What is wrong with me?

[Cora]

I want to start getting out more but I'm afraid. I think I would enjoy getting back into church and my parents have been trying to talk me into going back to their church...a church I have not been to since I was a child. I'm afraid of seeing people I know. People I have not seen since high school. I am ashamed really. I guess I'm so afraid of them seeing me again and saying GAWD! What happened to you? I'm not very attractive at all and I'm still unemployed and I'm just afraid of what they might think of me.

 

I want to get out and start meeting people. I have no friends really and sometimes I just feel so alone. The problem is I'm sooo shy. I'm actually afraid of being out in public and around people. My anxiety shoots through the roof and I'm just not comfortable at all! I look at others all the time and are like wow I wish I could be that beautiful or that outgoing etc.. They seem to have so many friends and are happy. I just feel lonely and would give anything just to have a few girlfriends I could talk to every now and then. My problem is making them. I'm too afraid to go out and meet new people! I truly believe if I could just be attractive, outgoing, intelligent, confident and maybe a bit funny I could make some friends and not have a problem. It just sucks and I feel like I'm constantly stuck! Nothing ever changes and I always feel like I'm stuck in the same old rut!

 

I get nervous just from being around a crowd of people. I try to avoid conversation with people at all costs! It makes me very uncomfortable just going to the store and having the cashier trying to make conversation with me. I just quickly look away, act like I'm in a hurry and get the hell out of there as quickly as I can! It's quite embarrassing actually! I want to change and I want to meet people and make friends but I just don't know how or where to start. It gets old being lonely and really having no one to talk to. I'd give anything to have a close friend....like a sister, someone I could share everything with, cry to, laugh with etc.. I just don't make friends easily. I'm sure I appear very awkward and stuck up to most people but I'm not really! Okay, maybe awkward but I'm seriously a nice person once you get to know me. Help! Any advice?

[LoveNeverFails]

I do not understand why anyone would post something so cruel (post 2) but do not believe it!

 

It's difficult to be comfortable around strangers and crowds and painful to deal with all these feelings of anxiety and shyness.

 

Have you sought counseling?

[Oxydizer]

Cora,

 

I think just being yourself is good enough, I have learned from experiences that you should never try to be someone your not. I'm sure your an attractive woman, remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and real beauty is in the heart, whats outside is just cosmetic..LOL

 

Take baby steps first, Going to Church is a good idea, start there. I know it's not easy. Then maybe work it into a friend network, and go visiting some friends, just visit for a few minuets at first then make the visits longer and longer.

 

Just let yourself come out. If people dont accept you for you, then they don't deserve to be your friend.

 

Here's a little saying I heard some time ago: "I am who I am and I am awesome" And I am sure you are an awesome person, don't think for a moment that your not.

 

Peace N' Hugs

[Oxydizer]

Oh stop your whining, stop being so damn lazy and get a job so you can afford some plastic surgery! You must be really ugly and really shy to have zero friends. Just suck it up and get out there!

 

Man...That was really cruel!!!

 

Yeah Cora, ignore Bermudagirl or whom ever she is. Man..I just can't believe some people.

[Cora]

Thanks you! I have thought about counseling and I really think that may be a good option for me. I just want to get over this anxiety and not constantly live in fear all the time. I would love to be surrounded by friends or at least one really good friend! It's nice to have people to do things with and to go out and have fun. I do plan on going back to church which I think might help. I have always been this way though.....ever since I was a child. I figured I would eventually grow out of it but I haven't and if anything it seems like it may be getting worse! It's so hard feeling this way when you just want to break out and be like everyone else in your own way. I just feel like I'm being held back by this invisible force that's causing me to be afraid. Thanks again though!

[way_2_tired]

Cora,

 

aproximately 75% of people are extroverts. 25% are introverts!

 

Nothing wrong with being shy!!! I've always been shy myself, painfully so for years. Only in the past few years has it improved.

 

I think you have to realize that everyone is special and unique in their own way. If everyone in the world was outgoing and extroverted, the world be a nosiy and chaotic place!

 

What are your strengths? What are teh good things about you?

 

You listed your faults. Okay, sure, everyone has them. They balance your strengths and good characteristics. Be comfortable and confident in who you are, Cora! A unique blend of experiences, strengths, and weaknesses making up a unique and special you.

 

PS. maybe you"re not around the right kind of people! The crowd i was hanging with (my old church) never liked me much. So I figured that maybe I wasn't worth liking. Wrong!!! I've found plenty do, just have to find the right kinds of people.

PSS> there are plenty of people out there who prefer to hang with quiet, shy people! Try hanging with very small groups of people, and see if you feel more comfortable. (or a couple adult beverages might help your anxiety level....)

[LoveNeverFails]

Thanks you! I have thought about counseling and I really think that may be a good option for me. I just want to get over this anxiety and not constantly live in fear all the time. I would love to be surrounded by friends or at least one really good friend! It's nice to have people to do things with and to go out and have fun. I do plan on going back to church which I think might help. I have always been this way though.....ever since I was a child. I figured I would eventually grow out of it but I haven't and if anything it seems like it may be getting worse! It's so hard feeling this way when you just want to break out and be like everyone else in your own way. I just feel like I'm being held back by this invisible force that's causing me to be afraid. Thanks again though!

 

Counseling can be beneficial.

 

Like you, I have very shy since I was a child. I was very anxious about everything and had my first migraine at age 5! I dislike feeling so anxious and insecure and I see so many women looking confident and outgoing. I envy outgoing people because so many people like them. It's tough, so I know how you feel!

 

If you ever want to email me, please feel free. It's very encouraging to have someone know what you are going through or how you feel. It's relieving.

 

But we can overcome so much if we just believe.

[Oxydizer]

Good idea way 2 wired. I few beverages is a good to get "loosened" up. I have to resort this sometimes and it always works. Mind you I don't get drunk, usually 2 corona's and I can Kareoke. And thats it, I drink Soda the rest of the night.

[LoveNeverFails]

Good idea way 2 wired. I few beverages is a good to get "loosened" up. I have to resort this sometimes and it always works. Mind you I don't get drunk, usually 2 corona's and I can Kareoke. And thats it, I drink Soda the rest of the night.

 

While I understand the purpose of this, I opt not to give this advice. There is the potential for dependency issues if associated with relaxation and alcohol. It's best to play it safe and rely more on inner contributions (mediation, prayer, positive affirmations, visualization) than alcohol or medications.

 

This is not to say alcohol and medications are inherently wrong but we should limit their use whenever possible.

 

My opinion

[Oxydizer]

This is not to say alcohol and medications are inherently wrong but we should limit their use whenever possible.

 

My opinion

 

Good thought, It's just one way. there are many other ways to get comfortable in these situations.

[Thornton]

I'm also a shy little mouse But some people don't believe it, because I learned how to act confident even if I'm shaking with nerves inside. The trick is just to do it: go to places even if you feel nervous, walk up to people and say hi even if you feel shy - most people are grateful that you expressed an interest in them and want to talk, especially if you look around the room for another obviously shy person and engage them in conversation. Confidence is a perception other people have of you, so you can appear confident by acting a certain way, even if you don't really feel it.

 

The problem is, I always feel like I have plenty of acquaintances but no real friends. I engage people in conversation and they like me, but they usually don't end up being a close friend or anything. I still haven't figured out how to get past that initial acquaintance stage, lol - I never really had a group of friends, and I still feel jealous of people who have that. However, for someone as naturally shy as me, even appearing confident and speaking to people is an achievement!

 

You should definitely go to church if you feel you want to, and practice talking to people. Perhas join some sort of group, a sports club or a dance class or an evening class, because you can go on your own and meet people. I go to dance class, and it has helped me a lot - it's difficult to be shy with people when you're tied up like a pretzel

[The Blue Pill]

First off, if you're interested in getting closer to God again, then do it for yourself; not for your parents, or people you used to know, or whatever. If you are uncomfortable seeing old friends (a lot of us are), then go to another church where you can be comfortable.

 

Secondly, the people making a scene at the bar that look so happy are sometimes the loneliest people. My friend told me of his attempted suicide, and I was shocked out of my mind because he's one of those people. It turns out, sometimes they are only popular when they're buying drinks for everyone else; when they go home, they feel friendless and emptier than we'd expect. Sometimes, it's just a show.

[claire0917]

Hi Cora,

 

I think you should stop comparing yourself to others. Attractive or not, some people like you, some people won't. But don't mind that. You are who you are meant to be. Stop thinking what others think about you. Chances are, people are busy thinking about themselves.

 

I think that a church is the best place to start meeting people (at least in my experience). I was able to join a small group and do bible study. Everyone one of us shared problems. And we all agree that we are imperfect people.

[mark982]

i also was a wall flower,even drinking i'd sit all by myself,finally i tried to talk to 1 new person a day. no matter how unimportant the conversation was. took awhile for me to be able to carry on a conversation,or just up and start one, but it worked. only problem i have now is i'm terrible at remembering names.

[JCTC]

I will join the chorus: Seek psychiatric help. There is a difference between being an introvert and being afflicted by a disorder. Do you panic when you are at the presence of strangers? Do you have difficulty focusing your thoughts or raising your voice in a social exchange? If your silence and passivity springs from fear rather than boredom, I suggest you to look for psychiatric assistance immediately. I have social anxiety disorder as result of childhood sexual abuse; while I do not expect "recovery", I can function with the aid of therapy and medication.

 

Do not take alcohol to relax. If you are depressed, substance will only worsen the situation. One more thing: Ugliness is also in the eye of the beholder. If you loath yourself you will never be good enough. In my experience, it is the perspective that needs to be changed, not who you are.