wife doesn't love me anymore..........

[hoosier1234]

well........i will try and make this as short as possible without omiting to many details..........wife had and emotional affair with a guy from work (yeah i know, we all THINK it's an emotional affair!) anyway.....it was 2 years ago...the guy moved out of state a year ago....i found out thru her cell phone records....after the affair she tried to love me back, but what ever she did for me it was never good enough....and i never trusted her after it all happened......now after years have gone by...she is tired of me not trusting her and tired of me complaining about the love that she has given me....she has said she is done, and doesn't love me anymore......but once again we are trying to work things out...i understand now i should have shown her some trust after all this time has passed...and i should just accepted the love she was giving me.......it has been a month since she said she was "done"....she is very distant and more of my buddy then my wife...we hang out with kids and do things as a family like everything is fine.....but there is not much love between us.......

[sedgwick]

Would you mind ending your sentences with periods instead of ellipsis? It makes it really hard to read!

[MrFun]

Does this ever end....?

 

and i never trusted her after it all happened

No wonder, neither would I. She thought you sucked, so she went with another guy. You can either think a) "no big idea" or b) "I need to find a person that ticks the way I do". You did neither.

 

You're the type that hopes it will get better. But it's over, face it. What she did is a Relationship Killer to you, you should have had the nuts to leave because she crossed your boundaries.

 

i understand now i should have shown her some trust after all this time has passed

No no no! She cheats and you're the guilty person? That's not logical! You're in pain because it will never be the same way it was before she "cheated", you're in pain because you know deep inside that you should have left it at that. You're already 2nd place, now you're getting down on your knees and taking the blame for not getting over it? Dude!

 

Men say that women like the Bad Boy, but that's not true. They just don't like guys that ride the pussy wagon, do not be a pussy. It is *not* a turn-on. She crossed a boundary that you set for yourself and you should have stuck to your principles and *left*. That would be have been the only way to re-balance the relationship or what's left of it.

 

but there is not much love between us

Deep down she thinks you're a wimp. She cheats on your and you accept it?

 

Sorry for being so harsh in a way, but I wish someone had said the above to me when I acted like this.

[hoosier1234]

yeah it sounds easy to walk away, but it's hard......we have been married for 13 years and have 3 kids.if there were no kids it would be easier to walk away.i think about leaving, but i don't want to destroy my kids lives without going thru every avenue to fix things with my wife.

[Nedved]

Not a easy situation and with children involved its always difficult. You had every right not to trust her again after what she done. you weren't the one that done anything wrong. she destroyed your trust in her and in your heart you never forgave her and I'd be the same. I think a lot of people would find it hard to really trust her again. your not alone on that.

 

It sounds like your in a relationship of convenience now and you have to decide after she told you she didn't love you anymore if this is for you. Of course you want your kids to have a stable home environment but are you willing to risk your personnel happiness? She wants to be loved like everybody else so how long will it be before she tells you she's met somebody else? It'l break your heart even more man.

 

By all means try and fix the relationship but to do that you have to learn to trust her again and thats not going to be easy. You'l need to totally chill out about her 'affair' and never mention it again. Maybe even go back the way you were when you first met her. let her fall in love with the you again.

[MrFun]

yeah it sounds easy to walk away, but it's hard......we have been married for 13 years and have 3 kids.

I've also been in a similar situation albeit without kids, so I won't comment there. But I do know that 13 years is better than 26 years. To walk away is the hardest thing, but the only solution. In 5 years, you'll realise it's better for the kids, because they're realise that dad was a man and mum was out of line. It's the only way of maybe coming together again in the future as well.

 

i think about leaving, but i don't want to destroy my kids lives without going thru every avenue to fix things with my wife.

Ever thought that a marriage of convenience could be ruining your kids' lives? What's going to happen when your wife cheats on you again and your kids know about it? How is daddy going to look to them?

 

You're going to have to be strong here, buddy.

 

Oh btw, you can't FIX relationships, Mr Fix-it does not work. You can't talk her back into it. You can't change her mind. You can only change the way she's attracted to you, and at this point in time she's the last person on the planet that you can seduce into love, right? It's just run its course and she was the first to leave emotionally.

 

My tip: leave with dignity. Let your kids know that people meet and people leave. Do not drag your wife into the dirt, let the kids decide on their own. Tell them you love her, but a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. Find a real life with friends and hobbies. Buy that Camaro, travel to Australia, write that book, get that black belt. Be a really cool dad that's there for his kids. The kids will look back and realise you made the right decision and you gave them a role model because you showed your boundaries, you conquered one of the most emotional and gut-wrenching situations a man can encounter in his life and you did it on your own terms without screwing anyone over.

 

I sincerely hopes this help. Good luck!

[Chrome Barracuda]

She should have been in the point to earn your trust back! Your the BS! betrayed spouse. Next what if she files for divorce, and starts dating a new schumck? I mean what are you gonna tolerate?

 

Does she want a seperation or divorce, I think it might be time to call her bluff. She's the one who messed up and is continuing to mess up by leaving, but if she wants to leave so bad, show her the door , go see a lawyer and start tearing the pictures down because she's gonna do it sooner or later.

 

I'd do it on my timetable if I was you.

 

If she doesnt emotionally reconnect with you, who knows she might try to find an OM and do it all over again, but this time making it an Exit affair.

 

Time to find out where you stand. I'm sorry but I'm a tough love kinda guy so I'm very to the point. and no nonsense. If she wants trust she should have earned it back. Not just acted like you get over it. That's the wrong way.

 

She wants to leave then boot her azz out without the kids.