lovdnlost Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I was sitting at work, thoughts on the ex and her new man, reading blogs, feeling horrible, writing down all my thoughts as i've been doing now for the past month and I started to write a letter to my future self. To the person I know I am deep down inside but have lost sense of due to the experience of being dumped by the girl i love. It made me feel better because it gave me something to look forward to. It made me realize that yes, i will be all good one day and even better than before because of this. I thought I'd share the letter with you guys and maybe it'll inspire you to write a letter of your own to your future self....... If you’re reading this, then you finally got it! You finally realized that all the thoughts you had about whether or not you’ll be able to get over this, whether or not you’ll ever be able to stop thinking about her, whether or not you’ll ever stop checking her facebook, ever stop the urge to contact her, ever stop imagining her and this new guy or imagine what she’s doing thinking feeling, ever feel happy again, ever feel whole and complete again, all of this bs that has kept you down for who knows how long, a month, a couple months, half a year, a year? Who knows but the point is, it was a waste of energy to think about her and the loss for so long and not let go and move on with your life. But today, this day that you’re reading this, this moment in your life, YOU ARE FREE!!!! It was tough to see at the time that's for sure. It was even tougher to live at the time. It was extremely rough to keep waking up everyday with that same old sad feeling, that really lazy and unmotivated feeling. That feeling that you don’t want to do anything but you want to do something. It was all part of your grieving. The reality now is, you’ve grieved, you’ve searched your soul, you’ve become better because at some point, you decided to finally put in the work and really focus on what matters the most in this world which is you and your love for you. We all walk our own paths in life and people come and go, even the ones we love. We keep on moving, not because we have to but because we can. Because we are capable of learning from all our experiences and using that knowledge to apply in our lives. This moment right now you’re experiencing, this moment of clarity, this moment of completeness in yourself is a feeling you were yearning for and wanting for so long and now that you have it!!! Damn, I’m so happy for you and love you for getting through it all. Continue to enjoy life, continue to be blessed with the wisdom you have gained. Continue to be a positive influence in all the lives you touch. Continue to shine and live life to the fullest. Enjoy everything about it. It is meant to be enjoyed, your life is meant to be lived. If you’re with a woman right now who loves you the way you never thought you’d be loved, how do I say…….I told you so!!! Everyone told you so!!! You were just so stuck on looking at that closed door, that love that you thought was once real and true that you failed to realize that what you shared with your ex was just a moment in time. It wasn’t real love. If it were, she would be beside you or she would be texting you right now or calling you right now but she isn’t. The one you are with is the one who loves you the way you know you deserve to be loved and the best part of it all is……you are in love with her too. This time around, you're smarter with your love. Smarter with your decisions. Trusting her completely. Not falling into your old habits which have lead to past relationship failures. Its refreshing isn’t it??? I love that you are feeling what you're feeling and I am so happy you are experiencing it once again but this time around, 100 times better!! Remember though, keep your life your life and do not repeat those mistakes of making her your life. Hang out with your friends and make sure she hangs out with hers, make sure you take out your new found love with your friends and enjoy the company. Make sure you spend intimate moments with your new love and have a good time. Stay away from the ritual and monotony of just watching TV and sitting on the couch. Listen to music, go to the clubs, go have nice dinners and drinks. Go watch a sunset. Go for walks in the park and enjoy conversation. Go read books together. Go for trips. Also, remember to let her be and let her live her life as well. Let her share her complete life with yours. Allow your lives to compliment each others. Also remember, and this is the most important thing, SHE IS A GUEST IN YOUR REALITY, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. It is important to remember this so that if for some reason, this doesn’t work out, you are better off this time around because you are stronger, wiser and you are more complete therefore, less of a void to fill if any void at all. Today is the day that I tell you that I knew you could do it. It may have been a long road but it was breathtaking once you reached the top. The journey isn’t over as there really is no destination so keep going, keep your head up always, keep your love for yourself strong, appreciate those that helped you through your extremely tough time. These people have helped you by just being there. Some were there more than others but the fact is, they were all there for you so make sure you keep them in your life and introduce this new love of yours to them if you have one. They will be happy to see you smile again. They will be happy to know that you are loved the way they always knew you deserved to be loved. But most importantly, you are happy and are expressing that through everything you do because not only are you loved by someone else the way you deserve and have always wanted to be loved but also because you love yourself in a way that you never have before. Keep this close to you in your heart. Know this, breathe this, live this. Keep on keepin on and share that light that you have. Its good! Be happy always! I love you! I knew you could do it!!!
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 This is a VERY good technique. I told myself about halfway through your letter that I would do the same, but by the end I realized you said it all! Read back through it during your moments of weakness. But I would suggest to resist it if you can, that way at the end it would be that much better to read it. All in all, I've never seen something like this and I really like the concept. I wish I would've written one while I was still 100% miserable, though. Then my future self can laugh at how silly I was being! Thanks for the idea, and good luck on your journey!
bluewolf17 Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 This was really beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. It will be really neat for you to hold onto this, and re-read it at a later time.
Author lovdnlost Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 bluewolf17, thanks for the kind words. ya, its a letter i look forward to reading when that time comes! i'd love to believe that time is now but i'm still in the process of grieving / healing and at times, like right now, the mental and emotional battle is so excruciating BUT, it is getting better. ibelieveinsymmetry, ya it was weird how it came about but as i was writing it, i felt pretty good because i knew that i eventually will reach that point. i did go back to it today though and re-read it because that tsunami of emotions hit me this morning...keeping positive about it though, knowing that it'll pass!
Road To Joy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 keeping positive about it though, knowing that it'll pass! This is what's so great about LS. There's so much reassurance and advice, you pretty much know it's all going to go away someday. But don't you hate the doubt that just doesn't go away regardless how much reassurance you're receiving? It's such a downhill thing. The fear that your situation might be different and that you're going to be stuck in this loop forever. But with time we'll see, right? At least that's what they all say.
Author lovdnlost Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 i definitely have a tough time dealing with the fears / doubts like you said. have had a tought time accepting that i am just another bf in my exes life and dealing with the emotions that stem from that thought. i've been re-training my mind as consistently as i can to change my thought about that and realize that..instead of being all sad that we aren't together, i put more focus (struggling but doing) on the mystery of tomorrow and all the good things that have yet to come and at the same time, focusing on the fact that in order to experience pure happiness and pure joy, we need to experience this pain.....sucks but all relative. just gotta keep moving and start believing in the reassurances. yes its tough for sure, cuz i'm back and forth with it as i'm guessing you are too, but we just gotta believe and keep moving forward! in time (so long as we do some postive / self productive things in this time) we'll definitely see.
aboynamedmike Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 Although you've mentioned everything so beautifully in your letter, i'm going to write one too. Because I'm in the same boat you are my friend.
asuman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Great letter, and technique. You finally realized that all the thoughts you had about whether or not you’ll be able to get over this, whether or not you’ll ever be able to stop thinking about her, whether or not you’ll ever stop checking her facebook Oh man. So I'm not the only one suffering from this miserable technology. I made the grave mistake of checking her profile this morning, saw she added a new female friend, checked the friend's profile, saw that it was public, saw that she had a new photo album, and discovered 10 new photos of the ex that I'd never seen before. And of course, she looks stunningly gorgeous in every single one of them. SHOOT ME DEAD NOW, PLEASE.
huck Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Facebook updates and Photos can be a pain.. Thats one of the things I sorted out to help with moving on... Delete anybody associated with your ex off your friends list ( including your ex of course ) - and also add them to the block list - just in case you get tempted to have a snoop.. Theres nothing worse than seeing your ex out having a good time or in the arms of another !!
asuman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Facebook updates and Photos can be a pain.. Thats one of the things I sorted out to help with moving on... Delete anybody associated with your ex off your friends list ( including your ex of course ) - and also add them to the block list - just in case you get tempted to have a snoop.. Theres nothing worse than seeing your ex out having a good time or in the arms of another !! Can't do it. Honestly can't do it. I've blocked her from seeing my profile updates, so I don't feel like I'm having a conversation with her every time I update my status. But I just can't delete it. Why? Because I want to keep the damn door open. Again, just being honest.
aboynamedmike Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 hey asuman, you dont have to delete her. Just put her on your blocked list. That's what I did with my ex. It'll show up that you're not friend anymore when you go to search her and you wont see any of her updates, but you're still connected...you see?
asuman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 hey asuman, you dont have to delete her. Just put her on your blocked list. That's what I did with my ex. It'll show up that you're not friend anymore when you go to search her and you wont see any of her updates, but you're still connected...you see? Eh? I don't get it. I actually don't want her to see that I unfriended her.
huck Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Its a weird kind of self-torture wanting to check out the ex's FB... To a BoynamedMike... Up to you wether you delete her or not - but if she really wants to get in touch with you - she can always do it someother way than FB...
asuman Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Its a weird kind of self-torture wanting to check out the ex's FB... I can't disagree with that. I'm kind of hoping I can get over her without having to go to such extreme measures. We only dated for 2 months. I didn't love her; I just got all excited about her and basically fell for her.
Sevenscars Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Inspiring letter. Even though you wrote it for you, it still touched me and is just what I needed at this point in time. Maybe I will do the same thing for me. Thank you.
Author lovdnlost Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Oh man. So I'm not the only one suffering from this miserable technology. I made the grave mistake of checking her profile this morning, saw she added a new female friend, checked the friend's profile, saw that it was public, saw that she had a new photo album, and discovered 10 new photos of the ex that I'd never seen before. And of course, she looks stunningly gorgeous in every single one of them. SHOOT ME DEAD NOW, PLEASE. i know EXACTLY what you mean. i did the exact same thing and had the exact same reaction. she looked amazing!! the thing with me is, i kept on checking. i was obsessed until i realized that what i was doing was only keeping me from moving on. although i was NC with no texts / calls etc. i was still checking up on her on facebook. i found that rather than living my life, i was a watcher of her life. watching her life was only keeping me down. it was feeding the pain that i already felt. not good. i deleted her, deleted all our mutual friends because i kept on seeing comments that she would leave or see pics that friends would upload and it just floored me!! every single time!! sevenscars and aboynamedmike, thanks and i hope it helps in some way. i'm still up and down about things but knowing that i'll be in a better place and trusting that, fully believing that by sticking to doing things for myself and detaching from the life that i was so damn used to with my ex, i will get there.
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