he's dropped off the radar....

[Volpe]

Okay so my SO and i have been together for about 9 months but six months ago he had to move for work while I had to stay for university. In just over a month he's moving back so he also can start university, so there is a definite end in sight to our long distance part.

 

Over the last few months things have been okay, its kinda hard to have a brilliant relationship when you only see each other once or twice a month but its been working for us. Lately though I'm not sure, see i haven't heard from him in two weeks and while the rational part of my brain is saying he's very busy selling his car, getting his money together and sorting out the three million things he needs to do before moving cities I am worried. I have been texting and calling (well leaving messages since he hasn't picked up) but with no reply.

 

he has dropped of the radar a few times before but only for a week and has always had a decent reason, I know he's alive and kicking because he's been signing onto mutual websites but I want to hear from him. Just before he dropped of the radar I was very secure in our relationship, I knew he loved me yet theres this little panic voice telling me he doesn't and this is his way of getting out of the relationship.

 

Should i worry and panic and consider the relationship over or just ride it out and when he gets back in contact make sure he knows I'd rather have a short message than nothing at all?????

 

((don't know why i'm so emotional about this, I'm usually very clear headed and oh crumpets, its a longer post than intended))

[kimflute26]

I know what you're going through. You don't want to believe that anything is wrong, so you look to that "rational" part of your brain, but you're not sure if that's right either......... So you feel you need to hear answers from other people that are removed from the situation entirely.

 

With that said....... in my opinion, 2 weeks without any response is TOO long to go without hearing from your boyfriend. What does your gut feeling tell you? I know you want to believe that everything is ok and that maybe you're just making a big deal out of nothing, but I really don't think you are.......

 

However, that doesn't mean that your relationship is automatically doomed. What it does mean is that maybe the relationship isn't exactly where it needs to be right now. Maybe there are some things that your boyfriend hasn't been telling you - perhaps he needs to reach out and say all that's on his mind. So there may very well be SOMETHING "off" about your relationship at the moment........ but that stuff can definitely be fixed if both parties want it too.

 

Recently my boyfriend and I went through a rough patch. We had gotten into some arguments before we left for summer break and my boyfriend wasn't seeking out communication with me very much. After a little while (and lots of frustration) he FINALLY admitted to me that he wasn't feeling excited about how relationship because we weren't having enough fun and things were still too tense. After that everything totally turned around and now I feel like I'm with my soulmate again.

 

Just try to get him to open up. But if he remains distant and doesn't want to work it out, I'd probably rethink this.

[ratingsguy]

I'm sorry, but in an LDR to go over a week without communicating (especially if the other party is making futile attempts to contact you) is just downright wrong. When you care deeply about someone and you can't see them for various reasons (in this case, distance), you should want to communicate with that person even more. Sure, someone can get busy. But there is no excuse for not being able to spend a few minutes on the telephone with the person you supposedly love.

[Bayern]

Okay so my SO and i have been together for about 9 months but six months ago he had to move for work while I had to stay for university. In just over a month he's moving back so he also can start university, so there is a definite end in sight to our long distance part.

 

Over the last few months things have been okay, its kinda hard to have a brilliant relationship when you only see each other once or twice a month but its been working for us. Lately though I'm not sure, see i haven't heard from him in two weeks and while the rational part of my brain is saying he's very busy selling his car, getting his money together and sorting out the three million things he needs to do before moving cities I am worried. I have been texting and calling (well leaving messages since he hasn't picked up) but with no reply.

 

he has dropped of the radar a few times before but only for a week and has always had a decent reason, I know he's alive and kicking because he's been signing onto mutual websites but I want to hear from him. Just before he dropped of the radar I was very secure in our relationship, I knew he loved me yet theres this little panic voice telling me he doesn't and this is his way of getting out of the relationship.

 

Should i worry and panic and consider the relationship over or just ride it out and when he gets back in contact make sure he knows I'd rather have a short message than nothing at all?????

 

((don't know why i'm so emotional about this, I'm usually very clear headed and oh crumpets, its a longer post than intended))

 

I wouldn't be too worried, but I always find it odd when they have the time to log into mutual websites, but not say "hey, sorry I'm real busy. Will talk more later". I mean I can type that as fast as I can login to any site.

 

This is a problem with all sexes though. Even when I message guys for work related stuff - I just ask myself WTF!?

[Island Girl]

Lately though I'm not sure, see i haven't heard from him in two weeks and while the rational part of my brain is saying he's very busy selling his car, getting his money together and sorting out the three million things he needs to do before moving cities I am worried. I have been texting and calling (well leaving messages since he hasn't picked up) but with no reply.

 

Not hearing from him for 2 weeks is VERY bad.

 

This shows a total disregard for you and your feelings.

 

You call - he doesn't answer. You text - he doesn't answer.

Again a complete disregard for you.

 

This is hurtful, callous, and inexcusable.

 

And it really makes no difference HOW BUSY he may be.

 

he has dropped of the radar a few times before but only for a week and has always had a decent reason, I know he's alive and kicking because he's been signing onto mutual websites but I want to hear from him.

 

There is no "good reason".

 

Unless he was lying comatose in a hospital bed there is no reason at all.

 

You put up with it before and you shouldn't have (a clear understanding was needed then that this would not ever be acceptable).

You put up with it again -- and you definitely shouldn't have (you should have been done and walked).

 

I don't know how many times this has happened but once is too often but forgivable.

Twice is too often and unforgivable.

 

You have shown him he can treat you like crap and you'll still be there.

That is doormat behavior.

You know what happens to doormats - they get walked all over.

 

Just before he dropped of the radar I was very secure in our relationship, I knew he loved me yet theres this little panic voice telling me he doesn't and this is his way of getting out of the relationship.

 

I don't know how you "knew" he loved you.

He doesn't treat you like he loves you.

And if he has done this before over and over - well, actions speak louder than words.

 

A person doesn't do this to someone they love. They just don't.

 

Why you are putting up with this is beyond me.

 

You deserve better. You should expect better.

 

You should find better.

 

Should i worry and panic and consider the relationship over or just ride it out and when he gets back in contact make sure he knows I'd rather have a short message than nothing at all?????

 

You shouldn't worry or panic.

 

You should consider the relationship over and set about replacing him with a better model.

 

He is a callous azzhat. That means he is not special. There are many just like him - I can throw a rock and hit ten of them.

 

My husband is my King for sure but only because he treats ME like a Queen.

The thing that makes him special and irreplaceable is the way he treats ME and how he makes ME feel.

 

You need to find someone who cares about you (he DOESN'T so don't lie to yourself and accept this crappy treatment) and who will cherish you.

 

((don't know why i'm so emotional about this, I'm usually very clear headed and oh crumpets, its a longer post than intended))

 

If you are usually clear headed why in the world have you put up with such crap from some schmuck??!!

[Island Girl]

I wouldn't be too worried, but I always find it odd when they have the time to log into mutual websites, but not say "hey, sorry I'm real busy. Will talk more later". I mean I can type that as fast as I can login to any site.

 

Sorry but this should be unacceptable.

 

You treat people how to treat you.

 

You put up with it then they know they can dish out more of the same and that is what you can expect.

It is sad that you'd put up with it and that these guys get that kind of a "pass" with you.

 

Raise the bar a bit higher and do not put up with this - and you won't be treated this way anymore.

 

This is a problem with all sexes though. Even when I message guys for work related stuff - I just ask myself WTF!?

 

A problem with all sexes but you only mention guys here...?

 

I'm sure if you didn't have a problem speaking up about it and calling them on the carpet so to speak it would change.

 

If you say, "that's okay" or say nothing then expect it to happen again.

People will push you around as long as you are okay with it. And if you find this problem mainly with men then I would do some self exploration as to why you allow such bad behavior.

 

It's bullshyte.

[Mei Mei]

If you are talking about a soulmate who is the most intimate and dearing, other than unpredicted incident/accident that has happened, I can never accept any of his unexplained disappearance or disrespect acts as such. Sorry to hear what you are facing, but setting a lower threshold would only let him disregard you more! Take care

[bean1]

If you are in a relationship and the person has not contacted you in 2 weeks and ignores your attempts to establish communication, then I hate to say it, but it sounds as if he has left the relationship and either is too scared to tell you or hopes that you will just fade away.

[Bayern]

Sorry but this should be unacceptable.

 

You treat people how to treat you.

 

You put up with it then they know they can dish out more of the same and that is what you can expect.

It is sad that you'd put up with it and that these guys get that kind of a "pass" with you.

 

Raise the bar a bit higher and do not put up with this - and you won't be treated this way anymore.

 

I'm a guy. I made the example that guys do this too outside of love relationships.

 

A problem with all sexes but you only mention guys here...?

 

I'm sure if you didn't have a problem speaking up about it and calling them on the carpet so to speak it would change.

 

If you say, "that's okay" or say nothing then expect it to happen again.

People will push you around as long as you are okay with it. And if you find this problem mainly with men then I would do some self exploration as to why you allow such bad behavior.

 

It's bullshyte.

 

Yeah it's bull**** and I've called out a few people, especially when it messes up with my work (historical research). Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do when it comes to work. When it comes to relationships, sure - end it. Communication is key.

[thegoodlife]

Hate to look at the negative side of things, but this guy can't be too serious and in love with you if he makes no attempt to contact you.

 

IF he comes back around, you need to let this dude know that it's NOT acceptable and it won't fly if he tries to pull that one more time. Unless there's a big family emergency, or he's injured or dead, there's no reason he can't take two seconds to contact you. ESPECIALLY if he's taking the time to log onto sites you both use.

 

It's straight up disrespect to your face.

[Volpe]

UPDATE: I left a message on his phone last night telling him that i refuse to be treated like his personal doormat and if he doesn't respect me enough to contact me back then i will not wait by the phone for him.

 

IF and its a big if, i hear from him again he can get in line like everyone else. he won't get a free pass and should he wish to see me again like everyone else he can start from scratch and thats working on the assumption that i want to see him.

 

I met a lovely guy working at MacDonalds today who told me that no guy should have the right to make me feel like that and what i really needed was a free cheeseburger and a hug (of which he gave me both) so no more doormat.

 

I'M BACK BABY!!!!

[Island Girl]

UPDATE: I left a message on his phone last night telling him that i refuse to be treated like his personal doormat and if he doesn't respect me enough to contact me back then i will not wait by the phone for him.

 

IF and its a big if, i hear from him again he can get in line like everyone else. he won't get a free pass and should he wish to see me again like everyone else he can start from scratch and thats working on the assumption that i want to see him.

 

I met a lovely guy working at MacDonalds today who told me that no guy should have the right to make me feel like that and what i really needed was a free cheeseburger and a hug (of which he gave me both) so no more doormat.

 

I'M BACK BABY!!!!

 

This entire message gets a thumbs up!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!