Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I have a problem I need some help with. If I deem a girl unintelligent or "stupid," I suddenly lose a LOT of respect for them. I'll look at a picture of them and while I would previously see someone beautiful and fun, I now see someone vapid, empty-headed and useless/worthless. I lose interest in talking to them altogether and I get very cruel and short with them. The other day, a girl I've been seeing (she is 17 years old) sent me a text message asking what 21 - 28 was (reason is unimportant). I was shocked and figured it was a trick question or prank somehow. Nope. She was serious. I asked why she would need to ask me something so simple... something that you should know how to do when you're at least in 1st or 2nd grade! "How can you not look at that and immediately see the answer? It requires no thought. It's the same as 28 - 21 and slapping a negative sign on it." Her response? "I knowww but I was too lazy to do it myself." I mean, come on, even if you were drugged out of your mind and having a COMPLETELY botched day for doing math, there's a calculator in your cell phone you could use. It requires more effort to text me such a question than it does to solve it. I just can't fathom how someone would need to ask me this. It bothers me because she's in school and everything... there's just no excuse, in my mind. The result of all this is that I've lost a lot of respect for her intelligence. She's pretty, but now that's all I see: A pretty face and no mind behind it. Every time I think about her I just imagine a useless husk of a human being painting itself all day with makeup but lending nothing to society. How could I ever lean on her for support, or trust in her judgment, or have confidence in her abilities and intellect if she can't do something so simple? It's unfortunate because up until this point I was really into her and everything else was great. I hate that I think this way, but I can't get over the fact that she had trouble with something so simple. Am I being too harsh? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I do not see anything wrong with valuing intelligence. You are a bit more harsh about it than is probably warranted, but being more tolerant of that is something you could work on pretty easily. It would however, be prudent to remember that just because someone is not as intelligent as you might like in one area does, that does not mean they might not completely amaze you in another. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 There's nothing wrong with being valuing intelligence. However.. Not everyone is going to be smart in everything. While you may 'deem' someone as stupid, they very well could be extremely smart in other areas. Also, keep in mind, while you may be a smart person, you could be lacking in other areas (like... oh say... compassion) that would easily make another person feel disgusted. Don't put yourself too high up on the horse.... you'll have a longer fall. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Actually, it's refreshing to see a guy who cares about what is INSIDE a gal's head. But don't be so hard on her. Just because she's not relationship material for you doesn't me she couldn't be a good friend, even if the bulb's not too bright. Link to post Share on other sites
coconuts Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 It's really hard to have respect for stupid people. Of course like dreamer said people are intelligent in different ways, but I know the type of girl you are talking about....and someone who can't do basic math?? Yeah...Next please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I completely understand. But it's not just a matter of "being intelligent." Like I don't expect someone to be a genius or anything. But if I were to ask most people what the answer to that math question was, I can't imagine anyone getting it wrong unless they had some kind of problem. It's just something so basic... it's not much different from someone asking what 1+1 is. I just can't imagine what else she would have trouble with that might be important if she can't solve such a simple thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I mean what if it came to finances down the road? "Oh I have $300 and so I spent $500 on my card so I'll only be $5 in debt! Or was it $50?" You know? I mean, it's not like I am demanding someone to be a math genius or anything, but not being able to do the most basic of calculations honestly scares me. My problem is that I don't know if I should be this harsh. SHOULD it scare me? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Hmmm. Having been 17 at one point in my life, but now 12 years past that, I'm going to make a very out-there, wild guess. Is it possible she was trying to play the "damsel in distress" by asking you that question? Yes, I know, silly and not very bright. But is it possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I had considered that possibility too... but I had asked her a few times if she was actually serious and she definitely said yes. She just looked at it and the answer just didn't jump out at her for whatever reason and so she felt the need to text me. I just can't fathom this. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Yeah, well, I've acted like I needed a guy's help with something even when I didn't. Not with a 2nd grade math question, but I have done it. There's no way I'd admit to the guy that that's what I was doing. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 If you had to choose, would you date a mean but intelligent girl, or a dumb but kind hearted one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I've dated the mean intelligent types. Not worth it, either. I *think* I'd prefer a dumb and kindhearted one, because a truly kind heart is hard to find. However, there's a certain level of "dumb" that I think would have to be acceptable, here, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 I mean, even if she knew how to do that question, SoulSearch, shouldn't she realize that making such a question seem intentional would be a bad idea in itself? I'd rather not try to get a girl's attention by asking her something that would put her impression of my mental capability in jeopardy. Unless she knew how to do it all along and is just grinning behing the scenes at the fact that she knows how to rile me up. But I doubt she would troll me like that, haha. It felt like she was legitimately asking me what the answer was. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 There are two types of dumb when it comes to people. Dumb but lovable and beautiful dumb. Obviously dumb but lovable doesn't mean they are stupid, but not exactly bright. They are willing to learn, but they just may not be as sharp as the other knives in the block. However, you can love them to death and they are among the best people you'll ever meet. Their simplicity actually adds to how amazing of a person they truly are. Beautiful dumb is the people you have to watch out for and these people deserve to be thrown, screaming, from a helicopter. These are the people that realize their looks will get them everything they need, and have all but put their mind and their personality on the far back shelf. These are people that MTV and the E! channel generally build their programming schedule around. These people give douche bags a bad name. These people, their simplicity only adds to the desire to lock them inside a port-a-potty and set it ablaze. Link to post Share on other sites
lab_brat Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I think you're being harsh. Yeah, you may not want to date her, but to be disgusted by it is rather sad? I'd take a friend who was kind, honest and not too bright over a smart friend who was a jackass any day. Intellect is good, but its not everything. Seriously, there are people out there brighter than you too, if you were having a bad day and said something stupid would you like to be forever judged on it? And was she particularly stressed out or tired??? I've taken uni calculus and advanced math and done well but when i'm tired silly little things like (4- (-2)) can completely baffle me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Reminds me of this lyric by Sloan Undewhelmed: She wrote out a story About her life I think it included Something about me I'm not sure of that But I'm sure of one thing Her spelling's atrocious She told me to read Between the lines And tell her exactly What I got out of it I told her affection had two F's Especially when You're dealing with me I agree with Soul-Search. I think she just used whatever excuse to interact with you and played dumb in the process. Hey, it's not your thing. Good for you. But please, hold back on the "useless/worhtless" "lending nothing to society" talk. it makes you sound like a certain German chancellor from the 1930s... don't ever be so pretentious as to assume you know who contributes and doesn't contribute to society. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 OP I am wondering how old you are. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Life isn't a math class There are many forms of intelligence. Intellectual and/or analytical intelligence is just one of them. My advice would be to relax on the math and enjoy people for who they are. Every girl you meet won't be a potential lifetime partner (if such exists). By experiencing the breadth of the female gender, you will better be able to identify *all* the aspects of what makes for a compatible relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
coconuts Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 There are kind hearted smart girls out there. You don't have to trade off one for the other. The whole "beautiful dumb" is the big fad because of hollywood. All these girls want to be like Paris Hilton and think they don't need a brain if they have a pretty face. I've met men like this too...totally good looking gorgeous men that were so dumb it was hard to take them seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 There are two types of dumb when it comes to people. Dumb but lovable and beautiful dumb. Obviously dumb but lovable doesn't mean they are stupid, but not exactly bright. They are willing to learn, but they just may not be as sharp as the other knives in the block. However, you can love them to death and they are among the best people you'll ever meet. Their simplicity actually adds to how amazing of a person they truly are. Beautiful dumb is the people you have to watch out for and these people deserve to be thrown, screaming, from a helicopter. These are the people that realize their looks will get them everything they need, and have all but put their mind and their personality on the far back shelf. These are people that MTV and the E! channel generally build their programming schedule around. These people give douche bags a bad name. These people, their simplicity only adds to the desire to lock them inside a port-a-potty and set it ablaze. She's definitely the dumb but lovable type. She's incredibly sweet, kind, caring, empathetic, and we have fun conversations and comparable senses of humor. I am just trying to get over the "dumb" aspect if I am indeed being too hard on her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 These people, their simplicity only adds to the desire to lock them inside a port-a-potty and set it ablaze. Nice visual OP, later on in life you'll find the balance which works best for you. Take your time. No hurry. Trust me, and I've got about 30 years of it on you, 'sweet, kind, caring, empathetic' are not as common as you might now believe. As women (and men) age, an edge, one forged in the furnace of life, emerges. I call it the hardening of the heart. Some of us resist its effects, but it is there, all around us. Enjoy your path but be mindful that it is not the only path. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 carhill: Which positive traits do you find to be common/rare? Which negative traits do you find to be common/rare? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 If it was only the one example, I would throw out a few more basic math questions at her, at differing times. She's probably just pretending to be "that" stupid, as mentioned by SS. Otherwise, if you've been talking to her for awhile, wouldn't you have noticed more dumb comments? She appears to have quite a few other traits that you value, so why not give it a shot? In all honesty, I'm like you. Can't stand dumb people but it's more that I feel they're mentally lazy and haven't bothered, since 99% of life isn't brain surgery or rocket science. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 If it was only the one example, I would throw out a few more basic math questions at her, at differing times. She's probably just pretending to be "that" stupid, as mentioned by SS. Otherwise, if you've been talking to her for awhile, wouldn't you have noticed more dumb comments? She appears to have quite a few other traits that you value, so why not give it a shot? In all honesty, I'm like you. Can't stand dumb people but it's more that I feel they're mentally lazy and haven't bothered, since 99% of life isn't brain surgery or rocket science. I'll have to investigate a bit further later to see if it was just a playful ploy or something else... although, even assuming she had trouble with that trouble in a worst-case scenario, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I have very strong feelings for this girl, but I feel like I can't allow myself to fall for someone who has so much trouble with simple things like that. I try to imagine what other implications it may have, and it is a bit startling. And, yes, I have had many conversations with her. She's said a few off-things, but they were cute in nature. I guess I am taking this too seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Yes, for one off-comment, you're taking this too seriously. Just find out if this is a recurring theme with her before writing her off. If it's a consistent theme, it's up to you whether or not you can stand it. Everyone has different dealbreakers but there's one constant. Strong relationships are based on mutual respect, as well as other ingredients. Link to post Share on other sites
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