Just Hear Me Out....

[LisaUk]

 

As for the roundabouts, best thing is to drive around & around & around in them & see how confused people get. We have small ones here so it is easy to stack up traffic when you do that. :laugh:

 

It's like that movie, European vacation, "look kids, Big Ben, Parliment"! :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

[LisaUk]

MayI, I really do think your wife is in this for the long haul, don't know why exactly, it's a gut feeling from reading posts. Perhaps it's time to ask her for a frank discusion about your future? Don't know, only you can decide.

[MrMayI]

MayI, I really do think your wife is in this for the long haul, don't know why exactly, it's a gut feeling from reading posts. Perhaps it's time to ask her for a frank discusion about your future? Don't know, only you can decide.

 

i agree with you. i was thinking of dropping our daughter off with my family tomorrow, and seeing if she would go somewhere with me to talk. i may not do this just yet, as i am still a wreck, of sorts. i just am beating myself up, telling myself she can't be in it for the long haul because she moved out! i know from this place and a few other sources that that's not always the case. it's only been 8 days. i wonder if it's too early still to discuss it. i have dodged it, because i know she has no other friends in the area, but contact with her co-worker will have to 110% stop outside of work if we are even going to try and make it work.

[WTFO]

It's like that movie, European vacation, "look kids, Big Ben, Parliment"! :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

 

 

Ahhh! you beat me to it..lol

[MrMayI]

.............

[MrMayI]

well, we talked briefly on the phone. i feel like a buffoon. i haven't waited long enough. through a bunch of texting this morning, initiated by her, i asked if she'd like to get together tonight or tomorrow to talk. she said she didn't know, and i sent back that i really can understand. she then said call her at work. i called and asked her if there was a reason she didn't want to get together and all she said was "i don't know. i don't really want to get that deep right now". arrgh!!!! i sort of giggled and said "well, you know me well enough to know that i'm not the guy who's going to stand there and cry in your face". she said "oh, i know". i said "i am just of the hope that even though it's only been a week, that you are still in the hope of trying to save our marriage". she said "yeah. i am." not a bad thing, i suppose. i told her i needed to go, and that she knows where to find me, and laughed. she said "i'll call you later". i think i may make myself unavailable later. it was hard to hold it together for even that long.

 

to be told by your wife that she doesn't know about seeing you is pretty demeaning. f**k it. i have to keep my chin up.

[MrMayI]

studies have been slow going. lost in my own mind again.

[LisaUk]

Hi mayI, try not to worry, there's no harm been done. I think you are right, it's best to leave it now, let her contact you and let her be the one to intiate the talk now.

 

It's positive in a way, firstly, you now know she is not ready to talk, secondly, you know she does want to work on your marriage and thirdly you have made it clear you are and when she is ready to call you.

 

I'm not sure game playing, like ignoring calls etc is right for your situtaion, I think perhaps in this particular case it may make matters worse? When she calls, texts you don't need to respond quickly, but I do think you should respond. When you do so, just be nice, calm, friendly and don't prolong the conversation. Keep it short and to the point. Don't discuss the relationship or problems unless she brings it up and even then don't say too much and if it starts to get heated, get off the phone asap.

[MrMayI]

Hi mayI, try not to worry, there's no harm been done. I think you are right, it's best to leave it now, let her contact you and let her be the one to intiate the talk now.

 

It's positive in a way, firstly, you now know she is not ready to talk, secondly, you know she does want to work on your marriage and thirdly you have made it clear you are and when she is ready to call you.

 

I'm not sure game playing, like ignoring calls etc is right for your situtaion, I think perhaps in this particular case it may make matters worse? When she calls, texts you don't need to respond quickly, but I do think you should respond. When you do so, just be nice, calm, friendly and don't prolong the conversation. Keep it short and to the point. Don't discuss the relationship or problems unless she brings it up and even then don't say too much and if it starts to get heated, get off the phone asap.

 

i feel like a kid in a candy store!!! i waited all day for a response.

your advice is very helpful. this is how i'll go about it, for now.

[LisaUk]

i feel like a kid in a candy store!!! i waited all day for a response.

your advice is very helpful. this is how i'll go about it, for now.

 

From your wife? Or to your post? Im sorry, I've been on a driving lesson again. Listen, it's only my take on the situation, you need to do what you feel is right for you, I can only offer an opinion, don't forget my ex has GONE, then again, I have learnt some stuff from him going so? But really it's just my take on it all.

[MrMayI]

From your wife? Or to your post? Im sorry, I've been on a driving lesson again. Listen, it's only my take on the situation, you need to do what you feel is right for you, I can only offer an opinion, don't forget my ex has GONE, then again, I have learnt some stuff from him going so? But really it's just my take on it all.

 

no, to my post. i know it's just a take on it, but it helps. it really does. i can take things and spin them in all sorts of directions.

i'm just really feeling down about it all, as everyone does this early, and sometimes even way later. in a sense, i'm glad she declined. i think i would've just acted like a basketcase when i saw her anyway.

 

how was the lesson?

[LisaUk]

no, to my post. i know it's just a take on it, but it helps. it really does. i can take things and spin them in all sorts of directions.

i'm just really feeling down about it all, as everyone does this early, and sometimes even way later. in a sense, i'm glad she declined. i think i would've just acted like a basketcase when i saw her anyway.

 

how was the lesson?

 

The lesson went well thanks, I did a 3 point turn and 2 reverse parks fo rthe first time, I just wish i could get the sterring, clutch control, I'm good, sterring I am not!

 

I know you are down, it's understandable, it really is. Have you read some of the other threads like Lupas, Tojazs and mine, it helped me a lot just to see that others felt the same and the process of it all. Personally I have picked up a lot in the last few days, but I don't think the rollercoaster is over yet! I hope it is, but I think that may be unrealistic.

 

I've found just talking on here helps a lot. I really do think your situation is different to a lot of us on here, I can honestly say that I think there is a real chance for your marriage to survive this. It doesn't seem as cut and dry as some of the others.

[MrMayI]

The lesson went well thanks, I did a 3 point turn and 2 reverse parks fo rthe first time, I just wish i could get the sterring, clutch control, I'm good, sterring I am not!

 

I know you are down, it's understandable, it really is. Have you read some of the other threads like Lupas, Tojazs and mine, it helped me a lot just to see that others felt the same and the process of it all. Personally I have picked up a lot in the last few days, but I don't think the rollercoaster is over yet! I hope it is, but I think that may be unrealistic.

 

I've found just talking on here helps a lot. I really do think your situation is different to a lot of us on here, I can honestly say that I think there is a real chance for your marriage to survive this. It doesn't seem as cut and dry as some of the others.

 

that's good about the lesson. weird though, because most people get down steering before clutch control or anything of the like. i know several people who can't even drive a stick shift.

 

you're right. my situation is seemingly different, but it has to be kept in mind that somewhere there is an OM who has made me very uneasy numerous times. there's just been no mention of him recently, because i'm staying completely out of that information. i'd be willing to bet she has been in daily communication with him. it just wouldn't be healthy for me to know that. not right now.

she's texted a couple more times, being sure to point out that it's only concerning our daughter. i'm still in disbelief that just two months ago this woman was my best friend. even 9 days ago we were hanging out, laughing and having a decent time. now, we barely speak, and when we do it's just niceties. i repeatedly wonder if it's only because we have a child together.

[LisaUk]

that's good about the lesson. weird though, because most people get down steering before clutch control or anything of the like. i know several people who can't even drive a stick shift.

 

you're right. my situation is seemingly different, but it has to be kept in mind that somewhere there is an OM who has made me very uneasy numerous times. there's just been no mention of him recently, because i'm staying completely out of that information. i'd be willing to bet she has been in daily communication with him. it just wouldn't be healthy for me to know that. not right now.

she's texted a couple more times, being sure to point out that it's only concerning our daughter. i'm still in disbelief that just two months ago this woman was my best friend. even 9 days ago we were hanging out, laughing and having a decent time. now, we barely speak, and when we do it's just niceties. i repeatedly wonder if it's only because we have a child together.

 

I know, my instructor told me the same! Just don't know why I can't get it, my dad is taking me off road (on a driving school road track) next week to see if I can get to grips with it.

 

I know what you mean about just 2 months ago you were best friends. I still find it hard to believe that 3 and half months ago my ex was walking me round hotels as potential wedding reception venues and discussing with me where we have our pictures taken. He was asking about bar tariffs, guest room prices etc etc, nothing seemed out of place or wrong at all (one of the reasons I know this whole thing is commitment related). I always went to bed later than him at night as he got up early for work, but we had a new kitchen fitted and I was getting up real early to deal with the builders. So anyway this one night he said I'm so glad you are coming to bed with me, I asked why, (no it wasn't for sex), he said "it's so nice when you come up with me, just to cuddle, it makes me feel so happy, safe and secure". This was about 7 weeks before he left and when I remember stuff like this I really am like WHAT?

 

 

I can understand why you keep wondering if it is just because of your daughter, but I don't think so. My driving instructor got divorced a year ago and he has commented to me that his ex is only just starting to be plesant now with regards to his 5 year old son. Something is different here, I'm sure of it.

Someone on here described it as the "deer caught in the headlight moment", i think that describes it really well. I have it about 5 times a day!

[LisaUk]

Sorry something weird happened on my post, the last deer satement should have been before the last paragraph!

[MrMayI]

I know, my instructor told me the same! Just don't know why I can't get it, my dad is taking me off road (on a driving school road track) next week to see if I can get to grips with it.

 

I know what you mean about just 2 months ago you were best friends. I still find it hard to believe that 3 and half months ago my ex was walking me round hotels as potential wedding reception venues and discussing with me where we have our pictures taken. He was asking about bar tariffs, guest room prices etc etc, nothing seemed out of place or wrong at all (one of the reasons I know this whole thing is commitment related). I always went to bed later than him at night as he got up early for work, but we had a new kitchen fitted and I was getting up real early to deal with the builders. So anyway this one night he said I'm so glad you are coming to bed with me, I asked why, (no it wasn't for sex), he said "it's so nice when you come up with me, just to cuddle, it makes me feel so happy, safe and secure". This was about 7 weeks before he left and when I remember stuff like this I really am like WHAT?

 

 

I can understand why you keep wondering if it is just because of your daughter, but I don't think so. My driving instructor got divorced a year ago and he has commented to me that his ex is only just starting to be plesant now with regards to his 5 year old son. Something is different here, I'm sure of it.

Someone on here described it as the "deer caught in the headlight moment", i think that describes it really well. I have it about 5 times a day!

 

stronger and better every day.

 

we live in a small town. i got word from a friend of my brother's that he was in my wife's work last night, and she had said to a co-worker that she was considering taking a transfer to a better position in another state. it's the first time i've called her in 9 days or so. i didn't accuse, but i reminded her that we live in a small town where my line of work pretty much introduces me to everyone. not that i'm boasting, saying i'm popular, just that i "meet and greet" a lot of people. anyway, she laughed off what i heard, and fluidly told me a very similar story where i see it could have been misunderstood by an outsider. i told her i really just wanted her to know that i had heard that. she knows i wasn't accusing. she wouldn't leave our daughter, or try to take her from me. i may not know this woman inside and out like i used to, but i know her faith, and i've tapped into her soul to know she doesn't possess that ability. she'd live everyday hating herself. i hope she knows how much i love her, but i really think she's seen that i will end this if need be. i have to look out for myself, just after my daughter.

[MrMayI]

it was nice to get a full night's sleep last night. of course, full night for me now is only about 5 hours, but better than it's been.

[LisaUk]

That's good MayI, It will get better in time I promise, I know the feeling well. I hope you are doing ok today. I'm a bit up and down myself. I'm off out in a min for the evening but I will try and check in later tonight (so with time difference, your evening, I think!)

[MrMayI]

enjoy your evening out. rather, i hope you enjoyed your evening out.

wife came by this morning and picked up the kid. i think she really wanted all three of us to do something today, but i'm just not into the idea. i'm fixing to go see an old buddy who recently divorced. i'm sort of hoping we just have a beer or two and shoot the s**t. he's like me. he'd go somewhere like this before really talking to people directly about it.

 

i realized today that i love that woman. more than i'd like to make people believe. i also realize i really want her, but i don't need her. i'd say i'm about 135 towards a 180. there are a few steps on there that i think would end my chances of reconciliation.

[MrMayI]

let me first say, thank you God!

i just got back from the hospital. my nephew (4) drowned today, and thanks to my sister in law and very fast response from the paramedics, he is alive and well.

i felt really selfish but while waiting for good or bad news in the lobby i completely fell to pieces. my wife was there. i called her immediately when i found out, and she got there before me. she held my hand in the lobby and rubbed my back while i cried in my hands. most of it was fear for my nephew, but i couldn't help but think of the love we shared. i hope it all works out for the best. i feel like i'm floating in space right now.

 

my family all reminded her how much she is loved by them today, which made me happy and sad. bittersweet, i suppose.

[tojaz]

i agree with you. i was thinking of dropping our daughter off with my family tomorrow, and seeing if she would go somewhere with me to talk. i may not do this just yet, as i am still a wreck, of sorts. i just am beating myself up, telling myself she can't be in it for the long haul because she moved out! i know from this place and a few other sources that that's not always the case. it's only been 8 days. i wonder if it's too early still to discuss it. i have dodged it, because i know she has no other friends in the area, but contact with her co-worker will have to 110% stop outside of work if we are even going to try and make it work.

 

I would wait for her to come to you. I asked my wife to work on uder my asking and the help of a friend, she agreed. I may have gooten a week before she changed her mind. If she comes to you its commitment on her part, thats what you need to see from her. It's only been what 10 days, this is a marathon man, not a sprint, if you rush her, she will pull away. Mine did.

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

enjoy your evening out. rather, i hope you enjoyed your evening out.

wife came by this morning and picked up the kid. i think she really wanted all three of us to do something today, but i'm just not into the idea. i'm fixing to go see an old buddy who recently divorced. i'm sort of hoping we just have a beer or two and shoot the s**t. he's like me. he'd go somewhere like this before really talking to people directly about it.

 

i realized today that i love that woman. more than i'd like to make people believe. i also realize i really want her, but i don't need her. i'd say i'm about 135 towards a 180. there are a few steps on there that i think would end my chances of reconciliation.

 

Yes I think your situation is different to, I'm not convinced a total 180 is the way forwards for you either.

 

Thank goodness your nephew is ok, don't feel bad about the thoughts you had in the wiating room, all completely natural. Stay strong.

[tojaz]

MayI, sorry, i completely missed the post about your nephew, I'm glad he's alright. Never feel selfish about showing your emotions. It is a healthy part of living. This experience and the events of the last two days has taught me that more then anything else.

TOJAZ

[MrMayI]

the holiday went nothing as i hoped it would. my wife came to be with my family and i. i spent all day cooking on the grill for everyone. we sat and had dinner, just the two of us, while everyone else ate in a different room. she left to go change her clothes, as she had just gotten off work before time to eat. when she came back, i stupidly confronted her about her work friends. i found out yesterday morning that she had talked to a different guy than my suspected OM at 4 in the morning on the 3rd while my daughter was there. i also found out she's been texting with this guy in the middle of the night for days.

the confrontation did not go smoothly. she told me that she wasn't going to do this. that she wants a divorce and is not going to waiver on that. i then went into crisis mode. i told her that i love her, i want her, but i don't need her. she told me that the reason she left is because she felt like a prisoner living with me, and some days she even thought of killing herself just to get away from me. she then went on to say that she was about to just disappear from this place, and she'd talk to our daughter every now and then. that really spun me, and i told her if that's what she's going to do, i'd make sure she lost all privleges with her daughter, no question.

we talked on the phone a little later and i apologized. told her i know it's too late, but i was truly sorry. i told her that she doesn't need to know what i've been going through, but i really wish she'd wait for the day when i can prove i've changed. maybe that day won't come, but i'm trying, and please don't give up on me just yet. she said okay, she won't. i don't know though. i think she already had before yesterday. i just gave her the fuel she wanted to be able to say it out loud.

[MrMayI]

i talked to her this morning. kept it brief, but told her i'm genuinely sorry for my actions. i'm not the man she knew, at least right now. i'm starting to believe that all i can do at this point is let her have the divorce if she wants it, and try to go forward from there. i really don't think i can be the guy she fell for ever again. a lot's changed. i feel like absolute hell today. i couldn't even pretend i was happy. i'm just no good right now. i don't need my little girl to see me like this.

she told me last night that it's not fair to me. she doesn't love me like i love her, not in the married sense, and that as of now, it looks like she never will again. i really don't know if i love her the way she thinks i do. i love the idea of us salvaging our broken relationship and starting anew. i don't believe that'll happen again. hopefully the books i ordered will arrive tomorrow and i can get started on those. not that they'll help at this point.