sunflower89 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Am I being silly? I'm not usually a jealous person at all but long distance is really kicking my ass right now. My SO is in America and I'm in England and he doesn't really have a ton of friends who are girls so this has never been an issue before. He lives with a girl and he's said before that her sister is "really hot" which I don't have a problem with at all.. But now he's taking her sister to the beach today ( she's down to stay for a while). Meh, I hate being jealous and I feel like I'm snapping at him now which isn't fair but he's missing out on time with me to go hang with this chick at the beach all day. I've not said anything to him yet but it's really thrown me how ****ty I feel :/ Is it normal to get this jealous? Should I speak to him? Is he doing anything wrong?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I'm a big communicator (and it is especially easy for me in an email or a text), and if I were jealous (even irrationally so) or hurt, then I would tell him so. He isn't a mind-reader, and he can't see you. Just tell him that it bothers you that you are taking this girl out socially, and that you do trust him but that it still eats away at you. After all, you don't know her, and you don't know if she respects boundaries in the same way that you would. On the other hand, he does need to have friends and to go out and to spend beautiful days at the beach. That is what healthy people do. For you to be upset that he is "giving up time with you", I assume you mean online, which is a pretty poor life to have on a continuous basis. Spending all day or night at a computer instead of living life as it should be lived isn't good for either of you. Link to post Share on other sites
kittie s. Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I don't think you're being silly at all. Honestly, with my current mindframe, I'd be pretty unhappy about that. I think you'll feel better when you explain to him how it's bothering you. He is a guy and they don't really seem to think the same way we do, so you just have to lay it out without any hinting. It's really a great sign that he told you what he's doing. My boyfriend does that too, he is trying to keep you included in everything as best as he can. He will make you feel tons better about it once you talk it out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I'm a big communicator (and it is especially easy for me in an email or a text), and if I were jealous (even irrationally so) or hurt, then I would tell him so. He isn't a mind-reader, and he can't see you. A good rule in ANY relationship but crucial in LDRs. Just tell him that it bothers you that you are taking this girl out socially, and that you do trust him but that it still eats away at you. After all, you don't know her, and you don't know if she respects boundaries in the same way that you would. I agree and this is the perfect way to say it. I would also add that I would ask how he would feel if I was going to the beach with some hot guy - alone - for the day to hang out. My guess is he wouldn't be too happy about it. And if he says "she is my roommate's sister" - uh yeah, THAT doesn't matter at all. Not YOUR sister so no relation and just the same as taking any "hot" girl to the beach. He is a guy and they don't really seem to think the same way we do, so you just have to lay it out without any hinting. I find they think A LOT like we do when it comes to this kind of stuff. They aren't good at putting themselves in our shoes without us saying it though. So mention going out for a fun day with some hot guy as I said before. I am quite sure you will get the same reaction about that as you are having right now. And it is a two way street. He does that - then you can too. And if that is the case then you shouldn't be exclusive right now. In an LDR there is too much room for insecurities to grow already. Add situations like this all the time and the relationship is destined to fail. ESPECIALLY at such a great distance and such limited face to face contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower89 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Thank you all for the advice--I'll speak to him when he gets home and let you guys know how it went! Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower89 Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 I saidddd in an email (he emailed me asking why I was stressed with him earlier) "I just feel like I'm being silly..It just made me uncomfortable that you're going to be at the beach all day with some girl you've already told me you think is really hot. I know nothing would happen but it made me feel uncomfortable that you are taking her out and ****..I thought she was coming to see her sister, not you. And then you spent the next 30 mins telling me that you miss me and you don't like us not having as much time together, when you're chosing to take another girl out for the day. I want you to go to ze beach cause it's not good for us to be held up in our rooms all day when the weather is so nice..Just don't think you'd feel very happy about me going to the beach with some guy that I think is super hot--then again maybe you'd be fine with it, I don't know." Link to post Share on other sites
Maggs Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Has he replied to you yet Sunflower? I don't see any issue with people going out, having fun, *trying* to live a normal life without their SO. But in the same breath...when you're in a committed LDR, I think it's necessary to be a bit more conscious of what you choose to do to be respectful to your SO. My fiance goes out with friends to concerts or out to dinners/pubs, but doesn't exclusively hang out with single girls. I do the same. It's not something we've agreed to, but we just keep that respect for one another. If it's something I'd be uncomfortable with him doing, I won't do it and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
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