Katherineos123 Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 Im having a really tough time tonight.... My boyfriend and I went on vacation last week and spent the ENTIRE week together! It was magical! We had an amazing time together, and I felt like I fell in love with him a little more afterwards. Well, this week, I dont know whats going on with him! He's been acting so strange, and kind of distant towards me.... It all started Friday evening, I called him to tell him about these plans I had made with some of my friends, plans in which I was REALLY excited about! So, Im explaning the evening to him, and he snaps at me something along the lines of "Thats not my scene, I wouldnt have a good time" and pretty much put me down. So, this hurt my feelings and I kinda called him out on it asking him why he has to be such a "Debbie Downer" and he bickered, and we pretty much hung up the phone mad..... which is something I HATE doing. So about 15 minutes went by and I called him back and said "Look, Im going out, I dont want to be mad, Im sorry. Call me so I can tell you I love you" No phone call. All night long. So the next day comes, and I get a text early in the morning saying "Sorry babe. I phone was off. I fell asleep. Im going fishing, Ill call you afterwards" So I decided to call him, and we talked for about 5 minutes. He said he was sorry for acting like a jerk, and that he was just in a bad mood. Whatever, I let it go, and asked him to call me when he got in from his fishing trip. This was around 8am Saturday. So I havent heard from him all day. I text him around 11:30 last night asking him if he's having fun. No reply. I text him again about 15 minutes later saying "are you sleeping with the fishes?" No reply. Now Im starting to get worried. I send him a final text message before I went to bed telling him Im starting to get worried and will you please call asap to let me know you're alive. No calls. All day. So I texted his best friend saying "hey its katherine. I havent heard from Pete all day and Im starting to get worried. Have you talked to him?" He writes me back saying "yeah. He's sleeping. We went out last night" This makes me very angry. Not only did he not call me, but he went out drinking with his friends all night and didnt call even though he KNEW i was worried about him. So now Im waiting for him to call which he does around 5:00 tonight!!! I explain that Im upset, and he pretty much says he didnt call because he didnt feel like talking on the phone... He like really just DIDNT GET IT..... Classic... Almost TWO days with no word. I just feel like he's treating me like a doormat sometimes. He can be so inconsiderate. I think he really believes that the whole world revolves around him. Am I in the wrong here? Am I being too needy?? I feel like he's pushing me away.... Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 He's playing the revenge game. You went out when he didn't want you to, so now he's being pouty and trying to get revenge. But yes, it IS doormat behavior if you allow him to act like this and get away with it. Love is NOT a game of tug of war. Either he needs to learn that, and you two need to start communicating better, or this relationship will just keep getting worse and worse until the both of you are so far apart emotionally that you wont remember why you're together in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 I agree it sounds like the revenge game. I would put your foot down and tell him that treating you so insignifigantly is NOT okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katherineos123 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks for the feedback ladies! I talked to him, and he apologized. I told him that this "falling off the face of the planet" thing cannot happen again, and that I wont stand for it. I mean. If he wanted to have a guys night, and go out and drink beer with the boys... Be my guest! I just needed him to tell me that A) Im alive and B) Im going out and Ill call you tomorrow... That doesnt strike me as being too demanding... Its that this Long Distance thing is killing me, and I know that Im no where NEAR as long a distance as some folks on here. But I still go weeks without seeing him, and its very difficult.... Im around all my girlfriends and their douting boyfriends and theyre all lovey dovey, and affectionate, and it seems that their men absolutely worship the ground they walk on... And here I am, worried sick on a Saturday night, because my long distance boyfreind just doesnt feel like writing a text messgae........... It makes me really feel unappreciated and unloved .... I deserve to feel loved... Im starting to really get burned out. Im supposed to see him this weekend, do you think I should talk to him face to face about this? Or let it ride out? Maybe Im just being overly emotional... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Thanks for the feedback ladies! I talked to him, and he apologized. I told him that this "falling off the face of the planet" thing cannot happen again, and that I wont stand for it. I mean. If he wanted to have a guys night, and go out and drink beer with the boys... Be my guest! I just needed him to tell me that A) Im alive and B) Im going out and Ill call you tomorrow... That doesnt strike me as being too demanding... Its that this Long Distance thing is killing me, and I know that Im no where NEAR as long a distance as some folks on here. But I still go weeks without seeing him, and its very difficult.... Im around all my girlfriends and their douting boyfriends and theyre all lovey dovey, and affectionate, and it seems that their men absolutely worship the ground they walk on... And here I am, worried sick on a Saturday night, because my long distance boyfreind just doesnt feel like writing a text messgae........... It makes me really feel unappreciated and unloved .... I deserve to feel loved... Im starting to really get burned out. Im supposed to see him this weekend, do you think I should talk to him face to face about this? Or let it ride out? Maybe Im just being overly emotional... I think you shouldn't let yourself compare your R to your friends, that's a dangerous game there. Sure, they are lovey dovey around you, but you don't know how they would handle an LDR, so to compare their R to yours won't be good for your mental presence. I don't think you're being demanding at all, and I don't think you're being overly emotional. LDR's are difficult, and our partners should be doing what they can to make us feel special,loved, and secure. Playing little games like the "falling off the planet" is detrimental to an LDR and selfish. It's also passive aggressive; another detriment to any R. You two need to find a way to address directly, and resolve issues instead of either one of you "playing them off" and then resorting to behavior like he did. This is an opportunity for you both to grow in your relationship. It's a chance to put away past damaging habits of resolving conflict, and establish new healthy and PRODUCTIVE ways to do so. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Hi Katherine I would have discussion with him not exactly about that particular night or day but the fact that he said something and then didn't do it. The only thing we really have in an LDR is the words of our partner either written or spoken and we have to be able to (as my husband says) "follow your words". If one person says something and then doesn't do what was said (like call you after the fishing trip - instead going out and then to bed where he CLEARLY had time to make a quick call) then it calls anything said after into question as well. And if it happens often enough then one would certainly feel like they can not depend on or trust what that person says at all. We have to put a lot of faith in each other and doing what you say and saying what you do are extremely important components of a successful relationship but it is especially crucial in an LDR. I hope you two resolve it and are stronger because of this conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine2031 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I agree with everyone and I don't think you were being demanding at all. His behavior was passive aggressive and I think playing revenge games just leads to a lose-lose situation where the relationship spirals downward. I'd try talking with him in a firm but kind, patient, and loving way. (Don't give him attitude). See what he says and then watch what he does. If his behavior doesn't match his words then you have some serious decisions to make about the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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