RouRou Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 My boyfriend and I got into a fight. I don't know if what he did is abuse or if I deserved this as I pushed him to his limit.....I was asking him something and he ignored me, Like I wasnt there, So I walked around the pool table and put my hands on his shoulders to turn him to face me, he tripped on a wire and fell backward into the door, once he got his balance he pinned me down on the couch and put his fist to my face and said he would hit me, he then cupped my head and lifted it and smashed it against the wood on the back of the couch, then covered my nose and mouth and said he would kill me if I said another word and bury me in the backyard. I got up and told him to leave. He wouldnt, so I directed him to the door and he called the police to have me removed. They came and made him leave for the night. He walked to the mall and came home later and said that he didnt love me and hated me and we were done. Then he went to bed. The next day he started being somewhat nice again. I told him I was going to move out once I save enough money. But all day we have been doing things as a couple. I dont know what to do. Im so confused. Im so hurt that he did this to me. He does have very bad anger issues, gets mad at the smallest things. I know his anger was much worse in his past and he has admitted that he has rage but its apparently gotten better. We used to have a perfect relationship but as of late we argue. Do I leave him? Was this my fault? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Yes this is abuse, no it is not your fault, YES you need to leave NOW!!!! Get out, Get out, Get out, Get out, Get out, Get out, Get out, GET OUT!!!!!!! Don't wait to amass money, go to your parents' a friend, wherever - do not settle back into whatever routine you two were in before - it will happen again, perhaps not today or tomorrow, but it will. You don't deserve this, no one does - please please please leave! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RouRou Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Part of me thinks this is my fault as I know he has anger issues, I did not think he would do this. When the police came, they made him leave, they said if he stayed and they received another call that I would be charged and technically I laid my hands on him first... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 kid, why on earth are you staying? You need to get the hell out of that place fast – you already know that he has anger issues, and what was an accident (him tripping) was NOT viewed by him as such. That is evident based on his response. if you're worried about what the cops said, it's meant to be a wake up call. You know what this man is capable of doing, nothing YOU do is going to prompt him to change, and y'all are wasting police time whenever one of you calls but refuses to do anything about the situation. don't be a dumb bunny by convincing yourself that you "can't" leave just yet because you haven't done X Y or Z – there are women's shelters for situations like this; there are friends and families and organizations you can call on for assistance, even if it's only to bum a sofa to sleep on for a few days until you can safely move out. Your health and safety are much more important than the money you don't have to move out. I don't mean to come off as harsh, it's just that I've got a young female relative in a VERY abusive marriage that she refuses to leave. Unfortunately, she puts her children at risk by staying, but she will not admit to that – she *thinks* she can save her husband from himself if she stays and tries to create the perfect home and family. Which is bullshxt – it's not about you, it's not about her, it's not about those babies ... it's about the power you give that big bully every day you fail to walk away from him. you deserve better than that, Rou – trust me on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RouRou Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 Thank you, I understand that you don't mean to come off harsh. I think I just dont understand how I got into this situation. I was always the confident, independant chick who had her shi*t together and now this is my life? This is not the person I fell in love with. I'm going over and over in my head how things got to this... I've always been the person that tries to see things from the other persons point of view. He's told me some bad things that have happened and I tried to understand that is why he is this way...never did i think I would be in danger. Never did I think he would do this. Its crazy because if you met him you would like the guy...I dont understand how things went from perfect to so horrible. I dont want to be that girl that stays, but why do I still love him? I should hate him. What is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 My boyfriend and I got into a fight. I don't know if what he did is abuse or if I deserved this as I pushed him to his limit.....I was asking him something and he ignored me, Like I wasnt there, So I walked around the pool table and put my hands on his shoulders to turn him to face me, he tripped on a wire and fell backward into the door, once he got his balance he pinned me down on the couch and put his fist to my face and said he would hit me, he then cupped my head and lifted it and smashed it against the wood on the back of the couch, then covered my nose and mouth and said he would kill me if I said another word and bury me in the backyard. I got up and told him to leave. He wouldnt, so I directed him to the door and he called the police to have me removed. They came and made him leave for the night. He walked to the mall and came home later and said that he didnt love me and hated me and we were done. Then he went to bed. The next day he started being somewhat nice again. I told him I was going to move out once I save enough money. But all day we have been doing things as a couple. I dont know what to do. Im so confused. Im so hurt that he did this to me. He does have very bad anger issues, gets mad at the smallest things. I know his anger was much worse in his past and he has admitted that he has rage but its apparently gotten better. We used to have a perfect relationship but as of late we argue. Do I leave him? Was this my fault? How long have the two of you been together? What city is this? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 honey, nothing is wrong with YOU ... you're being the good-hearted person you've always been. The problem is that this broken man is abusing that good-naturedness. You are trying to help him heal when he's not interested in healing, and you go from being that strong, well-adjusted individual to someone who starts second-guessing herself because he plants those doubts in your mind by the way he talks to and treats you. for your own sanity and safety, you're going to have to look past what you feel for him and protect yourself by leaving. it doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who understands that you'll cease to exist as the person you were if you keep up in an abusive relationship. he needs help. Not from you, but from a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RouRou Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 How long have the two of you been together? What city is this? We have known each other for years, been living together for 10 months or so and I'm in halifax Canada. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RouRou Posted June 26, 2009 Author Share Posted June 26, 2009 honey, nothing is wrong with YOU ... you're being the good-hearted person you've always been. The problem is that this broken man is abusing that good-naturedness. You are trying to help him heal when he's not interested in healing, and you go from being that strong, well-adjusted individual to someone who starts second-guessing herself because he plants those doubts in your mind by the way he talks to and treats you. for your own sanity and safety, you're going to have to look past what you feel for him and protect yourself by leaving. it doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who understands that you'll cease to exist as the person you were if you keep up in an abusive relationship. he needs help. Not from you, but from a professional. Thank you for this post. I will keep this in mind to get me through. I have to keep telling myself this over and over. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 don't hesitate to come here if you have concerns or questions, or just need to bounce ideas off someone. Abusers tend to isolate their victims, it's part of a control thing they have, as well as to cover up the "evidence." we'll help you however you need us to, be assured of that. hugs, q Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 We have known each other for years, been living together for 10 months or so and I'm in halifax Canada. If you're assaulted by your boyfriend again, you should report it to the halifax authorities and move out. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Violence against another person is never acceptable, now if you're defending yourself from physical harm i.e self defense that is another story. This wasn't self defense. If he can be "pushed to a limist" where he uses violence to act out, that is his issue ; not yours. Do you think he's the only person who's ever been nagged? I think not, does everyone else who's been nagged, annoyed, or irritated lash out by harming another person violently? NO. Oh, and forget this "if it happens again" BS. No, you should be reporting him for assault immediately. The first time is bad enough, the second time could mean grave consequences, allowing it to reach a second time would be a dire mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts