Relationship back to Friendship, is it possible?

[Simonev]

I really desire an outsiders opinion on this matter, as it's keeping me up late thinking about it.

I met a male friend of mine many, many years ago. It was platonic, and he was part of a larger group of friends I had at the time. Later on, he moved hundreds of miles away, and I figured that was the end of our friendship. After 5 years had passed, I found him on a social networking site, and we chatted on and off, getting to know each other again. We later met up and started hanging out and quickly became romantically involved. We have both gone through divorces, are seeing other people, and do not really desire to become committed to anyone at the moment.

But, we are both getting more and more emotionally involved,and are enjoying each others company immensely. I am becoming concerned that I will become emotionally attached to him if things keep progressing this way. I went through so much heart ache in the recent past, and do not desire to go through anymore, knowing that he has stated clearly that he does not want an exclusive, long-term relationship with me or anyone.

I would really like to go back to just being friends again. I care about this person enough that I want to keep him in my life, and I know that if I continue to be involved with him sexually, he will be out of my life permanently when things inevitably go bad. I really don't know how this is possible, desires are strong, and I do not know if I could physically restrain myself when I see him again.

Does anyone think that reverting to a friendship is possible? I would love to hear if anyone else has been able to successfully.

[Charles1978]

That's a good question. I'm currently seeing a girl that I was friends with for 14 months before anything happened. We had a discussion about this, and she said that she couldn't be friends with me if we broke up. I thought this was odd, but each person is different I suppose. I'd guess that if the breakup were mutual, a reversion back to friends would be easier.

[WTRanger]

I think you may have to look at it in the long run. Perhaps if you break up the two of you couldn't be friends immediately after. You'd obviously need time to get over the romantic feelings, hurt, or what ever strange post-breakup emotion you are feeling.

 

However, given the proper amount of time, months, years after the break up maybe the two of you could re-connect and indeed realize that the friendship was important and go back to being friends.

[Awesome84]

I think if you in particular are seeing other people, it might be easier to be friends with him. The best thing that I would suggest is to not spend anymore time with him and just talk to him occasionally online or over the phone. You can still maintain friendships without actually seeing each other in person.

 

However, if you continue to hang out with him, you are going to start to experience some heartache.

 

Don't do FWB. Thats the quickest way to turn a friendship sour especially if he said that he does not want a relationship. As far as I'm concerned... you two are 'just friends' anyway if he made it clear that there will be no relationship. To be transition to more platonic in nature... no sex, no dates, no hanging out just the two of you.

 

Good luck!! I mourned my friend for 2 years before I was able to go back to being just friends with him without desiring him romantically.

[Jordanjames]

I feel like I am going through the same thing as the OP. I think the other person's advice is solid. It is indeed heartache. I have known a guy for seven years we got romatically involved and I just feel like I have to stop lying to myself. I can't be just his friend. I thought I could but I don't think I can. We have seen each other less frequently like once a month since April. I think the whole talking on the phone but NOT seeing each other sounds like good advice. I think I am going to try this. I just feel like as though the OP's situation is tough because I am going through it. I don't think it is easy to back to just being friends but I am assume anything is possible.

[sugarmomma]

Its simple. Just stop having sex with him. Meet in public or just talk over the phone.

[Phateless]

I once dated a girl FWB for 3 months and then moved it back to friends. It happened gradually though, there was never a "talk." We are still great friends, although we don't talk much anymore.

 

There's a lot of comfort we take in how well we know and understand each other, and there is a certain intimacy to our friendship in that we can really lean on each other if need be. We have both confided some pretty heavy stuff and supported each other through it.

 

I feel like we beat the system.

 

Keep in mind, this was never a full on relationship and there needed to be a period of distance before friendship could take place. I am really glad I have her in my life and my current gf has nothing to worry about from her.

 

It can be done but it's tricky and takes the right kind of people on both ends.