Is there such thing as intimidating beauty?

[MelissaB]

Hi

Men - I need your help!!

 

I am a 25 year old woman. I have been told on a daily basis that I am beautiful and exotic looking. At the same time, I have never had a boyfriend. Maybe a few lovers but not a real relationship. I am too shy to approach the opposite sex. When I do, they are usually attached to someone so I don't approach anymore. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. As a person, I am loving, hardworking, talented and creative. However, no man approaches me (except creeps). My physical description is 5'4 very voluptuous with size DD breasts, shapely legs and hips. I have been told that I look like a brunette version of Marilyn Monroe and other 50's glamor actresses. I dress very stylish. I am not conceited but many people have told me that my beauty is rare and exotic. Many have went on to say that it is intimidating. I don't understand why beauty would be a turn off. But when I see all kinds of women with men I feel like an ugly duck. Can you please tell me how to improve or what to do? I rarely talk to a man about things anyways and your advice is most appreciated.

[BlockHead]

Maybe a few lovers but not a real relationship.

I am too shy to approach the opposite sex.

I rarely talk to a man about things anyways and your advice is most appreciated.

Maybe your problem is emotional intimacy. If you cannot connect at the emotional level, what hope do you have?

 

However, no man approaches me (except creeps).

Maybe you are hanging out with the wrong crowd.

 

I dress very stylish.

Based on my experience, people like that tend to be shallow. I think some good men are getting that impression.

[Clancy]

A highly confident man will not be intimidated by beauty rather I think he would pursue it. Are you sure you are not writing off any man who approaches you as a creep. Can it be that the only men who have the confidence to approach you are actually creeps?

 

One suggestion is you could try a legitimate dating service and specify the kind of gentleman you'd like to meet. That way you could weed out the undesirables and hopefully end up with someone you deem acceptable.

[yes]

are you friendly and approachable?? i think men may be intimidated by a very attractive woman, but if she shows that she's approachable & not snobby, they relax... also, they may think that you're FOR SURE taken, so it's up to you to do some small talk and subtly show that it's OK to go after you.

 

what does dressing "stylish" mean? perhaps you're giving off the wrong impression...

 

btw, do you have any male friends who you can ask about this?

 

my 2c,

-yes

[Tony T]

Frankly, I don't think I've seen you around or I surely would have approached you!!!

[moimeme]

Is there such thing as intimidating beauty?

 

Sure there is. People with low self-esteem (apparently, their number is legion) think that a very beautiful person (female OR male) must already have so much attention from equally beautiful people of the opposite gender that there's no point in approaching them.

 

I know of one fellow who is stunningly attractive; he thinks that women don't approach him because they judge something about him to be unattractive and does not believe me when I tell him that the opposite is the case.

[clia]

Based on my experience, people like that (who dress stylish) tend to be shallow. I think some good men are getting that impression.

 

WTF does this mean? What would you prefer she wear? A burlap sack and Chuck Taylors? IMO this is a pretty crazy generalization!

[Ryan]

It's absolutely possible for a woman to be intimidating by how she looks and carries herself. Many very attractive women do put out a "not in my league" vibe. Guys don't need you to do all of the work, but we do like it if you'll give us SOME idea that you're paying attention - catch our eyes...offer a little smile...SOMETHING. We're out there with nothing to go on and it can be a bit frightening.

 

I can't say for sure if this is your case. I've never seen you and I don't know you (well maybe I have seen you and wasn't aware...since we both live in San Diego).

[monkey00]

moimeme :

Originally posted by moimeme

Sure there is. People with low self-esteem (apparently, their number is legion) think that a very beautiful person (female OR male) must already have so much attention from equally beautiful people of the opposite gender that there's no point in approaching them.

 

I know of one fellow who is stunningly attractive; he thinks that women don't approach him because they judge something about him to be unattractive and does not believe me when I tell him that the opposite is the case.

 

I feel something similar to your first paragraph. but the way i feel about women who dress classy or stylish and look hot/cute, I tend to judge them first hand that they are stuckup, picky, and demanding.....i think thats one reason why i dont have any hot looking girl friends. I think that's the main reason why i have no interest/desire in getting to know them, not even saying hi at all.

 

And one thing i can say about your second paragraph is i feel similar to that about myself. I'm relatively handsome, girls check me out when im in the street and in college.

I think because of the way i dress and act (I look too serious sometimes with my eyebrows going down inwards and dont really talk to anyone(bad habit)..truth is i dont smile enough(i dont see any reason why i should) I THINK THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY PEOPLE DONT APPROACH ME TO SOCIALIZE, also from my bro's friend's opinion (he thought i was a player...which im not, this thought never occured to me until he told me) girls possibly think that im a player. I think my problem is i judge to often based on appearances and dont bother or have no interest in meeting new people.

 

hm..after writing this up, i think i should ask my female friend what she thought of me before we became friends.

[moimeme]

the way i feel about women who dress classy or stylish and look hot/cute, I tend to judge them first hand that they are stuckup, picky, and demanding.....i think thats one reason why i dont have any hot looking girl friends

 

You do realize this is another form of prejudice?

 

truth is i dont smile enough(i dont see any reason why i should)

 

Ah. Well perhaps it's just as well you don't so that you don't fool people. A person who finds little joy or merriment in life is not often great company. If you are that serious, you will want someone who is attracted to serious fellows. Continue as you are. Eventually somebody might decide your sober self is just what she's after.

[Angel]

Just smile and that will make you more approachable. Try to initiate small talk. That'll send their head spinning!

[MelissaB]

Thank you for your reply. I do admit that when I am in public I do not smile a lot. I actually am a deep and philosophical thinker. I don't pay attention to my facial expression because before I know it I am analyzing subject matters. I am actually very kindhearted and philanthropic, but that is for someone to know if they talk to me. I am a stylish dresser because I love art in all of its forms and I find the appreciation in art in fashion as well. I think I will try a dating service. Thank you all for your advice.

[jenny]

giggles, you sound lovely. can you list just a few more of your good qualities so we have a better picture?

[monkey00]

i'm the same as melissa, im a deep philosophical thinker. actually i think i can act too serious sometimes, and i probably look for those type of people to talk to...i give off the vibe to people that im serious...ACK it's killing me im 19 and i hate giving off this vibe.

I know that i should smile more often im often friendly to anyone...ing just that i find it hard to keep up a smile all the time....it feels weird sometimes if i try to keep up a smile longer than i should, so i just turn back to my normal expression. But if i ever talk to anyone, classmates, friends ,etc. I will always bring up a smile no matter what we talk about.

 

it's only when im in an area where im not talking to anyone does my expression return to that way (serious look with eyebrows down inwards)

YEA anyway, can anyone give me some tips to decrease the serious vibe i give out and help me keep smiling for longer periods when im by myself??

[clia]

can anyone give me some tips to decrease the serious vibe i give out and help me keep smiling for longer periods when im by myself??

 

Practice, practice, practice. Smile at the room when you enter. Be casual, toss your hair, cross and uncross your legs, smile, use open body language (i.e. don't cross your arms when you walk), smile at people you see on the street. Smile at the person waiting on you at the drugstore, Starbucks, etc. You'll feel like a big dork at first, but all it takes is practice. Smiles make you look inviting--just keep that in mind. You'll be shocked at what a difference it makes!

[moimeme]

A 'networking' coach once said 'when you enter a room, do so as if it's your party and you're glad everybody came'.

[subtitled]

Originally posted by jenny

giggles, you sound lovely. can you list just a few more of your good qualities so we have a better picture?

 

all you need to say is "world peace"

and you could be Miss America.

[monkey00]

Originally posted by moimeme

A 'networking' coach once said 'when you enter a room, do so as if it's your party and you're glad everybody came'.

 

thats a great idea! i try keeping my smile on most of the time today, there are times where it feels kinda dorkish to keep smiling...(like what the hell is he smiling at) LoL

[BlockHead]

thats a great idea! i try keeping my smile on most of the time today, there are times where it feels kinda dorkish to keep smiling.

I was never comfortable with a phony smile.

[moimeme]

The coach was talking about attitude, and, really, it's attititude that needs to change.

[VivianLee]

It's hard to answer or discuss something like this without sounding as if you are bragging or being conceited but here's goes...I understand where you are coming from (well I am 5'9 and never saw a DD even when I was nursing... ) especially when I was younger. Ummm...again this is so hard to put without sounding like "I'm all that" but when you are attractive, people (male and female) will look at you when come into a store, church or restaurant. Sometimes they will all just stop what they are doing and stare. THAT'S intimidating!! When I was about 15, I guess I blossomed into what was perceived as good looks, the compliments from complete strangers and stares were very embarrassing and overwhelming!! My Daddy is a minister so we moved a lot, that made my shyness even worse. Everyone perceived me to be a snob because they thought I was aloof because I was attractive instead of the true fact that I was shy and scared because I changed schools. I was able to finish my highschool years at a very small school out in the boonies. Only 2 girls in the whole school would be my friend that first year. To make matters worse, during break and lunch, I was surrounded by guys and I won a beauty pageant. I had girls literally threaten to beat me up because of these things.

 

I realized if I was going to make it, I'd have to quit being so quiet and shy. Well what's the least quiet and shy thing a girl can be? A cheerleader!! That helped tremendously. I became friends with everyone that I could possibly talk to (male and female). I still have all those friendships and was also voted Most Popular. So I went from 2 friends to 200. Not because I was attractive, because I had a personality!!

 

I learned a new way of approaching people, you have to play yourself down, not tear yourself down but sometimes to take away the intimidation of your appearance may have on someone is to be able to laugh at yourself or be a little self-effacing! It's just something you have to do. Now that's just my advice to deal with friends or people you come in contact with.

 

As for a man approaching you, you are going to have to use that "THINKING" by being conscious that you are smiling a good bit of the time. From what I know, men like for women to smile. Now I don't know how things are where you live but if you are in a place where more than hello is needed (elevator or lobby) say "hi, how are you doing?" Be approachable. If you are being stared at because you are beautiful, thank God for it, enjoy it and give the staring person a nice big smile!!

 

I don't mean this in a sneaky way but beauty can be used to your advantage BUT you have to have more going on than just the outside. You have to have a good personality to go with the beauty or you won't attract anyone. You should be able to have men and women drawn to you, maybe at first it's because they want to know this pretty person but then it's because they can't wait to hear what you have to say or what you may do. The laughing at yourself will help the jealous types to come around too! They are just harder to reach!!

 

Warning, again, don't depend on your beauty ALONE, you've got to have an inner beauty, a personality (that shows love, empathy and kindness) is the only thing that will last in life.....everything else will fade.....