Just Hear Me Out....

[MrMayI]

Sounds like you did what you needed to do. It might just give her a wake up call! I would still let her make the decision, but you stood up and laid your cards on the table. Good for you man, keep us posted.

TOJAZ

 

happy belated b'day, man. sounds like it was a good time.

i'm pretty damn proud of myself. i regret saying i'm going to beat whoever it is, but other than that, i was very cool and collected. i think this made her aware that i truly am willing to just end it all. going to her house is tough. it's becoming a decent little place, which is good for our daughter.

i'm not sure how she knows. probably just because she knows me, but she is aware that i have an attorney, and have made all efforts to cover my own a** as well as our daughter's.

[MrMayI]

last night was the least amount of sleep i've gotten in a long time. i spent 3 hours, essentially repeating "you know what to do" over and over in my head.

the wife texted me telling me that she's sorry for not having much to say. that she feels like i back her into a corner at times. she also said she knows things aren't how we planned them to be, and she's going to try and work on that.

i don't know what any of this means. i really believe this marriage needs to end.

someone with knowledge tell me something!

[phineas]

last night was the least amount of sleep i've gotten in a long time. i spent 3 hours, essentially repeating "you know what to do" over and over in my head.

the wife texted me telling me that she's sorry for not having much to say. that she feels like i back her into a corner at times. she also said she knows things aren't how we planned them to be, and she's going to try and work on that.

i don't know what any of this means. i really believe this marriage needs to end.

someone with knowledge tell me something!

 

You really do need to find out if there is someone else.

Perhaps someone she works with & goes to lunch with.

 

She's not with your daughter when you are correct?

That means she can be with someone else.

[MrMayI]

You really do need to find out if there is someone else.

Perhaps someone she works with & goes to lunch with.

 

She's not with your daughter when you are correct?

That means she can be with someone else.

 

i am of the belief that her texting 2 OM's in the middle of the night is pretty good indication. one of them is the same one she told me she'd stop last summer. the other one didn't begin until 1 week after she moved out. i'm fairly certain. if nothing else, she's tied to much of the emotional aspect into someone else, causing she and i to be too far gone at this point. i'm just tired.

[phineas]

i am of the belief that her texting 2 OM's in the middle of the night is pretty good indication. one of them is the same one she told me she'd stop last summer. the other one didn't begin until 1 week after she moved out. i'm fairly certain. if nothing else, she's tied to much of the emotional aspect into someone else, causing she and i to be too far gone at this point. i'm just tired.

 

Nuke her.

Let both men know she's playing them.

Then drop papers.

But before you do that find out what's going on between them.

If you are like me you need hard evidence something is going on.

I was like that. The Text messages at night, the pictures of her hugging him & kissing his cheeck. I new she was sleeping with him but I kept convincing myself it wasn't proof because I didn't want it to be so.

 

She may be having them come over after your daughter goes to bed.

My wife wasn't calling me at work or at home or on my cell to say "hi" while we were seperated.

 

She was calling me to see where I was because she was going to have her boyfriend come over.

 

Can't have me unexpectedly coming home for lunch now can she?

 

and after she moved out we lived 5 minutes away from each other.

She had to make sure I was safe at home or somewhere else so she wouldn't run into me while she was with OM.

[MrMayI]

Nuke her.

Let both men know she's playing them.

Then drop papers.

But before you do that find out what's going on between them.

If you are like me you need hard evidence something is going on.

I was like that. The Text messages at night, the pictures of her hugging him & kissing his cheeck. I new she was sleeping with him but I kept convincing myself it wasn't proof because I didn't want it to be so.

 

She may be having them come over after your daughter goes to bed.

My wife wasn't calling me at work or at home or on my cell to say "hi" while we were seperated.

 

She was calling me to see where I was because she was going to have her boyfriend come over.

 

Can't have me unexpectedly coming home for lunch now can she?

 

and after she moved out we lived 5 minutes away from each other.

She had to make sure I was safe at home or somewhere else so she wouldn't run into me while she was with OM.

 

man, our stories keep getting more and more similar. she and i live less than 5 minutes apart.

the only proof i have right now is the texts. that's it. no pictures on her phone or anything. hell, i even went so far to see if there was more than one toothbrush in her shower. all i have to go on is the text, but i can tell you that's driven me up the wall enough. to know that she is up in the middle of the night rapid firing message after message to another man says she doesn't give a damn what happens with us. she's a fool to have asked to stay on my cell plan. i've kept quiet about it, but no more.

[MrMayI]

why would someone continue wearing their wedding ring through all of this? don't know what you want, but know you don't want to BE with your family right now. just seems kind of fraudulent. got a call from the attorney. papers can be picked up anytime after noon today. my hands have been shaking for over an hour now.

[phineas]

man, our stories keep getting more and more similar. she and i live less than 5 minutes apart.

the only proof i have right now is the texts. that's it. no pictures on her phone or anything. hell, i even went so far to see if there was more than one toothbrush in her shower. all i have to go on is the text, but i can tell you that's driven me up the wall enough. to know that she is up in the middle of the night rapid firing message after message to another man says she doesn't give a damn what happens with us. she's a fool to have asked to stay on my cell plan. i've kept quiet about it, but no more.

 

Why did my wife use our cell phone plan to rapid fire texts with her new boyfriend?

 

Because they think we are stupid. My wife made a FB page with her first intial & maiden name, I made her block OM on facebook.

For some reason she thought if she created another FB page with her first name & maiden name I wouldn't find it & see she was friends with the man she swore was gone from her life.

 

She must of thought I was stupid or she had me wrapped around her finger.

 

I would just call those numbers & ask why they were texting your wife in the middle of the night.

 

It doesn't even matter why. Just them knowing you know is enough to let her know she's busted.

 

Prepare for her to accuse you of invading her privacy & trying to make you the bad guy.

 

I forget, does her family know?

[phineas]

why would someone continue wearing their wedding ring through all of this? don't know what you want, but know you don't want to BE with your family right now. just seems kind of fraudulent. got a call from the attorney. papers can be picked up anytime after noon today. my hands have been shaking for over an hour now.

 

Does she wear it, or only wear it when you will be around?

 

My wife stopped leaving the house with hers on about the time she found her new boyfriend.

 

She only wore it when we were out together. Another thing I noticed.

[MrMayI]

Does she wear it, or only wear it when you will be around?

 

My wife stopped leaving the house with hers on about the time she found her new boyfriend.

 

She only wore it when we were out together. Another thing I noticed.

 

no, she wears it all of the time. i'm contemplating calling these numbers, but i actually know who they both are, where they live, work, even go to church.

 

her family does know, but at this point they only know her slight on the story.

[MrMayI]

the D papers are going to be ready today. i'm still pretty pissed off, so i don't know if i'll let her know about them. however, if the direction we're heading continues much longer, i won't be able to hold back.

[Owl]

I'd tell you to go pick them up.

 

Take them by her house, and tell her that you want to sit down and go over them real quick so that she's seen them before she's served.

 

If she says she's not sure that this is what she wants, tell her that it's what she's been asking you for all along.

 

Her mouth says she's not sure...her actions clearly indicate that she is.

 

Tell her that. Tell her that this isn't all about what SHE wants anymore. You've done your best, but her refusal to even consider marriage counseling is a last straw.

 

Tell her that you're no longer willing to be the only one fighting to save this marriage. You've done your best, she refuses to do ANYTHING to fix the situation, and you've reached the end of the rope. You're not going to be the only one fighting to save the marriage any longer.

 

If you're going to keep the ball...do something with it.

 

But make sure that she gets the message that this is all the result of HER choices and actions...not yours.

 

She keeps trying to string you along...saying that she isn't sure what she wants.

 

What she wants is for the situation to stay right where it's at...with you fighting for her, and her being able to set the rules for everything...including being with anyone else, if she chooses to.

 

Take the power back. Stop letting her have the situation she wants.

[LisaUk]

I'd tell you to go pick them up.

 

Take them by her house, and tell her that you want to sit down and go over them real quick so that she's seen them before she's served.

 

If she says she's not sure that this is what she wants, tell her that it's what she's been asking you for all along.

 

Her mouth says she's not sure...her actions clearly indicate that she is.

 

Tell her that. Tell her that this isn't all about what SHE wants anymore. You've done your best, but her refusal to even consider marriage counseling is a last straw.

 

Tell her that you're no longer willing to be the only one fighting to save this marriage. You've done your best, she refuses to do ANYTHING to fix the situation, and you've reached the end of the rope. You're not going to be the only one fighting to save the marriage any longer.

 

If you're going to keep the ball...do something with it.

 

But make sure that she gets the message that this is all the result of HER choices and actions...not yours.

 

She keeps trying to string you along...saying that she isn't sure what she wants.

 

What she wants is for the situation to stay right where it's at...with you fighting for her, and her being able to set the rules for everything...including being with anyone else, if she chooses to.

 

Take the power back. Stop letting her have the situation she wants.

 

Totally agree with this, enough is enough, you two have a child who needs to be considered in all this. Her behaviour, given your daughter is being affected is unacceptable, it's gone on long enough. Do you agree?

[MrMayI]

sadly, i absolutely have to agree. our daughter is really being affected by all of this. she cried last night because mommy and daddy don't kiss anymore. i'll be doing what i need to do. i can say that i left out she said she'll consider counseling with me.

[LisaUk]

sadly, i absolutely have to agree. our daughter is really being affected by all of this. she cried last night because mommy and daddy don't kiss anymore. i'll be doing what i need to do. i may not be updating for a while. my heart is totally broken.

 

MayI, this doesn't necessarily mean this is over, do exactly what Owl has suggested, make it clear you don't want this, but as she appears to be asking for it as she is unwilling to go MC, you are giving her what she wants, you can't save this amrriage alone and your daughter is being affected. It may just be the jolt back to reality she needs. If not, well then she was never going to try and work things out with you anyway.

 

Keep posting, we are here for you.

[MrMayI]

MayI, this doesn't necessarily mean this is over, do exactly what Owl has suggested, make it clear you don't want this, but as she appears to be asking for it as she is unwilling to go MC, you are giving her what she wants, you can't save this amrriage alone and your daughter is being affected. It may just be the jolt back to reality she needs. If not, well then she was never going to try and work things out with you anyway.

 

Keep posting, we are here for you.

 

i edited the post you quoted. she did say she'd consider, but it was half hearted, i think. she told me she doesn't know what she wants, and that she doesn't mean what she said on the fourth about wanting a divorce. ahhhhhh.

[LisaUk]

i edited the post you quoted. she did say she'd consider, but it was half hearted, i think. she told me she doesn't know what she wants, and that she doesn't mean what she said on the fourth about wanting a divorce. ahhhhhh.

 

Ok, so maybe you hold for now then? Did she say when she will let you know about MC? Or you could show her the divorce papers and let her know what will happen if she doesn't do MC?

[MrMayI]

Ok, so maybe you hold for now then? Did she say when she will let you know about MC? Or you could show her the divorce papers and let her know what will happen if she doesn't do MC?

 

this is what i'm thinking. it's a very hairy situation. i don't want anyone to think that my daughter hasn't been my utmost concern in this. she has. i just don't like to talk too much about that side of things on here. i'm just trying to get it all out how it's affecting me.

 

no, she didn't give me a time on the consideration for MC. she just said something like "it's not what i want, but yeah, i'll consider it". i could tell by her statement that her brother has been in her ear about it as well.

 

owl, thank you. very sage advice.

[LisaUk]

this is what i'm thinking. it's a very hairy situation. i don't want anyone to think that my daughter hasn't been my utmost concern in this. she has. i just don't like to talk too much about that side of things on here. i'm just trying to get it all out how it's affecting me.

 

no, she didn't give me a time on the consideration for MC. she just said something like "it's not what i want, but yeah, i'll consider it". i could tell by her statement that her brother has been in her ear about it as well.

 

owl, thank you. very sage advice.

 

No one thinks you aren't considering your daughter. You are, you are trying to do everything you can, it is your wife who is not trying to save your marriage and is not considering her child. You must only do what you feel is right to do, we can offer all the advice in the world, but only you know yourself, your wife and your marriage and only you know what you can live with doing and what you can't.

[MrMayI]

No one thinks you aren't considering your daughter. You are, you are trying to do everything you can, it is your wife who is not trying to save your marriage and is not considering her child. You must only do what you feel is right to do, we can offer all the advice in the world, but only you know yourself, your wife and your marriage and only you know what you can live with doing and what you can't.

 

thanks lisa. i don't know my wife anymore though. i can watch the life completely drop from her eyes, and her go cold as winter in a flash. i trusted this woman. i want to trust her again. i don't know if i can. i just want to find the warmest parts of life for my daughter, and keep her there. she's the only thing in all of this that has truly made me cry uncontrollably. i feel it's right to start a new path, whatever that path is. i don't think the papers are ready though, and they close soon.

[tojaz]

thanks lisa. i don't know my wife anymore though. i can watch the life completely drop from her eyes, and her go cold as winter in a flash. i trusted this woman. i want to trust her again. i don't know if i can. i just want to find the warmest parts of life for my daughter, and keep her there. she's the only thing in all of this that has truly made me cry uncontrollably. i feel it's right to start a new path, whatever that path is. i don't think the papers are ready though, and they close soon.

 

I know what your talking about MayI, my wife does the same thing. I actually have before and after pics in my profile. If you add me as a contact, you can see them.

 

Your doing the best you can for your daughter, everyone knows that. She will make it through this, just as you will. Don't give your wife an ultimatum out right, it will just push her away. Just tell her how you feel and give her the papers but tell her what you need to happen for it to stop. Let her make the decision which way it goes.

 

TOJAZ

[phineas]

mayI - it really sounds like she is stalling to me. There is something going on. She doesn't want to work on the marriage but also doesn't want to end it?

 

it feels exactly like what was going on with my wife. She had someone else.

[MrMayI]

you're right phineas. i'm not really this blind. love can do crazy things.

 

we have taken an awful turn. suddenly, there's a lot of anger and resentment, and i'm on the receiving end. i'm about to turn the tables.

[tojaz]

you're right phineas. i'm not really this blind. love can do crazy things.

 

we have taken an awful turn. suddenly, there's a lot of anger and resentment, and i'm on the receiving end. i'm about to turn the tables.

 

Careful with that, anger will only breed more anger on her part, and just makes it harder on you, just go NC with her as much as possible, spare yourself the agony.

TOJAZ

[lupa]

MayI, let me say something...make your daughter your only concern. I know this is impossible, I know you want your wife back. MAKE YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR ONLY CONCERN.

 

This other person is now a familiar stranger, like a distant friend, but one that you trust your daughter's life with. I say this from my own experience, when they go distant like this, it is because they think the world is supposed to be like a movie, and are not strong enough to understand reality. Chances are there is someone else, or they think there is someone else. Someone as a crutch, not sexual, but definitely in the way. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP for this. DON'T DO IT.

 

I know, saying it doesn't make it happen...this is my world. Saying it doesn't make it happen, but saying it over and over does force you to look at the whole picture. I just remembered today that I didn't like a lot of things about mine...I was forgetting those because I got the tunnel-vision thing going to try to make it work. Think about those things for a while.

 

...and focus on your kid. The more love you can give her, the more you will get back, and it isn't a selfish love. You can bury yourself in her and it will be so rewarding. Everything else requires patience.

 

...yes, I know, patience is the last thing I have right now, too.