold. pray that i'll raise her the right way, so that she'll always know her daddy did the best he could for her.

 

Mr...you know that I am there with you...just a female version and it is no better here either...I committed myself to J fully to start building a family and a home and a life together. There is so much in how much I changed and especially after my son. I too had to aim for the divorce once the light hit on the fact that J just didn't care about anything but himself right now. I am hoping in the future we are atleast friends but for now he just thinks I am out to screw him. I have known many couples even after divorce to end up together again...but will we have changed enough to want to make it work? It is not so easy for me because even if there was a PA I would still be willing to forgive him if he wanted it...I know that he is still "friends" with the OW so I figure there is still the EA atleast...yeah yeah I know that I am better off without him but am I really? I wanted to spend my life with him and I didn't do anything in spite of him...as I stated long ago in my thread I DON"T DESERVE THIS!!! Your little girl is resilient and truly does know that for you she comes first...for mom well that is a different story. I pray for all of the kids here and I am not a church going girl...She will be fine because she has you. I didn't have my son then I would be in a whole different boat with no light to guide me...he is my everything and yet I have those backslides too each time he is gone because I am leaning on him probablly too much but we have our fun. One reccomendation...when she is gone for that time make plans to do things like bills. I have been really bad about keeping up with the things I never really did...practicing and plus all of the emotions added to what full plates we already have with kids...Joyus! Mr. Lots of hugs your way

[MrMayI]

i absolutely came back to say something, and find myself with nothing to say. i'm sitting in a chair, but it feels as though i'm in the fetal position on the floor. this is a horrendous backslide. i don't regret the divorce, or the marriage. i regret the end. i don't know if i'll ever let go of the way it all unfolded. all the way until the end, my jealousy "issues" were held over my head. that it's me who couldn't handle opposite sex friendships. it's going to be a really long time before i can trust another woman, or hell, even be ready for one.

[LisaUk]

Hey MayI

 

Your only like 3 months in? The backslides get less, and get less painful each time. Sometimes a strong one comes, but not often.

 

I had one today, if you could call it that, it was more like a blip really. I went out clothes shopping and nearly a year ago to this day, my ex and I parked in the same spot! It washed over me, the feelings of love I had for him at that time, closely followed by the pain of his betrayal, how could he? HOW COULD HE?

 

This will get better, the feelings of love you have for her will in time subside, you will always love her, but it will only consume a very small piece of your heart. The rest of your heart will be devoted to someone who deserves you. You will love again MayI, the right women will understand and will wait for you to give your trust.

[MrMayI]

thanks lisa. yeah, only around 3 or 4 months in. i think that's another thing that's eating me alive right now. did i give enough time? did she mean it when she told my mum there was a chance for us up until the exposure? will she really come crawling back? will i really turn her away, if so? this is a hard life to lead for sure. i am a family man, and i don't know what that entails. for now, it's just me and the kid, which is perfectly fine, but the day's going to come when i'm ready for something new, in regards to love. right now, i think i'm just pining for what i don't really want to begin with.

[LisaUk]

MayI

 

Your w made no attempt to reconcile with you either before or after the exposure. You tried, I know you did, I had a front row seat for all of it, what did she do? Accept run around with the OM? She was cake eating, you know that. She just doesn't like the fact she got exposed and lost her OM, she's rejected, he ran as fast as he could, that makes her feel great I' sure! She gave up her marriage, her H and her child for this man and he turns around and runs! That's how she will be feeling. So what to do? Save face with the inlaws, justify her own decision to herself, reduce the inner turmoil, lie her a$$ off basically. Twist it and turn it (they will twist and turn more than a twisty turny thing-Blackadder ), save herself. I notice in doing so, she still has no regard for your well being?!

 

You said it yourself, you are pinning for what you don't really want to begin with. Your pinning for what you thought you had and what you hoped would have been. Your w as you knew her has left the building!

[MrMayI]

Lisa, please move to the states and marry me.

 

seriously, you're absolutely right. i'll get by. tomorrow is a new day, and hell, today isn't over yet. I no longer have a wife, and i am going to have to always remember that.

[tojaz]

i absolutely came back to say something, and find myself with nothing to say. i'm sitting in a chair, but it feels as though i'm in the fetal position on the floor. this is a horrendous backslide. i don't regret the divorce, or the marriage. i regret the end. i don't know if i'll ever let go of the way it all unfolded. all the way until the end, my jealousy "issues" were held over my head. that it's me who couldn't handle opposite sex friendships. it's going to be a really long time before i can trust another woman, or hell, even be ready for one.

 

Yes, MayI, It's gonna take some time. The hurt and injustice of what happened is going to live there for quite awhile. There will come a time when you'll meet somebody that makes you realize what you had been missing out on. Your W will pale in comparison, and you will be better for it. I'm starting to see that, and rather then be afraid like I was, I can't wait for that day to come. In the meantime, don't let that backslide take too much ground.

TOJAZ

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

Lisa, please move to the states and marry me.

 

seriously, you're absolutely right. i'll get by. tomorrow is a new day, and hell, today isn't over yet. I no longer have a wife, and i am going to have to always remember that.

 

Don't know what I said to deserve that! But thanks for the compliment and I'm glad I could help MayI.

 

Just know you are going to feel like this from time to time b/c you loved your w, but when these feelings come, remember what she did and what she has become also.

[MrMayI]

i'm back up today. i cried my eyes out at bedtime last night. missing my kid, missing my wife, my former life. it's all compounded now with the finality of it all. i enjoy the single life. i really do. i actually forgot just how much. having a daughter to hang out with a lot makes it even that much better. i don't know though. i'm starting to get very lonely and staying blue a lot because of it. i may have to pursue something with one of these ladies around me, if possible. nothing serious. just someone to cook meals for, go to football games, and generally just be able to talk to. i miss all of that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

i'm back up today. i cried my eyes out at bedtime last night. missing my kid, missing my wife, my former life. it's all compounded now with the finality of it all. i enjoy the single life. i really do. i actually forgot just how much. having a daughter to hang out with a lot makes it even that much better. i don't know though. i'm starting to get very lonely and staying blue a lot because of it. i may have to pursue something with one of these ladies around me, if possible. nothing serious. just someone to cook meals for, go to football games, and generally just be able to talk to. i miss all of that.

 

QFT...

 

The fact remains is that, you are no longer married, nothing is holding you back, but first get through all your emotions before dealing with any chick...

 

And dont take the ex back m.I.

 

She will try, to squeeze back in if you let her.

[lupa]

i'm back up today. i cried my eyes out at bedtime last night. missing my kid, missing my wife, my former life. it's all compounded now with the finality of it all. i enjoy the single life. i really do. i actually forgot just how much. having a daughter to hang out with a lot makes it even that much better. i don't know though. i'm starting to get very lonely and staying blue a lot because of it. i may have to pursue something with one of these ladies around me, if possible. nothing serious. just someone to cook meals for, go to football games, and generally just be able to talk to. i miss all of that.

I know people here will disagree with me when I say it, but letting your heart back out there is a way to move on. I know it sounds like I'm advocating rebound, but I'm not...I'm saying it feels good to be out and about, and it feels really good to know that people like you.

 

(per my story...I'm a unique case in that I was already in love before with this woman I'm seeing now).

 

But! Sometimes the ol' self esteem just needs a little stroking, and as long as you are honest with her and yourself, you cannot go wrong. Be honest with her that you are coming out of a terrible place, and are looking for some companionship and fun, and be honest with yourself if you are "transferring" your love to this person or not.

 

GO FOR IT! Yeah!

[MrMayI]

QFT...

 

The fact remains is that, you are no longer married, nothing is holding you back, but first get through all your emotions before dealing with any chick...

 

And dont take the ex back m.I.

 

She will try, to squeeze back in if you let her.

 

never. never ever, ever!

Chrome, i look at your joker avatar and i hear that disturbing voice in my head every time i read your posts. LOL

it really helps though, and you are right. i need to get my emotions in check first and foremost. i've been around several women regularly. one in particular that i have interest in. she was divorced 3 years ago, and just got dumped after a 1 year relationship. she and i have been sort of leaning on one another, but i'd like to take it a little further. i absolutely DO NOT want a girlfriend, serious dating or any of that. it'd be nice to hold hands and just stare at her for a while. she's pretty smoking hot.

[seibert253]

never. never ever, ever!

Chrome, i look at your joker avatar and i hear that disturbing voice in my head every time i read your posts. LOL

it really helps though, and you are right. i need to get my emotions in check first and foremost. i've been around several women regularly. one in particular that i have interest in. she was divorced 3 years ago, and just got dumped after a 1 year relationship. she and i have been sort of leaning on one another, but i'd like to take it a little further. i absolutely DO NOT want a girlfriend, serious dating or any of that. it'd be nice to hold hands and just stare at her for a while. she's pretty smoking hot.

 

That's what I'm talking 'bout. Absolutely nothing wrong with getting together, hanging out, spending time together. See where it goes from there.

Nothing heals a broken heart faster than the one/two combination of time, and a smoking hot chick to hang out with.

[PWSX3]

i may have to pursue something with one of these ladies around me, if possible. nothing serious. just someone to cook meals for, go to football games, and generally just be able to talk to. i miss all of that.

Your not ready yet, it will just complicate things & frustrate you even more if you try & find a woman just to "hang" out with.

 

If you need a good home cooked meal, go to a restaurant that cooks them, call your buddy up & go to the football game.........Right now having a good buddy is a good thing.......

[MrMayI]

Your not ready yet, it will just complicate things & frustrate you even more if you try & find a woman just to "hang" out with.

 

If you need a good home cooked meal, go to a restaurant that cooks them, call your buddy up & go to the football game.........Right now having a good buddy is a good thing.......

 

i'll agree that i'm not ready, but the thought of it is nice. i have a few good buddies. my best friend, however, is moving back to my town as he just was divorced a few months ago. that's a godsend right there.

 

oh, and just to mention, i cook the meals at my house.

[LisaUk]

i'm back up today. i cried my eyes out at bedtime last night. missing my kid, missing my wife, my former life. it's all compounded now with the finality of it all. i enjoy the single life. i really do. i actually forgot just how much. having a daughter to hang out with a lot makes it even that much better. i don't know though. i'm starting to get very lonely and staying blue a lot because of it. i may have to pursue something with one of these ladies around me, if possible. nothing serious. just someone to cook meals for, go to football games, and generally just be able to talk to. i miss all of that.

 

Hi MayI

 

It's the loss of what you held dear, that's totally normal and expected and you will have these moments, we all do. It's also the fact that this new single life has been forced upon you against your will, your grieving. You so want your way of life back, but you know what? Even if she came back and you took her back (which I know you wouldn't), it would never be the same as before, after her betrayal. That doesn't stop the pain and hurt of the loss though. Keep busy, find new ways to be happy, once you can say I am happy alone, that is when you will be able to share your life with another.

[MrMayI]

okay, i think i can say with a large amount of certainty that i am done. done with the fear of being alone again. done with the hope of any sort of reconciliation. just done.

 

the ex is still living in some sort of fog. she can't even keep up with simple conversation, because she seems to be pre-occupied with other thoughts in her head. that'd be fine, except when i'm trying to talk about our daughter, or respond to what she says, she still blanks out. i almost called her an idiot last night. i'm so glad i didn't. then, i may be the "abusive" man i was made out to be.

[MrMayI]

5+ years of talking to, texting, e-mailing with my ex. pretty much constant communication between us. i miss that, honestly. that's what makes work so damn hard these days i think. i'm loneliest when i'm here. i just don't know anymore, why i even post. i feel they are just ramblingthe same things over and over. "i miss this, i don't miss that. i want this, i don't want that. i'm done, i'm not". **** me.

[soheartbroken]

But everything you post is a real and legitimate feeling and that's what this board is for.

[SRV]

Its akin to an "addiction".

 

They say to learn something or make it a routine, it is repeated at least in succession a minimum of 21 days.

 

It was 5 years plus for you. It will take time to "detox", break the "routine" and the cycle. In between, there will be "withdrawals" and "relapses".

 

Bet you have heard, "a day at a time", go figure where the saying came from and its applicability. With each passing day, as you set your eyes to your goal, the memories will minimize.

 

All in saying, you will be fine, a day at a time, until you totally "detox" from her. You will get to a time, just like driving a car, you take glimpses through your rear view mirror, as you approach your destination, the starting point fades in the rear.

 

Good luck!

[MrMayI]

i just want to climb under my bed and stay there for a few days. my poor, poor daughter. her daddy doesn't feel strong enough right now. if i could only find a way to pick myself back up. the loneliness is turning to full on despair. the missing her is knotting my stomach. my brain knows, absolutely KNOWS that this person i've been seeing is not her. it's not the idea of beauty, of perfection that i had. i just don't know today. i'm so down. so bummed.

[lupa]

i just want to climb under my bed and stay there for a few days. my poor, poor daughter. her daddy doesn't feel strong enough right now. if i could only find a way to pick myself back up. the loneliness is turning to full on despair. the missing her is knotting my stomach. my brain knows, absolutely KNOWS that this person i've been seeing is not her. it's not the idea of beauty, of perfection that i had. i just don't know today. i'm so down. so bummed.

Hang in there, brother. You have a daughter, and you have making a life for her to look forward to. On top of that, you have time, time, time to get back out there.