Nancy Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Hi everyone! How to start??? well... here's the problem. He's a great guy and a great father. I love him a lot. always working hard to support me and our baby. Until he start with his drugs again... 2 days ago he came home and I knew right away that he was "high". What do I do? dump him? wait for him to get over it? we have a child that I don't want him to see all that, he's 1 now but soon he'll understand. I have no family, no car and no job. my baby has no daycare I am staying at home with him. He went to some therapy last year and was clean for 10 months until 2 days ago.... He says that the fact that it happened only once in the last year is good news and I shouldn't make a "big deal" about this time... what do you think??? Should I stay or should I go? Any advice will be great! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 If you have no family, no car, no job and are not independently wealthy, I think you need to try to fix this situation first. Talk to your husband and see if you can get him into some kind of treatment. Find out who his source is and report them anonymously to lawmen. Get him to stop this behavior immediately. Talk it out. You can't live your life worried constantly if your husband is going to cave in to drugs again...but you've got to nip this one in the bud real fast...like today. As far as the rest of your life, if I were a woman with a husband who could pull this kind of crap, I would either get a job, get vocational training, study at home or take some action to be able to have a skill to support myself in the event I had to shove off. I would also start saving money, little by little, secretly so I wouldn't be trapped in this kind of deal again. I certainly hope there is a way you can get your husband some help. When you're dealing with drugs, it's real hard just to talk it out. You often need professional intervention. You can get great advice from local social services organizations on programs designed to help people like your husband...if he will get help. And also keep in mind that when he buys this stuff, it ain't cheap and it's taking food off your table and away from the baby. Put your foot down! Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Often when ex-drug users start trying drugs again they go right back into the heavy use they were into before. That's the bad news. However, sometimes people who are in the process of ending their drug or alcohol use take a long time. They stop for a while and then get pulled back in but are able to stop themselves again. Slowly the periods of non-drug use get longer and longer until the drug use is extinguished. Hopefully this latter situation is the case with your man. Keep the pressure on him. Make sure he knows how disappointed you are but also keep reminding him how long he has gone and that relapse is normal and he just has to to stop again and keep his motivation up. I'm talking from experience. It can work.Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Listen to clancy b/c all of that is true. You should talk with him calmly and rationally about how this makes you feel and what you feel about it around your son. One of my friends is in almost the exact same situation. Getting over it takes time and huge amount of effort on his part and he has to want to do it, not for you, and not for his kid, but for himself. Look at your situation and think about or even seriously talk about what is going to be happening in 5-10 years and make a decision on what is best for you and your child. If he doesn't want to change then he isn't. You are always going to have to deal with his problem, but you take care of you for now, and your child ...and go to a community college or a vocational college and get a career, there are usually daycares there and you can apply for finacial aid, student loans and it is hard work but you have to go somewhere in life, and be a role model for your child, and be able to give hima nything that he wants, and if he sees you overcoming this, then he will be infulenced by you. I hope that everything goes well and that he does quit, but if he doesn't then just do the best you can in your situation. GOOD LUCK, I know how hard this is to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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