seibert253 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 i really do feel like a man with a plan. a two sided plan, honestly. i am truly ready to go either way. my 2 or 3 day a week single life is really, really growing on me. i guess i'm still technically single the other nights, but my little girl is with me. tonight. boxing on the t.v., beer, wings and video games soon. life could be way, way worse. seriously. this is what i've been trying to do. look at the moment you're in. is it bad? change it! i've really been working on this. i get down at work, i pick up some more work and get it done. the song on the radio breaks me down, i turn the radio off, and say "AHLALALALALALALALAAAAA!!!" until i laugh. i know it won't always work, but i'm trying. Man I'm in envy. I miss those days of sitting infront of the TV, watch what I want, when I want. Drinking a beer or 12 if I wanted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Man I'm in envy. I miss those days of sitting infront of the TV, watch what I want, when I want. Drinking a beer or 12 if I wanted to. i enjoy it. part of me hopes i won't get much of it though. one can just never ever tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 There's a lot to be said for being single! Come and go when you want, when you want, how you want, letting the laundry go for two weeks, wearing your 'cleanest' dirty shirt to work. Re-stocking your 'mini-bar' buying seven pounds of hamburger and seven boxes of Hamburger Helper each week! When I was married? I noticed we had three kinds of paper in the house. Toliet paper, paper towels and tissue paper? We had tissue paper in the bathroom, the livingroom, the bedroom, everywhere? But when your a man and single? You only need two types of paper? Toliet paper and paper towels! You run out one? You use the other! Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Re-stocking your 'mini-bar' buying seven pounds of hamburger and seven boxes of Hamburger Helper each week! I just went out last night and bought a couple of bottles of wine, two cases of beer, and replacement liquor for what had been dwindling over the last few months. I even got me a nice 15 yr scotch. I sat and sipped that scotch last night, and I swear to god it was the best tasting scotch I've ever had. One thing at a time we can take back, one thing at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 being single is good. it was good when i was single. being married IS better, in my opinion, when it's healthy. if i can wrestle my marriage to the ground and conquer it, that's just what i'd rather have. it's not a need. it's a want. i WANT to remain married. i WANT my daughter to have her mommy and daddy in her life, together. i WANT to have family vacations, dinners, lazy sundays, all of it. if i can't have what i want, i'm not a baby. i won't throw a temper tantrum, but i'll be damned if i'm going to just let go of it without giving it the fight of motherlovin life. Link to post Share on other sites
broken hearted Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I totally agree with the above post Mr! I will not cry if I don't get what I want but I will fight tooth and nail to get it before I give up! Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 being single is good. it was good when i was single. being married IS better, in my opinion, when it's healthy. if i can wrestle my marriage to the ground and conquer it, that's just what i'd rather have. it's not a need. it's a want. i WANT to remain married. i WANT my daughter to have her mommy and daddy in her life, together. i WANT to have family vacations, dinners, lazy sundays, all of it. if i can't have what i want, i'm not a baby. i won't throw a temper tantrum, but i'll be damned if i'm going to just let go of it without giving it the fight of motherlovin life. Been there, lost that fight. It takes two too tango & you'll loose the dance contest if your partner is leaning up against the wall looking on or danceing with someone else. Me? I broke out the wedding gifts I got from friends I wasn't allowed to set up until I had my own bar in the basement. That would be the cocktail carousel, the shot glass rack, the bar tools set, the round poker chip holder, the 18 oz tallboys beer glasses. Did I miss anything? It's time for a poker night. As for the house? I keep it spic & span. I want to keep in that habit in case I unexpectedly have a lady over. But that won't happen until I get the last of the wifes stuff out of the closet. If I was dateing someone & they still had ex's clothes in the closet I ran. I'd expect any sane woman to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 maybe what i'm doing is wrong. maybe it's not. maybe it's lifting her spirits. maybe not. i do know that it's a fight. win, lose, or draw at least i know i put 'em up and tried to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 maybe what i'm doing is wrong. maybe it's not. maybe it's lifting her spirits. maybe not. i do know that it's a fight. win, lose, or draw at least i know i put 'em up and tried to do it. That's right MayI, as PWXS3 says, if you can say you did everything YOU could to save your marriage, well, that's all you can do. I've given you a smiley, I have noticed I never give you smileys, sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 i've done all i can do. this talking may not have been my best idea. it's just stirring up the desire to hurry things up. work things out. get back together. i don't want to feel like this. i was baby stepping my way forward, by myself. now, i feel the wind is out of my sails, and i'm just sitting and hoping. she moved out. she has ZERO intention of coming back. i know this. why, oh why, would i keep putting myself through this? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 i've done all i can do. this talking may not have been my best idea. it's just stirring up the desire to hurry things up. work things out. get back together. i don't want to feel like this. i was baby stepping my way forward, by myself. now, i feel the wind is out of my sails, and i'm just sitting and hoping. she moved out. she has ZERO intention of coming back. i know this. why, oh why, would i keep putting myself through this? The misery ends the minute you make your mind for it to end and say to yourseld, "You know what? I'm done with this!" Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 mrMay...i am in your shoes today...i am gathering from your lastest post, that being on LS is stirring up emotions, by posting and reading others? i got on here this morning to see how everyone else is doing...and now i have a lump in my throat from the posts, like the one where the H is cleaning out his W closet...and another, i think you posted about how the W is just NOT ever coming back...and then doing ALL we could to save the marriage... that last one, i am having a very difficult time with...my H and i were to have a second chance...it lasted about 5 or 6 days...long story short...it never came to fruition:( so i feel empty and cheated that i never got to really give IT my all and really try harder or something!! ack..i am so frustrated!!! well, i hope you have a better day than mine is already starting out to be... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 i mean, okay. maybe she's going to try, but i have to wonder just what the f**k am i fighting for? i'm aware that i can have other women. i'm hip to the fact that life goes on and on. i've gotten in damn good shape in the past couple of months, my house is clean, my daughter's doing good, everything is in order to be okay for me. i just can't let go of the what could be, i suppose. i miss the whole family element more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 i mean, okay. maybe she's going to try, but i have to wonder just what the f**k am i fighting for? i'm aware that i can have other women. i'm hip to the fact that life goes on and on. i've gotten in damn good shape in the past couple of months, my house is clean, my daughter's doing good, everything is in order to be okay for me. i just can't let go of the what could be, i suppose. i miss the whole family element more than anything. When you get married, your marrying more than just another person? Your marrying hopes, plans, dreams of and for the future? Your marrying a concept of what and how life is to be? When you divorce? Seperate? Your mourning that as well! That's one of the hardest things to come to grips with? Because in your mind you 'idealized' what your future life with this other person will be like? In a word? Perfect! And when it all comes crashing down around you? The pysche has a hard time dealing with it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 very sound words gunny. i know that's just it too. this chick has no interest in any of it, really. i think she may just be taking me along to delay the inevitable for some reason. i had to cancel a vacation i had planned for us last night. it just brought it all crashing back down. no way am i taking my daughter to a romantic cabin in the mountains for 3 days. i'll take her to an amusement park or something like that, instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 the papers have now been forced by my hand. the talking didn't work, because if i brought up "us", "marriage", or "counseling" all hell broke loose, which it did today. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 You had her served? What happened? Are you ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 You had her served? What happened? Are you ok? i'm ok. i've been more prepared for this than the flipside, actually. i didn't have her served. it's basically the terms we've agreed to put down in settlement form. i just gave her a hard copy of them, in case she wants to show them to an attorney herself. i am ok, but it doesn't make it suck any less. i guess the only thing i haven't really prepared myself for is actually seeing her with someone else, or hearing about it from friends and/or family. guess i'll cross that bridge when i get there, right? i mean, she's checked out of the hotel. gone. not the same person anymore. i honestly don't want who she's become, and she doesn't want the exact same man she promised her everything to 5 years ago. what can i do, besides just give her what she wants and let her go on and soar as high as she assumes she can. if, and when she flies to high, burns her wings, and crashes at my front door, i'll just sweep her off of the stoop. i'm letting go. have been, as this thread can testify. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 You sound relieved MayI. So now we concentrate on your feelings, what she does as a result is up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 24, 2009 Author Share Posted July 24, 2009 lisa, i realize i didn't tell you what happened. there was an argument over the phone that escalated into me explaining that EA's exist, and i'm feeling like absolute proof of that. pissed her off. then, i said all of us living in limbo has to change, because i can't live that way. i guess the fast track out of limbo is D. i told her that if she signs, i won't try and stop her. she can have time to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 25, 2009 Author Share Posted July 25, 2009 this is the first night since it all began that she didn't call to tell our daughter goodnight. it's a little biting. aw, **** it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Why do you care... that' goes to show you what type of woman she is in the first place... All you can do is be there for your daughter especially if your ex is lacking. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 That's on her Bro! Not you! That's her problem! Not yours! Don't make her problems ~ your problems! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted July 25, 2009 Author Share Posted July 25, 2009 you guys are right. that's HER problem. not mine. had some friends over last night. 2 couples with a total of 5 kids, plus mine. it was a good time, but damn if i didn't feel loneliness seeping through me throughout the night. i kept having fleeting thoughts in my mind that she was out with someone else last night. that she now has decided to actually venture out into the city with someone other than her family. i wish it hadn't made me sad. i've sacked up nicely this past week. i just feel that if i'm actually wondering what she's doing, i may have not made as much progress as i think i have. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I think it's going to take some time for all the questions to go away. I don't like them, but they creep in anyways. It's how you let them effect you that you can control. Thats where you 're going to see progress. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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