i hit my girlfriend

[semaj]

help me guys for i have sinned.. a month ago today i made the biggest mistake of my life.. i hit my girlfriend, who i am now without.. After getting off from work at 10pm i first stopped at the gas station to grab the usual 6 pack, my girlfriend disagrees with my nightly drinking, but was feeling like a buzz too... now i come from an irish family who drink quite a bit, but luckly it wouldnt be any problem for me not to.. not seeing all the damage it was doing to our relationship at the time i continued on... alyan (name scrambeled) perfers her beer out of a glass, so i handed her her glass while i gulped down my bottle... as soon as i reached that long awaited buzz after such a stressfull day my mind was finially free.. not that i need to be stressed, but after getting this buzz nightly for six months, one starts to convince himself that its his daily stress relief.. my wash maching had broken down, and i asked alyan if we could use hers, she agreed and continued to undress herself from her gym cloths.. she sat down on the bed beside me and smiled in the way when she wants to get a little intimate.. at this time all that was on my mind was getting my laundry washed and dried without staying up too late... when alyan kissed me i pulled away early and said " can we go do laurndry first?" soft and friendly, this sent her through the roof.. alyan was a couple days into her period, a very very painful one too. Alyan called me an a**hole, and since i had my buz, i took it more offensive than i would sober, we agreed not to cuss at eachother, so i sent that line back to her "your the a**hole" (huge mistake) then she dumps her beer on my head, which went all over our new sheets, into the matress.. I exploded and said "why the he** did you do that!" this was when it got ugly... alyan slammed her fist into my testicles.. just like in the cartoons, i saw nothing but stars and fealt like i was going to puke all over her... i grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her down on her back on the bed and told her never to do that again... , she told me to get off in a very angry note (i believe she wasn't hoping to hurt me as bad as she did) so i let go and started inching back, BAM the second blow to my testicles.. without any thought, i slapped her face.......... my life came to a screaching hault that night... i should never had slapped her, just as she shouldn't have done her share of the job. This wouldn't have happened if we were'nt drinking though... As soon as i hit her she screamed for my roommate, my roommate (an older woman) called her mother to pick her up for her, and sat between us on the curb waiting for her mother to pick her up at 1am.. with her crying here eyes out.... i couldnt eat but three crackers for the first 3 days after she left, ive lost 8 lbs and cannot sleep because of this night... alyan would tell me over and over that she didnt want me to drink, but i never bothered to really listen why.. now im alone and misreable, i cant believe i hit the girl who i love so deerly.. i saw a counsuler, who told me my problem was due to drinking.. so i quit cold turkey, no problem what so ever... I'm still trying to forgive myself, but even more i want my love back... but dont know how to do so.. all of her family and friends hate me now... but for who i was when i drank that night, now who i really am... i tried calling her a couple days after, she only said to me that she had to go then hung up. the following morning i ran into her at her complexes pool, and tossed her an apology letter, only to hear her say i need to leave.... it made my day that she actually took the letter from me..

[semaj]

3

nights ago i arrive home from work to find that alyan had been trying to

call me(its been a month now), i had missed seven calls.. i was all

excited, thinking she was on her way back... i really wanted to call her,

but i figured that if i did, then our posisitions would flip, and ide be the

one trying to get her back, rather than her to me... so i go out that night

with some of my coworkes, the whole time i was out i was super happy and

fealt like i could breath again, knowing, well thinking, that i shouldnt be

spending too many more nights alone without her... so the next morning at

10am or so she calls again... i answered, she sounded very angry and upset,

"me-hello? she-yea this is alyan me-hey how are you doing?

fine-fine." she spoke very bluntly... i had to lead the conversation...

we chatted, well i ran my mouth for about an hour just telling her about how

everything was going with me, not mentioing anything between her and i... i

asked how her family was doing one person at a time, how her school was

going..she was upset and very negative about everything... i spoke, she

listened... eventually she says to me that she needs her stuff back, i

replied "your stuff?" and she said "yea dont i have my bathing suite and a

shirt or somthing over there?" i said yea, also this this this and that, she

asked what else i had of hers.. i mentioned many small things, like her hair

brush and a few other small things that meant a lot to her, like a fortune

from a fortune cookie that she related to us... stuff that she pry thought i

had long ago forgotten about...she said that we need to schedual a time for

her to pick everything up, and that she doesnt want to see my roommates,

just a quick transaction (but she would be seeing me) i said that i would

drop her stuff off at her place while shes at work, so that she wouldnt have

to see me, she said no no no, thats not fair for you to drive all the way

over to drop my stuff off... we will make a time for me to come pick

everything up... i said alright, howabout tonight? she said she would be

busy (bs) i said alright... and that i hoped she has a good day... end of

that conversation....

all of that excitment i had went down the drain... but it puzzeled me that

she would rather come pick her stuff up and have to see me in person, than

for me to drop everything off while she was out... that thought wouldnt

leave my mind...

later that night, at about 10 i dicided that i would gather everything of

hers, and everything we shared, and drop it off.. she would be returning

home from class around this time, so i could knock and run... so i put alll

of her stuff neatly in a plastic trash bag, all of our pictures i crumpled

up, the 3 letters that i had spent soooo much time on, but never did give to

her.. so i drove over to her place, and as im pulling into her parking lot,

i notice her walking my direction with another guy, about our age... my

heart fell out of my body, through the floor of my car, and was squashed by

my tires... i didnt even look at her, just grabbed the bag from the

passenger seat, and handed it to her while looking straight ahead... she

sarcastically said "perfect time to drop my stuff off".. i gave her one more

look, then drove off... i didnt sleep that night, i just laid in my bed

stairing at my celing, feeling like pure ****... and spent the entire night

trying to think of ways that i can get through this... it was so much more

than i could handle... i just laid there and cried... 6am rolls around and

the phone starts ringing.. i reach over to check the caller id, and it was

her... i answer the phone in an angry voice, and she starts telling me how

rude i was last night, and that she couldnt believe i just through her stuff

in the street (i handed the bag to her) i replied that i dont care. as

soon as i saw her with her new boyfriend i fealt like i was going to die...

she replied that she had just gotten home from school, and ran into her new

nebors, and had introduced herself.. i said bull**** its all the same, she

became upset and reminded me again and again that it wasnt her boyfriend,

just the new nebor..(so she had to call my first thing in the morning just

to let me know that the guy she was with was not her boyfriend?) . i was

like whatever, whats up? she then went back to how mean i was for putting

all of her (nicely folded) clothing into a trash bag and that i just dropped

it off and speed off.. i said well... we dont need to be seeing eachother

anyway... then she asks me why i crumpeled up our pictures as though they

were very important to her... i said why does it matter, i just tossed

everything of hers, everything of ours, and everything that reminded me of

her into the bag... she says she cant believe i crumpled the pictures

again.... then she asks why i gave her a letter my mother had written me...

i replied that i just grabbed the stack of paper on mydesk that had her the

letters and had thrown everything in the bag... she says "actually it has

some portuguese on it (said you mean the world to me on the back, was the

translation i was trying to figure out)... then she reminds me how bad i was

of a lover to her, and that i will never change (why the hell would she be

calling me with this crap if she hates me so much?????) im like look....

lets get this straight... i messed up, i got help, im a different person

now, im not asking for you to come back, thats up to you.. but im not the

person i was a month ago.... she never let me move away from the discussion

about how she could never be with me again.. as though she was becoming

frusterated that unlike in the past i wasnt pleeding for her to come back...

after 2.5 hours on the phone my alarm goes off and i had to go to work...

during the conversation on the phone i also asked what time she goes to the

gym so that we wouldnt run into eachother, she said 8am, i said fine, ill do

8pm.. now although it seems as though im trying to get over her, its

really the opposite.. everytime i would mention anything about us not

talking again, she would get mad.. so i took advantage of this and decided

that it would be my best tactic to get her back... she does know that i want

her back, but that she will need to be the one to return to me... the

conversation actually ended with me telling her that i was going ot be

moving back home at the end of november when the lease is up.. she was very

bothered by this and told me not tell her this... so that conversation

ended...

after getting off work last night i go home change and head off to my gym...

as i pull into the parking lot i see her car sitting in the parking lot..

(woah!) my mindset changed immedietly... i walk in and straigh to the back

corner where the free weights are, away from the womans area and the cardio

stuff where she might me... i grab a set of dumbells and do a set of

shoulder presses... as soon as i put the weights down and stand up alyan

walks up to me... it took a few seconds for her to speak.. she then asks if

she can get her gloves out of my car (the leather gloves i bought her 6

months ago for the gym, that she neevr even removed from the case) i said

yea, sure... so we walk out to my car, she just staired at my face, i was

looking forward, but every 10 feet or so i would look over and she would be

looking me in the eyes... she looked as though she was about to tear up... i

asked her why she came to the gym so late, she said because she didnt come

in the morning, i asked why, and then her voice began to crack, "after this

mornings conversation with you, how could i do anything?!?!" i

appologized... we continue to walk to my car, i asked how her day went,

mentioned that it was really nice out, and how annoying it is that its

always cloudy on my days off, she again said "i wouldnt know, i stayed in my

room doing nothing all day, you made me feel like ****" i reach into my car

and grab the gloves... she noticed i had the necklace she had given me

around my neck... she asked for it back, so i took it off and dropped it in

her hand... she said "your not going to put it on for me??" that warmed my

heart a bit... hardly being able to stand the electricty with my arms around

her i finially got it on... we walk back into the gym... shes still

looking at me with this sad face... i commented on how well she looked, she

lost 14lbs in the past month... she says "you should see my ribs?" i said

sure, let me see... she pulled her shirt up to show off her progress.... i

gently complimented her again.... she said that she spends 6 hours in the

gym every morning (very exadurated)..i asked her what muscle group she was

doing.. ironically it was the same as mine.. on a friendly level i invited

her to hop in with me, she declined my offer and said she was going to the

womans area.... she walked away but would look my direction a few times

before making her way around the corner.... almost like she was hoping ide

follow... i already went beyond my limits as far as the level of friendship

i gave her.. i did two of my four workouts, and couldnt resist anylonger so

i walked over to were she was to chat with her as i would do in the past...

it seemed as though the closer i got with her, the more she would push me

away... but this was only because i think she is trying to get me to crawl

back to her... i never mentioned that i missed her, or anything along those

lines, just cought her up on my life, my work gossip and all... i was able

to get her into a conversation with me that i had made up about a new

coworker stealing all these laptops (youve got to do what youve got to do)

within a couple lines back and forth she pulled herself out of the

conversation, i believe she didnt want me thinking she was interested.. it

was so obvious... so i backed up a little, went and did some pullups she

came to me and said she was going to a different area in an inviting way..

so i followed her.. she went on the eleptical while i was in front of her on

the tredmill... 30-40 minutes go by and she comes to me and says she has to

go... i said me to and she led the way out... she turned around to see if i

would say goodnight to the girl at the desk which i always had in the past,

but i could tell it bothered her... this time i didnt, but i staired back at

alyan... she was testing me i guess... as soon as we get outside, i head to

the left side of the lot, as alyan walked towards the right, in direction to

our cars.. eventually she walked past her car.. and then walked over

towards mine... she tells me ill never change, and reminds me how bad of a

lover i was again.. starts to cry, just dumping all these complaints on me,

saying that now she feels so much better since im not brining her down

anylonger (then why are you here with me!!) i said again that i made the

changes neccassary for us not to fight... but said nothiing aobut how bad i

wanted her back.. i think she was mad that i didnt... she starts to get

angry and says that shes not going to date a thin guy ever again, because

all they do i slook at other woman, and that shes only going to date big

guys because i never protected her (from what??) and starts walking

backwards to her car.. i trick her by opening my door to toss my stuff in

the car (she thought i was going to just hop in and leave) so she walks

back... she reminds me that she could never be with me again... and all that

crap.. like was just dying for me to fall on my knees and beg for her

back... i just stood there with my arms crossed... i asked her to stop

telling me how bad i was (it was bothering the hell out of me) i told her im

not who i was in the past, and that i had changed... gave her a 5 minute

lecture about who i am and what i want out of this life... she heard me

out... she began to cry more shaking her head saying she cant talk to me

anymore and started for her car.. i followed... she hopped in her car and

started it up, left her door wide open we contined to talk, i mentioned how

exactly i had changed... mainly for her to stop badmouthing me, rather than

to get her back... i said look, i have to go, im going to my hottub.. and

asked if she wanted to contine this conversation at my spa... trying to make

me mad, she says shes going out tonight, and has to be there for her ride..

i noticed that the power windows in her car still worked. which i had fixed

for them, after the shop quoted them $1600 in electrical damage... alyan and

i spent 2 hours ripping the car apart to locate a wire that had been burnt

up behind the heater core... after we got the windows working she ran in the

house to wake her parents up to tell them that i fixed their car, she was so

proud and excited... i reminded her how fun that was, that we fixed the

car... she tells me that it was one of the worst nights she had with me....

(what the hell??) so she says she has to leave... i said bye and walked

away......

 

thanks for reading if you made it this far, haha...

 

now answer me this, does it look to you like shes trying to get me to crawl

back to her... i mean after returning everything to her, why would she call

me orwant to see me again? looks like she DID NOT want me thinking she had

a boyfriend, maybe in fear that i would get over her..

 

in the past when she would say i would never change, it was her way to make

me beg for her to come back... whenever she would say somthing negative i

would promise her over and over and over and over and over and over that i

would never make the mistake again... which i believe is the reason why she

wouldnt stop telling me how much of a jerk i was..

 

as bad as i wanted to remind her that she dumped beer on my head and punched

me in the balls twice, and remind her that she was who made all of this

happen in the first place, i couldnt.. she would have a heartattack if i

mentioned it... and im sure that of the 5million people she told the story

to, that the majority said she brought me to it...

 

when i see her its so hard not to touch her.. and i know its got to be the

same for her..

 

also during our conversation yesterday morning.. she was very bothered that

i said i had forgiven myself for hitting her and am ready to date again...

as though she took it like im out looking for another woman...

 

to spice everything up i mentioned how i went to a bar with my friends.. and

got bombed with jeleous questions...

 

i mentioned that i though our relationship was awesome while it lasted, and

that i fealt like i had been in 50 relationships since from evrything i

leanred... she was all upset questining if i had been with 50 women since

her...

 

so this is my situation in detail it seems obvious that shes

working her way back.. but at the same time these actions could be typical

of a woman in a breakup, which is why im looking for your input... thanks for all your time guys -semaj

[cindy0039]

Honestly - that's some of the most messed up crap I've ever read. You're both extremely immature and playing games with each other. By no means should you get back together. You both have a lot of growing up to do and from the sounds of things, you both could use some heavy-duty counseling.

 

Stop drinking (for good), move on, and learn from your mistakes.

[Tony T]

How much of this happened when she was drinking and how much when she was sober?You cannot have a healthy relationship with one or both of you drinking a lot. There's simply no use in giving you advice to follow if it will be executed under the influence of alcohol. As Cindy said, this is pretty bizarre. If this lady is a heavy drinker, there is no real way of knowing the motivations for her behavior at this time.

 

I also think your relationship would improve 50 percent if you would learn how to form paragraphs so people you ask help from won't go blind reading your posts.

 

I wish you great luck in all you do.

[Amberlyn]

It sounds like you have broken up and reconciled multiple times, usually via her yelling at you about your mistakes and you apologizing until she takes you back. Rinse, repeat. You really should consider counseling, more than one session worth, and you should walk away from the booze for good.

 

It doesn't matter if she is trying to get you to crawl back, or if she is crawling back to you. That shouldn't be your goal. The two of you should stay as far away from each other as is humanly possible. If you see her car in the gym parking lot, come back later or skip it for the day. Heck, switch gyms for that matter. You have a lot of work to do on your own life before you can expect to have a healthy relationship. Date casually, if you must date, but I think that you are much better off getting comfortable with yourself and getting your own mind in order before you even consider it.

[semaj]

i guess this was the wrong place to ask for advice.. thanks anyway guys

[cindy0039]

Just because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear doesn't mean it wasn't a good place to look for advice. Jeez!

[HokeyReligions]

You just don't like the advice you were given. Tell us what you want us to say -- if you had done that right up front your post would have been shorter.

 

If you are going to ask for opinions be prepared to hear them!

 

now answer me this, does it look to you like shes trying to get me to crawl

back to her... i mean after returning everything to her, why would she call

me orwant to see me again? looks like she DID NOT want me thinking she had

a boyfriend, maybe in fear that i would get over her..

 

No one can "answer you this" we don't know you or her and it doesn't matter how much detail you put into your posts. We get an abbrievated version and its only your side. Why not ask her why she called?

[cindy0039]

It is not a healthy relationship when either of you are hitting, kicking or hurling profanities or insults at one another. That is NOT normal or acceptable behavior. That's why I said you both need counseling. Why would you want someone who does that in your life?

[Vivid_29]

Dude - You must have some serious balls of steel if she punched you in the fellas, twice, and you were still able to gain control of her.

 

Anyway, if I may ask, how old are the two of you? Because, the both of you sound very immature -- hitting each other, calling each other in the middle of the night/morning with nothing to say, ect ect.

 

The both of you need some serious counseling if you want to try and work things out and if not, the two of you should hang it up and call it a relationship.

 

You want this woman back? What are you thinking? I couldn't be with a woman who calls me an a**h***, pours beer on my head, and then blasts me in the groin, just because I wanted to do laundry, before getting busy in the bedroom.

 

As far as your drinking goes, you may want to get some counceling for that as well.

 

Sorry if my post jumps around. I was watching 'The 5th Wheel' as I was typing this.

[kurty]

this place is good for advice, you can have the world best advice but getting it to your head is another thing.

 

tell you all one thing, you are not the only one who hit gf. i did that 6 yrs ago. this 6 yrs i live as a sinner. for the act of sin, i return my ex gf with 1 hand. i hit my hand hard until it broke. recently i finally face her again, this time i got no shame but only feeling for her still. i have moved on.

 

i believe everyone deserve a second chance in life. you can't give up that fast

[Vivid_29]

Kurty - I'm trying to understand your post -

 

Are you saying that you hit your exgirlfriend so hard that you broke your hand??? Or are you saying that you got punished by some higher power for hitting her?

[kurty]

i hit her hard but not hard enough to break my hand

 

i do the damage on my hand myself, cause i don't want to owe her nor anyone.

 

after i did the act, i was charged by police for commiting sucide and went through some probation

but its over

[nicole8418]

Because I'm the type of person that doesn't like to go along with the crowd....I'm not going to. However I will use other users advice on a different level, so here goes.

I believe the two of you should get back together since you know you both want to....and stop playing this game. Sure it makes the relationship more interesting playing reverse physcology and whatnot, but this has gone on for too long.

Second, I think you should be the mature one to put an end to all of this. If you just say......yes, I admit it, I want you back........this shows you are the stronger person, b/c you were able to put an end to the childishness and stand up for what you felt was right.

Go with your gut instinct....if you don't feel you want to get back together, by all means DON'T!! I'm sure if the two of you cautiously went about things (and stopped the drinking!!) things have a chance to work themselves out and the whole punching balls, smacking faces could be forgotten and never relived again.

Third, if the two of you do get back together...THEN I would suggest counseliing....perhaps couple/group counseling. I know it sounds worthless...but if the two of you really wanted to make sure it worked AND lasted, you would take it into consideration. Just remember not to get hooked on counseling for your everyday advice and whatnot.....it's good for long-term problems, but ppl need to think for themselves once in awhile. There IS such a thing as too much counseling.....I would know Hope everything works out for the better.....much luck!