Thinkalot Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Hi, I am in a happy long term relationship of 2 years and my bf and I hope to get married in a year or so. The problem is, like others I have read on this site, I am obsessed with his ex(wife), what sort of relationship they had, what she was like, what she looked like, what their sex was like..etc! They met in school and were married 6 years. My mind races all the time, wondering about these things in his past and her, and if it isn't one subject, it's another, maybe even as simple, as what bank they used, or how they worked things out when they split up etc... Sometimes I keep it to myself, other times I pester my bf with questions, to which I usually don't want to hear the answer (and which aren't relevant to us today!). This causes distance between us and is upsetting us both. My bf has told me he loves me more than he's loved anyone. My problem is driving me crazy, and also driving my boyfriend crazy. I want to get on with things and let the past go. I realise a lot of it comes from my own jealousy and insecurity. How do I make the thoughts and questions which run through my head STOP?! I have tried thinking of other things, focussing on the present, and also counselling, which has helped a bit, but not entirely. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Frodo Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 You'll go crazy worrying about things you don't know. If you try to directly cure this obsession by thinking more about it won't work Focus on what you do know. You've been together, you're going to get married, he loves you very much. Think about the future you want to make with him. This will keep you busy. Link to post Share on other sites
luvueli Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I obsess over things like that with my borfriend also. But you have to realize that he is with you now. He loves you! You obviously make him happier. You should focus on loving him. I would think about how my boyfriend's old girlfriend was in bed with him. Did she please him, how did they make love, would he joke around with her, ect. But things like that only make you go crzy and be insecure. Just try your best to block them out. Don't worry about how she was or how she is, she's history! Link to post Share on other sites
ncguy34 Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 I have written a couple of articles on the same subject with my gf regarding her ex boyfriends. I wondered about all the gory details which was about to drive me nuts. I suggested the stop thought technique in which you say loudly inside of your head "Stop!!!' whenever the thought starts- it is important to do it immediately because it does go away. Sometimes you may have to say it so much it is a rapid fire stop session but it works. I cannot say I have not had moments, I have and they can hit you in the chest but try not to think about it and do not ask questions-please it only makes it worse. lets face it we do not want to crowd our thought with anymore images. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted November 11, 2003 Author Share Posted November 11, 2003 Thanks for the advice everyone. The stop thing does help, and I am getting over this obsession slowly and starting to put things in perspective and focus onwhat I've got rather than what was. It makes my relationship so much better, because both my bf and I then feel more relaxed. It has been comforting to read I am not a weirdo for going through this! I've even tried to offer others on this site advice, based on what I have gone through and been learning. Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 Pfffffft! Who cares?! Obviously you're better than his ex in bed or else he wouldn't be with you. Obviously he loves you more or else he wouldn't be with you .... get my drift?! Enjoy the moments with him and just realize that his prior relationships with others are like the crew on the Space Shuttle .... they're HISTORY! (I know, bad joke!) Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 GEEZ Think.......I personally feel your "inqusition" about his past love life with another person....is totally understandable. It's a female thing......we have to KNOW! LOL! I also think if you ask him....he'll share. Most men are so good at that. Link to post Share on other sites
energymatrix Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I dont think you should be thinking about those things.. since he is with you.. and I am sure she is thinking the same thing about you... Link to post Share on other sites
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