Just Hear Me Out....

[MrMayI]

start exercising today, everybody. i swear, a month or so in and you'll never regret it.

[LisaUk]

lisa, i'm grieving, but having been cheated on before, i'm grieving in a different way. i can't help what my emotions are doing to me, you know?

 

 

chrome, i swear i'm doing everything i can right now. i've hit her with the papers. she hasn't signed. next step is to have her served with them. i'm moving on. literally moving on. my daughter and i are moving to a new house in 2 weeks. i'm hoping that will be the fire under her ass to sign the agreement and put this **** to rest.

 

I never meant to imply that you shouldn't be feeling what you are feeling. I was trying to help with the vivid dreams, having read some of your posts today though, I think you are doing great. Our situations are different, in that you have been cheated on, I haven't, so I guess our ways of grieving will be different. I'm sorry if I caused you any offense.

[MrMayI]

I never meant to imply that you shouldn't be feeling what you are feeling. I was trying to help with the vivid dreams, having read some of your posts today though, I think you are doing great. Our situations are different, in that you have been cheated on, I haven't, so I guess our ways of grieving will be different. I'm sorry if I caused you any offense.

 

none taken. i hope you know i didn't to make you feel you bad. you're doing great too! soon, you can drive all over europe and your life will be exactly what you want.

[Gunny376]

It really doesn't matter what she's thinking about ~ because its obviously not you and your marriage? Let alone saving it.

 

Once a woman leaves you? They generally don't come back, and even if they did its for their own selfish reasons, or because things got tough out there in the cold cruel world.

 

Case in point!

 

I know this guy that's been married and divorced four times! TO THE SAME WOMAN!

 

Here's the thing? Its against state law for you to marry the same person three times. The fourth time they got married they had to drive two hours across state line to get married in GA.

 

Don't you know, that over the course of driving for two hours, that had it been me? I would have glanced over from time to time, and thought? "Hmmmmm, what's wrong with this picture?"

 

The more interesting thing? Is that the state legislature saw it fit and proper to pass such a law? (Its also against state law for a person to get married more than six times in the State of Alabama! AKA the "Your too damn stupid to get married! Ya Dummy"

 

Your doing great 'May" and going to the gym and fostering your relationship with your DD is what you need to be concentrating.

 

The woman you feel in love with and married checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Its time to get busy living your life and get on with living your life.

 

And again until the ink is dried of the "D" papers make sure your check your credit report every three months and for up to a year of two afterwards. Just to make sure you don't have any credit cards you don't know about?

 

When I was going through the "Big D" I found out I had a Parisian, McRay's, Belks, Cato's credit card that I had never taken out.

 

I have a very distinctive left handed cursive handwritting that's very hard for someone to forge, so it was easy to prove that it wasn't my handwriting nor initials.

 

Another thing saved my butt, was the day after the XHEX and I separated I took out a thirty day add in the "state" paper and our hometown paper in the want ads legals.

 

It basically said, "I, Gunny376 will not be responsible for any and all debts not incurred by myself and I alone effective XX-XX-XXXX."

 

Its based on English Common Law, and generally holds up in 49 of the 50 states, (Louisiana being the exception, as their law is based upon the Napoleonic Code)

 

The XHEX and I had a couple of run in after the divorce, where she tried to 'back-door' on somethings. But, because I had a couple of business law courses under my belt, I didn't even need a lawyer. Just wrote and mailed some certified letters to those in question.

[LisaUk]

none taken. i hope you know i didn't to make you feel you bad. you're doing great too! soon, you can drive all over europe and your life will be exactly what you want.

 

No you didn't make me feel bad. I'm glad I didn't offend you. I wish I could get to where you are, I'm just so d**m hurt by the way he has treated me.

[MrMayI]

i sure wish i felt i was still doing great today. i'm not really missing my wife, but i am feeling very, very lonely right now. this is the feeling i don't like to have. i know it too will pass, but it has just overwhelmed me all day, even with a great support network. i went and had lunch alone, and thought of how great it would be to have my wife across the table from me, just to talk to. then i pictured in my mind exactly who she is, and how she appears to me today, and forgot all about it. i didn't even lose my appetite.

[lupa]

i sure wish i felt i was still doing great today. i'm not really missing my wife, but i am feeling very, very lonely right now. this is the feeling i don't like to have. i know it too will pass, but it has just overwhelmed me all day, even with a great support network. i went and had lunch alone, and thought of how great it would be to have my wife across the table from me, just to talk to. then i pictured in my mind exactly who she is, and how she appears to me today, and forgot all about it. i didn't even lose my appetite.

I don't believe "everything happens for a reason" or that "someone is up there looking out for you." I do, however, look at every challenge or problem as an opportunity to get better, be better, get stronger, or find something new.

 

I think you (and most certainly me) need to be at peace with ourselves...eating lunch alone, for example...and then we can look to fill that void across the table. I sometimes get there, but sometimes I don't, and I feel pretty lonely and down. Then I think about the people that are listening and supporting, and I think that man, I am not so alone.

 

You are not so alone. I am not so alone. One day we'll truly understand what that means.

[MrMayI]

I don't believe "everything happens for a reason" or that "someone is up there looking out for you." I do, however, look at every challenge or problem as an opportunity to get better, be better, get stronger, or find something new.

 

I think you (and most certainly me) need to be at peace with ourselves...eating lunch alone, for example...and then we can look to fill that void across the table. I sometimes get there, but sometimes I don't, and I feel pretty lonely and down. Then I think about the people that are listening and supporting, and I think that man, I am not so alone.

 

You are not so alone. I am not so alone. One day we'll truly understand what that means.

 

you know, i once knew EXACTLY what it felt like. to be able to say, have lunch by myself and enjoy that time. to take in the world around me and be completely at peace with it all. without the luxury of a woman to come home to, or spend a majority of my time with. i think today is the first time i've felt like i was venturing out into the world all by myself. just a little overwhelming. not that it's a bad thing. i feel i can turn that into a positive.

i've actually caught myself eyeing a couple of ladies. been reconnecting with some old friends, too. many of which are women, and i had actually sort of disconnected with, because i got married, and that's what married people are supposed to do.

however, some married people like to spend several years going by the "rules" and then decide they need a new secret network of opposite sex companions. sickening.

[lupa]

you know, i once knew EXACTLY what it felt like. to be able to say, have lunch by myself and enjoy that time. to take in the world around me and be completely at peace with it all. without the luxury of a woman to come home to, or spend a majority of my time with. i think today is the first time i've felt like i was venturing out into the world all by myself. just a little overwhelming. not that it's a bad thing. i feel i can turn that into a positive.

i've actually caught myself eyeing a couple of ladies. been reconnecting with some old friends, too. many of which are women, and i had actually sort of disconnected with, because i got married, and that's what married people are supposed to do.

however, some married people like to spend several years going by the "rules" and then decide they need a new secret network of opposite sex companions. sickening.

Sickening is only the tip of the iceberg of disgust and disappointment that is growing inside me.

 

I couldn't imagine trying to kiss that woman right now. I still could imagine spending time together to try to work it out, but a kiss? The thought fills me with revulsion.

 

Check my thread...read what happened today.

[MrMayI]

me either. i can't imagine anything involving my wife in a physical sense. she has gone so far downhill since this all began it's unreal. not just physically, but mentally as well. she's almost impossible to talk to. my daughter has an easier time grasping what is being said to her, and that's all i talk to the wife about anymore. amazing how this all went. i was reading parts of this thread again, and i just still cannot ****ing believe how naive i've been. that's just not me. it never, ever will be again.

[LisaUk]

i sure wish i felt i was still doing great today. i'm not really missing my wife, but i am feeling very, very lonely right now. this is the feeling i don't like to have. i know it too will pass, but it has just overwhelmed me all day, even with a great support network. i went and had lunch alone, and thought of how great it would be to have my wife across the table from me, just to talk to. then i pictured in my mind exactly who she is, and how she appears to me today, and forgot all about it. i didn't even lose my appetite.

 

A few weeks after my ex left I went into town with my mum, do some shopping, you know, try and take my mind of stuff. We went into a cafe for lunch, all of a sudden as I sat at the table the tears just started flowing, I just had the realisation I would never sit in a cafe and eat a sandwich with him again. It was so embaressing, I couldn't stop, tears were streaming down my face, along with my mascara!, and I just couldn't stop, people were staring at me. Terrible, just terrible.

 

Since then I have been out many times alone, to the beach, for a walk etc. It gets less with time, that feeling that something or rather someone is missing, it lessens with time.

[lastout_82]

me either. i can't imagine anything involving my wife in a physical sense. she has gone so far downhill since this all began it's unreal. not just physically, but mentally as well. she's almost impossible to talk to. my daughter has an easier time grasping what is being said to her, and that's all i talk to the wife about anymore. amazing how this all went. i was reading parts of this thread again, and i just still cannot ****ing believe how naive i've been. that's just not me. it never, ever will be again.

 

 

 

thats whats starting for me. i read all my post and looked at my journal and thinking wth was i thinking anyway.mine is almost impossble to talk to also. but its more me not wanting to now. i know what the reactions i will get and i know now. i deserve better. i dont want someone in my life right now that will bring me down. im trying as hard as possible to put a smile on my face and look at the good of it all. and all she will do is bring it down. i know now who i am more than i knew when i started posting here. and it feels great.

[MrMayI]

A few weeks after my ex left I went into town with my mum, do some shopping, you know, try and take my mind of stuff. We went into a cafe for lunch, all of a sudden as I sat at the table the tears just started flowing, I just had the realisation I would never sit in a cafe and eat a sandwich with him again. It was so embaressing, I couldn't stop, tears were streaming down my face, along with my mascara!, and I just couldn't stop, people were staring at me. Terrible, just terrible.

 

Since then I have been out many times alone, to the beach, for a walk etc. It gets less with time, that feeling that something or rather someone is missing, it lessens with time.

 

it just has to get better with time. honestly, i am doing okay, but the anger of the past few days needs to go. i can't carry that around with me either.

 

 

thats whats starting for me. i read all my post and looked at my journal and thinking wth was i thinking anyway.mine is almost impossble to talk to also. but its more me not wanting to now. i know what the reactions i will get and i know now. i deserve better. i dont want someone in my life right now that will bring me down. im trying as hard as possible to put a smile on my face and look at the good of it all. and all she will do is bring it down. i know now who i am more than i knew when i started posting here. and it feels great.

 

same here. i bought all of her bull**** just to make myself believe we COULD work things out, rather we WOULD. i knew better though. over 1 year of my gut telling me otherwise. that's what i'm starting to grasp. i checked out a while back too. part of me is starting to think i was more trying to destroy my marriage rather than save it. once she gave indication she was becoming a different person, i knew then i didn't like her like that. i wanted my original wife back, but from past experience just knew it wasn't possible.

[lastout_82]

same here. i bought all of her bull**** just to make myself believe we COULD work things out, rather we WOULD. i knew better though. over 1 year of my gut telling me otherwise. that's what i'm starting to grasp. i checked out a while back too. part of me is starting to think i was more trying to destroy my marriage rather than save it. once she gave indication she was becoming a different person, i knew then i didn't like her like that. i wanted my original wife back, but from past experience just knew it wasn't possible.

 

 

 

thats what i relized and looking at 180 now i dont say or do **** for her. she ask for gas money. i used to give it to her before not now, no way..

only if the kids need something if thy do i go get it. and now i am dealing with a different person she is very pethatic in a way and i dont know what she wants and i really dont care at this time. i know what i want and thats what im going out to get. a new lease on life with or without her.

[MrMayI]

well, i've officially gone 7 days NC, and i have to tell you, it feels pretty good.

[Gunny376]

Two things have shaped my life definitively?

 

One was getting out of a twelve year marriage?

 

The other?

 

Getting out of the Marine Corps after 20+ years?

 

I actually had an easier time adjusting to being married and being a Marine, than I did finding myself single again and being a civilian!

 

I think it has to do with Stockholm Syndrome? (I'm being serious) or a variation of such.

 

We actually would rather be held hostage with the people that are responsible for making us miserable? Than without them.

 

Hey! I may be on to something here!

[lupa]

We actually would rather be held hostage with the people that are responsible for making us miserable? Than without them.

What a terrifyingly astute way of viewing all this...frightening, really, because I think that is where I was for a while -- more comfortable with the devil I knew than the possibility of the unknown.

 

Scary.

 

Gunny, you're a smart man.

[MrMayI]

i've realized today that i really miss my wife's friendship. i was talking on the phone with one of our mutual friends this morning, and she told me some random joke my wife made the other day in front of several people, and no one laughed. she told me what she said, and asked what i thought. i told her give me a chance to stop laughing because it was really funny. i miss that. she and i could keep ourselves entertained no matter where we were. just saying people's names in funny ways cracked us up. i don't know. i don't have any friends like that. my friends are great, but i sometimes feel like an outsider.

 

i can't help but wonder today if she is feeling like me. if it's really a rollercoaster for her too, or if she's just cruising through life without a hitch. this NC may be starting to get to me.

[lupa]

i've realized today that i really miss my wife's friendship. i was talking on the phone with one of our mutual friends this morning, and she told me some random joke my wife made the other day in front of several people, and no one laughed. she told me what she said, and asked what i thought. i told her give me a chance to stop laughing because it was really funny. i miss that. she and i could keep ourselves entertained no matter where we were. just saying people's names in funny ways cracked us up. i don't know. i don't have any friends like that. my friends are great, but i sometimes feel like an outsider.

 

i can't help but wonder today if she is feeling like me. if it's really a rollercoaster for her too, or if she's just cruising through life without a hitch. this NC may be starting to get to me.

Stay strong, brother man, and keep letting it out here. I had to break the no contact yesterday because of bills and what is going on with my dad, and I'm unhappy with myself that I did.

 

Although, in my case, it only served to piss me off at her and make everything else easier, but that is a side note.

 

Make sure if and when you talk to her, you keep it cordial AND SAY NOTHING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE.

 

That is all.

[MrMayI]

Stay strong, brother man, and keep letting it out here. I had to break the no contact yesterday because of bills and what is going on with my dad, and I'm unhappy with myself that I did.

 

Although, in my case, it only served to piss me off at her and make everything else easier, but that is a side note.

 

Make sure if and when you talk to her, you keep it cordial AND SAY NOTHING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE.

 

That is all.

 

i'm going to stay strong. thanks. i actually broke down for the first time in a while yesterday. the thought of her possibly having a PA disgusts me to no end, but at the same time i just miss her being in my life. i don't miss the arguments, the jealousy, the distrust. i miss the pure times. the laughing til we cried. now i'm just crying til i laugh again. it sucks. our schedules this weekend would have allowed us to take a nice mini-vacation, but those days are gone. instead, i'm leaving town to just get the hell away and our daughter is reluctantly staying with her all weekend. i dreamed last night that i told her of our impending move, and she asked to move with us, and i laughed and told her she must think i'm the biggest fool in the world, and no she could not live with me ever again. i woke up, and said to myself "you just don't mean that". my tough exterior has diminished.

[lupa]

i'm going to stay strong. thanks. i actually broke down for the first time in a while yesterday. the thought of her possibly having a PA disgusts me to no end, but at the same time i just miss her being in my life. i don't miss the arguments, the jealousy, the distrust. i miss the pure times. the laughing til we cried. now i'm just crying til i laugh again. it sucks. our schedules this weekend would have allowed us to take a nice mini-vacation, but those days are gone. instead, i'm leaving town to just get the hell away and our daughter is reluctantly staying with her all weekend. i dreamed last night that i told her of our impending move, and she asked to move with us, and i laughed and told her she must think i'm the biggest fool in the world, and no she could not live with me ever again. i woke up, and said to myself "you just don't mean that". my tough exterior has diminished.

Tell you what man, I recently started grieving for the old times, the good times. I think that is a healthy thing, to be honest. I think that missing the good stuff means we are accepting that it isn't coming back.

 

It had me sad for a while, it really did. It also brought on this incredible guilt that I had to sort through, but remember, we're not the ones that walked out on it. We're not. There is nothing we could say or do to change the fact that they bailed.

 

Accept the old times as great, miss them. Don't miss her, and at some point we also have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

[MrMayI]

Tell you what man, I recently started grieving for the old times, the good times. I think that is a healthy thing, to be honest. I think that missing the good stuff means we are accepting that it isn't coming back.

 

It had me sad for a while, it really did. It also brought on this incredible guilt that I had to sort through, but remember, we're not the ones that walked out on it. We're not. There is nothing we could say or do to change the fact that they bailed.

 

Accept the old times as great, miss them. Don't miss her, and at some point we also have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

 

the only person in all of this i truly feel sorry for is our daughter. it's just not fair to her. i would never in her lifetime tell her that her mommy walked away, leaving behind easily fixable problems (in my mind, anyway), and making it so she grows up shifting between 2 different places and potentially 2 different lifestyles altogether. sure, i grieve the loss, but at the same time i pray to god that my daughter doesn't grow up sad, lonely, and confused. she was a very, very sociable and well adjusted child. now, she's shy, and very distraught seeming at times.

[lupa]

the only person in all of this i truly feel sorry for is our daughter. it's just not fair to her. i would never in her lifetime tell her that her mommy walked away, leaving behind easily fixable problems (in my mind, anyway), and making it so she grows up shifting between 2 different places and potentially 2 different lifestyles altogether. sure, i grieve the loss, but at the same time i pray to god that my daughter doesn't grow up sad, lonely, and confused. she was a very, very sociable and well adjusted child. now, she's shy, and very distraught seeming at times.

Stay strong for her, man. Always have a smile on your face because she is the light of your eyes (but you know this already). She will not understand, and she is going to change and be negatively effected, but all you can do is love her unconditionally. The rest of it will have to work out on its own. From what you post here, I have no fear that you would poison her view of her mother, and that is noble. Just be nice, cordial, friendly, and understanding to your wife, or when your daughter asks about the situation.

 

Please don't show her negative emotion during this...if you need to yell or curse or scream, bottle it up until you get a minute apart from your daughter.

 

Kids are resilient, but they need to come to terms first.

[MrMayI]

Stay strong for her, man. Always have a smile on your face because she is the light of your eyes (but you know this already). She will not understand, and she is going to change and be negatively effected, but all you can do is love her unconditionally. The rest of it will have to work out on its own. From what you post here, I have no fear that you would poison her view of her mother, and that is noble. Just be nice, cordial, friendly, and understanding to your wife, or when your daughter asks about the situation.

 

Please don't show her negative emotion during this...if you need to yell or curse or scream, bottle it up until you get a minute apart from your daughter.

 

Kids are resilient, but they need to come to terms first.

 

i do everything to keep it together when necessary with her. i tend to not feel bad at all when i look at my little girl, in regards to the rollercoaster i'm on. it all just seems to fall into place sometimes with her. i often times tell myself that she IS the purpose for where i am today. that SHE is all god intended for me to have from this marriage. i may be wrong, but i'm okay with it if so. that child is what i always wanted. i thought a lot just after college about having a child, and often wondered how i would be able to do that and not have to deal with a mother in its life. i now have half of that. her mother is going nowhere, so i have to be friendly. i have to be confident in front of her mommy.

[MrMayI]

between last night and today, it has become abundantly clear that i am not ready to be divorced. i have zero proof of a PA, and until i do, i can't blindly make accusations. hell, i've disappeared several nights myself since this started and haven't cheated.