My boyfriend and I have problems.

[EucaRoxo]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I love him more than anything. And i know he loves me very much. But he needs help. I will do anything to help this boy. I just want his happiness.

 

When we met, neither of us expected that we would end up being together. he was my friend. but i met him at a hard time in my life. he offered advice and helped me through those times. but at what cost. i told him things about my past experiences because i needed help in knowing what to do. i needed a change in my life. i needed to love myself and be strong.

 

His help and my readiness to change got me through all of that. i'm stronger now. i am not an object. and in going through all of that, we fell in love with each other. he had his own problems, things that he needed help with. but he focused on me and my problems and helped me through them. i feel like that is our first problem. he needed help just as much as i did, but he didnt get it. he kept giving to me and all i offered him was my love and my problems. not any help or words to help him with his.

 

Then there is that i told him things. he knows the names and faces of the people i have been with. he knows when and how much and what. it haunts him. he used to have panic attacks. those dont happen as often, probably because hes built some sort of resistance to the images in his mind.

 

Also, we lived 1500 miles away from eachother when i told him all of those things. we were apart for almost a year. that year (last year) was the worst of the worst for us. i was trying to help him from where i was. but i can only say so much to help. he needed me there with him. he needed my presence and touch and just to know that he could see me.

 

We are living together now (in his parents house, which is a whole other complete basket of poop in itself). things have been hard and have changed alot since i got here (i moved across the country to live with him). he gets irritated with me alot of the time. and we cant have sex very often because that brings up my past and he hurts.

 

Something new thats been happening is he's started using porn. he told me once (quite a while ago) when we were apart. He said that he looks up the things in his mind that he sees me doing with other people. and that it hurts him so much but he doesnt know how to react because its me and so its turns him on. so he needed an outlet. and that became porn. i reacted badly. i felt like he was cheating on me. i asked him to stop and he did. for a long time he had stopped. but recently i asked him if he was looking up porn again and using it (im not sure what made me ask but i was feeling very insecure and asked) and he told me yes.

 

I got so upset. he hadnt told me. he said it makes him feel like **** because it isnt me. but he said he needs an outlet. hes sexually frustrated. and just masturbating is fine, but he said sometimes he needs an image to keep his mind from wandering into thinking about my past. i understand that. but i told him i need him to be honest. and i offered some sort of compromise. i offered making videos together. he wouldnt have it. i offered watching it with him, we tried that and he said thats still different.

 

i have anxiety over this. very bad anxiety. i cant function and i get panicky. then when i try to talk to him about it he gets defensive and tells me im accusing him of things. i admit that i did do that. but more recently ive just been asking questions about it to understand. im not accusing him anymore. i just want to stop feeling like this. i want him to be honest with me. he has lied to my face about it (really recently) and i knew the truth. when i told him that he refused to talk to me.

 

then there is that he cant get past me having had partners before him. he was a virgin when i met him (and hes also older than me). i had been with four people. and two of them were during which he and i were talking as just friends. i tell him that they mean nothing to me. i dont think about them. ive never been satisfied sexually until i met him. he is life's love. in every way. i dont have fantasies about other people. he satisfies me in everything.

 

but sex makes him sad, so it doesnt happen very often. then if it does happen alot over a short period of time, then we wont have anything for a long time and we'll argue alot. i am a very sexual person and i know that hes just as sexual as i am. hes started fulfilling his sexual needs with porn. and i feel like i have nothing. i only get what he gives me. and i feel like that could be enough but i feel betrayed that hes turned to porn. i know i can take care of myself, and i do sometimes. but that isnt nearly as satisfying as being with him. and sometimes it makes me want him even more.

 

i dont know what i'm asking for advice on. i think i just needed to let this all out. i'm sorry this post is so long. but if you take the time to read it, that means alot to me.

 

thank you for listening.

 

-EucaRoxo

[Mr. Lucky]

then there is that he cant get past me having had partners before him. he was a virgin when i met him (and hes also older than me). i had been with four people. and two of them were during which he and i were talking as just friends. i tell him that they mean nothing to me. i dont think about them. ive never been satisfied sexually until i met him. he is life's love. in every way. i dont have fantasies about other people. he satisfies me in everything.

Your BF sounds like he still has some growing up to do. And while that doesn't make him a bad person, it makes him a bad candidate for an exclusive and serious relationship. Unless you want to be continually judged for actions done before you even met him, I'd take a step back. He's not ready...

 

Mr. Lucky

[EucaRoxo]

Your BF sounds like he still has some growing up to do. And while that doesn't make him a bad person, it makes him a bad candidate for an exclusive and serious relationship. Unless you want to be continually judged for actions done before you even met him, I'd take a step back. He's not ready...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

i know. but i know he doesnt want me to leave. and i dont want to leave him either. but maybe he needs some time apart from me to know what the important things are. im not sure what im going to do yet.

 

i only know that i need to be strong.

i need time to myself.

so i can figure things out.

 

 

 

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