Just Hear Me Out....

[tojaz]

i think you're absolutely right. i may just dodge it all until after the weekend. opening day of college football means way more to me right now than the stbx

 

:bunny: I love the attitude MayI!! keep it up!

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

:bunny: I love the attitude MayI!! keep it up!

TOJAZ

 

i'm trying my best. i hope you're feeling better, dude.

i realized last night that my wife and i have not spoken on the phone, at all, for almost a month. i don't know how i'm maintaining the balance with our daughter, but i am. seeing her in person makes me think of how disgusted i am at all of this. talking to her on the phone i believe would only serve to make me angry and actually tell her that i think it's really ****ty for her to be involved in what she's involved in whilst still married to me. all the while, not signing the papers.

 

on a lighter note, i'm bbq'ing the hell out of some food this weekend. i'll be having quite a few people over, including an ex that i am still really good friends with, and my wife even likes her, but she now despises my wife. in addition, there'll be a girl, er, woman there that i haven't seen in a couple of years, but i've always found to be strikingly beautiful, and very, very cool. i'm not interested in hooking up, per se, but i'm not against the "anything can happen" policy either. i'm just ready to wolf down ribs, watch football, and have several adult beverages.

 

i really think for right now, this moment, i'm back at the top of my game. just hope it doesn't come tumbling down anytime soon.

[MrMayI]

and here i go. spinning again. i'm really wanting to beat the **** out of that guy. i'm not going to allow myself to go there, but to just know, KNOW that my wife was a block from my house sometime after midnight/ early this morning infuriates me to no end. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

[MrMayI]

i digress. breathe mayi, breathe.

[PWSX3]

when she was that close to your house what were you doing????

 

If you were sleeping then all is well & it doesn't matter what she was doing that close.

[MrMayI]

when she was that close to your house what were you doing????

 

If you were sleeping then all is well & it doesn't matter what she was doing that close.

 

i was sleeping.

big, big development. she is going to sign the papers tomorrow . in about 4 or 5 weeks it should be officially over. sure it hurts, but exposure apparently broke her in the first couple of days.

[Auroracoladybug]

I wish 4-5 weeks...My Status Conference is in that time frame and then a 90 day cooling off period and then divorce in about 6 months...I am drowning!!!

[MrMayI]

i guess it is now absolutely official. the i'll now say ex called me from my attorney's office this morning to make sure she was at the right place. i assume by now, she has signed the papers and gone about her day.

 

yesterday was the most brutal day since she left. bar none. she told me she hates me, which may or may not be true. i told her that i have been aware of OM for a while now, and i'm sorry if she wants to try and bull**** me into believing he's a "friend" and nothing more. i can only say that i believe all of the crying and what not yesterday by her is all due to the fact that OM was exposed to his job and family and called it off with her. she hasn't shed tears like that over all of this with me, i'm pretty damn sure.

 

thanks again and again everybody. this place has kept me away from the edge many times, and now i see the definitive light at the end of the tunnel. i got my little girl!!! there's nothing more i could hope or ask for at this point.

[LisaUk]

i guess it is now absolutely official. the i'll now say ex called me from my attorney's office this morning to make sure she was at the right place. i assume by now, she has signed the papers and gone about her day.

 

yesterday was the most brutal day since she left. bar none. she told me she hates me, which may or may not be true. i told her that i have been aware of OM for a while now, and i'm sorry if she wants to try and bull**** me into believing he's a "friend" and nothing more. i can only say that i believe all of the crying and what not yesterday by her is all due to the fact that OM was exposed to his job and family and called it off with her. Oh, outstanding! That's Karma for you! Serves her right!she hasn't shed tears like that over all of this with me, i'm pretty damn sure.

 

thanks again and again everybody. this place has kept me away from the edge many times, and now i see the definitive light at the end of the tunnel. i got my little girl!!! there's nothing more i could hope or ask for at this point.

 

Sp pleased the ordeal is nearing an end (offically in any case), congrats on the custody MayI.

[MrMayI]

she apparently had a lengthy talk with my mother today, about what she's losing in all of this. all i really know is at some point she told my mother that she always thought we could fix it and be together, but now she just doesn't see it as a possibility. REALLY!???!??!?!? ****ING REALLY???!!!!!???? she just told me yesterday that she hates me. she just voluntarily signed the divorce. she just totally and completely walked away from her life as she knew it. she never once gave any indication we could fix things. she devoted all of her time to another man, a new life. is this what it's supposed to be like? i felt so good.

[MrMayI]

Dear Ex-Wife,

 

I am still shaken by you saying that you hate me. The thought of that is a lot more than I admit I was ready to bear. I could, and would, never hate you. You gave us the greatest gift of all. Somehow, I always thought that you and I would find a way. That we would piece the whole broken mess back together and somehow become one again. I know that it is now a virtual impossibility. I know that is more than can ever be hoped for again.

Your actions, my actions, we caused this. We lost sight of one another and just how to make it right. I lost you. I lost my best friend, my wife, my family. You did too. I don't want ******* going through life seeing bitterness, hatred. We both want her to be well rounded and happy. Truly happy.

I know it's over. There is no more "WE" left. However, strange as it may seem, I'll always be here, for you. Maybe we'll be friends again, maybe we won't, but I need for you to know that you are important to me. I don't even dislike you. I dislike what we've come to, and all that's happened. I dislike myself for my inability to remain who I am. I mostly dislike the reality that everything between us is gone, but it has seemed that way for quite sometime.

 

If Ever,

MayI

[LisaUk]

she texted me this morning that she hasn't slept in days, and is so scared and sad. last night she slept in our daughter's room by herself. she came in and rubbed my arm for about a minute.

 

MayI you posted the above the first week you came to LS. I think this goes to show how two faced she has been, like with your mother today. I had this with my ex as well, asking ME if I thought anyone else would be interested in him and find him attrcative the week before he left! Sick!

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

So sad that it feels a little good to start moving on, but still very sad

How long before the D is final and a decree issued?

In the mean time, prepare yourself for the I hate yous to be switched to the we can make it works, with pleading crockodile tears, back to the I hate yous, and it is all your faults. The roller coaster ride isn't over yet, just taken a different direction

You know you're are doing the right thing for you and especially your daughter, but still sad

[LisaUk]

Dear Ex-Wife,

 

I am still shaken by you saying that you hate me. The thought of that is a lot more than I admit I was ready to bear. I could, and would, never hate you. You gave us the greatest gift of all. Somehow, I always thought that you and I would find a way. That we would piece the whole broken mess back together and somehow become one again. I know that it is now a virtual impossibility. I know that is more than can ever be hoped for again.

Your actions, my actions, we caused this. We lost sight of one another and just how to make it right. I lost you. I lost my best friend, my wife, my family. You did too. I don't want ******* going through life seeing bitterness, hatred. We both want her to be well rounded and happy. Truly happy.

I know it's over. There is no more "WE" left. However, strange as it may seem, I'll always be here, for you. Maybe we'll be friends again, maybe we won't, but I need for you to know that you are important to me. I don't even dislike you. I dislike what we've come to, and all that's happened. I dislike myself for my inability to remain who I am. I mostly dislike the reality that everything between us is gone, but it has seemed that way for quite sometime.

 

If Ever,

MayI

 

This brought tears to my eyes, she doesn't deserve you or your love MayI. Her saying she hates you is only b/c she lost the OM, she's mad with you is all, remember there is a very fine line between love and hate. I HATE my ex at the moment, but you know what I wish I didn't b/c it means that I still care, all I want to feel is indifference.

[MrMayI]

MrMayI

 

So sad that it feels a little good to start moving on, but still very sad

How long before the D is final and a decree issued?

In the mean time, prepare yourself for the I hate yous to be switched to the we can make it works, with pleading crockodile tears, back to the I hate yous, and it is all your faults. The roller coaster ride isn't over yet, just taken a different direction

You know you're are doing the right thing for you and especially your daughter, but still sad

 

it won't be as long as normal. i work for an important office tied into the court, and my attorney is friends with the judge, so once it's filed, it'll take probably a week to be officially signed and the decree issued. i have to say, i don't think she'll ever try to make it work again. i don't want that even if she does, anyway.

 

This brought tears to my eyes, she doesn't deserve you or your love MayI. Her saying she hates you is only b/c she lost the OM, she's mad with you is all, remember there is a very fine line between love and hate. I HATE my ex at the moment, but you know what I wish I didn't b/c it means that I still care, all I want to feel is indifference.

 

i know lisa. i was so indifferent, and now i'm back to sadness. mostly because it's all so real now. it's out of my hands completely. i handwrote that letter, and then just decided to type it on here instead. i have to say, cheesy as it sounds, the original was too tear stained to go anywhere, anyway. i mean it. i'll always be there for her. i am sooo happy to formally have custody of my daughter, our daughter, but i still will look back on the good times and feel something for what has been lost.

[tojaz]

i know lisa. i was so indifferent, and now i'm back to sadness. mostly because it's all so real now. it's out of my hands completely. i handwrote that letter, and then just decided to type it on here instead. i have to say, cheesy as it sounds, the original was too tear stained to go anywhere, anyway. i mean it. i'll always be there for her. i am sooo happy to formally have custody of my daughter, our daughter, but i still will look back on the good times and feel something for what has been lost.

 

Tear stained letters? I have a whole box! Thats not cheesy, thats a man MayI, to admit your hurt and you loved her, will miss her. There are too many people here who just give the advice that she isn't worth it and just cash it in and find someone better. We all need that tough love and strength to get through this, but I think it's also important to admit that we are hurting and are vulnerable. To be honest, i wouldn't believe that marriage meant much to you if you weren't hurting and grieving for the loss. That proves you did it right and were in it for real!! INTEGRITY!!

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

t,

i think it may have been you who said getting the papers hurt just as bad as her leaving in the beginning. that's absolutely true. i now know there's no turning back to what was or could be with her. my heart was in a hundred, now it's in a million pieces. i have to put it back together for my daughter. god, the only time i've smiled today is knowing i won, whatever that means. she's a daddy's girl forever, and nothing can change that.

 

 

 

 

Tear stained letters? I have a whole box! Thats not cheesy, thats a man MayI, to admit your hurt and you loved her, will miss her. There are too many people here who just give the advice that she isn't worth it and just cash it in and find someone better. We all need that tough love and strength to get through this, but I think it's also important to admit that we are hurting and are vulnerable. To be honest, i wouldn't believe that marriage meant much to you if you weren't hurting and grieving for the loss. That proves you did it right and were in it for real!! INTEGRITY!!

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

t,

i think it may have been you who said getting the papers hurt just as bad as her leaving in the beginning. that's absolutely true. i now know there's no turning back to what was or could be with her. my heart was in a hundred, now it's in a million pieces. i have to put it back together for my daughter. god, the only time i've smiled today is knowing i won, whatever that means. she's a daddy's girl forever, and nothing can change that.

 

It's true. Even if you did find yourselves back together someday, It will never be the same as it was. The papers make it real, when she left the battle began. When I was served that last man standing fell to his knees!

 

There are no winners or losers in divorce. Anyone who thinks so wasn't married for the right reasons to begin with. Theres just heartbreak and doing whats best for the children. You got whats best for your daughter and thats whats most important.

TOJAZ

[phineas]

i can only say that i believe all of the crying and what not yesterday by her is all due to the fact that OM was exposed to his job and family and called it off with her. she hasn't shed tears like that over all of this with me, i'm pretty damn sure.

 

hence why I suspected OM never ended it with wife.

She was too damn happy for someone getting a divorce that worked so hard to hide an affair so she could stay married.

[seibert253]

Mr.

 

It's a shame man. She had a chance to come back, you gave it to her, she just pizzed it away. You made it crystal clear, you reached out your hand, she never took it. You opened your arms, she turned away.

 

You tried, that's all you can do.

 

Head up my man.

[delajoonal]

Dear Ex-Wife,

 

I am still shaken by you saying that you hate me. The thought of that is a lot more than I admit I was ready to bear. I could, and would, never hate you. You gave us the greatest gift of all. Somehow, I always thought that you and I would find a way. That we would piece the whole broken mess back together and somehow become one again. I know that it is now a virtual impossibility. I know that is more than can ever be hoped for again.

Your actions, my actions, we caused this. We lost sight of one another and just how to make it right. I lost you. I lost my best friend, my wife, my family. You did too. I don't want ******* going through life seeing bitterness, hatred. We both want her to be well rounded and happy. Truly happy.

I know it's over. There is no more "WE" left. However, strange as it may seem, I'll always be here, for you. Maybe we'll be friends again, maybe we won't, but I need for you to know that you are important to me. I don't even dislike you. I dislike what we've come to, and all that's happened. I dislike myself for my inability to remain who I am. I mostly dislike the reality that everything between us is gone, but it has seemed that way for quite sometime.

 

If Ever,

MayI

 

 

wow! mr....

 

that made me cry..an also really think about what I hate...?

 

you are so right..it is the way things have become...their actions...what they have done, that WE hate....

 

gosh, why can't i hate my H for the MEAN horrible things he has done to me..and some of you know my H has done some REALLY BAD things to me!

 

why can't i hate him????

 

mr...your letter poignant and clear...thank you for sharing with your LS friends...thank you:)

 

p.s. im sorry this happened to you too...you, me, we all deserve so much more...respect, love, appreciation...so much more...

[Auroracoladybug]

Mr. good letter!...I still don't know if I can ask for full custody of my son...I want to but I don't want to make another fight. You are an amazing person and I have never met you...most here on LS that we have actually continued talking to are...your heart is in the truth of those tears...my hugs and appreciation to you because you truly give me hope for a better man

[Gunny376]

Dear Ex-Wife,

 

I am still shaken by you saying that you hate me. The thought of that is a lot more than I admit I was ready to bear. I could, and would, never hate you. You gave us the greatest gift of all. Somehow, I always thought that you and I would find a way. That we would piece the whole broken mess back together and somehow become one again. I know that it is now a virtual impossibility. I know that is more than can ever be hoped for again.

Your actions, my actions, we caused this. We lost sight of one another and just how to make it right. I lost you. I lost my best friend, my wife, my family. You did too. I don't want ******* going through life seeing bitterness, hatred. We both want her to be well rounded and happy. Truly happy.

I know it's over. There is no more "WE" left. However, strange as it may seem, I'll always be here, for you. Maybe we'll be friends again, maybe we won't, but I need for you to know that you are important to me. I don't even dislike you. I dislike what we've come to, and all that's happened. I dislike myself for my inability to remain who I am. I mostly dislike the reality that everything between us is gone, but it has seemed that way for quite sometime.

 

If Ever,

MayI

 

No, No, No!

 

Nein! Nein! Nein!

 

Please, please tell me you didn't send this to her?

 

Your setting yourself up if you did?

 

On the one hand ? She'll use it against you the first time you don't deliver?

 

On the other she'll play you like a fool using your own promise against you?

 

Its a 'no-win' situation.

 

With this you've just painted yourself into a corner.

 

Of course its 'noble' ~ but its coming from the pain and hurt of the separation/divorce. Its coming from your sense of obligation and responsibility as the man in the marriage to "always make things right"

 

And she will use it against you at some point in time, before, during and after the divorce proceedings.

 

I can hear her words already, "But your said,..........................."

 

She's already stated that she hates you! What part of this picture are you not getting?

 

She's not going ~ she's gone! And I don't care what she's telling or saying to your Mother or your second half-cousin twice removed on your Great Granddaddy's side of the family.

 

You need to scrap this thinking PDQ (Pretty Damn Quick) or she's going to fry your @zz like fried okra and hush puppies at a July Family re-union in Alabama my man!

 

Just not only burned you ~ but she will burn you ~ until your nothing but ashes.

 

She made her choices, and now she needs to stand and face the music.

 

I'm not saying you should be an @zzhat, but you'd best be watching out for your and yours (DD) and forget all about her!

 

She made her bed, and now she'll have to sleep in it!

 

Her problems are just exactly that!

 

HER PROBLEMS!

 

NOT YOURS!

 

If she gets herself in to a jam that's her problem!

 

Not yours!

 

If she gets to where she cannot provide for the DD? Then that's when you step and take care of business. (Seek full custody)

 

Her car breaks down, needs repairs, needs a new set of tires, she's facing eviction, has credit card debt, can't pay the light bill?

 

That's her problem ~ not yours.

 

Child support is just exactly that!

 

Child support!

 

Not Mommy gets to go out and get a 2010 Mustang GT convertible?

 

You've got to understand that the cost of having a child live with you is an incremental cost.

 

The electric, natural gas bill, rent doesn't go up in a proportionate amount due to having a child live with you? It goes up in an incremental way. That is to say "marginally"

 

The cost of renting a one bedroom apartment vs a two bedroom isn't proportional ~ its incremental.

 

That is to say a one bedroom might go for $400 while a two bedroom might go for $500, not $800.

 

If the StBXw comes and says the DD needs this and that over and above CS, then you go and get that and/or pay the bill yourself ~ don't give her cash to do it herself.

 

If she comes crying that the tranny just went out on her car, and she needs a car to transport the DD, then all that means is she doesn't have the means to adequately provide for the DD, and that you need to take over the primary care-giver role.

 

The fact that the tranny went out on her car, and she doesn't have the money to repair it? That's not your problem ~ its hers!

[Gunny376]

I apolgize if I sounded harsh? Just trying to keep you real here!

[MrMayI]

I apolgize if I sounded harsh? Just trying to keep you real here!

 

no, gunny, i never take you as harsh. a hard hitter, sure, but necessary. don't worry. i didn't send the letter. never would.

 

she called yesterday to let me know she really doesn't hate me. still crocodile tears and all. i told her if it made her feel better than good, but to me it has no bearing on my existence anymore whether she hates me or not.

 

i now know the entire story of the exposing a few days ago. OM went straight to the ex, told her he would not be in any form of contact anymore with her. he then went and quit his job next to her job effective immediately. then, he went to his pastor and apparently admitted he was involved in an inapparopriate relationship with my wife. he has some serious pennance to work apparently. he is wanting to meet with my bro and sis in law, as they exposed his sorry ass. he wants to meet with my parents, and hopes i'll eventually meet him as well. he also has to admit he was involved in an affair in front of the church, and then will know if he's out of the ministry there or not. i gave my sis in law my ex mother and brother in law's numbers, and said it would be better for him to call them and tell them the story. exposure worked, for damn sure. i don't want him to come to me. i have no forgiveness for either of them right now.