Will Your Marriage Crash and Burn?

[Lyssa]

Awww...that's sad about your Mom but if not in body, I'm sure she's here in spirit.

 

Laid back is good!

 

Thanks, TBF - I know she'll be here with me in spirit - at all times

[Touche]

I think that article is a bunch of hooey....

 

Marriages end for there own variety of 100's of reasons and other than some fall into patterns, most are mainly communication issues.

 

Take a couple married 30 years and then they divorce.. nothing in that article holds true after maybe 3 months..

 

I can't see how picking out the wedding cake is a flag to whether or not a marriage will make it.. hahahaha

 

We all have seen our friends get married and sometimes we think they are marrying the wrong person and we make comments like " I give it 6 months " or " they will divorce in a year " only to find out they are still married after 20 years.... well we make assumptions based on stuff like that article is written about...

 

They're simply red flags in my book. Nothing more and nothing less. Maybe later on they can work things out. But it's indicative of a possible future issue(s).

 

Yes, Lyssa. Your mother will always be with you. Always.

[Lyssa]

Yes, Lyssa. Your mother will always be with you. Always.

 

Thanks, Touche - that means a lot .

 

I had a dream last night - the red flags of a fallen marriage! I shouldn't be reading this sort of threads before I go to bed!

 

And I agree - sexual compatibility is important!

[Trialbyfire]

And another marriage failure indicator:

 

If the two have major difference in their fiscal outlook and style, they're going to have serious problems in the future.

 

In other words, if one person is fiscally responsible and the other, spends every penny, not only will you have problems in your relationship, you'll also have problems with saving for a retirement.

 

The flip side to that, is if one person is cheap and the other generous, you're going to also have serious problems in your relationship.

[alphamale]

The flip side to that, is if one person is cheap and the other generous, you're going to also have serious problems in your relationship.

actually TBF studies have shown that the best fiscal marriages are the ones where one spouse is frugal and the other spends. they balance each other over time.

 

it would be much worse to have two frugal spouses or two spouses who like to spend too much.

[Trialbyfire]

actually TBF studies have shown that the best fiscal marriages are the ones where one spouse is frugal and the other spends. they balance each other over time.

 

it would be much worse to have two frugal spouses or two spouses who like to spend too much.

When you say frugal, how frugal? As in spending below their income or just being cheap?

 

That's interesting but not something I would want. My serious SOs have all been fiscally responsible, as I've been, in that we're generous with each other, way below our means. I can't stand cheap men.

[Lyssa]

Communication is very important. Also, giving and taking - there has to be a balance though.

[Touche]

When you say frugal, how frugal? As in spending below their income or just being cheap?

 

That's interesting but not something I would want. My serious SOs have all been fiscally responsible, as I've been, in that we're generous with each other, way below our means. I can't stand cheap men.

 

That describes Mr. T and I. Generous with each other (as much as the other will allow anyway:laugh:) and we do live below our means. But we're not cheap. We do know how to indulge within reason and stop and smell the roses.

 

I couldn't be with something who is a wild spender and irresponsible with money. I couldn't be with a cheap man either. It would never work.

[Trialbyfire]

That describes Mr. T and I. Generous with each other (as much as the other will allow anyway:laugh:) and we do live below our means. But we're not cheap. We do know how to indulge within reason and stop and smell the roses.

 

I couldn't be with something who is a wild spender and irresponsible with money. I couldn't be with a cheap man either. It would never work.

A wild spender would be the end of me or the end of the relationship, before it began!

 

Excellent one Lyssa! Communication and communication style.

[subdued]

We all have seen our friends get married and sometimes we think they are marrying the wrong person and we make comments like " I give it 6 months " or " they will divorce in a year " only to find out they are still married after 20 years.... well we make assumptions based on stuff like that article is written about...

 

Yah. My boyfriend's parents have been married more than 50 years. Nobody thought it would last, because they eloped and didn't get married in a church.

[hoping2heal]

I found the article, while potentially truthful, to be quite redundant. Not much more than filler for magazine space.

 

5 signs you're about to endure bodily physical harm!

 

*You walk in traffic with a blindfold on and earphones blasting

*You get in a vehicle without knowing which peddle is the brake, and which accelerates.

* You play paint ball in your street clothes, with no head gear

*You paint the roof with an already broken ladder

* D U H.

 

I mean I'm sorry, I'm not saying you posting the article is a waste of space, but what they list is a no brainer and while it may be agreeble, I don't think they are informing their readers of anything they didn't already know, unless of course their comatose.

[Lyssa]

I also think that if a couple does not share the same goals and values - it could be a problem.

 

It is also important to discuss marriage issues, topics and what not before and after you get married. I don't think it helps if you bottle things up - which I was guilty of doing before. Not anymore!

[Lishy]

I believe the secret to a successful marriage is knowing your role and not resenting it. Each partner brings different strengths and weaknessess to the table and if you get the balance right its makes for a very happy relationship!

 

When I look at successfull 50+ year marriages I have found the woman wears the trousers ... I dont know why

[Lyssa]

I believe the secret to a successful marriage is knowing your role and not resenting it. Each partner brings different strengths and weaknessess to the table and if you get the balance right its makes for a very happy relationship!

 

Yes, Lishy - I agree!

[Lishy]

The hard part is not resenting it! lol

 

I am too selfish I think

[Woggle]

The secret is to genuinely respect your spouse and to have a realistic view of relationships.

[Trialbyfire]

I mean I'm sorry, I'm not saying you posting the article is a waste of space, but what they list is a no brainer and while it may be agreeble, I don't think they are informing their readers of anything they didn't already know, unless of course their comatose.

Relationships and marriage, aren't rocket science. And yet, why do the vast majority of relationships fail? Why do 50% of marriages fail? For that matter, why are there so many bridezillas?

 

Do the homework and you'll realize that when emotions are involved, people aren't rational, including you and me. I'm certain I could review your posts and find something irrational in them, as well as mine. Sometimes, it takes things being put into simple terms, to shake them out of their complacency. If they can see themselves within each of these simple examples, whether exactly as such or the more indepth thoughts behind each example, perhaps they stand a chance of making things work or realizing they're making a big mistake by proceeding forwards. Sometimes, people aren't meant to be together.

[Ariadne]

Relationships and marriage, aren't rocket science. And yet, why do the vast majority of relationships fail? Why do 50% of marriages fail? For that matter, why are there so many bridezillas?

 

They fail because people have no idea what true love is imo.

 

They marry because of infatuation, because they think they get along just fine, because all the ingredients are there but not the love (they convince themselves the love is there), because they want to be married, because they want to have children, because they want a partner, because of societal pressures, financial..

 

There's many reasons.

 

But it is very hard to find people deeply in love.

 

And the ones that marry for reasons other than true love have very little chance to make it, or they remain together for other obligations (children, mortgage and so on)

[grogster]

In response to the Sanford Affair, the New York Times published this excellent article on how marriage experts view infidelity mostly as a "crime" of opportunity, and that even "pretty happy" marrieds are vulnerable to temptation.

 

As one expert put it, even good people have affairs.

 

The good news is that many marriages survive affairs.

 

Here's the link for a very interesting read:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/fashion/28marriage.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=infidelity&st=cse

[Trialbyfire]

They fail because people have no idea what true love is imo.

I agree for some marriages and relationships. More often, it's the rest of the compatibility issues that cause failure. Love isn't enough since it doesn't put food on your table or fuel respect, like and trust. Without these necessities, love dies.

[Ariadne]

I agree for some marriages and relationships. More often, it's the rest of the compatibility issues that cause failure. Love isn't enough since it doesn't put food on your table or fuel respect, like and trust. Without these necessities, love dies.

 

For what I've noticed, people that have true love are usually very compatible as well. Because they are on the same page about everything.

[Trialbyfire]

For what I've noticed, people that have true love are usually very compatible as well. Because they are on the same page about everything.

Sounds to me like a difference in terms. You tie all compatibility issues in with love and call it true love. I break them out as two separate things, which is what most people do.

 

Have you never seen two people madly in love and yet, totally destructive for/with each other? I have and it's not a pretty sight.

[Ariadne]

Have you never seen two people madly in love and yet, totally destructive for/with each other? I have and it's not a pretty sight.

 

True love is not destructive. But blind infatuation can be.

 

I'd consider the marriage of Touche and her husband to be an example of true love. Very healthy.

[Touche]

I found the article, while potentially truthful, to be quite redundant. Not much more than filler for magazine space.

 

5 signs you're about to endure bodily physical harm!

 

*You walk in traffic with a blindfold on and earphones blasting

*You get in a vehicle without knowing which peddle is the brake, and which accelerates.

* You play paint ball in your street clothes, with no head gear

*You paint the roof with an already broken ladder

* D U H.

 

I mean I'm sorry, I'm not saying you posting the article is a waste of space, but what they list is a no brainer and while it may be agreeble, I don't think they are informing their readers of anything they didn't already know, unless of course their comatose.

 

I beg to differ with the bolded part! I think TBF addressed that one. But the purpose of posting the article was just to start a discussion. And it has. Look at all the great responses here. I think they will help people who are considering marriage. It's just a guide, as I said earlier.

 

Your examples were amusing but let's face it, people do those things all the time. Well, maybe not the first item. But the rest? Yep.

 

I'm glad you're smart enough to know better.

 

As for the rest, very interesting and thoughtful responses.

 

(TBF and Ariadne, to your corners! I'm out of popcorn.)

[hoping2heal]

I beg to differ with the bolded part! I think TBF addressed that one. But the purpose of posting the article was just to start a discussion. And it has. Look at all the great responses here. I think they will help people who are considering marriage. It's just a guide, as I said earlier.

 

Your examples were amusing but let's face it, people do those things all the time. Well, maybe not the first item. But the rest? Yep.

 

I'm glad you're smart enough to know better.

 

As for the rest, very interesting and thoughtful responses.

 

(TBF and Ariadne, to your corners! I'm out of popcorn.)

 

Well, as I said Touche I didn't think it was pointless you posted it, I just personally found the article too redundant. I kind of felt like "give us something we didn't know!" ya know? Yes, plenty of people DO those things certainly, but it's still nothing bystanders don't know is a "bad sign" or potentially "bad sign". Of course, I guess the people doing it themselves are oblivious .