wattodo Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Hey...just wonderinf if anyone has any advice for me...my man is going away on a lads hoildays...im going out of my mind as he has kissed someone else whilst away before...how do I bring up the subject an let him know that I'm not happy with this? I know I cant stop him from going...but what can I say to him to make an impact that if he oes anything while away, he is not welcome back to our home (i do trust him,but just want to get my point across) considering the provious!! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Hey...just wonderinf if anyone has any advice for me...my man is going away on a lads hoildays...im going out of my mind as he has kissed someone else whilst away before...how do I bring up the subject an let him know that I'm not happy with this? I know I cant stop him from going...but what can I say to him to make an impact that if he oes anything while away, he is not welcome back to our home (i do trust him,but just want to get my point across) considering the provious!! I am not sure why if you live together and are that far along in your relationship that you can't say, "I am not happy about you going on this holiday considering what has happened in the past, etc.". As far as laying down your parameters, I really am not sure. I hope others have advice for you. If it were me, the parameters would have been laid out at the end of the last holiday if we were to stay together. I would have packed to leave with every intention of doing so - and IF he wanted to work things out - I'd have stayed with one of the conditions being "No more holidays with the lads". But then again, to keep him on such a short leash I'd have to be holding the other end and that is a lot of work so I might have just ended it and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wattodo Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 I am not sure why if you live together and are that far along in your relationship that you can't say, "I am not happy about you going on this holiday considering what has happened in the past, etc.". As far as laying down your parameters, I really am not sure. I hope others have advice for you. If it were me, the parameters would have been laid out at the end of the last holiday if we were to stay together. I would have packed to leave with every intention of doing so - and IF he wanted to work things out - I'd have stayed with one of the conditions being "No more holidays with the lads". But then again, to keep him on such a short leash I'd have to be holding the other end and that is a lot of work so I might have just ended it and moved on. thank you...been together 2 1/2 years, live together, i left, move out for a month, got my own place, he cried on my door step for a month, i believe he is genuinely sorry, im begining to trust him again but this i feel has just put another challenge in front of me that I need to overcome. He knows not to come home if anything should happen, and he has been tol that his mam that she would disown him should he mess up again, its a long story, but just wonder what \i should say to him. thanks for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 thank you...been together 2 1/2 years, live together, i left, move out for a month, got my own place, he cried on my door step for a month, i believe he is genuinely sorry, im begining to trust him again but this i feel has just put another challenge in front of me that I need to overcome. He knows not to come home if anything should happen, and he has been tol that his mam that she would disown him should he mess up again, its a long story, but just wonder what \i should say to him. thanks for your advice. Well then, under the circumstances I'd say, "obviously you know what this is bringing to the surface. Anger, fear of the same thing happening, etc." and then let him talk to you about those feelings. - If he doesn't start talking then say "I DO expect you to discuss this with me, at the very least, because my feelings, especially about this, should matter to you". And then you explain that while this is difficult for you to accept and do - you ARE willing to do it in an effort to work further on your ability to trust him BUT he should know that if you extend yourself now and you are wrong to do so there will be no going back - EVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Hey...just wonderinf if anyone has any advice for me...my man is going away on a lads hoildays...im going out of my mind as he has kissed someone else whilst away before then he isn't to be trusted and apparantly doesn't care about how you feel since he is going on another one after getting caught before. maybe you need a man that isn't a selfish pr!ck? how do I bring up the subject an let him know that I'm not happy with this? ask him..."so how do you think I feel about you going away, when you have proven to me you can't be trusted while away?" and see what his reaction is. if he gets defensive, then pack the rest of his stuff while he is gone, change the locks, have his belongings outside waiting for him with a note saying "its been nice knowing you". and no matter what his reaction is, let him know that if he cheats again, not to even bother coming home and you will arrange for his things to be outside at your earliest possible convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
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