wontgohomewou Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Soo, this happen to anyone? If it did, stories would be awesome. Also how long the relationship and NC lasted. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
xXxshootingstarxXx Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 This is a good post... Got me intrigued now! I'm 6 months NC = still no joy from the ex!! Boooo Although, the hope of him returning back to me could be zilch seen as though he's with someone else now! However, the future is a mystery and no one knows what it may hold. . . Only time will tell!! Still counting my lucky stars the love of my life crosses my path once again and it's 'happily ever after'... ahhhhh *hiccup* sorry i was dreaming again I'd like to hear of some successful stories too Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 With all due respect, you two are looking for false hope to cling on to when you should be moving on with your lives. If someone actually typed up a story about how their ex came back, begged for forgiveness, and the two lived happily ever after, how does that help YOU? You will use it as validation for allowing your ex to live, rent-free, in your brain, justification for preventing yourself from truly moving on as he/she probably already has. As much as you believe it would solve everything, you probably don't want a retread for your next S.O. You may have happiness and/or revenge fantasies that you'd like to play out, which is natural, but you will find that the best recipe for happiness (and the best "revenge") is moving on and letting go of your ex, so you can find someone else who WANTS to be with you. Not trying to be a wet blanket - just trying to keep you from deluding yourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
xXxshootingstarxXx Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 With all due respect, you two are looking for false hope to cling on to when you should be moving on with your lives. If someone actually typed up a story about how their ex came back, begged for forgiveness, and the two lived happily ever after, how does that help YOU? You will use it as validation for allowing your ex to live, rent-free, in your brain, justification for preventing yourself from truly moving on as he/she probably already has. As much as you believe it would solve everything, you probably don't want a retread for your next S.O. You may have happiness and/or revenge fantasies that you'd like to play out, which is natural, but you will find that the best recipe for happiness (and the best "revenge") is moving on and letting go of your ex, so you can find someone else who WANTS to be with you. Not trying to be a wet blanket - just trying to keep you from deluding yourselves. Fair point made samspade, i'm probably not as wise as some and i most probably don't see the bigger picture alot of the time or objectively for that matter. It's the way I operate. I don't know how to close the mind off from my ex, I regret losing him - it takes over me, and I KNOW for a fact it'll take me a loooong long time to let someone else in again. . . So for me I tend to feel for 'better the devil you know' - I do lack common sense though. I'll awake from my dreamland 'oneday' Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'll awake from my dreamland 'oneday' I am sure you will...I've been there. I think, however, that it's better to come out of it knowing that you really don't need that person. It prepares you for the next round. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Sam makes an excellent point (was actually going to say sort of the same thing). I found that when I was first dumped, I looked for anyone I knew who either had gotten back after being split up or knew someone that did. I listened to their stories, and tried to make comparisons to my relationship, hoping to find similarities. At the end of the day, what Sam said is right on. You need to stop searching for the exceptions, and just accept that youre probably not one of them. You can hope that NC brings them back if you want to waste your time, but you should really only be using it to heal and move on. The chances of someone dumping you and coming back arent real great, so its best to assume its not going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
waitingpatiently Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 My ex called after about a month and a half of NC...I didn't even respond. After all that thinking I didn't even want to get back with him. It wouldn't have been worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 My ex called after about a month and a half of NC...I didn't even respond. After all that thinking I didn't even want to get back with him. It wouldn't have been worth it. Its funny how it works like that. Once you turn a corner and dont want them back, they show up. Link to post Share on other sites
lovebubble Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 yeah. my ex '' comes back '' on a daily basis. everyday there's a text, a call, something.. and that's actually complete hell. i'd rather nc to be on both ends, to give me time to reflect.. instead, i have to feel guilty knowing that i'm causing him pain. i'm still thinking about the marriage and if it's worth working it out. as of right now, i need time to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
waitingpatiently Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Its funny how it works like that. Once you turn a corner and dont want them back, they show up. Exactly! yeah. my ex '' comes back '' on a daily basis. everyday there's a text, a call, something.. and that's actually complete hell. i'd rather nc to be on both ends, to give me time to reflect.. instead, i have to feel guilty knowing that i'm causing him pain. i'm still thinking about the marriage and if it's worth working it out. as of right now, i need time to myself. Don't worry about how he's feeling. Just focus on you and thinking about where you want to be right now. If it helps any tell im to stop contact right now so you can get yourself together. Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulInFuture Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I think people need to start thinking that once they break up it's probably for the best. If there was a serious reason for the break up and it was not a misunderstanding or a fight or similar, it's better never to give it a second chance. I've usually been very clean about my past breakups. The last relationship was a continuous on and off relationship and one thing I came to believe today is that I should have never give in the first time he came around. I was always the one breaking up. I loved him. More than I ever loved anyone but he never gave me what I needed and furthermore he lied to me and now I feel he did not respect me the way I deserved. He always came back, begging me back and giving me lots of promises. Now that I look back after the fog lifted, the only thing that I regret is giving him the other chances. I should have just stayed away. It would have saved me 1,5 years and maybe by now I would have found my mr. right . So, people, the point is, don't focus on NC just to get someone back. Don't put all of your energy into making your ex come back. If you broke up, there's a reason and focus on making yourself better and moving on. A broken vase will never become whole again. There are only a few circumstances when I accept people getting back together and working things out and these are really only a small number of relationships. Look at the positive side. You broke up so that you can find someone better Link to post Share on other sites
Author wontgohomewou Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Hey guys. I am in no way shape or form trying to get back with my ex. I was just more in the mood for a happy story for a change:). Trust me when I say that after getting this far, there is NO way in hell I'm going back. Link to post Share on other sites
icepop Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 This is currently a very interesting topic for me. Although they should combine this forum with LDR's and one other that slips my mind. Anyway, back on topic. I only say this because I relate so well from personal experience. My now ex-gf and me have split up at least 6x's. Once, for nearly three months. NOw, before I go any further I want to say that I was not the best BF in the world. I made my mistakes with her. The biggest was having been caught in a chat room talking to a pretty good looking woman. Now, I don't remember the details of what we said, but my ex seems to think I was about to have an affair with this woman. I do not have that recollection. My account is that I was just having a flirtatious discussion with her and others who were admiring her charms. In any case, my GF actually thought I was having an affair with this woman ( I wasn't, nor would I consider that kind of behavior ). This incident happened over 18 months ago and everyday she would always feel that I had this woman at my house every night when nothing could be further from the truth. All of our break-ups revolved around her constant swearing about this to me, name calling and then hanging up. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly in the mood for calling her back. And so, when I didn't she would then accuse me of hiding and being inaccessable, which to certain extent was true, but only because of her constant behavior. It was maddening. What I have realized is that since we are no longer, I need to work on me. I can't help her. And, I no longer want to be with her. She is quite beautiful, intelligent and charming. Even if she changed tomorrow I would be waiting for the next shoe to drop ( on my head ). I am so conditioned to her behavior I cringe, thinking about her contacting me again. It's time to work on me. And, I suggest that to you, too. NC can work. They might even come back. But, if you don't work on yourself you'll never be prepared to take them back or decide that you really have moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
EmptyPromises Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 i like this thread...i was intrigued by the title wanting to know myself .. and now im leaving it wanting to move on completely Link to post Share on other sites
Hannah86 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 First of all, I want to make it clear that I am 23. I am young. It seems like a lot of people on here are getting over serious divorces and 6-year realtionships but I do want to give one success story. I was madly in love with a guy about 4 years older than me when I was 19. We worked well together, then I went away on a trip and he started dating another girl and the two of them immediately got very serious. I was absolutely crushed. She was his age and more mature/smarter than me so I knew they were a much better fit. He didn't even break up with me. I had to hear about it from other people when I got back. We immediately went NC and I couldn't even express my rage because he was already over me and madly in love with a new girl. We never talked about it. It was like I came back in town and had to immediately accept what had happened. I dated other guys, one lasted for about a year and I eventually got to a point where I didn't think about him or care about him at all. I was completely over it. He and the girl broke up about a year ago, and I heard through the grapevine that he had moved to DC with the new administration and get away from the awkwardness of his "serious ex" and the friends they shared. He wanted to start fresh. I live about 5 or 6 hours away in NYC. I recently modeled on a huge ad campaign and he sent me a congratulatory email and said he saw it. My heart skipped. I had completely forgotten about him. His emails immediately got flirty and we are thinking about visiting each other soon. I hope that both of us have matured and might be able to work something out. It is awkward seeing his serious ex around town because she absolutely hates that I was with him before she was, and she hates that I am younger than her. I like to think there is a big difference between a 19 year old and a 23 year old (I am much, much wiser than I was), and I hope he will accept me better this time around. I hope you will all wish me luck and spare me the "what if he leaves you again?" because I don't want to hear it!! I am very happy and excited for what's to come and keeping an open mind and my guard UP. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 First of all, I want to make it clear that I am 23. I am young. It seems like a lot of people on here are getting over serious divorces and 6-year realtionships but I do want to give one success story. I was madly in love with a guy about 4 years older than me when I was 19. We worked well together, then I went away on a trip and he started dating another girl and the two of them immediately got very serious. I was absolutely crushed. She was his age and more mature/smarter than me so I knew they were a much better fit. He didn't even break up with me. I had to hear about it from other people when I got back. We immediately went NC and I couldn't even express my rage because he was already over me and madly in love with a new girl. We never talked about it. It was like I came back in town and had to immediately accept what had happened. I dated other guys, one lasted for about a year and I eventually got to a point where I didn't think about him or care about him at all. I was completely over it. He and the girl broke up about a year ago, and I heard through the grapevine that he had moved to DC with the new administration and get away from the awkwardness of his "serious ex" and the friends they shared. He wanted to start fresh. I live about 5 or 6 hours away in NYC. I recently modeled on a huge ad campaign and he sent me a congratulatory email and said he saw it. My heart skipped. I had completely forgotten about him. His emails immediately got flirty and we are thinking about visiting each other soon. I hope that both of us have matured and might be able to work something out. It is awkward seeing his serious ex around town because she absolutely hates that I was with him before she was, and she hates that I am younger than her. I like to think there is a big difference between a 19 year old and a 23 year old (I am much, much wiser than I was), and I hope he will accept me better this time around. I hope you will all wish me luck and spare me the "what if he leaves you again?" because I don't want to hear it!! I am very happy and excited for what's to come and keeping an open mind and my guard UP. Read that line and think about it. I wish you luck, but you are already heading into this thinking that you are the one who needed to change and do things to make him like you more. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 In my experiences...the one's you DON'T want to come back, resurface...The one's you DO want to come back don't... Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulInFuture Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 hannah, the issue is not what if he leaves you again. I think all relationships take some risk. The real problem here is how the people handle the "end" to the relationship. You want someone who does not give up easily and who will have the courage and enough respect for you to tell you that it's over and he's seeing someone else. This guy might have a lot of great qualities but he does not respect anyone except himself. He is a self-absorbed brat. Why don't you talk to his ex so that she can tell you all the reasons to stay away from him? I am sure he brought the same garbage in her life as he did in yours. Do you really want a person who will dump you (without even telling you) in a blink when someone better comes along? You know the newness always attracts. He might just be so bored with himself that he needs a constant challenge in his life. Whatever you decide to do, good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Hannah86 Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I think you are all very cynical. For those of you that are older, how different were you when you were 28 than when you were 24 (men) ? Ladies, how different were you when you were 19 than when you were 23? We have grown up a lot. I'm not an irritating little drunk college girl anymore, and he left his serious girlfriend because he didn't want to be with her for the rest of his life. I think it speaks volumes that we are reconnecting again, and still connecting on the same deep levels that we did before--but with less distraction and more maturity. I do not have low self-esteem. It takes two to make something work. When I said "I hope that he will accept me better this time around" I wasn't blaming myself for our problems. He was a wild 24 year old doing whatever he wanted. Meanwhile, I was so much younger than him in maturity and I know there were times where my age was an issue. As far as my issues with him (translated: me accepting him back into my life) I know he has changed a lot, and some of his friends that live in my city have said things like "****** mentioned that you two were talking again. I think both of you have changed and it might really work out this time around. It is funny how things end up..." etc etc, without me ever going to them and mentioning anything. These are friends of his I haven't talked to in like 2 years, who approach me at events and say these things. I know we are all here looking for advice. I appreciate your responses, but why can't you be happy for me and wish me luck? The cynicism is a little much. Link to post Share on other sites
b10wick Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 In my experiences...the one's you DON'T want to come back, resurface...The one's you DO want to come back don't... Quote for Truth right here my friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wontgohomewou Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 In my experiences...the one's you DON'T want to come back, resurface...The one's you DO want to come back don't... I would LOVE to hear about this:) Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I surprisingly find myself dating my ex again and it's been more than 3 years since we split and divorced. It was very acrimonious. Periodically throughout the years we would try to make contact and it would end in disaster and usually an argument - still too much anger and resentment existed. We both dated and had other serious relationships, but weren't ever truly happy inside. Neither of us. So we try once again to get together and talk to let go of all the bad blood - we do have a child together and she was caught in the middle - the planets must have aligned or something because for the first time in a LONG time, we were on the same page at the same time. We have decided to go with it and see what happens. It's been bittersweet, very emotional and exciting, and terrifying at the same time. It's hard to describe - it's new and familiar at the same time, it's like dating somebody new but he's the father of my child, it's nervous and comfortable all at once. I feel blessed to be able to write a new history instead of staying stuck in the old one which is not how we are NOW. Finally we have grown enough to open up to the possibilities of what can be. We don't know what will happen, we are taking our time and having fun. I don't know anybody personally who has broken up for a considerable time and then gotten back together - so I'm flying blind. In my heart, I never gave up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wontgohomewou Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 That's awesome! Congrats and good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeAyanami Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 This is probably a REALLY dumb question, but what does NC stand for? Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 This is probably a REALLY dumb question, but what does NC stand for? No Contact, as in, not remaining in contact with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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