Should I follow an invite to go out to a club while my girl is away?

[Samari]

A really good friend of mine (guy) is coming back to the area of which I live in (San Francisco) over the summer for a few days. He is really anxious to have some fun since he's been in Indiana the last couple of months. So he said we should both go to a club and meet up with some female friends. And I only know one of these "friends" vaguely. I'll be honest, they were all hot girls last time I saw them.

 

In any case, he's single and I'm not. I want to have fun with my friend, but at the same time I don't feel really good about going to a club while my girl (whom I miss A LOT) is away in China. Really what am I supposed to do there? Just drink and sit around? I mean I just don't want to end up flirting or something and end up dancing with another girl. I'm thinking if I was in my girlfriend's place and I found out that she was dancing with some random guy in some Chinese dance club I wouldn't feel too good about it. What should I do?

[lesoiseaux]

Hmm...I suppose if you did go to the club your only options would be either to dance with other girls or sit around not doing much, neither of which seems like a good idea. If I heard that my boyfriend went out dancing with other girls, I would feel very uncomfortable, and I think most girls would.

 

I think maybe you should decline his offer but make sure to hang out with him another day that he is in town.

[Prodigal Princess]

Unless you're an ape (and let's admit it, a lot of men are), you have this thing called "self control". Use it.

 

You're going to come across a lot of situations in life that might tempt you away from your girl, are you suppose to stay locked up at home whenever she's not around?? I think it's ridiculous that you'd blow off a good friend because you're afraid you "might" engage in a little innocent flirtation.

 

Have a little more faith in yourself to make the right decisions.

[Lyssa]

Meet up with your friend - it's not like he's around all the time. Doesn't mean you have to stop living your life just because you have a GF.

[Samari]

Unless you're an ape (and let's admit it, a lot of men are), you have this thing called "self control". Use it.

 

You're going to come across a lot of situations in life that might tempt you away from your girl, are you suppose to stay locked up at home whenever she's not around?? I think it's ridiculous that you'd blow off a good friend because you're afraid you "might" engage in a little innocent flirtation.

 

Have a little more faith in yourself to make the right decisions.

Right. I know. I don't want to blow off a good friend. And my girlfriend is very understanding. It just feels wrong though for some reason. Like I said if the situation was reversed, I might feel a little jealous and apprehensive if I found out my girl was at a club dancing with a guy.

 

So if I do go, what should I do at the club? Sit around and drink? That would be boring.

[Lyssa]

So if I do go, what should I do at the club? Sit around and drink? That would be boring.

 

Don't you guys have pool tables at the clubs? How about you ask a few other guys to join you?

[Prodigal Princess]

Um, so only single people should dance? Like dancing is some form of cheating? I really do hope that you're not that posessive over your girlfriend.

 

Anyway, think about it like this - you don't have to dance "with" anyone, it'll be a group situation. If it still bothers you, there is nothing wrong with being a disco wallflower (you know, just bopping up against the wall).

[Thornton]

You still have to live your own life while your gf is away. It is possible to go to a club and not cheat or flirt you know! You can have a pleasant conversation with a girl even if she is hot, and it doesn't have to go any further.

[burningashes]

Or choose an alternative activity. How about paintballing? Go for a hike and then have a bbq get together? You would still get to hang out with your buddy!

[Prodigal Princess]

Go for a hike and then have a bbq get together?

 

He's not gay.

[Trialbyfire]

He's not gay.

Didn't anyone explain to you that bbq to men is the code name for kegs of beer?

[Bearandsue]

I think you shouldnt do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.My hubby

() and I have a rule: dont do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with if I did it.

 

I went out once with a bunch of friends. It was one of their birthday and we went to a club to celebrate. I ended up dancing with a guy there and even though it was not a random person my hubby was not too happy about it. I felt so bad because I knew that if things were reversed I would not like it either. That was early in our relationship.

 

Just do what you think is best and think of how your girlfriend would feel if she knew about this "fun" night your friends have planned. Talk it over with her if possible.

 

good luck

[Lyssa]

Or choose an alternative activity. How about paintballing? Go for a hike and then have a bbq get together? You would still get to hang out with your buddy!

 

Paintballing is wicked! But seeing that his friend is single, he'd prefer to go clubbing.

[Samari]

You still have to live your own life while your gf is away. It is possible to go to a club and not cheat or flirt you know! You can have a pleasant conversation with a girl even if she is hot, and it doesn't have to go any further.

Yeah true. But I don't go to clubs just to talk. I mean the cover prices here aren't cheap.

[Island Girl]

I think you shouldnt do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.My hubby

() and I have a rule: dont do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with if I did it.

 

My hubby and I have the SAME RULE!

 

It works. It definitely works.

 

 

Yeah true. But I don't go to clubs just to talk. I mean the cover prices here aren't cheap.

 

Dude. You seriously seem like your attitude is "if I go to a club I'm going to flirt, dance, and hit on girls - otherwise what's the point and of course I want to get my money's worth".

 

If that IS your attitude then break up with your girlfriend before you go out with your friend.

That way you can do whatever you want to offset the cover charge.

Then, when you realize that your girlfriend was more worthwhile than one night at a club or a cover charge, you can try desperately to get her back and post in the second chances forum.

 

 

Seriously - you should be able to control yourself and to cheat or not to cheat shouldn't be this much of a debate.

 

Years ago, my husband would have told me about going to the club, he would have gone, and he would have maintained the table - that is he'd keep everyone's drinks coming and talk up his friends with the girls his friends were trying to hit on. Then I'd get the drunk dial and play by play all the while being told how much he loves me and how he hated it because the entire night reminded him of me.

 

Now -- he just flat out wouldn't go and do that. But he's getting old (as he says). LOL

 

My point being he wouldn't be conflicted at all because he knows what he has, what he'd lose, and he's been down that road with girls like that a million times.

= Not worth it at all.

 

I feel bad for your girlfriend. Have you told her you are having these inner conflicts about cheating on her?

[Samari]

My hubby and I have the SAME RULE!

 

It works. It definitely works.

 

 

 

 

Dude. You seriously seem like your attitude is "if I go to a club I'm going to flirt, dance, and hit on girls - otherwise what's the point and of course I want to get my money's worth".

 

If that IS your attitude then break up with your girlfriend before you go out with your friend.

That way you can do whatever you want to offset the cover charge.

Then, when you realize that your girlfriend was more worthwhile than one night at a club or a cover charge, you can try desperately to get her back and post in the second chances forum.

 

 

Seriously - you should be able to control yourself and to cheat or not to cheat shouldn't be this much of a debate.

 

Years ago, my husband would have told me about going to the club, he would have gone, and he would have maintained the table - that is he'd keep everyone's drinks coming and talk up his friends with the girls his friends were trying to hit on. Then I'd get the drunk dial and play by play all the while being told how much he loves me and how he hated it because the entire night reminded him of me.

 

Now -- he just flat out wouldn't go and do that. But he's getting old (as he says). LOL

 

My point being he wouldn't be conflicted at all because he knows what he has, what he'd lose, and he's been down that road with girls like that a million times.

= Not worth it at all.

 

I feel bad for your girlfriend. Have you told her you are having these inner conflicts about cheating on her?

 

You're confused. I advocated that going to a club to hang out with a buddy is fine. But for the pricing I don't want to just sit around and do nothing. What does that have to do with potentially cheating on my girlfriend? I never said I couldn't control myself if temptations arose. I just want to hang out with my buddy and have a good time for BOTH of us. And I would want to make sure my girlfriend feels comfortable if I go to a club without her. Sorry, I really should have explained this better so you would be able to understand.

[Lyssa]

Samari, is your GF totally okay with you going to the club? Not that you need her permission but if you both discussed and think it's okay to go then go ahead. You can talk to other girls, have some drinks but also, remember that you have a GF.

 

Go out and have fun with your buddy, he doesn't come down too often, I presume?

[Island Girl]

You're confused. I advocated that going to a club to hang out with a buddy is fine. But for the pricing I don't want to just sit around and do nothing. What does that have to do with potentially cheating on my girlfriend? I never said I couldn't control myself if temptations arose. I just want to hang out with my buddy and have a good time for BOTH of us. And I would want to make sure my girlfriend feels comfortable if I go to a club without her. Sorry, I really should have explained this better so you would be able to understand.

 

I am glad to hear you have no problem controlling yourself.

 

And if you discuss this with your girlfriend and she is okay with it - and you can discuss parameters with her - then great.

 

Dancing doesn't have to be grinding - and talking with girls should be enough then right? So you can have a good time and do all of that.

 

Be a good wing man and don't do anything you wouldn't want her to do.

If you stick to that you should be fine.

 

And I apologize if I got the wrong idea from your posts.

Thank you for clarifying.

[Samari]

Samari, is your GF totally okay with you going to the club? Not that you need her permission but if you both discussed and think it's okay to go then go ahead. You can talk to other girls, have some drinks but also, remember that you have a GF.

 

Go out and have fun with your buddy, he doesn't come down too often, I presume?

Yeah I'm going to talk to my girlfriend about it. She's really carefree so it shouldn't be an issue. However, I do want her to know just to make sure that she feels comfortable.

 

And yes my friend doesn't come to town very often. He's a single guy that is mad-crazy about girls and wants to get back into the game after being in Indiana for so long.

[bean1]

It's all about trust. My SO went to a club on the last night of his business trip (1 week) 5000km away with his old friends. Did I worry that he would cheat on me? No. Could he have cheated on me and I would never have known? Sure, very easily. He could also pick up a hooker on his way to work in the morning. Point is that people have plenty of opportunities to do those things but if you have trust, there is no worries. Go and have fun with your friends, if she is the right one, she will not worry about htis.

[subdued]

I think the problem with accepting your friend's invitation is that your friend sounds like he will be pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. He says that the two of you could meet up with some female friends that you already know will be hot. The question is why. He knows you already have a girlfriend. So why does he want to entice you to do something which you might regret?

[Samari]

I think the problem with accepting your friend's invitation is that your friend sounds like he will be pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. He says that the two of you could meet up with some female friends that you already know will be hot. The question is why. He knows you already have a girlfriend. So why does he want to entice you to do something which you might regret?

No trust me. The most important thing to him would be him getting some ass. I already told him today that I can only be your wingman if we go to a club and don't introduce me to any super hot females.

 

And I talked about the entire thing with my girlfriend today. She was fine with me going, but I made it clear to her that nothing would happen and I would probably just drink a few and socialize if I see any friends around. But nothing serious would happen. And if I do dance, it would be strictly in a group.

[subdued]

I think you did the right thing.