Kinda of a positive feeling

[Mr. Noname]

First, sorry for posting so much at LS.

 

Few days ago I posted the thread "a ****ing strange night", I have been thinking about that evening. I talked to my friends and they were not upset when I reacted this way and they accept me for the way I am. It was anger I had a long time and not expressed it, now I'm past that feeling of anger and in the future I think I'm capable of handling this emotion. I was upset but I know this is also a feeling that can surface.

 

Further I did some research to that chick I was with whole evening, she has a boyfriend that's why nothing happened. Nevertheless I'm thankful I had female attention, it was a very beautiful girl, better then my ex my friends said. Of course it's not the only thing that matters (appearance of someone) but it did me good to know I'm not desperate and will have some girl in the future!

 

It's strange to have the feeling that I'm a complete other person than I was with my ex. I feel more independent, I'm doing things I would never do when I had her. But I feel a little bit down because my ex can't see the changes in me and I had attention of a very gorgeous girl. I think if I was more like this way in my relationship with her she would be more attracted to me. I know I should not think about this, but this is a feeling I guess everyone has time to time. The feeling of: if she only could see me now!

 

I think my proces is going in the right direction, I'm on 3.5 weeks of NC and it's doing me good (before this 3.5 weeks I had NC for 3/4 weeks). Surely I think about her everyday, but it's not that I can imagine us together. I don't feel to break NC, I know this will work for me. I'm just scared to see her accidently!!! We don't live in the same city, but I know she sometimes go out in an other city I also go. I don't go to her hometown anymore, there she goes out very often and it's a small city so big chance I will run into her. Positively I did not see her for 7/8 weeks now and I start to forget how she looks like, not entirely of course but maybe you understand that feeling.

 

I must think realistic, now it's a progressive line, but sometimes I will have down moments. Someday there comes a day when I hear she haves someone new and I will burst in tears, but I think it does not get worse then the mixed up feelings I had for weeks, maybe it will be a positive thing and great motivation, we will see.

[door-mat]

it is the unknown!!! you do not know how you will be when you bump into her!! chances are you will be just fine because you will want her to think you are doing just great with out her!!! with time it will get easier and eventually you wont think about her. if she cannot notice/apprieciate the changes in you then it was never going to work.