Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 I think the church's senior pastor and congregation would be very interested in knowing what their youth pastor has been engaged in. #2 on my exposure "to do" list. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 thank you very much. i just needed some reassurance. i actually met with my lawyer and the judge today. i think it's going to stay in my favor. i really hope so. she does have our daughter, by my calendar, about 27% of the time. it's just really getting old. i have told several people to just call her, because i have no answers. i'm going to come back out of the hole. it's not desparation, sadness or any of that anymore. i'm just blank, numb. edit: i notice my posts are a little more on the down side when i don't see my daughter for more than 24 hours. I was married, she wasn't! thats all that needs to be said MayI. Numb is a scary place to be. I'd much rather feel bad then feel nothing. Feeling the emotions, good or bad, shows your moving forward, continuing the process. Numb is a stalemate, limbo. Thats the way it felt for me anyways. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 edit: i notice my posts are a little more on the down side when i don't see my daughter for more than 24 hours. Maybe for a while you need to try & fill that time with something else. I know I keep saying; go to the gym, but it really helps. Even going out for a walk, anything to get your body working and your mind off things. Just make sure to always be the better parent even if it hurts. It's hard but be nice to the stbxw & if you have to scream once you are by yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Maybe for a while you need to try & fill that time with something else. I know I keep saying; go to the gym, but it really helps. Even going out for a walk, anything to get your body working and your mind off things. Just make sure to always be the better parent even if it hurts. It's hard but be nice to the stbxw & if you have to scream once you are by yourself. i go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week. haven't these past couple of weeks since i moved but starting next week, i'm getting back to my routine. it's very hard to be anything to the stbx. we've gone complete NC, except for a couple of texts concerning our daughter since her affair has come to light. it's going to take a little while before i feel i can talk to her in a civil manner again. i don't think we'll have a lengthy conversation again until she is served with the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 i go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week. haven't these past couple of weeks since i moved but starting next week, i'm getting back to my routine. it's very hard to be anything to the stbx. we've gone complete NC, except for a couple of texts concerning our daughter since her affair has come to light. it's going to take a little while before i feel i can talk to her in a civil manner again. i don't think we'll have a lengthy conversation again until she is served with the papers. NC is good, gives you time to heal & get stronger so when you do meet her it will be easier. Good to hear you go to the gym, I really feel that makes a big difference. I REALLY need to get back myself. You will such a better person after this is all over, once you cross that line (and you will know when it is) you will look back and say; why did I spend so much time worrying about her????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 NC is good, gives you time to heal & get stronger so when you do meet her it will be easier. Good to hear you go to the gym, I really feel that makes a big difference. I REALLY need to get back myself. You will such a better person after this is all over, once you cross that line (and you will know when it is) you will look back and say; why did I spend so much time worrying about her????? i really thought i already HAD crossed that line. then, i start getting near daily reports of sightings and activity she is having with OM, and i backslide. i'm working on beginning exposure today. i am going to call the pastor of the church he works for today and put that in the works. while it may not be the best measure, i certainly don't believe a so called man of god should be allowed to continue down the path he's chosen without the possibility of reprecussions. you cannot covet another man's wife, commit adultery, and walk away unscathed. it's just not fair to those left behind. my family, friends, everyone in my circle has now turned their back to my stbx. gone are the days where i can even ponder the possibility of reconciliation. i'd much rather remain in the good graces of those i love, and for my entire life have loved me back, then to spend each day trying to find ways to trust her again, to fall in love again. this woman is a ghost. she is gone, and never coming back, in any decent form. i'm dealing. i'm growing. i'm bettering myself every day i go through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 tears turn to anger. at least that's my hope. i can't believe i've shed any more. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 It will be 6 months in for me in a couple of weeks. I have not shed one tear for my lost hopes and dreams in 4 days. That's a first for me. My outlook is changing and yours will too. You will look back on her with indifference and wonder why you wasted your life caring about her in the first place, after everything she has put you through. To love someone who doesn't love you back anymore is a waste of time and energy and when you start seeing things more clearly you might end up feeling more than a bit foolish. That's been my experience anyway. You will get through this. We all do eventually. It's called survival. I never thought I would get to this point. It is just so gradual and then BAM, just when you can't take another day of pain, the pain lifts and it feels so good. I need to hang onto this feeling and not let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 the pain lifts and it feels so good. I need to hang onto this feeling and not let go. i've been there for a while now, BUT now i have a small town affair being thrown right in my face, along with actually getting the papers filed in and ready to serve on her. it just broke me down a bit all over again. i know she doesn't love me anymore. i often wonder if she ever really did. i think i was comfortability to her. the promise of a future. all of that was in motion. the future looked brighter all of the time, and then she pulled the rug out. our family is in disarray. our daughter now has 2 houses to stay in. my wife apparently has 2 houses to stay in as well. i sometimes wish i could be a bit more public with photos and information so that people could see exactly what my wife has moved from me to. it's almost insane in my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Well MMI you didnt cause this to happen. She did. And why do you want to reconcile with a woman who can continue cheating and dont make it right. She aint coming back... Just live your life and take care of your daughter your stbx is an azzhole. and she's gonna suffer when it's all over. Just use that anger and focus on keeping your kid safe and leave this woman alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Well MMI you didnt cause this to happen. She did. And why do you want to reconcile with a woman who can continue cheating and dont make it right. She aint coming back... Just live your life and take care of your daughter your stbx is an azzhole. and she's gonna suffer when it's all over. Just use that anger and focus on keeping your kid safe and leave this woman alone. thanks dude. always in to put my azz in check, lol. you know i'm doing the right things. i don't want to reconcile, at all. i can promise you that. i've gone complete NC with her. i dodge her calls and texts like the plague. she's full of anger, and i know it's just her justification for her ****ty actions. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 i've been there for a while now, BUT now i have a small town affair being thrown right in my face, along with actually getting the papers filed in and ready to serve on her. it just broke me down a bit all over again. i know she doesn't love me anymore. i often wonder if she ever really did. i think i was comfortability to her. the promise of a future. all of that was in motion. the future looked brighter all of the time, and then she pulled the rug out. our family is in disarray. our daughter now has 2 houses to stay in. my wife apparently has 2 houses to stay in as well. i sometimes wish i could be a bit more public with photos and information so that people could see exactly what my wife has moved from me to. it's almost insane in my mind. Remember little victories MayI? Who has the starring role in that small town affair? As all this is exposed and it comes to light what she has become, your going to have all the support in the world, and she will be the one feeling it. Rightly so. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Remember little victories MayI? Who has the starring role in that small town affair? As all this is exposed and it comes to light what she has become, your going to have all the support in the world, and she will be the one feeling it. Rightly so. TOJAZ And think of the sympathy sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 Remember little victories MayI? Who has the starring role in that small town affair? As all this is exposed and it comes to light what she has become, your going to have all the support in the world, and she will be the one feeling it. Rightly so. TOJAZ very good point. i'm already feeling the support. i had a buddy and his wife come over last night just to check on us, because they found out what was going on. his wife happened to see my stbx's car at her house, and started asking mutual friends, and actually has been just looking for stuff that'd help me out in court, if need be. And think of the sympathy sex. HA-CHA-CHAAAA!!!! on a much more self-pitying note, another friend of mine also came over last night, and he and i played guitars for a bit. he taught me the chords to a song by a band called "band of horses". i already knew the lyrics, but for some reason they became very poignant when singing them and playing. the song is called "i go to the barn". it's beautiful. here's the lyrics: well I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride. like some empty dress on the bed you've layed out for tonight. maybe I'll tell you sometime. time.sometime. and you were right. right. you were right. outside,by your doorstep in a worn out suit and tie. I'll wait for you to come down where you'll find me where we'll shine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 man, i just feel like i'm falling right back down into the abyss. out goes the anger, in comes the sadness. everyone around me has been very, very supportive, yet collectively have shared enough information to send me right back down. the toughest thing i've heard so far is that a friend of mine's little sister went to a party at my wife's house not to long ago. imagine a bunch of fresh out of high school kids-mid 20's people, and a 30 year old walkaway wife as host. i'm mid 30's. the vast majority of her new "friends" could very well be my kids. i'm just in disbelief. we had such a fun, yet mature relationship. i guess maturity wasn't her cup of tea. i'm starting to regret moving to a new place in the same town. i should've taken my little girl and gotten the **** out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 man, i just feel like i'm falling right back down into the abyss. out goes the anger, in comes the sadness. everyone around me has been very, very supportive, yet collectively have shared enough information to send me right back down. the toughest thing i've heard so far is that a friend of mine's little sister went to a party at my wife's house not to long ago. imagine a bunch of fresh out of high school kids-mid 20's people, and a 30 year old walkaway wife as host. i'm mid 30's. the vast majority of her new "friends" could very well be my kids. i'm just in disbelief. we had such a fun, yet mature relationship. i guess maturity wasn't her cup of tea. i'm starting to regret moving to a new place in the same town. i should've taken my little girl and gotten the **** out of there. I hear you on this. My wife was miss party time when I was home watching the kids. Acting like she was in college. She has two children & a husband at home & she was telling me she had to work late when she was out bar hopping with her boyfriend. seriously WTF? she was 34 yrs old. not 24. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 I hear you on this. My wife was miss party time when I was home watching the kids. Acting like she was in college. She has two children & a husband at home & she was telling me she had to work late when she was out bar hopping with her boyfriend. seriously WTF? she was 34 yrs old. not 24. i just don't understand phin, just why they would be that way. my wife and i agreed that it was time for us to leave that lifestyle behind, and then we had our daughter. almost 5 years in to our daughter's life, and NOW it's not what she wanted? i can't stand it. last night she talked to my little girl on the phone and told her how much she realllllllllly misses her. she's always doing that. trying to get the kid in a tizzy like she really has that much time for her now. i wish she'd admit she's far to busy cloaking herself in darkness, and having an affair. that doesn't afford the time to be with a child like my chosen schedule does. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu@@@@@@@@@$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 i just don't understand phin, just why they would be that way. my wife and i agreed that it was time for us to leave that lifestyle behind, and then we had our daughter. almost 5 years in to our daughter's life, and NOW it's not what she wanted? i can't stand it. last night she talked to my little girl on the phone and told her how much she realllllllllly misses her. she's always doing that. trying to get the kid in a tizzy like she really has that much time for her now. i wish she'd admit she's far to busy cloaking herself in darkness, and having an affair. that doesn't afford the time to be with a child like my chosen schedule does. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu@@@@@@@@@$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!! Karma will be a dish best served Ice Cold. Lets look ahead Mr. Down the road you will find a REAL woman. One who will truly honor and love you for you. Will want to spend every waking moment with you. And your STBXW: She'll be crashing and burning, with some loser living in her house and her paying for everything. She'll call eventually calling wanting to come back. Too bad, so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 And think of the sympathy sex. Why didn't anybody tell med about sympathy sex!!!!!!! I gotta go! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 i just don't understand phin, just why they would be that way. my wife and i agreed that it was time for us to leave that lifestyle behind, and then we had our daughter. almost 5 years in to our daughter's life, and NOW it's not what she wanted? i can't stand it. last night she talked to my little girl on the phone and told her how much she realllllllllly misses her. she's always doing that. trying to get the kid in a tizzy like she really has that much time for her now. i wish she'd admit she's far to busy cloaking herself in darkness, and having an affair. that doesn't afford the time to be with a child like my chosen schedule does. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu@@@@@@@@@$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!! Wish I had an answer to that one MayI. When me and my ex started living together, I would give anything to just get out of the house, go to the bar, party a little. Wasn't her thing she'd say so we stay home. Fast forward 10 years, after the house, and cars and retirement accounts. She leaves me because she needs her freedom!!! What is she doing??? Going to bars and getting drunk!!! WTF!!!! I left that part of myself behind to build our life and now it's what she wants! Screw it, I'm lookin for sympathy sex. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
RouRou Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Sometime relationships can become repetitive, sometimes you just need time away to clear your head and figure out why "not in love" has happened...Sometimes a little distance and seeing what your life would be like without this person is all it takes to reignite the fire, start fresh... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 The general rule to rembmer when it comes to women? They're all the same ~ and every single one are different from the other. Men peak sexually around age 18, while women peak around age 35, +/- 10 years? In additoion a lot of marriages / LTR's tend to hit rough water around the 10 to 15 year mark, if they haven't already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 29, 2009 Author Share Posted August 29, 2009 yesterday, i dropped off the address information to the process server. i knew with that exchange, that my marriage is now rapidly coming to an end. i picked my daughter up from my wife after work yesterday, and i have to say it's the first time i've looked her in the eye and smiled in months. i think i'm going to be okay with this. i do, however, worry a bit about the hell that will come my way when she is served. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 yesterday, i dropped off the address information to the process server. i knew with that exchange, that my marriage is now rapidly coming to an end. i picked my daughter up from my wife after work yesterday, and i have to say it's the first time i've looked her in the eye and smiled in months. i think i'm going to be okay with this. i do, however, worry a bit about the hell that will come my way when she is served. Still better then the hell shes been putting you through all this time MAYI. I know you'll be OK with this, but having her served has to be hard on you. Stay Strong Bro TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Still better then the hell shes been putting you through all this time MAYI. I know you'll be OK with this, but having her served has to be hard on you. Stay Strong Bro TOJAZ thanks man. i swear in this lifetime i will hoist a beer with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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