RetroMan Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Hi. I already typed out a huge long message telling my sob story in full...then realised it was far too long for anyone in their right mind to bother reading...so I've hit delete and scaled it down a bit. VERY basically, I'm a 20 year old guy, pretty attractive IMO (I'm a bit skinny with my 26" waist and 6'0 of height, but I think I've got a certain Jarvis Cocker'esque charm anyway ) but I've never had any kind of contact with the opposite sex. You know, I'm 20 and I haven't had my first kiss. I'm pretty lacking on the self esteem front. Usually I cope OK, and just try and ignore my sexuality to stay sane. I've fancied many girls in the past of course and have had crushes etc..., but there's this girl I work with who I am MAD about. I'm pretty sure she used to fancy me too. There was a bit of flirting I think...though I'm not certain, being pretty new to this stuff. While going about our work I used to make quite lingering eye-contact with her and smile (2-3 seconds) with no words or anything and she returned it too. She may have been thinking "What the f**k are you looking at?" for all I know, but I didn't get that impression. Anyways, at a staff party she appeared to be going out of her way to talk to me. But, being the terminally shy man that I am, I froze and just found it near-impossible to talk back and ended up giving short, conclusive answers and then kind of edging away. I was pissed off with myself by that point, but then later that evening I made a big mistake. We made eye-contact across the bar we were in and she actually walked over and sat, on her own, in a seat not too far away from me. There wasn't really any reason for her to do that unless she was testing my reactions. A golden opportunity? Most probably. But I did the unthinkable, and got up and just walked away. I haven't been able to rekindle the flirting since so I am terrified that she thought "Well, enoughs enough" and got bored. That was a few months ago now, and I am more in love with this girl than ever now. We still talk and have a laugh occasionally, but not in a really flirty way. I think I've got to do something quite drastic to let her know, but I don't want to come on too strong out of nowhere. If you were this girl, could you still be interested and, if so, what would you like someone like me to do to show that I care...cos god knows, I do!! Or, perhaps I've had too many chances already...? Geez, it's still a pretty long message and that's the abridged one! Oh well. There you go. Let me know if there is some hope for this lonely guy yet. Ta for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
tredulce Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 You know what you need to do? You need to take a flying leap! Sometimes that's the only way. By flying leap I mean...you need to try and sweep her off her feet. Write her a letter about your feelings...surprise her with a picnic dinner for two....find out some concert she'd like to see and get tickets....if you're into music write her a little song. Just something like that that is within your realm of doing. I think something like that would not only get ANY girl's attention, but it would teach you a lot about yourself and about her. If she rejects you, she'd have to be crazy (unless she was super duper nice about it). If she doesn't you'll know she's your type of gal. PLEASE TRY IT!!! It may be outside your comfort zone, but that's the only way people grow--by stepping outside their comfort zone. Please keep posting with new results!! Take care adn GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RetroMan Posted November 2, 2003 Author Share Posted November 2, 2003 Thanks for replying. She's not exactly the most shy of girls, whereas I'm very quiet. I think she gave me the benefit of the doubt before but, because of the wasted opportunities which I am furious at myself for, she's probably decided that I don't know what I want and has become bored. If I were her, I know I would have. I guess any kind of embarrassment that may come from asking her out would be better than what I'm going through at the moment. You know, I feel sick in the stomach if I see her so much as having a laugh with another bloke. I know that just sounds like I'm obsessive, but I get so jealous of their ability to act like that with her. Occasionally I'm close to tears just with the sheer frustration of not being able to break out of this shell I've made for myself. As I said before, I'm a pretty good judge of character and I know that I could be the kind of person that she would like if only I could get myself some damn self-esteem. We've both got an interest in theatre (we both work in one, btw) and we're also both writers. Different types of writer (she does drama, I do sketch comedy) but, you know, it's a start. The fact that we only work one shift out of seven together nowadays (that works out at only 4 hours a week!!) makes progress very difficult. Do you think that if I was to wait for the next social event (after show party for instance), and just started quite shamelessly chatting her up in a way that there is NO mistaking what I am doing that it would make a good impact? Or perhaps it would just seem confusing and out of the blue? Bear in mind I have known her for a year now, though it feels less because of the small amount of time we spend together. Or maybe it would be a nice surprise for her to see me, Mr Quiet and Shy 2003, just getting out there and being confident about myself? I'm sure in the back of her mind she knows I still like her, but she's probably long forgotten about it now. Oops. Another long post. Still, it feels good to finally get this stuff off my chest. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
tredulce Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 I think if you did that, it would be fine. But, the fact that you've kind of injured her ego in the past by not entertaining her obvious play for you makes me think you should do something more...and maybe explain why you never reacted to her little advance in the process. But, the point here is for you to make a play for her that makes YOU comfortable, AND rekindles her interest. If you think that chatting her up at the next social function would do the trick, then go for it. Just do SOMETHING! Lol:) Take care, good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author RetroMan Posted November 2, 2003 Author Share Posted November 2, 2003 Ha. I will, I promise. Even if the chances are that she would decline, I think I need to do it anyway, just to get her out of my system. The reason it's so hard to do anything is because, as someone else has told me, I've spent so much time building her up in my mind, that it's getting harder and harder to speak to her without getting really nervous. And it'll keep getting more difficult the longer I leave it. I'll try my best!! Link to post Share on other sites
tredulce Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 I'm so glad to hear that you are going to do something, and you have good reasons for it either way. If it helps, I've been in a similar situation. I was SO attracted to this guy for a long time, and I kept building him up in my mind. He was interested, but wasn't making any definitive moves. I heard from a mutual friend he was interested and so I just called him and left my phone number. We ended up dating, and even though it didn't work out...that one effort helped me unravel the whole thing. Good luck, lemme know what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
Purrrfection8 Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Hey Retro Man, how r u goin? Don't u hate those Homer "D'oh!" moments when u had ur opportunity but lack of confidence failed to allow u to shine... We all have those moments... I think if this girl is wise, kind and sensitive, she could come around to seeing ur shyness as a very sweet, endearing trait. If the girl was interested when she originally went out of her way to come and talk to u then she may have been hurt and embarrassed that u gave her what may have seemed like a brush off... I hope that in time u will b able to disclose ur feelings to her. In the meantime, (did u say she worked with u?) my suggestion is why don't u have a little fun? Taking into consideration that ur a shy guy and may not desire to reveal ur feelings straight away, why don't u place on her desk a) a cute little card saying "Just to say ur wonderful - signed anonymous", or b) a small chocolate cupcake with a note saying "A sweet for a sweet - Signed anonymous" or c) a beautiful flower with a note saying "U r more beautiful than any flower - Signed anonymous".... That would peak her interest. Scope whether her attitude may change toward u from that day on... If u have to, do it every 3 days for a little while to keep her guessing... I hope it works, or at least I hope u have some fun! Love and light to u and her, Purrrfection8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RetroMan Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Heh. I hate replying to posts as soon as they have been made, cos it makes it look like I am always hanging around the place. Sheer coincidence I came online just as you posted that I promise Thanks for the tip though. Someone else has also suggested a letter to me as well or, less formally, a note. I was practicising writing one last night actually, trying to make it sound as brief and sincere as I could without being too corny. Basically, it'd read something like "Find it so hard to say it, but I really want to get to know you better. Wondered it you felt the same. Call Me...?" with my number and signature. I'd want to hand it to her just as I am leaving one of these gatherings I often go to that I find it so difficult to talk to her at or, if by some twist of fate, I do end up chatting to her a lot, I'll tell her that I had something I was going to give her at the end of the evening but she may as well see it now, and give it to her there and then if I'm feeling confident. If I do give it to her as I leave, if she's not interested, neither of us have to mention it again and I'll know where I stand at least. Think that sounds effective? Link to post Share on other sites
Purrrfection8 Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Yeah yeah yeah u were waiting for a response! I can't believe the instantaneous response, took u all of 3 seconds to type all those paragraphs! hehehehe Yes, note, giving it to her, as u leave, sounds great! Hope u do, great idea, u'll b right! Purrrfection8 Link to post Share on other sites
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