- affair ended need input

[lkjh]

I realized that after, but didn't retract what I said because she was posting as an OW and not asking for BS's to bash her. It might as well have been in the OW forum.

 

In ANY forum, if you can't help then don't reply. Ever heard of bullying?

 

 

You are the one trying to bully people; you don't have the authority to regulate who can post and what they can post about. If you don't like it don't read it.

[tami-chan]

You are the one trying to bully people; you don't have the authority to regulate who can post and what they can post about. If you don't like it don't read it.

 

Neither do you. You are telling her not to read stuff, who are you to tell her that? nobody, right? just like we are ALL nobodys here.

 

And for someone who has no life experience of being an AP or WS or BS you sure have a lot to say, don't you? and your opinion is not borne out of true life experience, yours is JUST something you have seen, heard, or perhaps watched on TV. You are not here because you want to help, you are here to mete out your opinion to slam people who are not in your "good people matrix". And you know what? that's ok, you are free to do that- to enjoy your hobby, wasn't that what you called it?

[lkjh]

Neither do you. You are telling her not to read stuff, who are you to tell her that? nobody, right? just like we are ALL nobodys here.

 

And for someone who has no life experience of being an AP or WS or BS you sure have a lot to say, don't you? and your opinion is not borne out of true life experience, yours is JUST something you have seen, heard, or perhaps watched on TV. You are not here because you want to help, you are here to mete out your opinion to slam people who are not in your "good people matrix". And you know what? that's ok, you are free to do that- to enjoy your hobby, wasn't that what you called it?

 

Surprise surprise Tami is backing up the cheater and the people supporting it. I was telling her she can't regulate who can comment here and neither can you. So if you don't like it who cares. How about for once you just make your point on the topic and leave everyone else alone. We get it, you are a cheater and you sympathize with them. You really don't need to justify your actions by attacking everyone who disagrees with them.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Is he not making you feel needed/wanted? Is there something missing in your marriage that you think both of you can't fix?

Lyssa, it's true that I don't feel needed or wanted. I have been married for 15 years, since I was 20 and he is 7 years older than me. There's so much more to it....I do think we can work together in therapy. I see a therapist on my own right now.

 

Your whole situation sounds really sad.

 

I get this feeling like your living in limbo. Right now your chasing a man you can't have... and have a man you don't want.

 

This whole situation is not beyond your control... You have the power to make a choice. Fix your marriage, Try to get this coworker, Or have neither and move on with your life. If you don't make the choice, your going to get stuck in the middle, and it will be your own personal hell.

 

Also, be warned... if you think people on this board can be harsh... realize that your friends and coworkers will feel the same way... it just wont get said to your face.

[Untouchable_Fire]

And for someone who has no life experience of being an AP or WS or BS you sure have a lot to say, don't you? and your opinion is not borne out of true life experience, yours is JUST something you have seen, heard, or perhaps watched on TV. You are not here because you want to help, you are here to mete out your opinion to slam people who are not in your "good people matrix". And you know what? that's ok, you are free to do that- to enjoy your hobby, wasn't that what you called it?

 

I see you as pretty much the same thing... just on the other side of the fence. So, I don't think you should be throwing stones here.

[tami-chan]

Surprise surprise Tami is backing up the cheater and the people supporting it. I was telling her she can't regulate who can comment here

 

You also told her not to read the posts....and my point exactly...nobody can tell anybody what and what not to read.

 

and neither can you.

 

lol...you're silly. I said exactly that. Show me when I told anybody not to post or read?

 

How about for once you just make your point on the topic

 

I actually did and answered OP's questions. How about you do that, eh? Oh that's right you posted this: (which was very helpful and totally answered her questiions):

 

Cut the you don't know me crap. You spread your legs for a man that is not your H. On top of that you did it with a married man. You didn't care about your kids or his. These are not the actions of a good person. If you were lonely but a puppy or play with your kids, work out, meet girls, and a million other things that don't involve being 100% selfish.

and leave everyone else alone.

 

:rolleyes:

 

We get it, you are a cheater and you sympathize with them. You really don't need to justify your actions by attacking everyone who disagrees with them.

 

Dude, sorry to disappoint you but I am ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED. I don't even need to explain why.

[tami-chan]

I see you as pretty much the same thing... just on the other side of the fence. So, I don't think you should be throwing stones here.

 

Thanks for your two cents. I absolutely can throw stones. I have given myself that permission, why? because I have been on both sides---longer time being a BS than not...so..<shrug>

[Untouchable_Fire]

Thanks for your two cents. I absolutely can throw stones. I have given myself that permission, why? because I have been on both sides---longer time being a BS than not...so..<shrug>

 

As I said earlier, not all experiences are made equal. Perhaps you learned more from one than from the other. Besides, stone throwing doesn't require experience at all... it just helps your aim.

[lkjh]

Ya ok Tami. I will go ahead and change my post because you don't like them. While Im at it can I do anything else for you?

 

I get it, you don't like it when people don't see it your way but oh well. You will just have to live with it.

 

I am sure you actually believe that you are completely justified in being a cheater. That is why you are so set on backing up cheaters and you hate seeing the other sides pov

[RunawayTrain]

I have such a craving for garlic mashed potatoes. I had to share that with everyone. Kinda ease the tension in here.

[tami-chan]

Ya ok Tami. I will go ahead and change my post because you don't like them. While Im at it can I do anything else for you?

 

I get it, you don't like it when people don't see it your way but oh well. You will just have to live with it.

 

I am sure you actually believe that you are completely justified in being a cheater. That is why you are so set on backing up cheaters and you hate seeing the other sides pov

 

LOL!!!! Ikjh, you are just refusing to accept that you missed the point and is just coming up with er..."BS" to throw at me...c'mon..

 

Can YOU change your post? really? I will put you on ignore (as a favor to you) if you can . If you can't change your post, you can put me on ignore as a favor to YOU, how's that?

 

Ikjh, I do not know if you have noticed, but I am pretty much a lightning rod on LS...many BSs do not agree with me ( and quasi-bs <looks at Ikjh>) and sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't. And my RL goes on...I don't miss a step either, very expensive to do so.

 

I am ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED.. no doubt about it;). LOL..I don't hate the other side...I dislike people who think they know both sides without having the life experience to back them up, (oooppps would that be YOU?). Thank goodness you do not care about what I think of you...

[Darth Vader]

I have such a craving for garlic mashed potatoes. I had to share that with everyone. Kinda ease the tension in here.

 

 

Craving Chinese, for me, oh, wait, I am eating chinese food. That's a good reason to crave it. AHH!!! The MSG's!

 

Yeah the tension in here does get soooooo thick you could cut it with a knife. Or a saber.

 

Anyway, She still shouldn't be spreading no legs, or riding some other man but her husband, PERIOD!

 

BTW, I could almost bet you 10 bucks this thread is gonna be closed soon! ALMOST!

[lkjh]

LOL!!!! Ikjh, you are just refusing to accept that you missed the point and is just coming up with er..."BS" to throw at me...c'mon..

 

Can YOU change your post? really? I will put you on ignore (as a favor to you) if you can . If you can't change your post, you can put me on ignore as a favor to YOU, how's that?

 

Ikjh, I do not know if you have noticed, but I am pretty much a lightning rod on LS...many BSs do not agree with me ( and quasi-bs <looks at Ikjh>) and sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't. And my RL goes on...I don't miss a step either, very expensive to do so.

 

I am ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED.. no doubt about it;). LOL..I don't hate the other side...I dislike people who think they know both sides without having the life experience to back them up, (oooppps would that be YOU?). Thank goodness you do not care about what I think of you...

 

Thanks for helping me catch that point, I know realize I was just in denial. That was sarcasm

 

But thanks for putting me on ignore, I hope I can get over the heart ache.

 

One last point, I really don't need to cheat to understand that it is wrong. I know I know you don't agree with this but like I said before oh well.

 

See ya later lightning rod

[tami-chan]

Thanks for helping me catch that point, I know realize I was just in denial. That was sarcasm

 

But thanks for putting me on ignore, I hope I can get over the heart ache.

 

Were you able to change it? or you did not understand what I said? Dammit...it's my English, isn't it?

[In Like Flynn]

RUN FOREST RUN!!!!

[lkjh]

Forest,

you are right but the sad part is she won't get this at all. In her mind her way is the only possible way. It's amazing how some people can not use their common sense.

[ForumFool]

Wow about 3 pages of this thread is all about a few posters fighting back and forth and have zero to do with the cheater who posted the thread.

 

To the OP....time to chalk it up to being tossed to the curb and get some help with your marriage or get out of it..Your husband deserves the truth and if you BOTH then decide to work on this marriage that would be in everyone's best intrest....at least that is my take..I would now on only open my legs to my huband or should I become free....single boyfriend....Good luck

[jnj express]

To the OP, what has happened with your Monday confrontation, or whatever you were going to do, it got lost in all the fighting between the other posters on this thread. The OP did come on here with a question to be answered and many of you have done nothing but fight with each other, and sad to say you have done the same thing on many other threads, why can't you just give your comments to the OP, that is all that is really asked of you. The OP has more than likely left and will not return, and that is what all your infighting has gotten, you, and DO NOT TELL ME I SHOULDN'T COME HERE AND THROW THIS AT YOU, CUZ IN TRUTH YOU ARE DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF THESE THREADS BY SNIPING AT EACH OTHER, YOU ARE NOT HELPING THE OP, BY WHAT YOU DO, WHEN YOU SQUABBLE AMONG YOURSELVES

[Reggie]

I am a married woman with 4 children who has been involved with a married man (co-worker) for the past year. He has 2 children close in age to mine.

We became friendly at work (we don't work in the same state, though for the same company) via phone and e-mail and quickly discovered we have a lot in common. We get along very well.

 

The emotional affair turned physical a year ago. We see each other once every 4 weeks. He is passionate, giving, kind, tender, etc. He is everything I have wanted. I am crazy about him, and he feels the same way about me. We naively thought we would be able to continue on like this for quite some time. Neither of us are happy in our marriages (he is less happy than I am) but neither of us want to leave our families while the children are young. We often talked about being together when the children are grown. Most likely impossible, I know.

 

Two days ago his wife was going through his cell phone and found an explicit text from me. He confessed everything to her, who I am, how often we meet, etc. She asked him if he was in love with me and he said no. He told me that was a lie and that his feelings for me haven't changed at all. I was stunned. We were supposed to see each other in one week, for a week together. He says he can't possibly be physical with me next week and still be able to look his wife in the eye. While I understand, I am hurt and feel slighted. I guess I know it needs to end but I can't stop crying and thinking about him. I hate that things are changing. I knew I couldn't continue on like this forever, but I didn't want it to end now, and so abruptly. He wants to continue talking daily, and continue the emotional connection. I don't know how I can do that. I feel like I may begin to resent him. Also, I question how he can do that and look his wife in the eye, if he says he can't do the physical.

 

He asked that we both take this weekend to see how we feel and to not make a rash decision. We are going to talk on Monday. I know I should end it, that it's the right thing to do. The thought of not having him in my life is devastating. I am so connected to him, emotionally. He has become one of my closest friends this past year.

 

Should I end it Monday? Should I cut all non-work related contact with him? I already feel like if he changes his mind about the physical, I will cave. How do I see him in one week (it's work related) for an entire week? Not going on the work retreat is not an option for either of us. I can't bear the thought of seeing him and not being with him. If we weren't seeing each other in the affair monthly, we would only have cause to see one another twice a year, for a week. Unfortunately, that time is in one week.

 

Thank you for your help and insight.

 

Sounds like he has assessed the value of a relationship with you vs staying with his wife and he has chosen her over you. Pretty simple. His marriage has more value to him than you do.So, why not bow out gracefully and avoid forcing him to keep telling you he does not want a relationship with you.

[Dexter Morgan]

I am a married woman with 4 children who has been involved with a married man (co-worker) for the past year. He has 2 children close in age to mine.

We became friendly at work (we don't work in the same state, though for the same company) via phone and e-mail and quickly discovered we have a lot in common. We get along very well.

 

The emotional affair turned physical a year ago. We see each other once every 4 weeks. He is passionate, giving, kind, tender, etc. He is everything I have wanted. I am crazy about him, and he feels the same way about me. We naively thought we would be able to continue on like this for quite some time. Neither of us are happy in our marriages (he is less happy than I am) but neither of us want to leave our families while the children are young. We often talked about being together when the children are grown. Most likely impossible, I know.

 

Two days ago his wife was going through his cell phone and found an explicit text from me. He confessed everything to her, who I am, how often we meet, etc. She asked him if he was in love with me and he said no. He told me that was a lie and that his feelings for me haven't changed at all. I was stunned. We were supposed to see each other in one week, for a week together. He says he can't possibly be physical with me next week and still be able to look his wife in the eye. While I understand, I am hurt and feel slighted. I guess I know it needs to end but I can't stop crying and thinking about him. I hate that things are changing. I knew I couldn't continue on like this forever, but I didn't want it to end now, and so abruptly. He wants to continue talking daily, and continue the emotional connection. I don't know how I can do that. I feel like I may begin to resent him. Also, I question how he can do that and look his wife in the eye, if he says he can't do the physical.

 

He asked that we both take this weekend to see how we feel and to not make a rash decision. We are going to talk on Monday. I know I should end it, that it's the right thing to do. The thought of not having him in my life is devastating. I am so connected to him, emotionally. He has become one of my closest friends this past year.

 

Should I end it Monday? Should I cut all non-work related contact with him? I already feel like if he changes his mind about the physical, I will cave. How do I see him in one week (it's work related) for an entire week? Not going on the work retreat is not an option for either of us. I can't bear the thought of seeing him and not being with him. If we weren't seeing each other in the affair monthly, we would only have cause to see one another twice a year, for a week. Unfortunately, that time is in one week.

 

Thank you for your help and insight.

 

 

here is the problem I have with the above post.....with all of it that you have written the problem is..............................your husband was so insignificant that you didn't even bother to give him a mention.

 

 

you husband deserves MUCH better. here are the things you need to do.

 

1) tell OM the affair is over, go complete no contact

2) start sending out resumes every week until you land a different job, you don't have to quit your job until you find another one, but it is inappropriate for you to still work with the OM if you respect your husband(even though he wasn't worth a mention in your post)

 

If you can't do those 2 things at the very least......then just get a divorce and free your husband from you.

[Dexter Morgan]

I have to say I am really surprised by everyone judging me so harshly. I really thought I could come here for some sound advice, help, and support.

 

Do I feel guilt? No, I don't. I don't because I didn't begin or continue this affair with the intent to hurt anyone. I didn't do it for malice reasons. I did it because my emotional needs are not being met and it was/is self-soothing.

Also, our relationship is very filling to me.

 

 

Who cares what your intent is. You should feel guilty for betraying your husband.

 

Now I change what I said above.....you don't feel guilty for cheating on your husband.....so why the hell are you with him?

 

Just get a divorce if you don't feel guilty. Intent isn't the factor in whether you should feel guilty or not. your attitude towards your husband is what dictates whether you feel guilty or not.

 

So since you don't feel guilty, you don't love or respect your husband.

 

So do right by him, if possible, and get a divorce so he can move on. Life is too short to waste it on someone that is cheating, much less cheating and isn't remorseful about it....whether he knows you cheated or not.

[confusedinkansas]

here is the problem I have with the above post.....with all of it that you have written the problem is..............................your husband was so insignificant that you didn't even bother to give him a mention.

 

 

I'm sure she doesn't mention him - because, like many of us, while in the "heat of the moment" so to speak - they/spouses are insignificant ~ for whatever reason. (& yes, there are many reasons)

That's part of the selfishness of an affair.

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't expect you to acknowledge how her husband would feel IF he finds out because you yourself as you have stated are a cheater. So your views are tainted at best. I have read your posts and you always find away to indirectly condemn any spouse that has been cheated on.

 

BRAVO!!!!! you see this too eh?

[RunawayTrain]

BRAVO!!!!! you see this too eh?

 

I call it like I see it, and it is blatantly obvious.

[lkjh]

I missed that part of runaways post but it is absolutely right.