confusion!!!!!

[mal]

hello!!

 

well... i broke up with my ex-girlfrind (of about 10 months) about 4 months ago. there were several reasons but the biggest being that i have severe commitment issues and this girl was trying to force it out of me. i guess it was mostly of my own doing and i called the whole thing off. it was pretty ugly. i spent the next 4 weeks like a zombie 'cause i missed her and then decided a needed a change of scene so i went away for 6 weeks where i thought of her very seldom. when i got back she got in touch with me and we were being 'normal' friends again. it was wierd for me to be doing that. now she has a new boyfriend whom she is getting engaged to in the next couple of months. this is driving me crazy because i still have several unresolved feelings that i am finding very hard to deal with. i hate her and love her at the same time. i want her back and never want to see her again. a severe feeling of betrayal has taken over me although it was me who called it off. i know all this sounds stupid but do you think i just need time to get over this girl although right now i don't want to get over her but want her back....

[D.]

Sorry to be blunt, dude, but YOU are the one who broke it off with her due to commitment issues with which you could not deal.

 

So, the break up bothered you so much that you had to get away for a while and put it out of your mind. Now, THAT was a very good thing to do. Is is called moving forward with your life. And you were successful until you came home and she called you.

 

She WAS friendly which means she is a pretty nice person to be so nice to someone who broke up with her due to commitment issues ... also she was nice because she has someone else.

 

So you are angry, confused and hate her for moving forward with her life after you dumped her. Just what did you expect for her to do ... mourn, pine, cry, get angry, depressed and join the nunhood? No doubt that she DID do all but the nun thing ... then she moved on with her life as a healthy person is capable of doing.

 

My advice to you. There is no reason to "hate" her or be angry with her as it was YOU who dumped her. If you care for her that much, feel glad that she was able to move forward and find the happiness she deserves.

 

Also, seek counciling for you commitment issues to get to the bottom of it and resolve it. If you do not do this, another such episode is certain to repeat itself (again and again) and you will be completely miserable. Find out why you have such trouble commiting (was it your parents? was it a past relationship?) ... you need to know, resolve this and heal in order to lead a happy, healthy dating (and more) life.

 

Best of luck to you!

[Tony T]

Life works the way it works. When you broke up with her because she was pressing for a commitment, you ended it. She was trying to tell you she was ready for a committed relationship and you basically told her you weren't.

 

What you are going through is perfectly normal. Most people feel a bit wierd when someone they have dated and loved gets engaged or married to someone else. But that's just the way it is. It will mean abolutely nothing to you in time.

 

It's too bad you want her back. You sound like a man of ethics and morals. She is now in a relationship she is happy with and you must respect that. You want her back now because she is unavailable. If she came back to you today and you got into a relationship with her, you would dump her the second she started pressing for a commitment again.

 

So, be a mature man and wish her well. Understand your issues on commitment and work through them. You will meet many very nice ladies who you can love and be loyal to but until you get OK with commitment, things just aren't going to work out for you in the long run.

 

I hope you have learned actions have consquences. If you wanted this girl, she was yours at one time. You took the action to get her out of your life. You have to live with that. You have my unconditional guarantee you will find an even greater love in the future. Whether or not you hold onto it or get rid of it because you don't want marriage will be your decision, and yours to deal with and live with.

 

Stop thinking about this lady, delete her from the hard drive of your mind, and move on. This is the special kindness you will show yourself AND HER today and in the future.

 

And don't talk to her anymore. She has a lot of subconscious anger for you because of you breaking up with her when she was in love with you. She will take her current relationship and rub it in your face up, down and sideways if you let her. Don't give her that luxury. DON'T CALL HER, DON'T OPEN LETTERS OR MESSAGES FROM HER, JUST DON'T HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HER FOR, SAY, FIFTY YEARS. Yeah, that oughta do it!

[mal]

thanks tony and D.

 

i know that it is good advice for me not to get in touch with her but she thinks it is entirely possible for us to resume our relationship at a platonic level. maybe you're right. she just wants to rub it in my face and she can't get enough of telling me that she is over me. i appreciate your advice and thanks again.

[mal]

thanks tony and D.

 

i know that it is good advice for me not to get in touch with her but she thinks it is entirely possible for us to resume our relationship at a platonic level. maybe you're right. she just wants to rub it in my face and she can't get enough of telling me that she is over me. i appreciate your advice and thanks again.