What has my life become?

[brknlife]

Ill try to make this short, Me and my wife of 12 years started dating in jr high and ended up having our daughter in while in highschool. We have now been married 12 years and the last couple years I have been noticing her shutting down on me in the areas of communication and affection, I have always been that guy that was not the most talkitive person or affectionate towards her kinda just ho hum,

So about a year ago she got a new job and one of the men there started talking to her in ways I didnt and it started out as an emotional affair and turned physical when she kissed him. She tells me that is the most that has happened between them and there long talks they had. I cought her red handed with a voice recorder in her car one day when she left. I feel horrible doing that to her but I knew there was something going on between them it was obviuos with the cell phone records by how much they talked and texted I confronted her many times about this and she always said they were just friends but I just had a feeling so that is why I turned to the voice recorder.

I used it to hopefully record a conversation between them on the phone in the car but it ended up the second time i used she met him one day and they talked face to face in the car with the recorder working.

Anyways enough of that I confronted her that night and told her, she finally admitted and we just cried alot she was so sure she now knows I was the man for her, she was very loving and affectionate.

then about 3 weeks later it all died she no longer has feelings for me saying she has lived this lie for the last 16 years with me and she hasn't said it but basically she is not in love with me anymore.

That was about 6 months ago it started her completly shutting down and for me becoming a new man since then I have found faith in god have read dozens of marriage books, Ive learned to communicate better with her and have learned to take care of things around the house.

This is all stuff she told me she has been missing our whole time together we have both been to individual counseling been to marriage classes at church, we have done everything possible to get her to love me again.

about the last month it has gotten so bad she is so cold towards me completly shutting down on me to the point that it feels uncomfortable to talk to her.

Last night we have decided we should seperate for awhile I definitly dont want this but I love her and want her to be happy and if this is what it takes hopefully she will get better. She says she is hoping seperating will make her realize the man that I have changed into and appreciate me more.

My questions are does seperation work we wont be seeing other people?

Are we missing something here should we try anything else before we seperate because I look at seperation as the beginning of the end of a marriage.

Dont get me wrong we do get along great through all this we dont fight at all.. Sex life has been great up untill about a month ago that is going down hill now.

We are just so confused what else can we try she says it has taken her 16 years to finally shut down on me and now that she has she doesnt know how to reopen her heart to me.

Since the affair she never really did break it off with him even when I told her it defintily slowed but there excuse was they were co workers and they needed to talk about issues at work. The good news is he was fired about a month ago but even then they still have a conversation here and there I know this only because she tells me which i respect, I have since stopped looking at her phone history so Im not sure if they talk a lot or not. She does claim she completly thinks he is a jerk and he just played her when she was vulnerable. She says the only conversation with him is to find out why he was fired we both think he was accused of sexual harrasment by another woman.

any advise is really appreciated from you

Thanks