I lose major respect for unintelligent girls and I feel disgusted

[tinklebell]

This is very interesting! I see nothing wrong with being attracted to a woman for her intelligence. Everyone has their own taste! I wonder how many men out there value a womans intelligence? Unfortunately, this is where I luck out with the opposite sex. Not only am I lacking in the intelligence department but I am also pretty damn ugly! So I really have to try hard to win a mans attention. LOL What's a girl to do when she lacks brains and bronze?

 

 

Cora, I don't think you're dumb or ugly! I've read your other posts. You've been on dates so it can't be that bad. I'm reasonably intelligent and not ugly but I have problems getting men to start talking to me. So it's not entirely just on intelligence or looks.

[lab_brat]

It's more an issue of "If I had to trust her with something important, how well can I rely on her ability to solve problems and reason things out logically?" If you can't do simple subtraction, odds are you aren't going to be able to streamline/facilitate your own processes for reaching a conclusion to a problem adequately.

 

Oh please! She had a bad day with a math problem, she's not mentally impaired. You on the other hand, have been fixated on this problem for a couple of days now. Seems like your problem-solving processes aren't exactly streamlined either....

[dreamergrl]

Oh please! She had a bad day with a math problem, she's not mentally impaired. You on the other hand, have been fixated on this problem for a couple of days now. Seems like your problem-solving processes aren't exactly streamlined either....

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

Yeah, because how hard is: Move on or let it go.

[lora22]

Jersey: The truth though is that both are important. Emotional intelligence is not enough in most cases. Love is great but there are certain elements of pragmatism that need to exist for things to work. Life throws all sorts of situations at you, and having emotional intelligence is not going to get you through those tough obstacles.

 

Perhaps I was being a bit harsh, yes. I was in a bad mood when I wrote that OP. I do not think she is "useless" or anything like that. It's just that there are certain elements to her education that are lacking and it makes me question whether or not I can see myself with her in the long term (which is the only way I can focus on someone for dating). It's more an issue of "If I had to trust her with something important, how well can I rely on her ability to solve problems and reason things out logically?" If you can't do simple subtraction, odds are you aren't going to be able to streamline/facilitate your own processes for reaching a conclusion to a problem adequately.

 

Like I keep envisioning a scenario where I may need to count on her for something or to overcome some problem with her, only to find that she's incapable of doing anything on her own, even at the most simplistic of levels.

If bad grammar and a lack of math/problem solving skills turns you off, then it turns you off. That's fine. I think what a lot of people are saying is that just because she's lacking in those areas, doesn't mean she isn't smart in other ways (for example ever hear of Gardner's seven types of intelligence? Or 11 or whatever it is if he expanded it yet).

 

It sounds like she probably was asking you the math question because she was trying to flatter you (as many people also said). It obviously isn't/wasn't the best idea, but come on, she's only 17 you said?

 

If that definitely wasn't what she was doing, I suppose I'd be wondering about her myself. Like you said, it was easier for her to text you than it was to use a calculator?? If that's honestly the case, then possibly you have a right to be wondering about her problem solving skills (which I see as having more to do with independence and autonomy - you don't want to have to baby-sit someone because things fall apart when you're not there). But....I have a hard time believing that this is the case in this situation. I really think she was trying the damsel in distress thing.

[Eleventy]

lora22: Certainly, I agree that just because she lacks abilities in those areas, it doesn't mean she can't be strong elsewhere. However, I feel that for a working relationship, certain necessary elements need to be strong, and I was just worried that this math issue was perhaps an indicator of weakness in one of those necessary areas.

 

In this case, I have a really hard time determining if she was playing damsel in distress or not.

 

I mean, the second time when I had just asked her a math question straight up, she replied with the answer, but with a question mark, implying that she was not sure. She never mentioned anything that led me to believe she was kidding in either scenario.

 

But, come on, she couldn't even use her phone calculator? Resorting to an entire text message for one simple subtraction problem? I suppose most people would flip out at me for making "a big deal" out of this, but in my mind it's a delineation of a trend and that's what worries me. I really don't want to get into a relationship with someone if I know that when the going gets tough, my partner's going to be deadweight and rely on me for absolutely everything. Like you said, I don't want to have to baby-sit if things fall apart when I'm not there. I want to be able to trust that my partner can make good decisions.

 

Then again, I may indeed be overlooking the obvious and just looking for any justification I can to indicate that she's not the best long-term relationship material. I've been in a few relationships before that all turned out quite badly, and all for reasons that I noticed early on. This is another one of those "early on" indicators and so now I'm just worried.

[dreamergrl]

OMG - GET OVER THE MATH PROBLEM. STOP OBSESSING. GET A LIFE.

 

I say, leave this girl, she can do way better. She doesn't need someone testing her with questions through texts. She doesn't need someone who's going to obsess over something so small. Just move on OP. You'll never be able to get past this. The girl is 17 for crying out loud. At the rate you're going, I think you're going to do worse for her by sticking around, asking her math problems, indicating she's always on a test with you. Eventually she's going to feel like she's walking on egg shells, trying to impress you all the time, trying to be what you want her to be... and in the end, she's going to need a helluva lot of therapy, because she'll never be able to figure out why you can't just accept her. Do her a favor, MOVE THE HELL ON.

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersey: The truth though is that both are important. Emotional intelligence is not enough in most cases. Love is great but there are certain elements of pragmatism that need to exist for things to work. Life throws all sorts of situations at you, and having emotional intelligence is not going to get you through those tough obstacles.

 

I think you completely missed the point I was making. It is fine that you are more attracted to a certain level of intelligence in a woman. I see nothing wrong at all with that. What I find cause with is the fact that you consider someone that does not meet a standard of intelligence you personally deem important as a "worthless human being". What more is there to say? You can't faulter between "kind, considerate girl" and "worthless human being". That's pretty darn humilating to her, a 17 year old girl who in all respect is naturally not going to be on the same level as a young man that has been living a college life style.

 

Please don't subject this girl to your degrading opinion of her through some kind of patronizing relationship where you feel your superior to her or like you are doing her a favor by "over-looking" her lack of brillance. Please find another woman that fits the critiera that is important to you. Another 22 year old girl perhaps.

 

As for emotional intelligence, no it's not enough. But either is being smart. I have been with book smart men. And I hate to tell you but for all their book smarts, which they deserve credit for, there where many ways they were not so bright. So while you cast a stone at this girl for her lack of book smarts, please remember that intelligence comes in many forms. And there might be forms of intelligence you lack that *she* might be looking over.

 

 

 

If you can't do simple subtraction, odds are you aren't going to be able to streamline/facilitate your own processes for reaching a conclusion to a problem adequately.

 

Like I keep envisioning a scenario where I may need to count on her for something or to overcome some problem with her, only to find that she's incapable of doing anything on her own, even at the most simplistic of levels.

 

Those are questions we all face in different levels and aveunes through out a relationship. You can be 99% sure she is asking similar questions about your ability to provide her with the things she needs from a partner as well. She might be able to count on you to do simple math but you can bet your butt that she is unsure about other things she can count on you for. Other things that are just as germaine to a relationship. That's what relationships are about. Give and take. Realizing that people aren't always strong or weak in the same ways.

 

This type of intelligence is clearly important to you and there is nothing wrong with that. You know the answer to this problem yet you keep holding out for some kind of magic cryptonite.

 

I take this issue to heart personally because I dated a man that did not think I was as intelligent as him and it came across and it was hurtful. I am not stupid, and I was infact much smarter then him in other aspects. But he did not have respect for me to regonize that. His lose. Please do not put this girl in the same situation that this man put me in.

 

You never answered my question. Put yourself in the hot seat. How do you think you would come off to her if she read this post? Lets even say that she doesn't know it's you. Do you think you would be a man she would respect? Take pride in? Respect? Think is intelligent? These are good questions to ask yourself, putting yourself in a position to understand that you aren't the only person here that is questioning the other.

 

 

I mean, do any of you know anyone who is just *so bad* at something like math/logic/etc and yet still has very sound judgment when it comes to the real deal?

 

What you fail to understand is that intelligence isn't fractioned off on how many dead presidents you know, how quickly you can solve a math problem or spell big words. Life judgments and situations and school/book smarts are two sperate entities. And there are many different combinations of people that it will never be so black and white. If you can't respect and enjoy the girl she is, without having some kind of condesending opinion of her, no amount of answers on this board are going to make you see different.

 

So what exactly are yo ulooking for here? You already seem to firmly have the idea that she isn't a capable partner for you. What else do you want people to say? Do her a favor and let her find a man that will treasure her. Don't waste her time.

[Eleventy]

I'm not trying to gauge things based on her knowledge of random trivia, or even the math problems themselves. It's the mere notion of being unable to solve simple problems (and by problems I don't mean strictly math -- I mean any problems) and needing to go out of her way to rely on me for something like that. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but that is where my concern truly lies.

 

 

"You never answered my question. Put yourself in the hot seat. How do you think you would come off to her if she read this post? Lets even say that she doesn't know it's you. Do you think you would be a man she would respect? Take pride in? Respect? Think is intelligent? These are good questions to ask yourself, putting yourself in a position to understand that you aren't the only person here that is questioning the other."

 

She would probably be quite upset -- I come off as a real ass in this thread. Like I said earlier, though, I really did not mean what I said in the original post. It's just that the last relationship I got out of was so abusive, I think. She was not intelligent but I overlooked it, and she wound up making some extraordinarily poor decisions. She wound up relying on me for absolutely everything. I'm just worried that this is another trend pointing to the same sort of end result. It is true that I may be unfairly judging her too soon, but I just absolutely refuse to be put in the same situation again.

[Kamille]

But, come on, she couldn't even use her phone calculator? Resorting to an entire text message for one simple subtraction problem? I suppose most people would flip out at me for making "a big deal" out of this, but in my mind it's a delineation of a trend and that's what worries me. I really don't want to get into a relationship with someone if I know that when the going gets tough, my partner's going to be deadweight and rely on me for absolutely everything. Like you said, I don't want to have to baby-sit if things fall apart when I'm not there. I want to be able to trust that my partner can make good decisions.

 

So basically you're doubting her capacities at problem-solving.

 

Couples do face tough times and challenging decisions. We both know those have very little to do with math, and more to do with emotional intelligence. Even how people handle finance is very little about math and more about compromises. How good/compatible people are when handling decision-making and conflict is what matters.

 

How much they trust each other to be able to pull through also matters, so if you don't trust her judgement, then you let her go. This, however, says that the two of you are incompatible more then it says anything about her problem-solving capacities.

 

Have you two actually been confronted to an actual relationship issue yet? Could be something as minor as one of you being late, deciding where to go for a date or getting lost somewhere. How was that handled?

[dreamergrl]

But you see, you do mean what you said in the OP. Why? Because you continue to obsess over this damn math problem. You went ahead and tested her for God Sakes. She's 17, impressionable, and probably wanting your attention more then anything. What is sad, is you are not letting her be 17, and enjoy one of the first of many relationships she's likely to have. You do not value her the way she deserves. I feel bad for this girl.

 

If for some strange reason you're still with her in 5 years, I can see you constantly putting her brain to the test, constantly trying to mold her, and have her struggling to be what you want.

 

Just let her be. Quit tearing her apart over a freaking math problem.

 

This whole thing is just making me want to :sick:

[bean1]

Prolix 2.0

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=192033

 

The reason the OP dates this 17yr old girl is because any mature or intelligent woman would sense this attitude and quit answering the phone. Notice all the woman older than 17 here are disgusted by your attitude? A major part of intelligence is recognizing that common sense and respect for others is a lot more important in life.

[Jersey Shortie]

I'm not trying to gauge things based on her knowledge of random trivia, or even the math problems themselves. It's the mere notion of being unable to solve simple problems (and by problems I don't mean strictly math -- I mean any problems) and needing to go out of her way to rely on me for something like that. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but that is where my concern truly lies.

 

She is 17, what do you honestly want from her? I mean. Be realistic. If I was 22 and dated a 17 year old, I think it would be fool hardy to expect the same amount of maturity. It's not that the numbers are that far apart but there is a huge difference between someone that is still in high school and someone that has been to college for a number of years.

 

 

She would probably be quite upset -- I come off as a real ass in this thread.

 

But I didn't ask you how she would feel. I asked you if you thought you would be the kind of man she could respect?

 

Like I said earlier, though, I really did not mean what I said in the original post. It's just that the last relationship I got out of was so abusive, I think. She was not intelligent but I overlooked it, and she wound up making some extraordinarily poor decisions. She wound up relying on me for absolutely everything. I'm just worried that this is another trend pointing to the same sort of end result. It is true that I may be unfairly judging her too soon, but I just absolutely refuse to be put in the same situation again

 

I will ask you yet again, what are you looking for then? You have your mind made up. No one here is going to give you the magic answer. You were given advice by a number of people and you keep stating the same things. What are you really looking for then?

[dreamergrl]

 

 

 

I will ask you yet again, what are you looking for then? You have your mind made up. No one here is going to give you the magic answer. You were given advice by a number of people and you keep stating the same things. What are you really looking for then?

 

He wants to be told it's okay to expect a 17 year old to be everything he wants her to be. He wants to be told that she's dumb, so he can validate how he feels. He doesn't want help, he wants assurance that how he is acting is okay.

[donnamaybe]

You know, at least the guy is concerned about an issue RE: her intellect rather than the size of her boobs or the number on the scale. Give him a break. Geez!

[dreamergrl]

So because he values intellect, he should get a pass for always correcting her, testing her, and deeming her as stupid/worthless?

[Eleventy]

dreamer you're consistently misinterpreting my concerns. That is absolutely not what I am wanting people to say. Besides I've only corrected her maybe 5% of the time, and I have *never* called her stupid or worthless. She does mean a lot to me and I did not mean what I said in the original post (I was unfairly bringing in past relationship conclusions). I am just worried.

 

It's not about constantly putting her brain to the test. It's the fact that she had to go out of her way in an extremely inefficient manner to ask me a question 99%+ of the population would be able to solve. I guarantee you that if you were dating someone who exhibited an inability to do something that you would normally be able to take for granted in someone who was simply alive and breathing, you would be concerned as well.

 

My problem perhaps lies in my interpretation of what is necessary for a working relationship, and I would appreciate some feedback in this regard.

 

In my mind, the inability to solve something like that is indicative of an inability to solve many problems on one's own. It implies a huge reliance on other people. How would you define "emotional intelligence" and how would it win out or be more important down the road than the ability to logicall reason out something or solve an issue on your own? Is the ability to solve something yourself not a function of emotional intelligence?

[dreamergrl]

dreamer you're consistently misinterpreting my concerns. That is absolutely not what I am wanting people to say. Besides I've only corrected her maybe 5% of the time, and I have *never* called her stupid or worthless. She does mean a lot to me and I did not mean what I said in the original post (I was unfairly bringing in past relationship conclusions). I am just worried.

 

You are consistently obsessing over the damn math problem. Which shows you meant everything you said in your OP. If she meant anything to you, you'd stop obsessing. You'd accept her for who she is. Or move on if she is not capable for you. Really, just move on.

 

It's not about constantly putting her brain to the test. It's the fact that she had to go out of her way in an extremely inefficient manner to ask me a question 99%+ of the population would be able to solve. I guarantee you that if you were dating someone who exhibited an inability to do something that you would normally be able to take for granted in someone who was simply alive and breathing, you would be concerned as well.

 

No, I would not be concerned. I look at people as a whole. I accept that everyone has their faults. No one is perfect. Get over the ****ing math problem. That is all you are basing all of this on, and it's stupid.

 

My problem perhaps lies in my interpretation of what is necessary for a working relationship, and I would appreciate some feedback in this regard.

 

You're problem is that you obsess over something small, and refuse to let go.

 

In my mind, the inability to solve something like that is indicative of an inability to solve many problems on one's own. It implies a huge reliance on other people. How would you define "emotional intelligence" and how would it win out or be more important down the road than the ability to logicall reason out something or solve an issue on your own? Is the ability to solve something yourself not a function of emotional intelligence?

 

You are definitely not the poster child for emotional intelligence, because you're freaking over a math problem. You think this ONE instance shows how things will be forever on. Not to mention, she's 17. LET HER BE 17. If you want to have your standards high up on your horse, then date someone who has a chance to be up there too, because a 17 year old girl cannot be expected to be held so damn accountable for every damn thing you want.

 

I'm done posting in this thread.

[carhill]

You know, at least the guy is concerned about an issue RE: her intellect rather than the size of her boobs or the number on the scale. Give him a break. Geez!

IDK; sometimes I think the boob size guys get more and better results

 

In my mind, the inability to solve something like that is indicative of an inability to solve many problems on one's own. It implies a huge reliance on other people. How would you define "emotional intelligence" and how would it win out or be more important down the road than the ability to logicall reason out something or solve an issue on your own? Is the ability to solve something yourself not a function of emotional intelligence?

I'll let you in on a little secret. Women are some of the most effective delegators extent. Possessing emotional intelligence, they have a keen eye on how to identify and process the dynamic of getting others involved to augment their 'weaknesses' and feel good about it. True genius, seriously

[Eleventy]

dreamer, I'm afraid we're going to have to agree to disagree. This is NOT just because of one math problem as you keep stating. As I've said before, the math problem is simply icing on the cake. There have been other issues that correlate with my concerns and the math problem is simply something that more or less "seals the conclusion" in my mind, and that is what I want advice on -- whether or not that conclusion is valid or whether or not emotional intelligence truly wins out in tougher situations.

[Eleventy]

IDK; sometimes I think the boob size guys get more and better results

 

I'll let you in on a little secret. Women are some of the most effective delegators extent. Possessing emotional intelligence, they have a keen eye on how to identify and process the dynamic of getting others involved to augment their 'weaknesses' and feel good about it. True genius, seriously

 

AUGMENT their weaknesses?

 

I think perhaps this is more of a supplementation or replacement altogether. I don't think many girls are quite that good yet

[theBrokenMuse]

dreamer, I'm afraid we're going to have to agree to disagree. This is NOT just because of one math problem as you keep stating. As I've said before, the math problem is simply icing on the cake. There have been other issues that correlate with my concerns and the math problem is simply something that more or less "seals the conclusion" in my mind, and that is what I want advice on -- whether or not that conclusion is valid or whether or not emotional intelligence truly wins out in tougher situations.

 

The people that are all up in arms that you dared to have the audacity to feel disgusted by someone who is going to be a legal adult in a year or less being unable to handle simple skills that mere children can easily acquire are the ones who have issues, imo. It's obvious from this thread that people have too often come to expect teenage girls to be airheads and set the bar way too freakin' low for them.... and I don't want to hear, what if she's an idiot savant and has exceptionally great skills in other areas. We are talking about being able to grasp basic, rudimentary things. Anyone who can't does have sub par intelligence to a certain degree. Sorry, but why must people deny it simply because it's an unpleasant thing to say?

[carhill]

AUGMENT their weaknesses?

Mitigate would be a better word. Sorry about that. CEO's do this too. They hire people to do things well that they do poorly and use their leadership skills to motivate those people.

[Jersey Shortie]

My problem perhaps lies in my interpretation of what is necessary for a working relationship, and I would appreciate some feedback in this regard.

 

What you deem necessary, others might now. Everyone has different needs. Obviously you have a certain necessity for a certain level of intelligence. That's not wrong. However, if the person's failure to meet something you clearly feel very strongly about, affects your opinion of them, they are not the right person for you. I know that's now what you want to hear but that's my advice and opinion.

 

How did you meet someone that is 17 anyway?

 

 

In my mind, the inability to solve something like that is indicative of an inability to solve many problems on one's own.

 

Well, she was able to survive 17 years without you. I am sure no one was holding her hand all the time. I am sure if push came to shove, she would be fine.

[carhill]

I am sure if push came to shove, she would be fine.

 

OP, words to the wise. Never underestimate a woman's potential in this area nor think that a 'supposed' dearth would make you more invaluable in her life.

[Taramere]

In my mind, the inability to solve something like that is indicative of an inability to solve many problems on one's own. It implies a huge reliance on other people. How would you define "emotional intelligence" and how would it win out or be more important down the road than the ability to logically reason out something or solve an issue on your own? Is the ability to solve something yourself not a function of emotional intelligence?

 

Have you ever read Daniel Goleman's books on Emotional Intelligence? The message I got from them was that emotional intelligence is essentially about understanding your (and other people's) emotions and therefore being better able to manage them. He states that "a tendency to act is implicit in every emotion", and follows that with a brief description of the main emotions we encounter in daily life. Fear, anger, love, happiness, surprise, disgust and sadness.

 

The main rationale behind suggesting that emotional intelligence can matter more than IQ is that a genius in a technical area might have so little insight into his own and other people's emotional mechanics that despite the high IQ he or she will slip into destructive behavioural patterns and relationships.

 

I don't think it follows that just because a person has a high IQ they have low emotional intelligence. That always strikes me as something that comes from the sour grapes "booksmart people lack common sense" school of thinking. On the other hand, history has presented us with plenty of examples of astoundingly intelligent people who didn't manage life very well.

 

A person might be dryly logical, like Spock, but make the mistake of dismissing the importance of emotions on the basis that they're not rational. They are, in fact, often very rational - but they're designed to help us in crisis situations (anger giving us added strength for a fight, grief helping us to attract people who will give us temporary nurturing) rather than being effective longer term coping mechanisms. Logic and emotion can work very well together if you recognise the strengths and limitations of both.