Jealousy about past !

[adzent]

Im pretty new ot the whole "proper relationship" thing. ive had only 2 women who i was in a proper relationship with. My present partner, one whom i trully love with all my heart, has abit of a past. I had no sexual encounters before he. we have been together 5 months, and we have done everything. Thing is, i asked her about her past. She revealed that she was really in love with another guy (so thats twice, me and him), i mean proper in love, as she is with me, and in fact he is a friend of mine, but she wasnt with ihm officially. he messed her around and used her for Bj's. This was last year and her friend finally told her about what was really happening. She has also given 5 other people BJ's and i am EXTREMELY bothered by it. i never say anything, i keep it bottled up because i love her, but whenever i think about her doing that with aoth man makes me feel horrible, and i cant stop it. Not only that, but things like size mixes into it. Its all so wrong, and i hate feeling like this, please help!

[Softsoul]

Hi adzent,

 

I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation, pretty new at relationships too. I had one bf before the love of my life. He's much more experienced than I am and it tortures me that he did with others what he's now doing with me - and most of all that he probably felt the same about one or two of them. I wish I could offer you some good advice, but I don't know how to help myself either. I've talked about it with my bf and he said I'll grow out of this, and we didn't talk about that later anymore because I don't want to bother him with it and ruin what is otherwise a perfect relationship.

 

I think that it all has to do with our insecurities. If we were self-confident people who knew that we are the best that ever happened to our partners, the jealousy of the past wouldn't have ever happened. So I think we have to work on that part. Concentrate on all what is good at your relationship, and you'll eventually see that past doesn't matter (at least that's what I tell myself).

[Island Girl]

The best thing you can do is not ask about prior relationships like this.

It is information that serves no purpose but to cause problems.

 

The one thing you do need to know from a partner/mate is if there are STDs that are present and incurable. That is about it.

 

Now the information has been given honestly and you have to sit with it and wrestle with it.

The best way to look at it is everything she/he experienced prior to you made her/him the person they are now. And that person because of all of their lifetime of experiences may not be perfect as far as everybody else is concerned but fits with YOU perfectly. Like a puzzle piece.

Each experience was a notch carved here and there just as your experiences were carving notches into you and so - when you finally meet - the notches match up.

 

My husband was a total player before we met. I was a female version of that.

But somehow we understand each other and fit together in a way that is nothing short of miraculous.

So I am thankful he did whatever he did and experienced whatever he did that molded him in a way that he is absolutely perfect for me.

If one of those people hadn't been in his life who knows if he'd be the same. They are like forks in the road - each one taking he and I in different directions until our paths crossed.

I choose to appreciate all of those decisions in his life that brought him to me.

 

And yes, Softsoul, I do think I am the best he has ever had or can ever find. He's as lucky to have me as I am to have him.

[MrFun]

ive had only 2 women who i was in a proper relationship with.

 

I had no sexual encounters before her.

 

i am EXTREMELY bothered by it.

 

i never say anything, i keep it bottled up because i love her

 

Ouch. This is a recipe for disaster.

 

Firstly, you've only had two women in your life, take it easy. This will probably not be your last.

 

How old are you and why haven't you had more than 2 relationships?

[Untouchable_Fire]

She has also given 5 other people BJ's and i am EXTREMELY bothered by it. i never say anything, i keep it bottled up because i love her, but whenever i think about her doing that with aoth man makes me feel horrible, and i cant stop it. Not only that, but things like size mixes into it. Its all so wrong, and i hate feeling like this, please help!

 

You care too much!

 

Stop thinking of this girl like she is something special... that will help some. Take the opportunity to realize you can get other women, maybe do some flirting. That will help as well.

 

You just need to take a step back and really see the situation for what it is.